In 1993, on the day I was born, the fat nurse carried me to the baby room, but my feet slipped and I fell forward!

If it weren't for Lao Tzu's tenacious vitality, he would have been stoned to death by these more than 200 catties of meat!

Daddy didn't make up, and when it came time to choose a name, he was blinded. At this time, Bruce Lee's "Raptors Across the River" was playing on TV, so my father's inspiration immediately came up, slapped the table and said: "It's called Bruce Lee!"

Hand over the birth certificate to the relevant department and give me a household registration. As a result, I don't know which grandson made it, and I was stunned to write Bruce Lee as Zhang Xiaolong!

So there was the biggest joke in history on my family's household registration book! My father's name is Li Guofu, my name is Zhang Xiaolong, I sucked your uncle, which 2B brain-dead account gave me?

What son have you ever seen who is not the same surname as his father? But the family is rural, and the father and mother have not changed, so this matter will be over.

When I was 5 years old, I was playing with four children in open crotch pants and throwing stones, and as a result, I smashed the glass of Uncle Li's house next door!

I swear! I didn't throw the stone that hit the glass of Uncle Li's house! It was the other four children who did it!

As a result, Uncle Li came out and asked who did it, and the hands of these four grandsons pointed at me at the same time, which is called a tacit understanding!

I'll be in the groove, good for you grandchildren, I'm going to pit me, right? I'll never play with you again!

I thought to myself...... As a result, my father later lost the glass money and went home to give me a stinky beating.

When I was 6 years old, I walked behind my mother's buttocks, but I forgot that my mother had a habit of closing the door casually, and as a result, my head was caught in the door, and I cried at that time, and my head was swollen like a big-headed monster baby, and it took more than a month to go away.

When I was 7 years old, because I confused Hanyu Pinyin with the English alphabet, my teacher didn't let me go from kindergarten to first grade, and I ended up squatting gloriously!

When I was 8 years old, I took out a bottle of Jianlibao drink and shook it in front of other children, but when I opened the pull ring, all the drinks squirted out, making Xiaohui's breasts wet at the same table, and I hurriedly helped her wipe it!

As a result, the class bell rang at this time, and the teacher came in, a bald young man, who looked quite obscene, and saw me rubbing Xiaohui's chest, and shouted loudly: "Let go of that girl!" and then carried me to the office and educated me ideologically.

Saying that I was precocious, blaspheming female classmates, and having a bad nature, almost didn't expel me. Later, my father gave the grandson two big roosters, and the girl kept me, and said that the death penalty could be avoided, and the living crime could not be escaped, so I continued to squat in the kindergarten for a year.

When I was 9 years old, I finally graduated from kindergarten! My father burst into tears and saw who told whom: My son has a future!

At the age of 11, the factory where my father worked was facing closure, and at the critical moment, my father made a move, and the result was to save the entire factory!

In order to thank his father, the chairman promoted his father to manager, and let him study with pay, from Chinese pinyin to financial management.

If you want to say that this person is really fate, who knew that my father could encounter such a good thing when he came out to work in the countryside?

In the same year, a few children and I went to someone's garden to steal apples, but someone found out and chased me

After helping the old man up, the crowd gradually dispersed, and I pushed the basket 1258 and walked slowly with the old man into the distance.

After walking for three minutes, I said: "This is the way to the police station, whether you are my grandfather or not, there will be an answer soon, there were many people just now, I was too lazy to argue." ”

"Huh, boy, I don't see you're smart. The old man scratched his butt and said, "Actually, I came to Qingtian City this time to find you, because you were born with a red life." ”

"You're just eating!" I reflexively replied. Although the teacher taught us to respect the old and love the young, this old guy pretended to be my grandfather and didn't say anything, and scolded me for eating, which made me unbearable.

"No, no, no, it's not eating, it's a red arrow. The old man corrected: "This kind of person is rare to see in a hundred years, and it is very suitable for me to be my apprentice." I said impatiently, "If you don't want to go to the police station, I'm going home, and I recommend that you go on a seven-day solo tour of the three hospitals." The old man picked his nostrils obscenely and said, "I know you don't believe it." Boy, let me ask you, have you been unlucky since you were born, never better?" I said, and I looked surprised.

The old man continued: "You have never died since you were born, no matter how dangerous things have happened, have you? Only the cultivation of Dao art can alleviate this situation, if you believe me, wait for me at the gate of Qingtian City Children's Park at three o'clock tomorrow afternoon, if you don't come, it will prove that we are not fateful, and I will not look for you again. With that, the old man turned around and left, and after a few steps, the figure disappeared abruptly!

This scene frightened me a lot! Hell, how could a big living person disappear out of thin air? I hurriedly mounted my basket 1258, kicked hard, and ran home with a puff of smoke.

........................ The next day, I was still thinking about what happened last night. The man looked like an old liar, and scolded me for eating, but what he said was all right, although I had memorized it, drunk pesticides, and been baptized by high-voltage electricity over the years, my life was not in danger.

And what kind of Taoist trick does that guy say, do I want to go to the appointment? In the afternoon, I missed class by the gods.

At 2:57 a.m., we arrived at the entrance of the children's park. A man mysteriously approached me: "Zhang Xiaolong?"

"I am. ”

"There's an old man looking for you, but you have to match the code before I can take you to him. ”

"What code?" I asked, confused, the old liar didn't mention the code yesterday.

"Listen, Fahai, you don't understand love, what's next?" the man asked mysteriously. I was scorched by thunder, and said helplessly: "I don't know what the code is, if you don't tell me where he is, I'll leave." ”

"Little brother, don't worry, I'm just joking with you, he's over there in the haunted house, you can go find him yourself." With that, the young man departed.

I've been to this children's park a few times, but I've never been to a haunted house, for the simple reason that I'm timid.

But the old crook was waiting for me over there, so I had to ask for directions and walk towards the haunted house...... On a bench at the entrance of the haunted house sat a man with a plaster cast on his arm and a bandage hanging from him

The female ghost explained: "Niu Tianshi is one of the many disciples of Zhang Tianshi, and his cultivation is profound, but he is not a descendant, so he later set up his own door, and you can also think of yourself as the fifty-fifth generation descendant of Zhang Tianshi's disciples. From now on, you must take it as your responsibility to maintain the peace of the Yin and Yang worlds, drive away evil spirits and hunt demons, and benefit the people. ”

"You mean, the task of maintaining world peace is entrusted to me? Don't laugh at the woman, I am trembling when I see the ghost's legs now, besides, you let me exorcise evil spirits and hunt demons, aren't you also a ghost?

"It's different, I'm not an ordinary ghost, and besides, you can't arrest me. As for the master, he has passed away and his soul has gone to the netherworld to report, but he said that he will contact you if he has the opportunity in the future. ”

"Wait a woman, I haven't admitted to being his apprentice yet. The female ghost said softly: "It's useless if you don't admit it now, because you have inherited his will and got the inheritance left to you by the master, including 50,000 yuan in cash, 1.5 million yuan in IOUs, a divine soldier Chengying Sword, a bottle of cow tears, a set of "Records of Niumen Descending Demons in the Past Dynasties", a "Complete Collection of Charms", and a ...... A hardcover edition of "The Golden Vase of Plums". The female ghost said this, and her tone became a little unnatural.

I was also stunned for a moment: "Woman, this "Golden Vase Plum" is also a Taoist book?"

"No, this book is the master's own collection, and he asked you to burn it for him in a few days. Only those close to him burn it, and he can receive the book. I said with a sad face: "Woman, you are knowledgeable, and you also know that I didn't promise the old liar to be his apprentice, just let me go, I'm cowardly, I'm really not suitable for this business." Who knew that the female ghost actually nodded, just when I was secretly happy, I only heard the female ghost say softly: "Yes, but in the future, I will come to scare you every day, when you eat, I sit opposite you, when you sleep, I hide next to your bed, when you go to class, I float in front of you, of course, I will not kill you." It's up to you to decide what kind of life you want. "It's all said to this extent, can I not agree?

Otherwise, I will definitely be tortured by the female ghost to schizophrenia! When I eat, she turns into a terrifying appearance and sits opposite me, can I still have the appetite to eat?

I guess I have to vomit out all the food I ate last time...... Under the multiple threats of the female ghost, I temporarily compromised, and at this time I was ready to please the female ghost, pull her to my front, and save me from scaring me later: "Woman, have you been often persecuted by the old liar before? Don't worry, since he is dead, you are free! The things have also been sent to me, and now I want to sleep, you can go." Who knew that the female ghost actually said in a cold tone: "He is your master, you should respect his title! The master is a good person, if it weren't for this rush, he wouldn't have hastily chosen you as an apprentice, let alone left you with foreign debts." But don't worry, I will help you, I have followed the master for many years, and I can give you some guidance and help in Taoism. ”

"Can a ghost teach humanism?" I choked.

"People have humanity, and ghosts have ghosts. I have followed the master for many years, and I also have some understanding of Taoist spells, which can be referred to

I couldn't help but furrow. If this happened to other people, I wouldn't bother to care, but Xiaohui couldn't stand idly by.

I remember that when the wind appeared in the afternoon, a warm current came from the waistband of my pants, and now that I look back, I find that it was the position of the hilt of the sword!

It seems that this thing really has the effect of warding off evil spirits........................ After school in the evening, I offered to send Xiaohui home, and she didn't refuse.

I pushed the basket 1258 and walked with her on the way out of school, and Xiaohui told me about her experience over the years.

It turned out that when she was in the third grade of elementary school, she moved to the city, because her parents were both working in the city, and after she transferred here, she repeated the third grade once, so the progress of my school was the same.

Now her family lives in a rented house in the 'Minghu Community'. The Minghu community is an old house, it has been many years, and the location is a bit remote, but the rent here is very cheap.

We walked to a remote place, and I said, "Xiaohui, wait. With that, I put the basket 1258 on the side of the road, and then stretched out my two hands to the crotch of my pants!

Xiaohui exclaimed, "You, what are you going to do?!" I took out the hilt of my sword and explained, "Don't get me wrong, I want you to do me a favor." This thing will keep it for me overnight and return it to me tomorrow, is it okay?" Xiaohui took the hilt of the sword suspiciously, and said with a little surprise: "There seems to be a warm current." ”

"Maybe I've always carried it close to me, so it's very warm. I said with a smile. Sending Xiaohui downstairs, I advised, "Xiaohui, don't forget to bring it back to me tomorrow, don't lose it." ”

"Got it, thank you for sending me home, you should go back early, and stay safe on the way. Xiaohui waved her hand, opened the door of the unit and walked in.

I stood in the doorway and heard the door close before I rode my bike away. However, halfway through, the tires of the car punctured, so I could only push back sadly, tossing for more than an hour, tired like a grandson, and finally returned home.

Dad sat on the sofa and asked with a cold face, "Why did you come back so late?"

"The tires were punctured. I said weakly: "Lao Li, I'm dying of hunger, what do you have to say until I'm done eating?" Daddy laughed and scolded: "Little rabbit." I corrected: "Our teacher said, don't scold your son a little rabbit or a little bastard in the future." With that, I slipped into the kitchen to see what my mother was cooking.

It turned out that they had been waiting for me to eat. Dad is very powerful now, with an annual salary of 180,000 yuan, and a little oil and water, and there are many people who come to the house to give gifts every year.

So my family's standard of living is still very good, there are three or four dishes at each meal, and there is meat and vegetarian.

Mom finished frying the dishes, and we started to eat. Dad asked me if I had studied seriously recently, and my answer was: "Your own son, don't you know it yourself?" Dad was choked by me, ate a few bites of food and said: "After mixing the high school diploma, go to the army, the family spends money to buy you a placement card, and you will have a fixed job when you come back, it doesn't matter if you don't go to school this year, as long as you have money, you can also be a teacher in elementary school." If you don't have the money, you won't necessarily be able to find a job as an undergraduate. I said, "Lao Li, what you said is too realistic. "Daddy said: