My wood is gone.

At 19:07 a.m. on 11 September 2018, her last heartbeat and breathing stopped.

At that moment, I was a little sluggish, and I didn't even feel a little pain. Because about half an hour ago, I just broke down and cried, and when I cried, I just shouted, I couldn't bear her.

The children came at eighteen o'clock, and before going to see their mother for the last time, I said to them, this is probably the last time you will see your mother, and if there is anything you want to say, tell your mother later. Because her mother is sick and difficult to lose weight, she doesn't want to be so uncomfortable anymore, she is going to the sky to become a star.

I dimmed the lights in the hospital room, I didn't want them to see my mother's sallow face because of the high bilirubin, and we didn't want to scare the children, and neither did she. Just two days ago, she was struggling to pick out earwax for her children. At that time, my daughter also asked, Mom, why are your eyes yellow?

When the children saw their mothers, they were surprisingly calm, and I said to them, "Your name is Mother."

They called. I told Muzi that the children were coming. At that time, her blood pressure was already very low and she didn't have much reaction.

The children touched their mother's hand, and the daughter asked, "Why is my mother's hand so cold?" I told her that my mother's blood circulation was not good.

I said to them, "Say anything to your mother." The children were a little dazed, and the son said, "I don't know what to say."

My son asked me what my mother was doing.

I said my mom was tired, she hadn't slept much in a long time, and she wanted to sleep for a while.

The son asked again: Why does my mother sleep like this, I am a little scared.

At that time, the wife's breathing was already in its final state, intermittent, one after another, one after another.

I let the kids go, and I didn't want them to see their mom at the end. They had just left, and Muzi's blood pressure was gone. For another hour, the heartbeat, breathing, and gradually stopped.

My whole person was dull and sluggish, and everything seemed like a dream.

She was so strong, she sent me a WeChat message in the morning, and the last two words she said to me were: "Don't worry." ”

All the sounds and smiles are still in my mind. Every time I asked her how she was, she almost always replied, "Very good." ”

She would always say those three words with a smile. Always smiling. Always so happy and full of hope.

The last time I was hospitalized, every time I went to see her, she would always say to me, "Husband, I am very happy." I don't regret it. ”

Sometimes I say, "Husband, I love you very much, don't worry, I will be fine." ”

But she still left, and the three-negative breast cancer metastasized to the liver, and the liver failure eventually took her away.

For two years and ten months, I have always had a big rock in my heart, which has been going up and down with her condition. At this moment, the dust settled, the stone was gone, but my heart was empty.

As soon as she left, it started thundering outside and it started to rain. I really want to ask the heavens, if this is your tears for her, why do you have to take her away from me.

I especially hate the words "deep love", why do we have to let her leave me if we have a good relationship?

Today is our twelfth wedding anniversary, and our entire nineteen and a half years together. I was going to do it for the 20th anniversary next year, but now, she's gone.

For the past few days, my mind has been full of her voice and smile, and there are endless memories.

I vividly remember the first time we met, she smiled and asked me, "Guess who the koala is?" "That's her screen name, that's March 6, '99, we met on the Internet.

I've been in a bit of a trance these days, because almost every ten or twenty seconds, I think of her unconsciously. I often talk to her in the bedroom, I tell her, if you come back, come to me in your dreams, I'm waiting for you, I'm not afraid. But she never came.

From illness to now, two years and ten months. For me, this is probably the longest period of my life.

Every change, every recurrence, every progression, every improvement, recurrence, and improvement. Again and again despair, again and again hope. She was so strong, she never cried or made trouble. She will only shed tears when a foreign doctor asks her what will happen to your child if you are treated abroad.

We didn't give up hope until the end, and the doctors, my scientist friends, were trying to treat her in any way they could. We used the trial pills, and I prayed every day for a miracle.

At that time, I even thought that if there was really a miracle that really cured my wood, I would write another book for her, called "For Me, Please Create a Miracle", to correspond to the first book I wrote for her, "For You, I am willing to love the whole world".

But she was gone. But I still thank every doctor, scientist and friend who has treated and helped her in the past two years of her life, and thank you for always keeping us alive and alleviating her pain as much as possible. Professor Yang, in particular, is a scientist who has always helped us with advice and advice. He helped me prolong Muzi's life for at least a year. At the last moment, when he knew that my wife was irreversible, Dr. Chen did not give up making the world's most advanced anti-cancer vaccine for her. There are also Dr. Wu, Director Guan, Head Nurse Zhang, and all the nurses who accompanied me to guard her at the last moment. Thank you.

In the end, my mother-in-law and I decided not to do any traumatic resuscitation of Muzi when the condition was irreversible. Even if she walks, let her walk as dignified as possible. The doctor asked us what we wanted them to do. I told them to make Muzi suffer as little as possible. If she does have to go, I'd rather she go faster, because then she'll be less painful. We can't let us live people see her for a few more days and let her endure more torture. I can't bear it.

My Muzi is simple, kind, and beautiful, she used to have knee-length hair, and she is a good wife to me and a good mother to my children.

She's stupid, sometimes stupid, she always tells me that she was stupid for three years and gave birth to two children, she should be stupid for six years. But it doesn't matter to me, the important thing is that I just like her. I just like to take care of her, help her take care of everything, everything at home and outside the house, I will arrange it.

The day before yesterday, her best friend told me that she told her best friend that she was very happy and that she had no regrets.

Until the last day of her departure, she told me that she wanted to eat something delicious. In the last WeChat message that morning, she also said that she dreamed last night that she could be discharged from the hospital and that our family went out to eat.

A friend who can tell fortunes once said that she has three heavenly pillar food gods in her eight characters, and she has always been proud of it. But the friend also said that we will be together until we are old and live together until we are 90 years old.

For nearly three years, I did everything I could, and I set all her treatment plans, and she never had any doubts. In a sense, she is indeed happy, and when I comfort my mother-in-law, I also said that at least, when she leaves, she has her parents, her husband, and her children by her side. Although her life is short, her optimism and cheerfulness give her life a wide range.

In the past two years, we have been to many places, and as long as there is a break in treatment, I take her out to play, and I thought to myself at that time, at least let her have fewer regrets. But when she was gone, I found that I still had so many places to take her, and there were still so many delicious things I wanted to take her to eat.

At noon on the day I left, she took my hand and said to me: "Husband, I want to eat fruit with you, and then I will sleep well, and when I wake up, I will cooperate with the doctor to treat me well, and the doctor will cooperate with me to treat me." ”

That was the last thing she said to me. At that time, she was almost out of strength to open her eyes.

I held her hand all the time, from warm to cold.

I tried to make myself less miserable, because I knew she wouldn't want to see me grief-stricken. I also comforted myself that I really tried my best, but I still couldn't breathe in heartache.

On the third day of her departure, I saw her off for the last time, and I thought that I would give her the best of everything while she was alive, and everyone was gone, and there was no point in anything. I just want to have a simple farewell ceremony. But our relatives, many of her friends, many of my friends, came from all over the country to see her off at the end. Thank you.

All my friends loved her because I used to call her Piggy, and all my friends we knew in the early years called her that. I said a lot about the eulogy that day, but I only remember two. "I can't bear her. I miss her so much. ”

I'm a sane person who only breaks down intermittently. I thought that day, a friend came to accompany me and drank a glass of wine, maybe my tense heartstrings relaxed a little, and all the strength in my heart collapsed in an instant. I posted on Weibo: Take me away, I miss you so much.

Two years and ten months, I don't know how many times this thought came to my mind. However, the tears of the mother, the tears of the mother-in-law, and the deep sadness of the two fathers. The children looked at them with some ignorance and helplessness. How can I put them down as the pillar of my house?

I was comforted by the fact that people actually die three times. The first time, it was when the breathing stopped, and her person died. The second time was when she was cremated, and she died socially. And the third time, when the last person who remembered her died, and at that time, she was really dead.

Therefore, my Muzi is still alive and has always been in my heart. I also want to live well, in order to make her live longer.

I told her that day that I would take good care of my parents and take good care of our children.

I know, she's reluctant to let me go, and I still have her long hair. Our children also have her blood in their veins.

Today is our wedding anniversary, and today may also be the dividing line that divides the three young eras of the pre-Tang family and the three young eras of the post-Tang family.

In addition to you and your family, I have one more important thing, and today, I give it to you as a gift for our wedding anniversary, so that it will accompany you to the other side and wait for me.

Fourteen years and seven months, the network serialization has been constantly updated. Today, for you. I'm sorry, my book friends, and today, please let me belong to her alone, thank you.

My son asked me, "My mother has become a star, but when there are no stars, what do I think of my mother?"

I told him, let's look at my mother's picture.

Two years and ten months, I learned to be strong and courageous. My Muzi, don't worry, although you are gone, your longbow will become stronger and stronger. I'm going to take care of everything we all want to protect.

My Muzi, may you be like the stars in the sky, shining, forever brilliant, and always at peace.

I still remember that when I wrote a love letter to you, my signature was: The Three Youths of the Tang Family of the Milky Way. At that time, I just wanted to express that I was only the person who cherished you the most in the entire galaxy, and later I saw how naïve I was at the age of eighteen. But today, let me use this childish signature again.

I love you forever, and as long as I'm alive, you're here.

——The three young Tang families of the Milky Way cherish silence