It's a medieval open-top SUV with a taupe paint peel and a rust on the angular surface of the curled steel, as the engine rumbles along the mountain trails.

A goblin, four Charr, and a human ranger, this quirky cast might be more suited to easy jobs like a nightclub security guard or a pool lifeguard than a Fellowship of the Ring.

Anduin loved the sensation so much that the sunny breeze blew in through the hood and frivolously rolled up the tassels on the shoulders of the pilots he was wearing.

“... I'm a travelling merchant, buying and selling goods, buying curiosities, and giving the weak weapons against tyranny – and I prefer to go to dangerous places, such as battlefields, rather than dealing with meat-hungry meat-eaters. ”

Anduin said this, taking a sip of the vodka from the flat glass bottle, and casually tossed the bottle under the car.

"Doesn't sound, uh, like a goblin would do. ”

Sam hesitated, but said, "I'm sorry, those stories in the books...."

Anduin waved his hand disapprovingly and drove the car down the hillside, "In those stories, the goblins who are now extinct in Middle-earth used to scream and rob passers-by with wooden daggers, and then they were all wiped out by adventurers who came out of nowhere, right? ”

“....”

The Shire sitting in the back seat looked at each other, not knowing how to answer the question.

"Hiccup~~" Anduin burped and said lazily, "If I were somewhere else, I would put pressure on you for racial discrimination and provide myself with some kind of privilege, but you're right, goblins are a bunch of short-sighted, stupid and stupid two-cornered races." ”

The Ring Guards were speechless, helpless at the green-skinned goblin for a sudden wave of self-defeat.

"Hahahaha, don't be so inhibited, my Charr friend. Anduin laughed insolently, took his hands off the wheel, crouched down, and pulled out a thick, fang-covered centipede from the horrified eyes of the Shire.

"I guess I climbed in last night...."Anduin pursed his lips disdainfully, lightly pinched the back of the centipede's head and neck, and threw it out of the car while firmly controlling the steering wheel, moving the off-road vehicle back to the track from the cliff of the mountain pass in time for life and death.

"Where did we come from, oh yes, goblins do suck enough, but I'm different, I'm talented, with ideals, ambitions and beliefs. ”

Anduin didn't know where to take out a music box, twisted the clockwork, and the magnificent background music of the "Soviet March" slowly played, shaking the mountains and forests.

"Take value as the ruler, measure all things, take integrity as the cornerstone, buy and sell everything. Beggars, kings, angels, demons, mediocre walking corpses, ambitious pioneers of reform, in my eyes, are all tradable objects. ”

"If you want eternal life, the fountain of youth, with just a drop of water, can rejuvenate the old wood. ”

"If you want to be extremely powerful, the cheats of the exercises, the magic trick and the arcane, the ghost crying god is not afraid, and the stars and the moon are just waiting for leisure. ”

"Want the ultimate pleasure? Teng...... Ahem, don't talk about this paragraph, for details, please consult the Sisters of Pain Marketing Association under the Howling Angel Business Group. ”

"I'm coming to Middle-earth, it's just three fucking words, deal, deal, deal!"

The green-skinned face glows with endless brilliance, just like the teenager (goblin) who stood alone in front of a space battleship decades ago, trying to protect a group of displaced innocents.

As if thinking of something, Anduin coughed and said to the eager Shire, "Well, I mean, that deal, not the dirty deal. ”

The indigenous inhabitants of Middle-earth, who didn't know what forums, post bars, and QQ groups were, naturally couldn't understand this stalk, and they looked at Anduin with reverence, and they were carefully convinced by this green-skinned person whose height was not much different from that of the Shire.

Pipin asked, "Well, since you came from a distant continent, who are you buying and selling?"

"Hmm..... Entrusted to me, an irresistible being has offered me a business to help the inhabitants of Middle-earth, that is, you, free from the shadow of the demon king Sauron. ”

As if saying something like "I'm going to eat Ele.me spicy pot and iced tea set for dinner today", Anduin said casually: "You also saw the power of firearms last night." I'll send you to the Elven Holy City, and then I'll discuss with the leaders of this continent about actively promoting the modernization of the armies of the orderly faction in Middle-earth. ”

As if remembering the terrifying "Da Da Da" sound, Merry (one of the Shire) swallowed, "That kind of qiang, can we use it too?"

"Haha, of course," Anduin laughed happily, "as long as you can afford it, I can even sell Arnover Kissinger's specially customized Blue Fire Gatling!"

Press the accelerator and hit the handbrake, and the tires make a conspicuous arc on the fine gravel pavement.

"Aha, my wheels ~ flew up~"

Anduin, who was sitting in the driver's seat, laughed wildly, poked the double-barreled flintlock pistol in his left hand out of the car, only to hear a "bang", the birch branch with the thickness of his arm suddenly broke, and the crow, who was almost a millimeter away from cleaning his feathers, was startled, and flew into the sky with an ugly cry.

", this shotgun," Anduin cursed with wide eyes, "as weak as the front line of a uremia patient." ”

"What, Mr. Anduin?"

Pipin said cautiously, "Can you slow down this, uh, carriage? Aragorn seems to be a little..."

Merry, the other dwarf greedily recovered from the feeling of the gallop, sat back down, pointed to Aragorn, who was beside him with a pale face and lost his eyes, and some suspicious solids remaining in the corners of his mouth, and said, "I have passed out." ”

"Tsk, that's why humans are unreliable, no more elegant than elves, no stronger than trolls, and not even as adaptable as the Charr. ”

Anduin pouted, slowed down, and slowly pulled to the side of the road.

As a rare brainless optimist among the Shire, Pippin agreed, "You're right, Merry and I were able to climb the tops of towering trees with our bare hands when we were ten years old, and by the time we were twelve, we were able to go to the dark swamps and poke the big meows of those crocodiles. ”

Not to mention how Merry protested that he had no interest in the big (meow) belly of the crocodile, and the loyal Sam still looked at Frodo with concern.

"Mr. Anduin, how long will it take for Master Flodo to wake up?"

"Well...," Anduin touched his chin, a sly smile on his lips. "How about Aragorn the Freelander tell you?"

The human ranger opened his eyes and stood up from the back seat of the open-top buggy, his gray cloak expanding into a sharp arc by the hard object.

Well, the Ranger as a human prince hasn't yet discarded the only remaining temperance, so the bulge under the cloak is a sharp dagger instead of the Armstrong Maneuver Cannon Armstrong Cannon that has been passed down from generation to generation by the Armstrong family.

"Aragorn, you're awake!"

Merry called out happily, then was dragged aside by Pippin's mouth, "Shhhhh ”

Anduin reluctantly took his hands off the steering wheel, rubbed his shoulders that were disturbed by the wind, and then said, "Why, the ranger will also draw a knife against his life-saving benefactor?"

After a long silence, Aragorn put away his sword and said with a gloomy face: "I am very grateful for your timely assistance. ”

He paused, his eyes as sharp as a hidden sword, and said, "But let me offend, it's hard to believe what you said, about the goblin merchants, agreements, transactions, and the One Ring. ”