"Lightness, the original thing, was your mother's own choice."

He said this very lightly, but it fell heavily on my heart, my face turned pale for a while, the person seemed to have been hit by something, shook slightly, and hurriedly reached out to support the cold pillar next to him, and barely stabilized his body.

It was my mother, who made the choice herself.

It's her own choice......

The fingers grasped the cold pillar with a slight spasm, frozen pale, but the palms were rubbed red, but at this time I didn't feel anything, I just felt empty in my hands and empty in my heart.

It's the same feeling as in those years at the foot of the West Mountain, I can't catch anything.

The only thing I could hold on to was those big soft and warm hands.

Every time I was held in this way, as long as I raised my head, I would see the face that was a little pale, very thin, but always with a faint smile, and the eyes were crooked, full of light like warm jade, at that time she and I were already very poor, there was no decoration on her body, but it was still so beautiful, so beautiful that people couldn't take their eyes off it.

After so many years, I have rarely thought about her, and sometimes, I even feel that I may be slowly forgetting her.

But at this time, a qiē memory about her came back.

I can even vividly remember many nights when she sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at the letter by the broken candle, the many silver threads mixed in her half-long hair were lit up into a snowy light under the candlelight, with her deeply locked brow, and the worry in her eyes seemed to have aged dozens of years at once.

If, she didn't leave me......

If, I didn't leave her......

So what should she look like now?

I shivered, as if it was so cold, and it took almost all my strength to let go of the cold pillar to stand firm, and raised my head to look at Fu Badai, his eyes were also facing me, although I couldn't see it, it was clear. Said calmly: "She knows very well what she is doing and what she should do. Light, I hope you can be like your mother. ”

"Like her?" I muttered, "So, you still want me to let him go?" ”

"The old man just told you that feelings can be irrational, but they should also have a rational side. Why can't you be rational about him? ”

"Sanity?" I looked at him and said, "Am I not sane enough?" ”

"Not enough." He shook his head: "It's really not enough. ”

Hearing this, I was not angry or anxious, but smiled: "Then you say, how should I be rational?" ”

Fu Badai pondered for a while, then looked at me, and said solemnly: "Light, have you ever thought that you have gone through thousands of sails, and the people you have met are all the sons of daughters, princes and nobles, why do you never force them, but are obsessed with him alone?" ”

I watched him silent.

He smiled: "Can't think of it, can you?" ”

“……”

"Then if I say that in such a troubled world, he is just a person who goes with the flow and avoids trouble, will you still like him, and are you really willing to stay with him for life?"

I was stunned for a moment, and suddenly I felt empty in front of me.

His words echoed in my mind over and over again, like a heavier alarm bell, hitting my mind, making me ignorant, sober, and almost on the verge of collapse.

I, really, never asked myself.

If he goes with the flow, if he avoids trouble, if those gentleness, kindness and character that once made me admire and make me feel happy are not there, will I really love him, even against the most powerful person in the world, and have to stay with him?

At this moment, I felt a chill like thousands of sharp needles, piercing my skin at once, my limbs and five bodies, so cold that I forgot the pain, I just kept shivering, trembling as if the bones in my whole body were about to break, and slowly raised my head to look at Fu Badai: "So, you want to say, for me, there is only one choice, right?" ”

He didn't speak.

But I already understood what he was going to say.

If Liu Qinghan was not a person who went with the flow and avoided trouble, he would not follow me, but would stay firmly to fulfill his dream and relieve the suffering of all beings.

He is exactly what I love.

If he is a man who goes with the flow and avoids trouble-

How could I possibly love someone like that?

Why should I need him to go with me?

Thinking of this, I suddenly laughed, but my eyes were full of tears.

It turned out that I had been walking for so long, but I had instead put myself in a dilemma.

Actually, if you don't care, it's just a lifetime, anyone can do it.

But, I care.

At this time, I was speechless, I only felt full of sourness, but there was no word to confide, Fu Badai had been standing in front of me so calmly, at this time he said heavily: "Light, the chaos of the world, there is no way to avoid it, in this troubled world, a good man should be responsible!" ”

I felt a little suffocated, and I reached out to hold on to the pillar, trembling and letting myself lean on it, the coldness that my body felt was really nothing at this time, but it calmed me down.

The chaos in the world is unavoidable.

Good men should be responsible.

Recalling his days in Jixiang Village, he opened a pair of clear and bright eyes and carefully analyzed the rebellion in the south and the tax system with me; Thinking back to the bottom of the valley, he was serious, and with a hint of shyness, he told me that he had a duty to the south; Think back to those years...... The years I was not with him......

It turned out that he had really gone too far.

I slowly raised my head and looked at the old man who was much older than I remembered, but still standing, and was full of emotion for a while, but I didn't know what to say. After a long silence, I said a little hoarsely, "Sir." ”

He was shocked, and the title seemed to remind him of something, and he was speechless for a while, looking at me with slightly wide eyes.

"You're right, in this troubled world, a good man should be responsible."

“……”

"I'm not a badly taught, I'm a student who hasn't studied well. Even though I knew there was going to be a big mess, I-I still wanted to find my daughter and take her to safety. I ......"

I don't want my departed son to remember his mother many years later, without even a vague figure.

At this time, Fu Badai straightened his back, his face was also dignified, and he said in a deep voice: "Light, the rebellion in the south is five years later than the period predicted by the old man." ”

“……”

The last words in an accentuated tone made me shudder, and I saw him trembling and raising his hand towards me, I wanted to reach out to continue, but when I moved, I stopped, and only watched the emaciated and almost withered hand slowly rise, until it groped to the top of my head, and then gently stroked it.

"You- you've done a great job!"

When I left the Jixian Hall, the snow on the steps had been cleared, and I walked down step by step, stepping on the cold stone steps, and a lonely voice came from the empty hall.

I didn't look back, I just stiffened, and I persevered, going step by step.

Walking to the side of the carriage, they were still waiting for me, Shui Xiu hurriedly stepped forward, looked at my pale face with almost no trace of blood, and said very worriedly: "My lord, why is it frozen like this, your face is so ugly." Let's go back. ”

"......" I was silent for a moment and shook my head.

She looked at me with wide eyes: "So, where are you going?" ”

"Eldest Princess."

Some low and light voices made her hear a little vaguely, but she only listened to a rough idea, which also made the girl stunned: "What? ”

I raised my head and looked at her with dark eyes: "Go see the eldest princess." ”

The carriage made a monotonous sound, crushing two lonely lanes on the snow, and soon arrived at Pei Yuanzhen's residence.

Her age is really not too young, but because she has not yet left the cabinet, she is still living in the palace until now, which does not know whether it is fortunate or unfortunate for her, just getting out of the carriage and looking at the thick snow on the eaves of the wall, as if looking at me, looking at her, looking at many people for a long time.

It's cold, it's lonely.

And all the way in, except for hearing the shallow sound of footsteps stepping on the snow, there was nothing else, not even the palace people who served, Shui Xiu had been following me, and seeing that she was about to arrive at Pei Yuanzhen's residence, she became more and more strange and muttered: "What's the matter?" Why is there no one? ”

Looking at me, I only turned pale and didn't say a word.

She whispered, "My lord, do you want to find someone to report it?" ”

I paused and shook my head, "No need. ”

"Huh?"

There was some embarrassment on her face, but I had already walked over with my head up.

The closer she got to her dwelling, the quieter it became, and even the rustling of the snow on the eaves could be heard, as quiet as if one had the most tranquil and protected garden in one's heart, unwilling to let anyone in come in and disturb it.

And the quieter it is, the heavier my heart sinks.

Finally walked to the bottom of the steps, I raised my hand lightly and stopped Shui Xiu behind me, she just looked at me, and didn't ask again, I walked up slowly with a somewhat long robe.

The door was still hidden, as if he didn't want to hold his breath too much in the house, and left a not too narrow crack in the door, and the wind blew in with the snow foam, and also blew up the layers of low-hanging curtains in the center of the room, and the snow disappeared into the room like this, as if it had never appeared, but when the curtains fell lightly, I could vaguely feel the warmth inside.

And that quiet picture.

On the small bed, there was also a somewhat pale woman, one hand poked out of the brocade quilt, and there was a white jade bracelet on the round wrist, the hand seemed to have been placed outside for a long time, and the color was almost the same as the white jade bracelet, as if waiting for someone to find out and put it back.

I couldn't see her face, because it was blocked by the person next to the bed, and I didn't know if she was angry or sad at this time, just looking at the back in front of the bed, it made me almost exhaust all my strength to not fall.

He sat there quietly, seemingly for no idea how long.

I couldn't see his face, I could only feel his quietness, that kind of silence seemed to be silent even to the soul, with his head lowered, his half-sided face looked thin and angular, and his long eyelashes were slightly covered, I don't know what kind of eyes were underneath.

Isn't it, the gentle eyes that have ever looked at me?

A hot current rushed up, and I felt that my eyes were blurry, and I was all stunned by the water, and I couldn't see anything.

At this time, I heard his deep voice in the room.

"Put your hands back. Don't catch a cold. ”

There was a moment of silence in the room, and then the sound of Si Suo Soo rang out.

Did she put it back herself? Or-

I desperately opened my eyes to see this scene clearly, but the hot tears still rolled in my eyes, and finally came out of my eyes, crossed my cold cheeks, and made me shiver, but I couldn't see anything, whether I wanted to see it or didn't want to see it.

In the room, the previous silence was restored, only this time, the cold pale hand was finally put back.

And my hands were slowly clenched, and my fingertips were already cold.

More tears, streaming down my eyes, drew traces of wolf bèi, raging almost madly on my cheeks, and I finally saw clearly, but had already missed it.

I missed his past, I missed his years, and even this scene, I missed it.

Thinking of this, I almost felt the urge to cry, but when I really opened my mouth, I only heard an almost hoarse voice in my throat, as if something was struggling, and I couldn't cry, only tears, like a flood that burst the embankment, surging down.

I turned and walked away.

Just when I turned around and stepped down the first step, Pei Yuanzhen's gentle voice came from the room behind me: "Light cold? ”

“……”

"What do you see? There's no one outside. ”