Li Jing, Hongfu, and Qiu Bearded Gongshi are known as the Three Heroes of Wind and Dust, and in the last years of the Sui Dynasty, all three of them lived in Luoyang City. Pen × fun × Pavilion www. ｂｉｑｕｇｅ。 infoThe people of the Great Sui Dynasty said that Luoyang was the greatest city of all times, but the people of the Tang Dynasty said that Chang'an was the greatest city of all times, and the people of the Song Dynasty said that Bianliang was the greatest city of all times, so it is difficult to find out where the greatest city of all ages is. Luoyang City was built of mud. The soil is the purest loess transported from afar, put it in the cage drawer and steamed until soft, mixed with the feces of children (these children don't eat anything but bean noodles, and don't do anything but, so they can dig out the purest), put it into the template to build a city wall. In a hundred years, the city will be bean green, and it will last for a thousand years without falling. After a thousand years, the walls will be bronze and will last for 10,000 years. In 10,000 years, the city will be black and will never fall. It's all the effect of old. When Li Jing, Hongfu, and Qiu Gong lived in the city, the city wall was still bean green. This shows that the city is still young. Unfortunately, before the wall could turn bronze, it fell, and the people of the city were gone. So it's hard to figure out if the wall will turn black or if it will never fall.

After the Luoyang city wall was built, it was gradually overgrown with ivy. Some good fellows sent vines to tear them off the wall, and there were tiny vines left on the wall, like the severed tail of a four-legged snake. At the same time, the ivy that had been torn off the wall continued to grow on the ground, only in a clump. Some leaves withered and withered, while others flourished. These vines are underground, like piles of garbage. The walls of the city were stained with patterns by broken vines, like a batik cloth hanging in the air. Then some people thought that the patterned city wall was not good-looking, so they sent some people out and held bamboo poles with blades tied to them, and scraped off all the patterns. Over time, a lot of white spots were scraped on the city wall, as if there was moss on the face. I don't understand why a wall can't be left to rest when it's been built—why should a wall be allowed to suffer if people live to suffer.

Li Jing: When they lived in Luoyang City, it was full of muddy water. People brought loess from outside the city, mixed it with hemp wool, put it in a template to build, and built a house. When there were not enough houses to live in, they built buildings and cast the alleys into deep shadows. The streets of Luoyang are all rivers of mud. At that time, there was a lot of rain, and the iron-clad wooden wheels were very hard to roll the ground, so there was no time for the streets to dry. The mud was crushed down the street, forming ridge after ridge, the top of which was dry and cracked in the sun, and the bottom was still a pile of mud that was enough to sink your knees. The mud was on display on the street, like the backbone of a crocodile. At that time, when people wanted to cross the street, they had to use something called a crutche. It was a pair of sticks with crooked branches, which he carried on his shoulders when he went out, and when he walked to the side of the street, he stood on the branches and stepped on stilts. At that time, the common people had this hand, just like the common people now can ride bicycles. No one knows what the common people will be able to do in the future -- if they need to, they may grow six legs like insects. Of course, each person's way is deep and shallow. Some people staggered on the three-foot short crutch, and some people stepped on the long crutch and volleyed through the air. On the narrower sections, some people jumped over with the help of poles. In the middle of the muddy water, countless piglets roamed. In this way, the common people and pigs form a three-dimensional picture on the street. In addition to this, there was an ox cart for the old, the weak, the sick and the disabled, with two solid wooden wheels, pulled by an old buffalo, squeaking and twisting. From the east of the city to the west of the city, it takes half a day to walk. If it falls apart in the middle of the road, the riders will become mud pigs and dogs. People who weren't ordinary people whizzed past in eight-horse cars, muddy water splashed into roadside shops. Just as some limousines today honk their horns behind your bike, thinking you're not deaf fast enough. Ordinary people always hate non-ordinary people, which is one of the reasons.

The horse-drawn carriages that run rampant on the streets of Luoyang are like torpedo boats, and such high-speed boats should be driven in open areas, not on the streets. But no one had an opinion on the carriage, because no one dared. When people went out into the street, in addition to crutches, they also carried an oil-paper umbrella, and when they saw the carriage coming, they shrank on the side of the road and opened their umbrellas to catch the mud. Still others did not carry umbrellas, but wore ponchos with tarpaulin. No matter how careful you are, there will always be a time when you get a muddy head. So bring a waterproof tarpaulin bag with a change of clothes inside. But to wash your hands and face, always use water. The well is easy to find, and there is a small white house at every street corner in Luoyang, and there is water in it. But there are people in the house watching, and the water is asking for money. So people who want to save money put two cow urine around their necks and put water in them. But even if you have a change of clothes, you must always have a place to change them, you must not be naked in the street, and you need money to find a changing place (a paid toilet in modern terms), so the person who wants to save money does not bring one umbrella, but two. When changing clothes, open the front and back of the two umbrellas to cover them. When such a person trying to save money goes out, he has a pair of crutches under his feet, two bags of water around his neck, two umbrellas behind his back, and bulging pockets around his waist, which is really cumbersome. In fact, as long as you use a little money, you can go anywhere refreshingly, and this method is the same as now: take taxi. So those people are living so tired of their own free will because they want to save money. The reason they want to save money is that they don't have money.

The taxis of the Great Sui Dynasty did not have wheels, they were black men with small pigtails on the back of their heads, naked, wearing only a crotch cloth and holding a large canvas pocket in their hands. Say hello and he'll open his pocket and put you in. A kilometer for a big buck, he can hump you anywhere, and he won't get a little mud on his body. But before sitting on the taxi, you have to touch his face to see if it is really black, or if it is stained with shoe polish. Some scoundrels pretend to be taxis and carry people in front of the stinky puddle and plant them headfirst down. These scoundrels think they have a sense of humor, but they are not humorous at all, because they often break other people's cervical vertebrae. When someone else's cervical vertebra is broken, they take the money bag away. This is also like when you take a taxi today, you must also study the driver and the car, in case you take the wrong car, you will be slapped in the face. As we all know, taxi is only safe for foreigners and bigwigs. It is too expensive to go out by taxi, and there is a danger of breaking the neck bone, so in Luoyang City, most people are fully armed when they usually go out, which is very cumbersome. Only those who walk the streets are the most chic. The kind of person wears a leather tunic and a miniskirt, which are splashed with mud and then scraped off when they dry, leaving at most a little white mark. As long as she beckons when crossing the street, Lao Hei will carry her over, and she doesn't even want money. Of course, when walking on the road, Taxi is not honest, so you have to take advantage of it. They didn't bring anything, because they didn't need anything, they only brought a small handbag, which contained bamboo pieces with mud scraping ideas, tissue paper, small mirrors, etc., but they didn't have a lot of money, and the hooligans would search for it if they had too much money. But it can't be without any money.

The scoundrels wore long robes of black silk, their hair was combed with elm bark water, and they chewed old cowhide soaked in honey in their mouths (chewing gum made of gum arabic was already available, but it was too expensive for the average person to afford it). If there is no money in the bag, the hooligans will have to do anything. Many years ago, Luoyang City was like this. Many years ago, Li Jing was such a hooligan.

When I was talking about Li Jing, he was walking like a clock. But the clock doesn't always go the same way. The same is true when it comes to other people. For example, now that we're at the beginning of the story, the clock is rather slow. I don't know when it will suddenly get faster, then it will suddenly slow down, and finally it won't go away at all. This is something I have absolutely no control over. Because not only Li Jing, but also myself is a clock, I don't know when it's fast and when it's slow.

When will it be shut down. We now know that Li Weigong was a great scientist and a great military strategist, but in fact he was also a great poet and a great philosopher. Because he has so many skills, he couldn't find anything to do when he was young, and lived in his ancestral house in Luoyang (that ancestral house was a house with earthen walls and grass roofs, and the grass roof was exposed, and the grass should have been changed a long time ago), and sometimes he ran to the street to chat as a hooligan for a living. At such times, he had to pretend to be as good as possible, but he was actually very self-motivated. When he was young, Li Jing lived in a stone-paved alley in Luoyang, sometimes eating only one meal a day and staying up late at night with a lamp lit with castor oil. That kind of oil is a laxative, and you will have to dig your stomach if you smell too much. At that time, he didn't have the ambition to be a Tang Weigong, he just wanted to be admitted to a doctorate in mathematics and just mess around in the Ministry of Engineering. But he couldn't find any such thing.

I know that Li Weigong is proficient in Persian, and he has translated "Geometric Originals" from Persian, and I have a copy on my desk now, but I can't understand it, and the translated book is like this. For example, Li Weigong's translation "Ou Zi said: The straight one is near." "You have to break your head to figure out that this is Euclid's famous fifth postulate: the distance between two points is the closest in a straight line. Because the manuscript fee is calculated according to the number of words, he added some of his own words to it, what is not straight or close, what is not close is far, far away is not straight, etc., I don't know what to do. In addition to this, there are passages in the style of Victorian underground novels, and some Spring Palace illustrations. This is all made by the publisher. The publisher said that if he didn't, he would lose money. The publisher also said that if you read such an unpopular book, you will not make a fortune in your life. Therefore, Li Jing had no choice but to combine geometry and sexuality. This is because the publisher is a friend, and he has an obligation not to let his friend break the bank. Every time he did that, he would get upset and scream a little or two. But he is open-minded by nature, and it would be good if he called it.

Li Weigong is versatile, not only can Persian, but also can write **** novels and paint. The illustrations in his books are all drawn by himself. Sometimes he also used a red-hot iron pen to draw business cards on the wooden board for himself, and wrote "cloth clothes Li Jing" with a large seal, and felt that it was not enjoyable after writing, so he added a line of small characters with the word Li: "The sixteenth grandson of Lao Tzu". It is not purely bluffing to write like this, because those surnamed Li may be descendants of Lao Tzu, but the sixteenth generation has no basis at all. He bathed in cold water every morning, spring, summer, autumn and winter, and when he went out into the street, he walked on a crutch two feet long, which was made of ash rods and was quite elastic, so that he could walk faster than a carriage. Nowadays, there are young people who ride ten-speed cars and walk faster than cars.

When Li Jing met the red whisk, he was very young.

People in later generations said that Li Weigong's ingenuity is unparalleled in the world, which of course means something. From a young age, he invented all kinds of utensils. For example, he invented the square machine, which was a wooden box with rows of wooden poles on it, densely packed, like a kebab machine. There's also a wooden crank on one side, which looks like an old-fashioned gramophone. If you press down on the second wooden pole from the right, it means that you want to square 2. Turn the crank and a wooden pole to indicate that the square root of 2 is 1. Shake it twice to erect four wooden poles, indicating that the square root of 2 is 1.4. Shake it again, and erect another wooden pole, indicating that the square root of 2 is 1.41. Don't shake it a fourth time, or the machine will crumble to pieces. This is because the machine is made of rotten wood chips, and if it is made of hardwood, it will not collapse until at least six significant figures have been found. He used to carry this machine around and ask for funding, but the rich people said, "I want to know what the square root does?" Some carpenters, plasterers, were interested, because they didn't know that the square root had difficulties in building a house, but they didn't have the money. It wasn't until he was old that Wei Gong had the opportunity to make this invention well, replacing the wooden pole with an iron flail, making the crank one zhang long, which was shaken by five or six big men, and making the machine as big as a small house, and no matter how much he shook it, it would not collapse, because it was extremely strong. After this invention was completed, it was immediately bought by Emperor Taizong. This is because in the process of opening the square, the iron flail is swung very powerfully, not only is it more than enough to beat the wheat, but people can't stand it all at once. And all the numbers that are shaken out are irrational, and no one knows how to hide. Emperor Taizong called this machine the Weigongshen locomotive, equipped the troops, and killed many people, some died under the root number two, and some died under the root number three. No matter how many times he was beaten to death, his brain burst out. Wei Gong also invented a fire-fighting pump and planned to sell it to the fire brigade. But the fire chief said that there are no fires in the year of the monkey, and they can deal with it with buckets. This invention was not sold until more than 20 years later, when it was sold to the Tang Emperor. Of course, the sold pump is milled and cast, and instead of spraying water, it squirts hot dung. This thing can neither put out fires, nor water flowers, but only people. Even if you don't die by luck after pouring it, it will stink for the rest of your life. The emperor put it into mass production and named it the Weigongshen Barrel. If people go out into the streets to make trouble, they douse them with. Wei Gong had countless inventions, all of which could not be sold in a lifetime, and finally sold to Taizong. Taizong put them into production and named them "Divine Machines". Now as soon as we hear the word "divine machine", we equate it with sadism, and we can't think of fire fighting and open squares. When Wei Gong was young, he dreamed of selling inventions to help the poor, but he couldn't sell them. When he was old, all these inventions were sold for a lot of money, but by this time he was not short of money.

As far as I know, Li Weigong sold only one invention when he was young, which was a hand-cranked blower, which he sold to a neighbor's restaurant for twenty yuan. After making this deal, he was so happy that he thought that he had a proper livelihood from now on and no longer had to be a hooligan. ――Before that, people were used to blow fire in restaurants. Five people were hired for each stove, and they took turns to come forward with blowtorches. Some people have worked all their lives and never need a blowtorch again. Their lips grew out like ducks, and with a little exertion they could form a meat tube. Who knew that less than three days later, the family sent back the blower that had been burned by the fire, not only asked him to return the money, but also wanted him to pay for the damage that almost caused the fire. In fact, the blower made by Wei Gong is no better, but it can't be shaken upside down. If you shake it upside down, not only will it not blow the air, but you will draw the fire from the stove into the blower and burn the wooden impeller. What this example tells us is that even the best invention will not work in the hands of fools. It's a pity that there are always so many fools in this world. But people can't argue with fools. When people asked him to return the money, he honestly said: After spending it, he can't return it, and then he stretched out his forehead and said: Just hit it a few times. He always paid the bill with his forehead, so that there were always more than three purple marks on it. People who don't know him always think that he likes to scrape his head like some old women, and thinks that after doing this, he will not get sick, but in fact he is not.

Regarding this matter, we can also add that this blower was later sold, or sold to the Tang Emperor. And the Tang Emperor still used it to fight - when the wind was favorable, he used it to blow lime powder and ground rice bran, which could charm the eyes of the enemy. But the emperor's imperial kitchen still used people to blow fire, and the lips of those who blew fire were like melting maltose hanging in the air.

We can also talk about how people in ancient times opened squares - craftsmen need to know the square roots, no matter what dynasty or generation - to do that thing first of all with a small stick. In ancient times, when you used a chip algorithm, no one except professional mathematicians carried a chip with you, so as not to suspect that you were a chopsticks seller. So don't be surprised if you're walking down the streets of the Sui Dynasty, eating kebabs, and you're sneaking after you. Those are some carpenter's little apprentices, looking for a plan for the master, and the picture is the bamboo stick in your hand. Some people have simple drawings and tattoo the square root table on their body, but the Chinese characters occupy a space, the number table is long, and the skin on the face and hands is far from enough. So the stabbing is all over the body, and when you do it, you will suddenly take off your bare ass. Because of this, the law of the Great Sui Dynasty stipulated that plasterers must wear hats when working on the streets. This thing is not only for shelter from the wind and rain, but also to block the front when checking the square root.

Li Weigong was a famous minister of the Tang Dynasty in his old age, so I don't know if he can still remember walking on Luoyang Street when he was young. Everyone who walked below him hated him to death. This was because he always stepped over the heads of others, causing them to suffer humiliation on their crotch, and because he wore nothing under the black silk robe. This isn't a problem on flat ground, but it's annoying to hang in mid-air. At that time, when the women in Luoyang City saw a pair of long ash poles walking in front of them at the entrance of the alley, and felt a shadow falling from the ceiling, blocking the sun, most of them immediately screamed, closed their eyes and squatted on the ground, indicating that she didn't want to see anything. There are also some pungent girls who roared angrily when they saw this scene, took out the top door pole from the house, stepped on the mud and waded over, and chased the pair of ash poles to knock Li Jing down from the sky. This is also very difficult, because Li Jing's speed is so fast. He ran away as fast as he could, leaving him in the street with a string of wicked laughter. Only the *** who wandered around the street would chew the old cowhide in his mouth and raise his face to look at Li Jing in mid-air - the two hairy legs and other things exposed under the placket of his robe. But they've long been accustomed to these things. In order to get their attention, Li Jing tattooed horrific patterns on his legs and other places. That's how weird this is:

When Li Jing was on the ground, they obeyed him and tried their best to please him, but when he reached heaven, things turned around. If a hooligan walks on the street without cheering, then it will be difficult for him to mix in Luoyang City. So the hooligans have to perform all kinds of tricks in the sky, just like an actor performs on stage. When Li Jing walked in the sky, he was like a big bird. This is because he pouts his ass and leans forward as he stands on crutches. This crutch pose received the highest praise in Luoyang City, which was considered the most handsome, but now it looked like a naughty girl trying to stand up to urinate, which was not very good-looking. When he walked down the street, he spread his legs wide, one on the left side of the street and the other on the right side of the street, so that his center of gravity was stable and he would not fall down, and if a rampaging carriage hit him head-on, it would only rush between his legs and not touch him. When Li Jing walked around Luoyang City, he was like a heron foraging in a small river ditch, with a dirty waterway under his feet. When walking in this posture, his **** stretched forward, the **** contracted, and looked like a bird in the sky from below. If you look closely, you can still see a flying swallow tattooed on his ****, which was the fashion at that time. In fact, this way of walking is not good at all, if you lose your balance, you will fall from the sky, and you don't know where you will fall - it's like an airplane loses control, it can fall anywhere, even into a dung pit. On top of that, he could feel a foul stream of water rising from between his legs. On either side of him were dark brown roofs, some covered with mossy tiles, others covered with tree bark - on which grew a fungus called dog pee moss. The sound of a city bustling in his ears was ringing, and his nose was filled with the foul smell of the city. At times like this, he is always running for a living. It wasn't until he climbed down from the two poles that he wasn't running. But in those times, he was begging for a living, or brazenly blackmailing others, which was how Wei Gong's life was when he was young. Later, he became the Wei Gong of the Tang Dynasty, which means that people in later generations are no longer embarrassed or dare to say that when he walked on Luoyang Street, because he did not wear underwear, and because he was fumigated by dirty water, he often suffered from **** itching, and the thing was swollen like a turkey's face; So he had to dye the affected area yellow with ginger juice, which not only suffered from the itching, but also endured the stimulation of ginger, which was really bad.

Li Jing was a hooligan in Luoyang City, but he was the most important of the hooligans. This means that he wants to ask the vendor in the market for protection money, but he is too embarrassed to open his mouth or reach out, which complicates the problem. Suppose you're a vendor at the LY market, and you see a guy in black clothes and oily hair walking past your stall and greeting you with a smile on his face, you can't imagine that he is trying to blackmail you. However, the more times he comes, some terrible things will happen on the stall: either the snow-white cloth is forked with ****, or the soup pot is boiled with a dead snake. If you can still turn a blind eye to these things, there will be a big living scorpion jumping on your stall. This process is repeated until you put a stack of copper coins on the surface of the stall and the stack of copper coins slides silently into his cuffs. Anyway, it's all about asking for money, and it's even more annoying if you don't know what you don't know. When he asked for money, he couldn't make a face, but he stepped forward with a hippie smile and pestered him, discussing music and geometry with others, until the other party had a headache and took out the money. So both the hawker and the *** hated him bitterly, hoping that he would die of plague when he fell ill early. This hostility is manifested in the fact that people don't smile at all when they see him, and no one pays any attention to him. His smiling face was like a soap bubble that fell into the water and disappeared. The reason why he did this was because he thought he was an intellectual, who wanted to save face and could not speak ill of others. When he returned home in the evening, he took off his black silk robe, changed into a short suit of white linen, washed his hair with grey water and draped it over his shoulders, and went to a tavern or a hammam, and discussed astrology, alchemy, and so on with the Persians, Turks, and other suspicious characters, and sometimes smoked a ****** cigarette. There are a number of self-righteous intellectuals gathered in that place, and every one of them thinks he is the last intellectual in the world. Those people smoked marijuana, talked in Greek, were homosexual, and beyond that, everyone was as hated as Li Jing. They're just like me, they're always embarrassed about something when they live, and as a result, people look at us and feel embarrassed.

As far as I know, intellectuals have been looked down upon since the beginning of the world. That didn't change until they built the atomic bomb and terrified the world. When Li Weigong was young, he was said to be a big smoker, a fart spirit, and a fake foreign devil, and he was not so despicable as to want to build an atomic bomb to threaten mankind. He smoked a ****** cigarette in the hammam. In a daze, he came up with a proof of the Pythagorean theorem, and like Archimedes, he shouted "Olica!" and ran out of the bathhouse with his bare buttocks, wrote the theorem overnight, sawed the door panels, printed a thousand copies, and sent them to the six yamen, in addition to distributing them widely. As a result, he was later brought in by the yamen and beaten on the board, accused of bewitching the public, and running naked that night was immoral. In fact, he just wanted the officials to pay attention to his mathematical talent, and promoted him to a doctor of mathematics. When he was on the board, he proved Fermat's theorem again, but this time he learned obediently and did not say a word.

Li Weigong was in Luoyang City when he was young. I always want to take the PhD in mathematics, and then I can get an official job, and I don't have to be a hooligan on the street. This is the right way out for intellectuals. But he always failed the test. This is not because he is not proficient enough in mathematics, but because the doctoral examination is not only mathematics, but also the "Zhou Yi", which is too profound, and does not belong to the category of mathematics at all (I think it belongs to the category of witchcraft), so whether he is cone or smoke, he always can't understand. Therefore, every time he took the exam, he could only write "Long live the Great Sui Emperor" on the exam paper of "Zhou Yi", and then sign his name and hand it in. No one dared to give him a zero score for such a paper -- in fact he got a perfect score -- but the examiner thought he was cheating on him, so he gave him a zero mark in mathematics. This result completely confused Li Jing, he couldn't believe that he had miscalculated all the four arithmetic problems in elementary school, and he was so painful that he wanted to commit suicide. If he knew the inside story, he should also write long live the emperor on the math answer sheet, so that he could pass the exam. But these things do not show that Li Jing is stupid. In fact, he's very smart. When he was caught for posting the Pythagorean theorem and hit the board, he cleverly put an iron plate under his clothes, and the fight was so loud that the official who sat in the hall kept asking, "Who is playing the gong outside?" But such a little cleverness can only save him some of the pain of flesh and skin, but it cannot be eaten. Of course, his cleverness doesn't stop there. After the board, he was dragged to the signing room to smear soju on his buttocks, ostensibly to prevent the wound from suppurating, and to show that the leaders cared about the blamed, but in fact to see if the blow was heavy enough and needed a few more strokes. At this time, Li Jing hid the iron plate, and his buttocks had already been coated with soot water, which looked like a large patch of black green. When he was applying wine, his hand also turned black, and it seemed that he had also been beaten, so everyone said that the beating was strong enough. After receiving this beating, Li Jing repented and decided to stop pretending to be a ghost and be a good hooligan. When he came out of the yamen and saw the first ***, he stared at his eyes as big as a copper bell, stepped forward, didn't talk about geometry, didn't talk about music, and stretched out his hand to ask for money. And the woman's eyes widened and she said, "Money, what money?" This woman is the red whisk. When Li Jing spoke like this, he no longer looked like an intellectual. Intellectuals never say anything clearly, and they don't think it's tactful enough.