Chapter 42: The Three Tasks of Life

In his book "What life should mean to you", Dr. Adler, the pioneer of individual psychology, discusses the three major tasks of life.

"Anyone who comes into the world will be bound by three objective conditions that constitute the most basic reality we have to face. As long as we consider the meaning of life, these three constraints cannot be skipped.

The first constraint is that we all live on Earth. The earth is the common "foothold" of mankind, and in order to live and reproduce on the earth, we must actively use the resources on the earth and abide by all the rules on the earth. Based on this, we need to establish a holistic view of human beings themselves, that is, everyone is a member of human beings; When developing the earth's resources, we must pay attention to the degree to which the earth can bear it. The second constraint is that people are closely related to each other, so everyone should have a social interest and value cooperation with others. Anyone who tries to live in solitude and cut off all ties with others will only do. The third constraint is that there are many human beings, and there are only two genders, namely male and female, and the continuation of individual human beings depends entirely on the cooperation of the sexes. The love and marriage that arise on this basis are subject to this reality.

These three binding realities pose us three major questions in life: First, there are all kinds of restrictive rules on the earth we live in, so what kind of career should we choose to live on this earth? Second, what position should we seek in society and build on that basis for cooperation with others? Thirdly, human beings are made up of two genders, how should we deal with the relationship between the sexes?

Individual psychology has been studied and these three problems have been reduced to the three major tasks of human beings: career, interpersonal relationships, and marriage. In fact, our discussion of the meaning of life revolves around these three tasks. The meaning of life depends entirely on how well we solve the three major tasks of life.

Adler also discusses the importance of learning to work together, saying that the only effective way to prevent and resist neurotic tendencies is to develop a spirit of cooperation in patients. Therefore, at a very young age, children should be nurtured to work with their peers, including encouraging them to play and do things with other children. If children lack training in this area as they grow, it will not be conducive to the cultivation of the spirit of cooperation in the future.

Kong Ling has done a good job in cultivating children's spirit of cooperation. At a time when many parents do not hesitate to pay a lot of money for their children to enroll in a variety of interest classes, Kong Ling's two children can be regarded as growing up in freedom, they have no interest in applying for various interest classes, Kong Ling encourages them to go out more and play with their friends, no matter what kind of game, Kong Ling feels that it is more important than children sitting in interest classes to learn, because games can promote children to know themselves and others, the best exercise children's ability to cooperate and innovate, is the most effective tool and means to understand others and society, It can also promote the healthy growth of children's physical and mental health. Kong Ling has always been reluctant to force children to learn, if the child wants to learn, she will do everything possible to let the child learn, if the child does not want to learn, no matter how good others say, she will not let the child learn. She knows that in the course of life, children will encounter countless opportunities, and children will always find out what they are most interested in, and it is never too late to learn. Children have the right to explore what they are interested in, and she vigorously defends this right, she does not want to be like most parents, depriving children of the right to choose by themselves, grafting their interests and dreams to their children, so that children can carry a heavy burden to fulfill their parents' dreams, and cannot be themselves.

Children who carry their parents' interests and dreams, when they grow up, their career choices are controlled by their parents, they choose the career that their parents like, interpersonal aspects, making friends that their parents think are useful, and marrying their parents' boyfriend or girlfriend, such a life, from the perspective of solving the three major tasks of life, have not been able to live themselves, what is the meaning of such a life? This is also the root cause of common psychological and behavioral problems in psychological counseling.