When my father died, I went back to Bo's house and stayed there, thinking about my father's last expression and his sin. I can't forgive myself, I blame myself for all this. I felt that if I hadn't returned to Beijing, if I had been taking care of my father, he wouldn't have fallen to the ground. If he hadn't fallen, maybe not so many things would have happened, and maybe his father wouldn't have died.

I not only hate myself, I also hate Zhang Xu's family, I hate Zhang Xu, if he doesn't treat me like that, if his daughter doesn't sue me, how can I run back from my hometown to hold a trial, so they are also responsible for my father's death.

And my father also got into a lot of fire for my affairs, all because I married this scumbag.

I was deeply trapped in remorse and self-blame.

I couldn't sleep all night. I cry when I think about it, and I cry when I think about it. My father, I didn't spare any time to spend with him when he was alive, and now I can't see him anymore. I lost the only person who felt sorry for me and thought about me.

No one in this world will ever think about me again. No one will care if I live or cold anymore. Now I really want to go back to work, I really want to keep myself busy, and if I did, I wouldn't be thinking about these things all day and all night.

But it's almost the New Year, and the garment factories are on holiday. I don't have any work to do when I go back now. But I bought a ticket for the sixth year of junior high school early, thinking that I would go back early and work earlier, and I didn't want to be idle.

But just after the Chinese New Year, the new crown epidemic came, and Wuhan was suddenly locked down. It's something I've never experienced in my life. Although we were not in Wuhan, we were all terrified.

Wuhan was locked down, and as soon as the news came, all the people began to go to the mall to buy rice, noodles, oil, salt and other daily necessities, for fear that our hometown would also be closed. Suddenly, the disinfectant in the pharmacy was gone, the alcohol was gone, and the masks could not be bought.

But I don't have masks and I don't let them go out, but fortunately, my son Xiaobo's unit still has three or four masks. So these three or four masks actually became treasures. Because you can't go out without it, you can't go to the mall, and you can't buy anything if you want to. So every time I go out and come back, I put the mask away, in order to use it again next time, although I know that repeated use will be invalid, but there is no way, I don't want to use it repeatedly, but I can't buy it. I went to the pharmacy every day to ask, and there was no mask every day.

The occurrence of this incident diluted my longing for my father, because the whole country was talking about this epidemic and paying attention to it. I'm certainly no exception. Xiaobo and I watched the news early every day to find out how many more cases had been added to Wuhan. Then look at the rest of the country, how many cases there are.

This year is probably not comfortable for people all over the country. All spent in terror. We didn't dare to go out, except to buy some daily necessities, the rest of the time we stayed at home. In addition to missing my father every day, I also pay attention to the epidemic situation in the country.

Before the sixth day of the new year, the landlord told me not to go back to Beijing, because she said that their village had already notified me and would not let the tenants come back for the time being. As soon as I heard the landlord's words, I quickly asked Xiaobo to drive me to the station to refund the train ticket.

Originally, I was bent on going back to Beijing early, going to work early, and getting busy early. But now I can't, and I can't go back to Beijing if I want to. So I had to stay in my hometown all the time, and then I heard that the holidays had been extended. The garment factory has been extended indefinitely. I just said that I would wait for the notice, and I would only go to work when I was notified to go to work, and I would stay at home without notice.

Because I came back when my father was seriously ill, I resigned instead of asking for leave. To be precise, it makes people fired. Because I have been asking for leave because of the lawsuit with Zhang Xu, and then I went back to see my father again and again.

I began to worry about whether I would be able to get a job if I went back. But what's the use of worrying? The only thing I can do now is to stay at home all the time, I can't go out, I can't cause chaos to the country, I removed the little money I shared when I divorced, and Xiaobo paid 20,000 yuan, plus Zhang Xu spent so much on the lawsuit, and I spent some of it when my father died, and I don't have much money in my hands.

I'm already poor. Now I am not afraid of no matter how hard and tired I am, I am afraid that I will not be able to earn money if I am idle at home. But I can't get out and can't get out, so I have no choice but to sit at home and eat empty. I am in a hurry every day, hoping that the epidemic will pass quickly.

But the epidemic has not passed, during which I asked the landlord twice, but the landlord still said that I could not go back, and said that the other rentals had not gone back, and now the village does not let these people come back. No way, I just kept waiting.

A few days later, the social security office in our town called me and asked where I was.

I told her I was in my hometown and asked her what was wrong. She said that for those of us who pay flexible employment insurance, the state will give me some subsidies and ask me to fill out the form.

When I heard this, I became anxious: "I can't go back to my hometown now, what should I do?" I called the landlord the other day and the landlord said that he wouldn't let us go back now. "I told her the truth.

"Then you should come back as soon as possible. Otherwise, you can ask again and see if I will let you come back. ”

"Okay." I promised.

Because the garment factory I used to work in was very small and did not pay pension insurance, I could only apply for flexible employment insurance. Otherwise, if you don't pay endowment insurance, what can you do when you get old?

I put down the phone number of the social security office and couldn't wait to call the landlord and ask her if I can go back now? Because the social security office asked me to go back and add the table.

The landlord told me to wait, she went to the village committee to ask first, and then called me later to tell me the results.

I agreed, and after hanging up the phone of the landlord, I waited anxiously there. While waiting, I prayed in my heart, hoping to let me go back. Because I really don't have much money in my hands now, if the state really wants to give some subsidies, it will be just in time. Otherwise, I'm afraid that the money in my hand now will not last long after deducting the pension insurance paid every month.

The landlord soon called me again, and when I saw that she was calling, I was so nervous that I couldn't do it, for fear that she would say that she couldn't let me go back.

"Xiao Ji, I just asked the village, you can come back now." When the landlord said this, a big stone hanging in my heart fell to the ground. As long as I can go back, otherwise, if I can't add this form, I don't know if this subsidy is still available.

"Okay, then I'll buy a ticket and go back right away." I say.

"However, if you come back, you will have to quarantine for 14 days, and you have to bring your own thermometer, and you have to take your own temperature every day and report it to the village." The landlord said.

"Okay, then I'll buy my own thermometer and bring it with me." I say.

"Okay, when you come back, call me at the entrance of the village, and I'll pick you up. If no one picks up the village, they will not be allowed to enter. The eldest sister said.

I really didn't expect it to be so serious now. Since I haven't been out of my hometown before, I don't know how tightly I control it now

"Okay big sister, I got it."

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