I began to think about it, and I thought that Zhang Xu knew that I couldn't get a taxi, and then called someone to pick me up. So what's the purpose, is it trying to tell me not to let me talk nonsense? Or do you want to get something out of your conversation with me and catch me at fault? The more I think about it, the more I think so. I started to worry again, and I thought back to everything I had said to him, as if I hadn't said anything that shouldn't have been said, right?

Again, I felt like I was being calculated. I don't know what's going on now? I started to blame myself again, I shouldn't have gone back after work, I should have asked for leave as soon as I got a call from the police station. That way, you won't be able to get a taxi, and this won't happen. So I blamed myself again and again and became more and more angry. I knew that my spirit could not bear the events of this time. From the time I didn't get divorced to after the divorce, to my father's death, and then to my return to this family, I never went back to the way I used to be.

Not long after this time, the police station called me and Zhang Xu again. This time, we didn't talk about mediation again, but we were taken to a different room, and then a couple of police officers in my room started to write down the matter again.

I was asked again and again about what happened, and after I said that, one of the policemen asked me how Zhang Xu scolded me. I told him, "How can you learn this curse?" ”

"Then you have to say it too? That's what we need to say for the record. "There's no way, I have to say it. I really want to get out of that house right now, I really don't want to come here like this endlessly. Why? Zhang Xu beat me, I have said it more than once, either detain him, or just finish it as if nothing happened, I can't stand this toss again and again.

My head started buzzing again, not just buzzing, but also swollen uncomfortably. I was not feeling well and uncomfortable. The police became suspicious of my words again, and one of them kept asking me, saying that my words were not logical: "What you said was to punch you seven or eight times, but he is a big man, let alone punch you seven or eight times, even if it is a punch that punches you, it can knock you out, how can it take seven or eight punches to knock you out?" And you don't have any injuries on your head at all? It's not realistic. ”

"I don't know, I really don't know, my general impression is like this, I don't remember clearly." I said bitterly. I wanted to cover my face, I didn't want to talk to anyone anymore, I wanted to get out of that room right away.

"Of course, I'm not skeptical of what you said, but we really can't believe it. Think about it again, how Zhang Xu hit you, such as with his fists, or palms, or whether he pushed your head against the wall or something. You've got to think about it. At the very least, you have to be able to believe what you say. ”

He mentioned the word hitting the wall, which is in my impression, but it is not Zhang Xu dragging my wall, I really can't remember clearly, but I can't remember things clearly, I can't talk nonsense, although I hate Zhang Xu, but I can't talk nonsense, I don't know what I don't know, I can't say it, I don't want to wronged him, although he has been wronging me and slandering me, but if I am the same as him, then I won't become a person like him?

So, I just repeated my words: "I don't really remember very well, what I remember is that he pushed me to the ground and punched me." I really don't remember what happened next. ”

I repeat this over and over again. And the police say again and again that no one will believe what I say, they have handled too many cases, and it is not only them who will not believe it, even no one will believe it.

He said, "When you say that, we really can't believe what you say. Otherwise, can you reconcile? ”

"No, no." I said bitterly but firmly. I almost cried.

Probably because they saw that my emotions were a little wrong, they stopped asking me, and after they let me read the transcript, they asked me to sign it, and then they said to me: "We will give you a result within three months, if Zhang Xu is not detained or sanctioned or something, if you are not satisfied, you will appeal." ”

It was the last time, and it was never let me go since. But when I got home, I was angry.

There is no smile on my face anymore, I know that Zhang Xu will not be punished, and the words have been made very clear, saying that if I am not satisfied with the result, I can sue, but how can I have the energy to sue?

It seems that Zhang Xu beat me so badly, and it passed like that, in vain. During the marriage, he beat me again and again, but after the divorce, he could still beat me. Am I going to have to live under his violence for the rest of my life? If my hukou hadn't come over, I could have gone back to my hometown and bought a small house to live in, but not now, I can't go back now. My various insurances are here, my house is here, where do I go back to my hometown? If you are sick, will the medical insurance reimburse you? There are so many questions.

So, I had to live here. I can't find a man to marry and leave his yard as Zhang Xu said. Don't say that I won't look for any man anymore, even if I do, I can't be like him, just a person of the opposite sex.

I've been struggling, living in pain and self-blame. Putting all the faults on myself, I think I have suffered retribution. It's because I didn't stay by my parents' side, and I didn't fulfill my obligation to be a daughter, this is retribution, who let me go so far in the first place? My parents are here, not far away, I didn't do this sentence.

I think the death of my parents also has something to do with me. If I didn't come to Beijing, my mother would be seriously ill and my father would tell me, and I would stay by her side, and I wouldn't wait until I was dying.

My father's death also has something to do with me, if I had been taking care of him, if I had insisted on not letting him go home, or if I had been staying by his side, he would not have left so quickly, and I thought that after I had rested at home for a week, I would have returned to my father and saw that his mouth was full of blood, and I didn't know what my father had gone through, so he would have become like that.

Why did I leave my parents and why did I come to Beijing? Why marry someone like that? I kept asking myself questions like this. I don't see a smile on my face anymore.

Sometimes, when I take care of my children, I get distracted, and even more so when I come home. I started to sleep worse at night.

I couldn't sleep every night, and I couldn't keep up when it was time to go to work. I was a little scared, I was even afraid that I would hurt the child, and I was afraid to work. I have plans not to go to work, I am afraid that I will harm other people's children.

When I was in the car, I started to be in a daze, several times, because I was in a daze and I could sit too far away. Fortunately, although I was late, the customer didn't say anything about me. I knew I was sick, very sick.