One

Is it possible to be silent? As long as I have no heart, I can live without words. Can I make a sound? As long as I am cowardly, I can live silently.

How should I love such a world, cold or warm, white or dark, lonely or bustling, if I can love such a world, then the world will return the same forgiving love to me, but I have slept in the cross street, the silence of the noisy street is short at this moment, but the blood did not have a moment of blockage, the blood flowed freely along the hard ground, and merged into a stall of stains and solidified on the ground, I looked at the car in front of me and the car in him— He was panicked and stunned, but there was still a beeping sound on the other end of the phone, and I don't think he was very happy. Before my life was quiet, I felt a sharp pain, but this was only for a short time, because soon I couldn't feel it, and the occasional glimpse of the tall buildings was still so tall and beautiful, even making me feel spectacular, the blue sky and white clouds on the tall buildings, they were playing!

I was in perpetual darkness, but from time to time there was a sound in the shadows, a whining flute that I had heard a long time ago, and it wasn't enough to wake me up, for I felt too tired to open my heavy eyelids. I was scared in the dark, and I remember my mother telling me before she left me, "If you're scared, cover your eyes with your hands, so there's nothing to fear you." ”

After that, I was sent to the welfare home, and inside, there was a large group of people like me, whose parents didn't want or their parents were not there, and someone brought them to the world, but there was no one to lead the way, and we were like a bunch of lonely wandering spirits, enclosed in a small, remote place.

Maybe I closed my eyes too many times, and this time I didn't want to cover it, but I found a bright light, not particularly bright, but it seemed very warm. I walked towards it, and I felt light, something I had never felt before, and I felt warmth at the same time, like the warmth in my mother's arms......

I looked at me on the improvised stand, I was so thin, with so many strange pieces on my small chest, and a lot of unknown instruments beeping next to me. I was dissatisfied, and I wanted to take them away, but the people around me were too tall for me to dare, so I had to cower and watch them go about their business, not knowing why they were like this, maybe the adults were like that. The instruments that shone in the light swayed rapidly in their hands, alternating, I was happy again, I thought it was very funny, but I was dissatisfied with why the target of these instruments was me, but after a while, the sound of the instruments stopped, they also stopped, they stood with their hands tied, their expressions I couldn't see because they were wearing masks, but I knew it was silent, silent with weight. Because I've seen such expressions many times, from my mother's face, from Aunt Mei's face, I will never guess wrong. I wanted to take the opportunity to pull out those pesky pieces, but when I touched them with one hand, I felt empty.

They left, and from their mouths I knew that I was dead, and that those strange pieces were meant to save my life, but unfortunately they did not succeed, and I could not help but feel ridiculous, how fragile my life could only be pinned on these cold objects.

This is not the death in the mouths of mothers and Aunt Mei, they say that the return of the deceased is heaven or hell, and the retribution of good and evil is so straightforwardly reflected in the deceased, but who will judge it? Where are the people who judge me, or the people who cut off my destination, or God? This is not exactly the death of the mouths of those guys, they say that death is a kick on the leg, a small mouth squinting, a small eye closed, from now on you can not eat or drink, there is no pain and sorrow, but the only drawback is that those eyes can no longer be opened. But what kind of situation do I have? Don't become a wandering spirit,

As I was thinking to myself, several people suddenly rushed in, they lifted the white cloth covering my body, dragged my body into a large plastic bag, and hurried to leave. I walked through the door they had closed casually, it was nothing, I had already guessed when I reached out and touched it before, and this time it was nothing more than another verification. But when I wanted to run, my right leg was very heavy, and they walked very fast, and the crowd kept moving, but it was nothing to me, because my body was like a firefly in the dark, and I just had to walk as I normally would, and slowly, I knew what was waiting for me......

Two

Shao Ting cried, not because of herself, but for her lifeless kind. The people in front of them today, the people in front of them at night, the vagaries of life and individual encounters are left to the unknown to arrange and bear, but the moments of life and death are mostly faced by doctors. When she was a child, she longed for the angel in white to save the dead, and was inspired by the hope of becoming that person one day, but when she became a medical student, her dreams turned into fragile bubbles in the air, and those encouragements in her heart were like clowns in the corner who kept laughing at the frivolity and ignorance of childhood. When studying theory, she is the same as her classmates in other majors, and the dry and boring knowledge is nothing more than rote memorization, and it is enough to cope with the exam. However, the complex structure of the human body has refreshed her inherent cognition again and again, and a variety of professional terms are like the waves of the sea, constantly churning and surging in her mind, and finally turning into invisible water vapor that drifts away somewhere, and maybe it is unknown when it returns to books. In addition, although she sometimes dissected frogs and rabbits to test her knowledge, the years of freshman and sophomore years quietly passed through her life like water waves. When she came to her junior year, she went from being a student who practiced with her own body to an intern who worked on corpses.

The holiness of the angel in white is not because of the white garment, but because of the blood behind the white garment, the blood that moves forever and never stops, and the life that surging in this way is worthy of pure guard. The large round table in the center of the experiment is usually a place to explain the skills, when the skills are finished, the plastic sheet covered with it is uncovered, the button is twisted, and a large iron box slowly rises, which is not a treasure, but only a corpse, that is, the "general teacher". The dead lying here proclaim the beginning and end of life with a naked posture, rebelling against the moderation of the world, and staying in the eternal world in a continuous and continuous way. Nothing can be immortal, nothing can decay quickly, if there is an eternal unchanging, it will be the majesty of heaven and earth, time is the hourglass of history, and what will be left behind will be a shining and immortal treasure.

She wears plastic gloves, every time the operation is completed, the gloves are always full of corpse oil, if this greasy feeling can barely be tolerated, then all the hands and feet and other parts of the dissection, the bloody impression impact is strong and unbearable, every time she tears the sound is extremely harsh, she vomits many times, every night she can always dream of a pile of white bones running towards her, she screams in the white bones, and when she wakes up, she still mutters some professional terms, although she knows that these terms are not in line, but still does so.

In the best period of her life, she saw the end of her life, the end of death, which made her feel nothing. She thought she was tormented, because living in such an environment made her miserable, but the most painful thing was that there was no escape. What can she turn to? Recourse to the person's adaptation to the painful environment? But in addition to the people in this world, who live around, lie in boxes, and are buried in the ground, there are many more people in books. There are two sentences in the American doctor Govinde's "The Best Farewell": "As a doctor, I know that life is a one-way line, step by step towards weakness and death, and the process of birth, old age, sickness and death is irreversible; On that day, the joy of life and the calmness of death will be the signs of the fullness of life. Like Govinde, she looked forward to that day, and always looked forward to the future with hope, so that there was great hope. She made a choice because she loved it, so isn't it natural to insist on it for the sake of love? No matter how many times there is a denial, as long as there is no giving up, then all the negation is only for the final affirmation. At that moment, she was confident, confident in everything she believed, and this was her most certain reply to the world.

Her heart beat countless times for the tenacity of life, and also cried for the disaster countless times, and when one day they dissected a 14-year-old boy who had been in a car accident, she felt heartfelt grief again. The boy's right leg was swollen at the knee, and the rescue equipment on his chest was still glued, and the boys in their group were inadvertently broken due to the stiffness of the boy's body. Although she knew that many of these bodies were unclaimed or condemned to death, if a person could be indifferent to his own kind, how desolate that person's heart should be!

That night, she wept again, and in the tears that slid downward, there seemed to be some faint brilliance, quietly flickering in her heart.

Three

My body was sold to the medical school for 30,000 yuan, and because I was unclaimed, they were disposed of at will, put into a large cold iron box, and became a specimen for dissection. I can't seem to do anything, I can't change anything. I walked aimlessly in the bustling campus, I looked at the big brothers and sisters who came and went, if I could grow up smoothly, if my parents had not abandoned me, if my father had not driven illegally, if my mother had not remarried, if everything was the way it was, I think I should be the same as them at this age, the same happiness, the same happiness, the same playfulness...... I don't know where I've gone, but I heard a big sister's inner wail, and I looked for grief to see her. For the rest of my life, I followed her, watched her transform, watched her grow, and I believed that she would become a good doctor. Maybe fate has already arranged in the dark, when she took a partial anatomy class, their class just happened to be assigned to my body, when they dissected, I felt the dissipation of consciousness, I know that my time is not much, but more time to live in the world that is no longer the world, what am I happy about?

I look at their adolescent faces, and I know that they will become accustomed to the blood and skeletons, and they will never wake up frightened by these things after falling asleep, and they will discuss these things in the dormitory that are ignored by ordinary people, and they will eventually become good doctors, helping people who yearn for life to find the light, even if I will never find the light again.

I found that I was really fast now, I was shuttling through the city wantonly, I ran to the welfare home that adopted me, and watched Aunt Mei still take care of a group of guys, most of them were filled with sadness, but there was also hope in the filled sadness, even if it was only a little bit, but as long as there was, it was life.

I used to look up at tall buildings, but now I know that higher than tall buildings is the human heart; And now, standing on the tall building, I will look down on this pale world, blow the trumpet of heaven with a mournful countenance, and send eternal blessings in a silent solo, even if I have no more words, even if I have fallen silent in nothingness, but I will live forever in her tears, in their lives.

(I would like to send this article to my friend from medical school and her grief)