(A bit of nonsense before the update.) Pen × fun × Pavilion www. ｂｉｑｕｇｅ。 ｉｎｆｏ）

Let's talk about the original intention of writing this.

I consider myself an observant and diligent thinker, and I was born on Valentine's Day, so the observation and exploration of feelings has always been my hobby, and in recent years, what I have seen and heard, let me gradually sprout an idea, in today's world, why love has changed its original taste.

Too many young people don't know whether what they are looking for is love or desire. This desire is both physical and psychological. Being needed, pursued, and even demanded and spoiled are all integrated into people's concept of love, so love has become more and more a transaction.

I'm not going to talk about money deals, I'm just talking about feelings deals. More and more falling in love has become such a transaction: the boy trades "good to you" for the girl's "spoiled with you", or vice versa.

However, this is not the essence of love. More and more boys will complain: Why am you still not satisfied when I am so good to you? Why do you get angry at every turn? Why do others treat you as well as I treat you, but you leave me and go with him?

And more and more girls are complaining the same way: Why don't you always understand what I want, why do you make me angry, why don't you listen to me?

And so on and so forth.

Of course, some people will question, you say that this is not the essence of love, what is the essence of love? Why do you think that what you are talking about is the essence of love?

So let me start with my situation. I have been in love for 3 and a half years, of which more than 2 years are long-distance relationships that I only see 3 times a year, and finally my husband and I have achieved positive results, and now we have been married for more than 3 years, harmonious and happy.

The disparity in family wealth, the wrong door, the parents' obstruction, the mother-in-law living together, renting a house of less than 15 square meters after marriage, etc., etc., basically every thing that can make a couple in love break up I have encountered, but I still insist on my own choice, so I think, I should be considered to understand love, and the current state also makes me feel that I at least understand the management of love, so I dare to sigh: I look at love

When we were young, we both thought that if I was good to each other, then I loved each other. But this is a false proposition. If I love someone, I naturally want to be good to them, but being good to them does not necessarily mean loving her.

A few days ago, I saw a person complaining on the Internet, to the effect that Lao Tzu was obedient to Lao Tzu's woman, apologized to her countless times a day, fuck it, Lao Tzu didn't know what Lao Tzu was wrong at all.

However, what makes me wonder is that even with such irritability, anger and even pain, this person is still "obedient" to his woman. How many boys are in this state of "pain"?

So I want to ask, why do you insist on it? Do you really love her? Does she really love you? If one of the questions is "no", then what are you talking about?

The real feelings, I mean, the feelings that can really go to marriage, definitely not to say "I want to spoil my woman as a little princess who can't stand anyone except me", it is self-inflicted and can't live, harming yourself and the other party. (So I really hate the series of films that the article plays.) ）

How many men whisper in front of their girlfriends, thinking that they are afraid of her as a sign of love for her? Even when they fall into the eyes of others as a joke, they still firmly say that others don't understand.

And how many women are usually gentle and humble, but they are arrogant in front of their boyfriends, and even intensify when they see him admitting his mistakes in a low voice, and ask for higher and higher repeatedly?

We are all mortals, we can talk about mortal feelings, why do we have to talk about the feelings of slaves and princesses? The basis of love is mutual respect, and the premise of mutual respect is respect for oneself.

Love is blind, but people who are in love are not blind. Before feelings, let's talk about human nature. Everyone is greedy. We are greedy for the good of the other person, so we will take it. However, human greed is also difficult to satisfy. Even the main contradiction of traditional socialism is the contradiction between the growing material and cultural needs of the masses of the people and the backward social productive forces.

I've seen more than one couple, one of them is very good to the other, so good that people are jealous and envious, and finally one day the one who has been giving suddenly turns his face and doesn't recognize anyone. The root of it is because of the greed of human nature. When you meet the basic needs of the other person, then he or she will raise the deeper needs, and when you give unconditional satisfaction, the other person will accept them unconditionally, and at the same time dig deeper needs until the bottom line is reached. This kind of love is tiring for both parties, and the party who asks for it will lose its freshness, so as to hollow out its mind and think about how to find the heart palpitations that you were initially touched, but the initial one is available but not sought, according to economic theory, it is a diminishing marginal utility, the first glass of water you drink when you are thirsty, will always be sweeter than the second glass of water, if you want to achieve the utility of the first glass of water, unless the second cup gives you juice...... And so on, so the party being demanded is exhausted, patient, and retreating. Of course, the reverse is also true.

So, back to the beginning. Many people will be puzzled: why is it that others are not as good to my boyfriend (or girlfriend) as I am to him, but he (she) still follows her (him)? Let's continue to use the theory of drinking water. When the water you give him (her) is no longer as sweet as it was at the beginning, when his (her) feelings for you gradually dry up, when he (she) falls into your emotional desert, the other person's cup is cold and white, and naturally has the same effect as the first glass of water you gave...... And at this moment, in order to satisfy his (her) utility, you may have served Lafite in 1982.

This is the reason why Liang Baikai defeated Rafite, and this is the reason why love seems confusing.

However, as I said, it's not love, it's not love, including the feeling that hurts your heart, it's not love.

You cry, you cry, then you resent or forget, and then you go to find the next person, and you still dig your heart out for him or her, and it ends in tragedy...... If this is the third case, the vast majority of people will begin to complain: I am tired, I no longer believe in love, I shouldn't be so good to a person, and even people in the world are cheap, etc.

However, how can love deceive you, how can your lover deceive you, from the beginning, you are cheating on love.

Don't believe the remarks on the Internet about how men become rich and bad, how women become bad and rich, how men don't know how to cherish, how women don't know how to cherish, never deny the whole forest because of a tree, never say how men are and how women are. Being yourself is the first step to a successful relationship.

You have to believe that you will always be unique. You have to believe that your feelings will also be unique. To hell with the saying "marriage is the grave of love", let the bullshit theory of "those in the city want to come out, and those outside want to go in" are also in ashes, and the conclusion of scientists that the so-called chemical composition of love can only be kept fresh for 2-3 years has nothing to do with you. You have to believe that your love is destined to be brilliant and destined to accompany you through marriage until the end of your life.

In my opinion: love lasts forever, and the heart lasts forever.

However, believing is one thing, believing is definitely not as simple as shouting slogans, who do you want to entrust your partner to? and how to entrust it, this is all technology, but also the wisdom of life.

Of course, when I'm talking about love here, the premise is that I really intend to talk about getting married.

When I was a child, my mom used to tell me that husband and wife are each other's best friends in the world, so I always kept this idea in my heart. Since husbands and wives are best friends, can they become best friends when they fall in love?

Do you know your lover? Do you have the confidence to say that even if I am as fat as a pig, he still loves me as always? Do you have the confidence to say that if I treat him or her as I do to my family, and I will understand me and not leave me when he or she has a conflict with my family? Do you have the confidence to say that I know that my personality charm can attract him or her in addition to being good to him or her? Do you have the confidence that I can make him or her a better person? The most important thing is, do you have the confidence to say that there is no second person other than him or her who understands me so well, and there is no second person besides me who understands him or her so well?

Do you know what it would be like when he or she could not meet your needs? Do you have the confidence to say that he or she is not with me when I am sick and I can still go to the doctor alone? Do you have the confidence to say that I can take good care of myself and take good care of each other? Do you have the confidence to say that he or she forgets our anniversaries and my birthdays, but I still feel that it doesn't matter?

Do you know what you love about him/her? Have you ever seen him (focused) on work or study? Do you know what he or she is like you can't compare? Do you know what you can't compare to? Do you feel lucky to have him or her by my side?

Ask yourself, if you have a clear positive answer, then congratulations. Even if you are married, your love will remain as eternal and immortal as it is in its grave.

Where your insecurity disappears, where your trust in him comes from, then your love comes from.

For me, the sprout of love depends on the heartbeat of a certain moment, but the growth of love depends on continuous gratitude, not moving. (Provisional)