For the first time in her memory, when she opened her eyes, all she saw was a normal world.

The stable social order, the usual and busy flow of people, made her not discover the abnormality of this world at the earliest time. She studied and lived step by step, and then went to the job she wanted to be - she liked it, even if she had to follow the rules and regulations of normal society and her own choices, which made her feel alive and real to be caught -

She was able to be sure that what she was experiencing was not a hallucination she had created in the moment before she vanished.

"Non-existent independence", the only special thing about herself in her memory, she has never been able to understand the meaning of this term, she only felt that memory, or something contained in it, had too much influence on her.

Until she came across that terrifying prophecy on the Internet by chance-

"When the stars return to their positions, chaos will rise from the earth, and the great first will awaken."

She didn't care about such prophecies at first.

Whether it's a past that she has forgotten only a little of her memory of, or a past that she still has, people are always happy to prophesy the end of the world—natural disasters, man-made disasters, and the punishment of the so-called gods, are the protagonists of those prophecies that are almost inevitable.

And what happened later made her gradually realize the existence of anomalies in this world - the weirdness of spreading, the budding cult, and she gradually realized that this world is irreversibly sliding into the abyss step by step, and neither the ordinary people who are unaware of it nor the special industry that has been aware of it cannot stop it.

What made her finally know the truth was an accident.

She could find that memory in her memory, so clear that it seemed to happen in the last moment.

The men had brought a corpse that she needed to determine the cause of death, and the corpse had undergone a seemingly ridiculous but undoubtedly effective ritual while its soul still lingered. The name of the corpse was familiar and unfamiliar to her, evoking memories that had been silent for her at the time—

Zhou Mingrui...... Zhou Mingrui......

She still remembers the despair that welled up in her heart when she heard the name, or should I say, for her now, looking back on all the memories gives her a feeling that it only happened a moment ago. She still remembers her irrepressible madness after a moment of despair—

What was she thinking?

She wondered what humanity should do to make its civilization capable of withstanding the awakening of such a god?

The humble and arrogant thought was the strongest desire in her heart at that time, and she was willing to abandon everything for it.

If it had been earlier or later, she would have been about ...... No, she will only be pessimistic about such an idea, and only then will she really desire to be able to do it in her heart—if everything is none of her business, or if she has truly understood the despair in it, what kind of person would be willing to abandon everything just to accomplish a hopeless goal?

Idealists—or, more harshly, the other—paranoid.

People who understand the necessity but do not yet fully understand the despair are the easiest way to be an idealist. She wasn't a natural idealist when she was a human being, she just used her own means to turn herself into a paranoia little by little-

So she will always have this kind of anticipation.

She almost equates herself with the existence of this desire, and it is almost an instinct for her to maintain her existence by all means to satisfy it.

It's just - it's a twisted world, the "Great Beginning" is a twisted god, and she can only use twisted means to achieve her goals.

What is an independent self? Everyone is like an unequal amount of liquid, made up of an unknown number of colors mixed and packed in containers of different sizes. The formation of the self is like pure white water being poured into different pigments until it has its own unique base color and then actively rejects the influx of other colors, or until the container is filled, the pigment overflows, or the container simply bursts.

If the "non-existent independence" is regarded as a "container", then is the "person" who never stops being transformed by "pigments" from different sources as independent? If she sees herself as a paint, does a person who blends in with others without reservation count as a presence?

The independence that does not exist, the independence that exists. If she were a human being, she would be the best object of erosion for some being; And if she were to be this corrupter of others, then she would be pervasive.

The "Great Primordial" eroded her as a human being, and when she chose to give up her independent existence, she instead lurked in every part of His power, she was a parasite, a non-being—

So she kept it hidden.

She stripped herself of all but the strongest desires of the time, so that those things, though still in her possession, no longer affected her—those who had too much were always apt to change course under the influence of things like these. She carefully kept the memories and desires of everyone who would follow her, hoping that one day they would take root again in a completely different being.

The one who is willing to follow—not in the worldly sense of the human sense, but the one who asks for her, or the one who wants to do something in a moment and chooses to maintain it later.

Yes, all she needed was a moment.

Intense desires are always too easy to fade away, but it is not so difficult to touch that secret connection in a given moment.

The difficulty is to maintain oneself for a longer period of time with the same strong desire.

The disappearance and change of desire is easy, but the maintenance of desire is painful. The most basic way to maintain the existence of desire is insatiable, and then add the proximity that resembles a superficial taste from time to time—it must bring a strong pain to the human being, and even in the age of human civilization, it must be a means of being disgusted by others.

The presence of desire also shapes the person who has desire. And every shaping of desire will leave an indelible mark on the owner's body, like a flat paper being bent, seemingly not losing anything, but never recovering.

And such a process is also a kind of continuous pain, whether it is the process of transformation due to shaping, or the sudden unfamiliar eyes of those close to you at a certain moment after transformation-

As long as you are human, you will never desire just one thing.

And she looked forward to such pain, because pain existed, almost as much as her own desires. As long as her desires never cease, then—

She will be in endless pain forever.

And she will never stop.