But I finally held back, I couldn't interrupt him, I wanted to hear what else he had to say! I want to know, I want my mother to know!

"When I was young and frivolous, although I felt guilty about the woman I didn't love, I didn't have too many entanglements! I thought that if I gave her enough money so that she could have a comfortable life, I could do that and I did, and I thought it would be a compensation for her! But I didn't expect that I had sent her countless remittance slips, but she always refused to accept them, and all of them were returned to me......"

"At first, I thought she was gambling with me, so I didn't give up sending her money, on the contrary, I sent her more money, enough for her and her children to live a worry-free life, but she still didn't receive a single ......"

"I have been sending money for more than 10 years, and I thought that as my child grew up, her life would get harder and harder, and she would eventually accept my help, but I was wrong, she never ...... Until finally I finally gave up! ”

"As time went by, as my daughter grew older, I realized that her rejection of me was a silent accusation against me...... I realized how deeply I had hurt her! ”

"It's been decades! As I got older, I felt more and more guilty and realized what a ridiculous mistake I had done......"

I listened quietly, and then I realized that he had done such a thing, but my mother never told me about it until she died!

I know why my mother is so resolute, although she is uneducated and does not know a few words; Although she can't say anything gorgeous, her personality is noble, and she would rather be wronged than bow her head to accept the gift of the negative person! Because she knew that once she accepted, it undoubtedly showed her tolerance and compromise with what that man had done, which she could not accept, even if she was once so poor that she didn't even have the money to buy medicine when she was sick......

"All these years I dreamed of going back to my hometown, I wanted to go back to see her, to see my child, who was only a year old when I left......" he said with a pained look on his face.

"But I don't dare, I don't have the courage, I don't know how to face them......"

"My children should be as old as you now, and I, as a father, have not fulfilled any of my responsibilities as a father, I really want to know what kind of life they are living now......" His voice trembled violently, and he seemed to be a little unable to speak.

I couldn't hold back any longer, I wanted to tell him out loud that his wife had been dead for many years, that his son was sitting directly across from him with his wounds, and that I wanted him to know what he had done, and that no matter what he tried to save him, he would not be able to redeem his sins, not a single penny......

I finally put up with these words! I can't let him know, I can't give him a chance to atone for his sins, it's all that he deserves, and I'm going to let him carry this guilt until the moment he dies.

"Have you ever regretted it?" I asked in a cold tone and a trembling voice. It's just that he was in a very fragile mood, and he didn't notice the change in my tone.

"Over the years, I have been in a state of extreme remorse, and even though I am now successful and have a happy family, I know that I do not deserve these happiness."

I only felt a certain emotion rushing straight into my heart, like anger, excitement, sadness, and some unspeakable emotion that quickly filled my eyes with tears.

I couldn't sit down anymore, and when the tears were about to flow out of my eyes, I hurriedly got up, said sorry, turned around and rushed into the bathroom!

I rushed in to wash my hands

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Suddenly, he propped his hands on the sink, looked at himself in the mirror, and tears fell down.

"Mother! Did you hear that? He regretted it, and the man named Wei Jianguo regretted it! I said silently to my mother in my heart. Mother, you can rest in peace! ”

I took a handful of cold water and washed my face vigorously. The blood in his body seemed to be boiling, surging......

I stood in the toilet for a long time, trying to calm myself down, and then walked out of the bathroom.

He still sat there, staring out the window with a blank stare.

I didn't go any further, I had found him, I had found the answer I wanted, and I finally had an explanation for my mother.

I walked over to the cash register, paid for two cups of coffee, then took the pendant off my neck, put it on the counter and told the cashier to give it to Wei Jianguo when he left.

The moment I took off the pendant, I suddenly felt as if some kind of shackle had been quietly loosened, and this thing that had suppressed me for decades could finally be removed! I have returned the only thing he gave me, and now it is clear, and my life belongs only to my mother, and has nothing to do with him!

I took one last look back at him and left the café resolutely. He still sat still, his eyes still fixed on the window, and he didn't seem to move since he began to speak!

At that moment, I vaguely felt that he was also very pitiful, for so many years, he had not been tormented by his conscience all the time, how could he not be in remorse all the time, and even this secret could not even be told of his favorite wife and daughter, what kind of pain was this!

But there are some wrong things in this world that can be undone, and once you do something wrong, there is no chance to make up for it. Punishment must be borne to the end, and there is no possibility of reconciliation!

Forgive me for not being able to call you father, forgive me for not being able to forgive you, since my mother did not tell me when she was dying that I wanted me to forgive you, I must not take it upon myself to give up my resentment towards you. My mother's soul is still watching from heaven, and I can't chill her heart......

I took the train to the easternmost part of my country, and I felt unusually tired, and when the train just started, I fell asleep by the window.

I even had a dream that I was standing on an isolated mountain surrounded by cliffs on all sides. I shouted loudly, and all I could hear was my own echo.

I looked around in despair, I suddenly saw Annie, I saw Wei Lai, I saw Mu Xichun, I saw Dabin and General Wei! They smiled at me, then they turned around, and they faded away.

I called each of them by name, but they didn't seem to hear me. I watched as they disappeared before my eyes, one by one......

I felt utter despair, and it seemed as if I was the only one left in the world, and I suddenly became discouraged, and I slowly walked to the edge of the cliff and jumped down!

I woke up in a cold sweat! It was late at night, and the passengers in the carriage were already asleep, and only the sound of the collision between the wheels of the train and the rails still echoed in my ears, tirelessly......

I looked around at the people who were sleeping soundly, and my heart was full of sorrow, even so they could sleep so peacefully, as if everyone had their destination, and with a destination there was nothing to worry about! It seems that I am the only one, fleeing in panic from a place where I have stayed for a short time, and going to an unknown place......

Dozens of hours of journey, almost going to my half-life, train

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Finally stopped at a small station, and by the time I arrived there were not many people left in the carriage!

I looked around blankly, as if it was as cold as the town I set out from, and the wind here was also extremely biting, which made me shiver involuntarily!

I followed the flow of people out of the station, standing on the side of the road and hesitating to see where to go. I suddenly remembered the old monk's words: Go to the east, there is a sea there, and you will find new life!

I don't know what the old monk meant by the new life, but I thought I should go to the beach and have a look.

So I asked a sanitation worker how to get to the beach, and he patiently pointed me in the direction and told me which car to take and where to get off!

According to him, the trip to the beach is already very close, and it only takes 40 minutes to make a shuttle bus to the beach.

I followed his instructions, got out of the car at a place called the town of Juwang, and then carried my bag along the only road from the town to the east. According to the sanitation worker, a little further is the seaside.

The town is very dilapidated, with unplanned houses looking messy and old, and the streets are potholed and look like festering scars from disrepair.

Some of the roads in front of the houses have been frozen into ice and condensed on the road because of the freshly splashed water, and if you are not careful, you will be in danger of slipping at any time.

I can probably guess that this is another place that has been forgotten by the social economy, probably because the location is too remote to affect the political outlook of the local government, so it is naturally forgotten.

I ate something at a food stall and asked the store for directions. Knowing that the beach was not far ahead, he continued to walk east with his travel bag.

When the shopkeeper learned that I was going to walk to the beach, he kindly stopped me, he told me that if I walked, it would take a long time, and he kindly helped me contact an elderly uncle next door, saying that he could send me there, and I only had to pay him ten yuan for the fare.

So I got on the uncle's tricycle and went to the beach.

The uncle took me to a small village, and he pointed in a direction and said something to me in a vernacular that I did not understand, and I could probably guess that he was telling me the direction of the sea.

This small village is more dilapidated than the small town just now. Although the village is large, the inhabitants are unusually scattered, most of them are still the same blue brick houses I saw when I was a child, and the high chimneys make me feel a kind of primitive desolation.

As I passed through the village, I hardly saw anyone, except for a few barking dogs from some of the courtyards, and I thought it was because it was too cold, and no one was wandering outside.

After walking a little way through the village, I knew that the sea was very close to me, because I could already smell the salty smell in the air, and although I had never been to the beach, I thought, it was probably the smell of the sea.

Sure enough, soon I saw the sea, and the moment it met my eyes, my first feeling was an incomparable vastness rising from the depths of my heart, and my mood became distant.

The blue waters were rippling, and in the afternoon sun they showed me, a stranger, its vastness and vastness! The sea breeze blows, and I can even feel the stinging sensation of the sharp wind passing through the textile cracks in the fabric of my clothes, like a fine needle, making the wind substantial!

I walked to the beach and picked up a handful of seawater and tasted it, it turned out to be really salty!

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