My name is Mu Yihua, and I live in the countryside of a small county in Lu Province, with my father, mother and younger brother at home. At a very young age, I sensed the deep malice of the world. My parents, my grandparents, my relatives and neighbors, they looked at me so strangely, as if I was something different from ordinary people······ Waste! Yes, it's waste!

I panicked, I wanted to please them, but I couldn't.

I don't know why, but even my parents were cold to me. All are the same!

Until one day, I overheard a conversation between my grandmother and my mother.

“······ Gotta have another ·······."

"Alas, one is hard enough to feed······"

"If you don't raise it, you can't do it! Yi Fa (the word "hair" is correct) That child is a heavenly eunuch, useless! If you don't have another one, our family will be extinct in the future······"

【Heavenly ······ Castration?】

[Are you talking about me······ 】

"And it's a soft one, like a piece of wood all day long, and it is estimated that there is no interest when I grow up······"

"yes, then let's have another one. Actually, I've discussed it with his dad several times······"

In this way, my younger brother was born. He's been doing well.

··········

Later, I went to elementary school.

I was always silent, often standing under the tree and looking at the air in front of me, motionless, like a lonely ghost. Actually, I want to play with them too, but I'm clumsy and can't do anything. If you do, they're going to look down on me, right? So I said "I'm not interested" or "I don't like it" and I rejected them.

However, there are not many invitations, right? After all, if you are not in the same class, you are just strangers.

I was in a low mood, "snap", a classmate who was running like crazy suddenly knocked me to the ground, and I got up silently. As soon as the classmate saw me, the nervousness on his face immediately eased. He patted his heart and said with relief: "It turned out to be a fool, who should I be, it scared me." "I look relaxed and seem to feel very lucky.

[Am I different from others?······ 】

[It's different, my brother and I ······ 】

[No!! it's all the same, I'm just like everyone else!!]

A burst of anger erupted in my heart, and I said angrily, "What did you say?"

My classmate glanced at my clenched fist with disdain and said, "What's wrong?

"I ······" I raised my fist, but the classmate ran away, giggling and saying, "Fool, you still want to hit me, it's so stupid." "I ran after it angrily. The classmate laughed loudly as he ran, "Fool, I really don't know what the use of your mother giving birth to you, even I can't catch up, haha!"

[Useless······ 】

[How dare you······· 】

[Kill you!kill you!kill you!kill you!kill you!kill you!kill you!kill you!kill you!]

I picked up a rock on the ground in a fit of rage, and when he turned his head again to laugh at me, I threw it with all my might.

"Whoa!" was accurate, and the stone hit him in the eye. Immediately he burst into tears.

I was stunned, but suddenly came back to my senses, turned around and ran to the classroom, opened the book, picked up the pen, calmed my breath, and hurriedly and carefully wrote my homework, as if such a good performance could offset the consequences of the incident just now.

However, as soon as the students entered the classroom, they threw strange glances at him and whispered comments, which made me gradually uneasy. A senior girl walked into the classroom, and she asked a classmate, "Who is Mu Yifa?" The man pointed at me, "It's him!"

I seemed to be frozen, holding the pen stiffly, unable to write a single word, listening to the girl's footsteps from far and near.

"You are Mu Yifa, I didn't expect such a young child to be so ruthless. How can you do things like a beast? Did you grow up eating shit? How did your parents teach you a bullshit son, didn't they care about you? What a ··········?" The girl was aggressive, pointing at me and scolding. I lowered my head and saw the students around me pointing at me and talking about it.

"Really, I saw him wrap a big gauze in the infirmary and say he was going to take him to the hospital········"

"Stay away from fools in the future, in case you go crazy again, it's over·······"

"He really deserves it, why do you have nothing to do with fools······"

"It turns out that he is so fierce, it's too scary, I'm going to ask my dad to transfer me when I go back······"

It seemed that my eyes were full of black heads and faces of disdain, fear, disgust, indifference, and surprise, and I seemed to see the world spinning, twisting, changing, and finally it seemed to evolve into a huge whirlpool that seemed to come from another world, which was disorienting········

Junior high school.

Because my younger brother was going to school in the city, I was fortunate enough to accompany him to the city and was assigned to the same class.

I often look back at my younger brother sitting at the back of the classroom, he is so cheerful and generous, he always laughs and laughs with a few boys who often play basketball after class, but his grades are always very good, and even the popularity of women is very good.

For example, at this time, the beautiful girl was confessing loudly to him, and suddenly the nearby classmates coaxed, "together", "together", "together". In the midst of laughter, he accepted the girl, and the two hugged each other, and the students around him who saw this scene cheered like a festival.

I turned my head away and looked no more, and the girl at the table noticed, and she asked, "Why don't you look at it?" and without waiting for me to answer, she said to herself, "But seriously, they are a good match." The man is both civil and military, handsome, and the woman is rich and beautiful, made in heaven!" I smiled reluctantly, "Well, you're right. ”

The girl patted me on the shoulder with a big grin, "Work hard, sooner or later, there will be a girl who will confess to you." It just so happens that your surname is also Mu, so take him as an example. ”

"I'm his brother······" Thinking this to myself, I smiled wryly, and was about to thank her for her comfort, when a boy had already walked up to the table.

He put a homework book on the table and said with a smile, "I've already done your homework for you, little lazy worm." The same table smiled proudly: "If I'm not lazy, how can you catch up with me, hard-working comrade study committee!"

The boy smiled helplessly, "Be careful if you can't get into high school, we have made an appointment to go to a high school." ”

"Don't worry, my top three strength is there!" said his tablemate with a nonchalant smile. "Then I'm leaving. The boy said softly, and before leaving, he glanced at me who lowered his head, and the corners of his mouth were raised, and a trace of disdain crossed him.

I lowered my head and laughed silently, like blood.

The world is suddenly quiet, and there seems to be a wisp of misty fairy sound, but it is like a water moon mirror flower, looking for smoke in the fog, everything is empty and empty, and there is an inexplicable pathos·······

Now, high school.

I was being beaten in a filthy toilet, in pain and dying of breath.

I don't want to die.

Don't want to die.

Who's going to save me!

··········

No one ······ Is it?

It turns out that there are no miracles in this world, and I am just by myself... There's no hope for anything.

There is no hope·········

There is no hope·······

A world without hope········

It must be destroyed!!!!!!