"Find that kid named Gu Xingzhi and kill him."

These were the last words I heard my mother say when I was a child.

The woman was so strange, even if it looked familiar.

My mother killed my father and a group of strangers came into my house.

On this day, my parents were lost.

Thankfully, I escaped from that home that had become hell.

That day, I ran far, far away until I was exhausted.

Slumped on the ground.

Someone came to ask me.

I've always thought that everyone is kind.

Even not so long ago, I witnessed the murder scene with my own eyes.

I ate what he gave me, and immediately after, I was lost all consciousness.

I was sold.

The family was very poor and lived in the suburbs far from the capital.

My adoptive mother was very good to me.

However, the adoptive father was a drunkard.

Maybe everyone outside looks down on him, so when he goes home, the more he wants to be prestigious.

My adoptive mother and I were beaten every day.

I was forced to change my name, but my adoptive mother would call me by my nickname.

She would call me gently, "Xiao Gu."

What I thought in my heart was that in two years, when I was older, I would go to another place alone, so that my adoptive mother would no longer be bullied.

Until one night, my adoptive father came into my house full of alcohol and tried to crush me under him.

My adoptive father always looked at me strangely, especially this time.

He looked into my eyes with fanatical obsession, "You're so beautiful, you're prettier than all those girls."

I dodged the disgusting man and deliberately broke things to make a noise to attract my adoptive mother.

so that the adoptive mother can see the true face of this man.

The poor woman, perhaps out of fear of her drunken adoptive father.

In shock, what she said to me was, "Xiao Gu, just bear with it, your father is just drunk."

This disgusting thing is worthy of being my father?

It suddenly occurred to me that there was nothing to worry about.

My hand, hidden in my sleeve, touched the dagger.

The man who kept coming close to me had a stench on him.

The dagger finally pierced into the flesh, and the ugly and disgusting man fell to the ground.

There was warm blood, splattered on my face.

I turned to look at my adoptive mother, "I... Kill him, and he will never hit you again."

My adoptive mother looked at me with deep fear and disgust, as if she were looking at something dirty.

Am I wrong?

The adoptive mother ran out screaming.

I was the only one left in the room, with a corpse that was gradually stiffening.

I looked at the blood on my hands and felt a little disgusted.

At this moment, I felt so cold, biting cold.

I escaped again when no one was around.

This year, I was six years old.

As for why I remember it so clearly.

It must be because it was my birthday on the day I ran away from home.

It's almost winter, and I've been living on the streets, maybe because I deliberately made myself dirty, and no one has ever approached me again.

Most people, however, are not interested in a little beggar.

I'm hungry and I haven't eaten in a long time.

There was a carriage stopped in front of me.

The little doll, which was a little smaller than me, walked up to me.

I looked at the pastries, grabbed them and stuffed them in my mouth without hesitation.

I couldn't care so much because I knew that if I didn't eat, I would die.

Eventually, she walked away.

I was in the dark, like a rat in a dark corner.

After the little girl left.

It wasn't long before a swarm of rats like me swarmed and snatched everything in front of me.

Sometimes I see someone holding a portrait of me, looking for something in the city.

If I hadn't deliberately soiled my face at that time, I might have been caught.

What awaits me is death.

My former mother is still looking for me. She wanted me dead.

After I escaped from that hellish home.

Since I saw that purgatory-like picture.

I felt as if I had lost something.

Perhaps, since that day, I have been dead,

I'm not going to be happy, I'm not going to be too sad, I'm not even interested in anything.

It's just about being alive.

All that's left, a shell.

I'm just, living for the sake of living.

I often wonder why people live.

It's not something a kid should think about, but it's true.

Why do I want to live?

I rummaged through leftovers and even grabbed dog food on the side of the road, and I survived.

I finally made it through that winter.

But it seems that the root of the disease has also fallen, and my body often trembles, and I can't control the chills all over my body, and I want to wrap up all my clothes.

When it warmed up, I didn't dare to enter the city.

I went outside the capital and found a small town in the middle of nowhere.

I'm too young to have a place that wants me.

Fortunately, finally a restaurant owner is willing to keep me.

It should be because I'm cheap, after all, I only have to take care of three meals a day.

It's just that, since then, I have lived in deception.

I've always respected my boss, even though I know that in his eyes, I'm just a brainless idiot who makes myself dirty all day.

Although, he does often look at me with that disgust.

No matter how hard I worked afterwards, that look remained the same for many years.

I grew up very fast, and after a few more years, when I got taller, I lied about my age, and finally made some money elsewhere.

Later, I met a few teenagers, all of whom had miserable backgrounds.

It made me feel like I had found a soulmate.

Aside from the monthly cost of buying books, I gave the rest of the money to these poor teenagers.

I want to help them.

It seems that I have deliberately forgotten something, I don't remember my father's name, and I don't want to believe the fact that he is dead.

I also began to imitate my father in my memory.

When my father was still alive, he always taught me two things.

The first thing is to be a person who is kind to others.

The second thing is, don't forget to study at any time.

Once, I passed by an alley, and a few familiar teenagers got together.

I learned the truth from those extraordinarily sarcastic conversations.

It turned out that I had just been deceived.

I rushed in and asked them, "Why are you lying to me?"

After another beating, all my money was taken away.

The book in my arms was also torn to shreds and thrown in my face.

But...... I don't understand, I really don't.

Obviously, I did what my father said.

But why don't people be gentle with me?

But if you think about it carefully, my so-called kindness is just a unilateral effort and self-touching.

It's because I'm doing something wrong.

Or was it because I was born a mistake?

A few more years passed in a blur, and the time was so fast that I could barely remember my age.

I was almost eighteen years old.

That day, it rained heavily.

There was a man called the Boss who saw me and his eyes lit up.

I touched my face, and the deliberately blackened part of my face had been washed away by the rain.

The boss looked kind and gentle, and he said he could help me.

I replied, almost numbly, "Okay."

I looked at my hands and swore secretly.

I'll only believe it this once.

If anyone lies to me in the future, I will kill him......

I went with him and returned to the capital once again, a place I couldn't avoid.

But, I was deceived.

I feel like I deserve something.

Everybody said to me, "Flies don't bite eggs."

"Why don't they bully others, only you?"

Maybe it's me.

It's been so many years, after all, I've been deceived every time, and I'm really an idiot to the extreme.

But this time it was a little different, I met the little girl I met when I was six years old.

She has grown up a lot, except for her name, she has nothing in common with the little girl in her memory.

I unexpectedly... Killed the boss and chased him out.

Once again, I was wishful thinking, and she didn't recognize me.

Eventually, I was pushed to the ground, my face pressed against the mud and fallen leaves, and I looked into the distance numbly, almost fainting in pain.

I must have been crazy.

I killed everyone who beat me.

I looked at my bloodied hands in a daze.

The rustle of boots on the leaves, I looked up and saw a mountain villager walking in front of me.

He saw me kill someone.

I looked at the villager, this man can't stay!

I tricked him over.

He said he could help me, but I didn't believe it, and I didn't want to be deceived anymore.

Now I only believe in myself.

This villager is a fool, and he was deceived by me in such a stupid and stupid way.

The villager was not very old, and his black and white eyes looked at me.

I deliberately leaned close to him, and his eyes reflected my face, which was still dirty, beautiful.

I made an excuse, and he handed me the knife.

Yes, I killed him.

This ridiculous villager, with an expression of disbelief on his face until he died, looked at me aggrievedly, his eyes were covered with a layer of mist, and the reflection in his eyes was shattered and dissipated.

The villager fell to the ground, his black and white eyes slowly dilated, his pupils dilated, and he lost his light.

I closed those eyes.

People who are so easily deceived will not live long. That's what I thought at the time.

It's just that for some reason, I occasionally go over to see this unlucky guy.

I don't even know his name.

Then give him my name.

I put up a sign, some broken, wooden planks picked up from the garbage heap.

The three big characters of "Gu Xingzhi" were engraved again, although the wooden board was crooked and not very good-looking, but fortunately, with a name, it would not become a nameless tomb and was accidentally dug up.

Burn the paper money for him, write something and burn it to him, so that he will not be too stupid in the future.

Wait until I calm down.

I can't help but think back to how my father forgot to tell me.

Kindness should also have a bottom line.

But I've long since fallen.

It's really easy to become a bad guy.

I work with a group of people.

I'm a bad person now, but I can't help but pick a place for those poor kids.

Perhaps, it's because of a shared experience.

I don't want them to meet someone like their adoptive father after their bad luck.

It's just that when I met Miss Na Liu, I didn't care where she went next.

Even, with a hint of ridiculous hatred in his heart.

Obviously, it's not just the good guys, but the bad guys I'm also a failure.

Bad people with a conscience, hateful and pathetic.

I always think that if only I had died at that time, then there would have been no pain.

For some reason, I would suddenly turn myself in.

But I seem to have forgotten a time, a girl.

Although this is not a bad destination, but ...... I still have unfinished business.

I started to get colder and colder, and I knew my time was short.

Finally, it's time to clear the field.

The people I worked with in the first place, and those places.

Unexpectedly, several fires were ignited, and in the end no one survived.

They were all sinful, including me.

I knew early on that my life was short, and that it was my retribution.

I'm in the middle of nowhere......