4. Tuesday, 19

That's probably the best outcome, for others and for me. In the fourth class in the afternoon, the class rearranged seats. After the seats are arranged this time, they will not be ranked again until the college entrance examination. There are many reasons for the re-ranking, the students are only occasionally in the first row of each class, and the few of us in the back are making a disturbing noise. The homeroom teacher is to provide students with a good learning environment. It's still ranked by grades. At the halfway point, all the female students entered, followed by the remaining male students. After taking their seats, the head teacher switched seats for each individual. First I moved the table to my left, to the south wall, and then to the table to my right. All my table mates have changed for me, and they are standing next to me, trying to move me to the first two rows. Why don't you go? No way. I sat in my seat and didn't leave. Do you like to sit here? Like, you're still sitting here. In the end, it was still the penultimate row, with his back against the wall. Now I'm completely white-hearted.

The school bell rang, and when the head teacher finished speaking, he was the first to run away.

After dinner and coming to the class, can you imagine it? There was no one at the same table on the left and right, there were 3 people missing in the front row, 2 people in the front row, and 3 people in the north. The position I am in can definitely be said to be a lifetime away, I don't talk anymore, I can only sit quietly in my seat reading or writing or in a daze. Now I realize how wonderful it all is for me. I can completely shut up, I can watch my solo style alone, no longer extravagant, who will accompany me, and I don't want to cover up the real desolation in my heart with false excitement. This can make me more cheerful, sitting alone, but there is no loneliness at all. is white, what the true self really desires. I was happy to be able to devote myself to my studies again. Now, I no longer pursue grades, I just want to make these last 48 days truly fulfilling, no longer empty my heart, no longer let myself be sluggish.

All of this is so beautiful, I'm not different, I'm just ordinary, I'm hungry. My past seems to be back in front of me again. I'm glad I didn't lose myself, I'm glad that it's not over yet, even if it's all doomed, but so what, if I miss the moon, I won't miss the stars. Whether it's good or bad, I gladly accept it, this is the wealth of my memory, how can I discard it at will?

Perhaps, it will be difficult to fulfill the dream. But it doesn't matter anymore, I don't have to worry about gains and losses anymore. Just live it to the fullest, live happily in the moment, and dedication is perfection. I won't indulge myself again, and I won't be influenced by others. After going through some things, I have become much whiter and have grown a lot. If you can be very calm in your heart, no matter how big the wind and waves in your life are, you can't stir up the waves. When courage returns, there will be no longer fear of difficulties.

Seeing the backs of others struggling again, my heart is no longer painful, but more long-lost joy. I can work together with everyone again, taste the bitterness and joy together, and make the final preparations together. Rest again, set off again. Running with the morning sun, the clouds, the rain, and joy is really so joyful, no longer false, no longer fantastical, everything is really playing out.

The vast night, the bright moonlight, splashed wantonly. In the night, I washed down happily, and then happily held the book, and really engaged, for a long time.