4.24 Sunday

The sun got up early, and I was glad I got up before the sun came out.

The golden sun has begun to shine, and the moon flowers of the road are blooming crimson. I stopped in front of the slightly blooming flower, and I picked it, and the reddish fragrance made my heart bloom. I had been poisoned by flowers, and I couldn't extricate myself anymore, so I put it in my pocket and brought it into the class, because of Sunday, there were not many students who got up early, and when I arrived at the class, the door was closed and the room was empty. The door was opened, the window was opened, and then one stood alone outside the class eating breakfast. The same moment, but without the same noise. By the time of the exam, more than 20 students had arrived. The first session is in mathematics and the second session is in English. After listening to English, I stopped reading the test papers and didn't plan to write English.

Soak that red flower in water and watch.

When we got back to our lodgings and rested, one of the neighboring rooms came to talk to us, sat on my bed, and saw a note posted on the wall. The most striking are the three pieces of paper, on which the learning shows the promise I once made. Once again, the past slipped through the heartstrings. The contents of this paper are 10 copies of my own inner feelings from the previous year, and they clearly reproduce that time. After an exam, I felt extremely ashamed to face the lower part of my report card. On a lonely afternoon, he wrote hard, first analyzing the past and denying himself with vulgar words; I look down on my current self, so I have to change myself, set goals, and if I don't achieve it, I will be punished. Holding your life is cheaper than a dog, so you have to study harder. The result? I persevered for the first week, then I went back to my old form and gave up my vows completely.

After he read a few words today, my heart began to feel uncomfortable. Because the sentences on it are basically almost vicious. If you swear but can't do it, then you are a fart and you are shameless. At the time, it seemed to be very motivating to myself, and every time I watched it, I would have the desire to struggle. But then, as time passed, all the promises were forgotten, and he did not accomplish his goal, but he did not punish himself. Poor self-control, no supervision, and punishment is even more detrimental to self-esteem. I thought that I would use things that scared me more so that I could achieve my goal, but then I realized that it was useless for me at all. Because only oneself supervises oneself, and others do not know or care if they cannot complete themselves. Based on this mentality, it is destined to never reach the goal.

For a person who lacks self-control, public power may really give him motivation. Because if you swear in front of the public and think about your credibility at all times, there will be pressure, and pressure will make you motivated. I also want to achieve my goals, but I don't have the courage, so I quickly fail.

Now, I've come to terms with all of this, with my failed past, with myself breaking my promises. In my opinion, this is also a kind of wealth, although I have failed, it is enough that I have really worked hard. There is also a lesson learned from this, if a person can really put what he fears in public, then he will succeed. When you wake up, you have to correct it and improve yourself.

There are many kinds of dreams, and most of them are forgotten when they close their eyes. When I open my eyes, the dream will be deeply imprinted in my heart, and now, I am open, so I have to continue, and everything is not over.