"Them"

This book is about the difficult growth of a generation of women.

Because of one sentence, I started reading this book, but I didn't expect the content to be unexpectedly good. The saying goes like this: whether it is "a woman as a woman" or "a woman as a woman", they are first and foremost human beings. And the first condition of being a human being is understanding and love, not alienation, jealousy and isolation.

The author, Yan Lianke, is a professor at the School of Literature of Chinese University, has won many awards and published many works, and is a master of contemporary literature.

This "They" can be said to be the brother and sister chapter of "Me and My Father", in which he writes about many women in the family. For example, the different girls he met on a blind date, his mother, sister, aunt, sister-in-law, girls of the same generation, and the life stories of him and his granddaughter. It's so fascinating that you can't stop when you open the book.

From the end of 1982, he began to talk about blind dates after he was promoted, and then talked little by little about the women of that era, their unique characteristics. The sense of age and picture is very strong, and many plots can still appear in front of my eyes when I close my eyes when I close the book.

There are pregnant women with big bellies and three female babies; a sister-in-law with high emotional intelligence; the sister-in-law who pursues free love and turns her back on the whole family; a cousin who is missing; The blind date girl who has been shaking her legs and so on.

In addition to the narration, there is also the author's own "chatter" and in-depth thinking about the fate of women behind the story of each chapter, which I think is particularly true. It not only describes the status and secular ideas of women at that time, but also conveys the attitude that we should have the courage to live our own lives.

In this book, I saw the difficult growth history of a generation of women, we cannot choose the living environment, but we can resist the hardness of the world with softness, and do not abandon our conscience on the way to make a living, and do not give up our dignity on the way to love.

I have always felt that good love can promote people's progress, and people who really love you will not not love you and dislike you because you have such and such shortcomings, just like our parents.

They know us, they know our personality traits best, they know where our flaws are, even so they will think about us, remind us to dress more when it's cold, ask us if we bring an umbrella when it's raining, even if we're in love, they will still worry about whether this boy is good enough to support a family.

On the other hand, the performance of another partner who really loves you is also like this, he will spend more time with us in the second half of his life than his parents will be with us, once he chooses the wrong person, he can only be hurt by himself, so when we are in love, our minds must be clear enough.

Superficial love, casual love, material love can be done by most people, we can't rely on these to judge his feelings for us, we should judge whether this relationship is true or false from the changes after our own love.

True love is to expose your most vulnerable side in front of him, such as low self-esteem, poverty, some kind of psychological shadow emotional disorder, etc., if the other party really loves you, then he will take you little by little to get better, take you to change slowly, get rid of inferiority, slowly escape from the inner shadow, and will understand, accept and care.

I think this kind of love is good love, and this kind of marriage is a positive marriage. Two people at one time, make progress together, tolerate and accommodate each other, will not worry about all kinds of trivial things, do not quarrel overnight, can be independent of each other, and can rely on each other.

Women must have their own principles and bottom lines, even if the other half can not be touched, we can love as much as we want, but in the process of love, we can not give up our dignity, principles and bottom line.