The first time I met Ah Ruan, it was autumn.

It was blue, it had just rained, the ground was damp, and the air smelled of rain mixed with dust.

In front of me, a group of tall people who were obviously practitioners surrounded me, and I looked at them coldly, as if I saw the smug appearance of the people behind them.

They laughed, and I laughed with them.

I laughed at them and thought I was the kind of trash they could handle.

Mother died.

The eldest brother is jealous.

Father inaction.

After my mother died, I never felt the warmth of home for a day, and I was never cared for anymore.

Suddenly, autumn rain fell in the sky, as if it was mourning with my past me. The cold rain fell on my face, but I felt a scorching heat, and the blood in my bones boiled with it.

After all these years, I've had enough.

They swarmed up, and this time, of course, I would not fail to resist. I fixed my eyes on a dead branch on the ground, and at the extreme, anything could become my weapon.

The rain was getting heavier and heavier, and as they swarmed up, I could already smell the blood in the air in advance.

It's perfect to pay tribute to my childhood.

-

Nguyen, you know what? At that moment, I was ready for anything.

But your appearance disrupted it.

Ah Ruan, before I met, I never thought that I would fall in love with a strange woman at first sight.

After meeting you, when I was protected by you, I thought absurdly that if there was someone who had been protecting me like this, I would continue to be a waste...... It's not unacceptable.

Nguyen, you know what? I've never been protected, you're the first.

But you appeared so suddenly that the moment I was attracted by your voice, I forgot even the disguise.

-

I have heard of you, the eldest lady of the Cheng family, who is favored by your father, and has no worries about food and clothing since childhood, people like you and I are two worlds.

So much so, in the same White City, I have only heard of you, but I have never seen you.

That day, you were injured because of me, so much so that you were left with a scar behind your ear.

You know, every time I see that scar, my heart beats so hard that it almost pops out of my chest.

Ah Ruan, if I can always get your love, I would like to fall into the infernal hell after death, I don't believe in God, but I am willing to believe once for you, and I am willing to make a deal with God for you.

But you won't always love me, no, you haven't even loved me.

-

The first time I met Xu Yunjie was a month after I met Ah Ruan.

Ah Ruan was drunk.

I went to pick her up, only to see her being held in the arms of another man, and I was so angry that I didn't hide my anger.

But the next moment, the man turned around, and I could see his face clearly.

He is...... Nguyen's mysterious ex-boyfriend.

He...... Coming back?

Ah Ruan, I'm really sorry to have privately investigated all your past without your consent.

Ah Ruan, it turns out that you are good to me because of him?

Nguyen, I'm not him.

Nguyen ......

-

I barely stayed up all night, and I couldn't accept Nguyen leaving me.

I'm ready to fight everything, but A-Ruan, your ex-boyfriend...... I left before you even woke up.

You don't know he's ever been here.

I'm not going to let you know either.

-

The West Street Bar was opened by me for Ah Ruan.

She likes to drink, she likes to indulge, and I don't feel comfortable going to other people's territory, so I will take it upon myself to create an occasion for her to indulge as you please.

In the years that followed, he often came back, but never let Nguyen find out.

I think that as long as he doesn't appear in front of Ah Ruan, as long as he doesn't snatch Ah Ruan, I can bear it.

But I couldn't keep Ah Ruan, and what I was worried about finally happened one day four years later.

-

Four years later.

Xu Yunjie is back.

also has a marriage relationship with Ah Ruan.

For the first time, I was moved by a despicable mind, I hated the world, but I also borrowed the shackles of the world in a vain attempt to lock Ah Ruan by my side.

The forced marriage of the Ji family couldn't help me, it was the appearance of Xu Yunjie, which made me unbearable.

In fact, that night I began to regret and began to reflect on whether my actions would have been a catalyst for your relationship with him.

Ah Ruan came to me, and I used the excuse that I was locked up by the Ji family and didn't see her.

Ah Ruan, the Ji family can't control me, I'm just ...... I don't want to see you on the opposite side of me.

-

I hibernated, looking for an opportunity.

I know better than anyone how vile my mind is, but so what? How can the world be cleaner than me?

At least, I dare to stick a knife into my heart, pierce the tip of the knife in my chest, and dig out a true heart and hold it in front of you.

You see, it's alive, it's beating for you, it's yours.

It belongs only to you.

The next time I heard from you, it was after Mrs. Cheng's birthday banquet.

At the birthday banquet of the old lady of the Cheng family, the fact that you easily got back the shares of the Cheng family spread in Baicheng, and I am very happy and proud of you.

In fact, you don't have to work so hard, as long as it is what you want, let alone a Cheng family, even if it is the entire Baicheng, I will give it with both hands.

But you're not going to let me help you......

I won't really do anything to the Cheng family who will only blindly hurt you.

I know that my Ah Ruan is an emotional person.

Why, then, did you never have mercy on me?

-

Zhao Xuanrui's appearance is really timely.

Finally, I found my chance.

I can't wait to find you.

Xu Yunjie committed your taboo, no one knows, at that moment, I was almost crazy with joy.

I put his entanglement with Zhao Xuanrui in front of you, I can see that you are sad, I want to hug you, kiss you, and tell you not to love him anymore......

When I saw the news, you were very angry, you rushed to Xu Yunjie's house, and through a door, I couldn't hear the movement inside, and I didn't know why...... can make you forgive him in just ten minutes.

even ran to Lexi Town late at night to look for him.

I was standing outside the airport, in the shadows, and I was as dark as my love.

I look at the sky, in the direction you departed.

Nguyen ...... My Ah Nguyen.

-

I thought you wouldn't forgive him anymore.

But you were reconciled.

I tear myself apart in violence every day, how can I be willing to let you out?

Ah Ruan, my despicable love is not on the table, hypocritical and hesitant. I never dared you to find out.

You never know how I tried my best to suppress the surging desires in my heart again and again when I faced you, and carefully hid the seeds of violence.

But even then, you still don't like me.

Ah Ruan, come and love me, I am willing to throw away all my self-esteem, I am willing to kneel in front of you.

Please, love me.

-

After you came back from Lexi Town, I didn't appear in front of you again.

I humbly pray that one day you will remember me, and you will find that a man named Ji Vati has disappeared from your life.

I pray, I desire, I fantasize that you will feel uncomfortable.

I even deluded myself into telling myself that you would miss me......

Ah Ruan, I don't miss you for a day.

I waited and waited, and finally another day, let me wait for you.

-

You actually came to West Street alone.

Oh no, not alone, Xu Yunjie arrived after you, I stood where you couldn't see, observed you for a long time, and finally I was convinced that you had a quarrel.

I looked at Xu Yunjie's face, which was somewhat similar to me, and evil thoughts came to my heart almost instantly.

I go out and stand in front of you.

At this moment, I am so close to you, and the thoughts I have been missing for many days have found an outlet at this moment.

I didn't drink, but I was drunk.

But your eyes are so cold that you won't even give me a moment of illusion.

I deliberately said those words, deliberately made Xu Yunjie jealous, he finally lost his temper, and he was punched in the face, not painful, but an indescribable stimulation lingered in my heart.

The security guards came around, and I told them to disperse.

At this moment, I am the victim.

Ah Ruan, will you feel sorry for me?

-

After you left, I kept asking people to follow you, always telling me about your and Xu Yunjie's every move.

Knowing that you quarreled with him, I couldn't control myself and ran in front of you again.

When I saw you, you just cried, Ah Nguyen, you ...... Forget it, you must not have the patience to listen to me tell me how distressed I was at that moment.

I'm with you, I'm guarding you, I want you to forget those troubles, and I'm thinking hard about how to make you happy.

Ah Ruan, thinking about it to this day, I still can't believe it.

That night, when you said you wanted to date me, my first instinct was to wonder if I really loved you to the point of madness.

Am I having auditory hallucinations?

But when you fall asleep in my bed, with the smell of me, and drink the hot milk I gave you, and with your hair wrapped around my hands, and the person lying next to my pillow is you, and I hold you in my arms......

knew that it was a mirror, but at that moment, I was also stupid.

I began to fantasize uncontrollably about our marriage, about our children, about the days and nights with you, about the spirit with you. Meat sex. Melt.

That night, your words were beyond my expectations, and I had never thought of them before.

I can't even dream of it.

You said you want to forget him, I want to believe it, Ah Ruan, I really want to believe it, but I know that you can't forget him.

-

I'm standing on the sidelines, watching you fall in love.

There was a tug-of-war between you and him, back and forth so many times, and this time, I finally saw that it was impossible for you and him to end, and the two of you, each more proud than the other, were equally willing to bow your head for each other, throwing away that ridiculous principle and self-esteem.

All I can do is crave a little pleasure in this stolen time.

-

I know you're going to leave me sooner or later, and I'm even prepared for you to wake up the next day and regret it.

Xu Yunjie appeared sooner than I expected.

He took you with him.

I didn't stop it, not because I didn't want to, not because I didn't dare, but because I knew that it was time for me to wake up from my dream.

Stolen pleasure can only be stolen.

But when that moment really comes, Ah Ruan, I will also hurt.

-

A few days later, I saw you again, in the hospital.

Nguyen, you know what? At that moment, I really wanted to die in front of you. I fantasize about the scene of blood splattering all over my body, I fantasize that I will make you remember me forever in the most tragic way, I want to visualize my love for you, I am willing to use blood to water my love for you.

Ah Ruan, I love you so much for the way you have violent emotional ups and downs for me.

Countless dark and complicated thoughts intertwined in my heart, and almost the next moment, I was about to break through the shallow moral shackles.

But I couldn't bear it after all.

My Ah Ruan, you have to be clean, and you can't get stained with the blood of a madman like me.

-

As I said, everyone who hurts you, deserves to die.

I began to plan, I am willing to consume myself, I am willing to risk my life, even if I die, I will exchange you for a carefree future.

I designed Cheng Ran to be kidnapped, and I indirectly killed Fang Shuqi.

I designed Cheng Rongshan to attack Zhao Xuanrui, inadvertently became a knife in the hands of others, and made a wedding dress for others, but I don't regret it.

In the end, Zhao Xuanrui was destroyed, and Cheng Rongshan ...... Also dead.

Ah Ruan, I didn't want him to die, but I can't escape the blame for his death.

I've broken you......

How can I make it up?

Death to apologize?

I think that will only make your pain worse.

Moreover, if you don't love me, I die in front of you, you will only feel distressed for a few days, and then slowly forget me, I can't accept being forgotten by you, so I want to live well.

Live to love you.

As long as I live, there will always be someone in this world who will love you.

But Ah Ruan, I really ...... I'm so unwilling.

Ah Nguyen, please, save me......