It's past the first seven, and the funeral is over.

Let's talk about some insights, if you are not interested in the following, you can not read it.

In a few days, for me as a middle-aged person in my thirties, I have experienced life and death profoundly for the first time.

It's hard to describe, and it may be different from one period to another.

When my grandfather passed away more than ten years ago, I didn't feel so deeply, but now I feel a deep sense of powerlessness.

When Grandpa went, he didn't eat or drink for four days and four nights, and he didn't even sleep for the last two days and one night, so he sat on the bed, and the pain and breathlessness made him unable to lie down. Later, I didn't take medicine myself, I knew he was in pain, and he was in pain.

One day I had just returned, he told me to pull him and push him into the river, and soon he was gone, so that he would not be uncomfortable.

At that moment, I could only hold back and not cry.

For the next few days, I didn't dare to go to his house to see more, I couldn't stand it, the feeling of powerlessness was hard to describe.

Although I knew that there was a day when I was diagnosed with cancer as early as last winter, I was ready for it, but when that moment came, I couldn't express my grief.

I grew up with my grandfather, from the time I was just weaned until I was 12 years old, I slept next to the old man, and when I was a child, I was more often a bed, and I lived in a separate room when I was in junior high school.

Grandpa is going to be strong for a lifetime, even if it hurts like that in the end, he doesn't have the ability to go to the toilet at all, so he bought him adult diapers, but he didn't use them once.

On the last day, he died in the afternoon, and at noon, my dad had to help him go to the toilet on the ground.

Never let my two aunts take care of him to the toilet.

Grandpa's life is also a bit legendary, born in 1938, the grandfather they fled from Gansu to the Inner Mongolia Hetao, and they came from the west exit.

Grandpa was the eldest member of our family, and it can be said that he was the first in the family to have a complete high school degree.

At that time, it was already considered a high degree of education.

After graduating, I worked as an accountant and cashier at the credit union at the time, but later I made a mistake because of this.

Because he had to have a good face when he was young, the money he borrowed at that time was all for nothing, because later during an inspection, the account could not be closed, and in the end he was 600 yuan short, 100 yuan a year of labor reform.

That's six years in total.

However, although it is a six-year labor camp, because his grandfather has a relatively high education in the labor camp, he is in charge of management there, and he has basically never suffered hardship.

Because of his meritorious service, after he came out early, he even introduced one of his younger sisters at home to the person in charge of his labor camp as a couple.

Because of the good performance of the labor reform, after coming out, the person in charge of the side introduced the grandfather to Baotou and opened the chain rail car, that is, the crawler tractor, to Baotou Steel.

At that time, this was also considered a skilled job.

I used to joke with my grandfather, saying that if he kept working, he would be able to become a leader in Baotou Steel.

Later, because my grandfather was reluctant to let him be the eldest son, he often walked to Baotou for half a month to see him, and even when he went back, he had to carefully carry a small piece of glass back.

It is said that Grandpa's house was the first to install glass at that time.

Because of his filial piety, his grandfather resolutely gave up his job as Baotou Steel and returned to Hetao to become a farmer.

However, even if he became a farmer, his grandfather was considered a relatively good one, and he was elected as the village chief in the second year after returning to the village, and then he worked as the village chief for more than ten years.

It was used to attend my grandfather's funeral, and in the words of several neighbors in the village, he never left my grandfather from birth, to marriage and childbirth, to the death of his parents, and all weddings, funerals, etc. were handled by my grandfather.

Therefore, because of the epidemic and other reasons, our family did not invite these old neighbors, but they still came.

Just like this neighbor said, when I was a child, the whole village, the wedding and funeral were all presided over by my grandfather, in fact, not only the whole village, the whole brigade, there is no one who does not know grandpa.

In fact, my parents were able to succeed, and it was also the credit of my grandfather, who was a veteran of the War to Resist US Aggression and Aid Korea, and his hometown was in the mountains of the WLCB League, very poor, very poor, and dependent on the sky for food.

At that time, my grandfather and their group were very conscious and did not bother the government, in fact, the government at that time did not have so much ability to care about them veterans.

After they couldn't survive, Grandpa took Grandma to flee to our side, and when they fled, it was Grandpa's side who kindly took them in, and Grandpa and they lived in a side house of Grandpa's house at that time.

Then I helped with the work and so on, and then my grandfather fell in love with my mother's diligence, in fact, my mother said that she didn't want to marry my father at all, but she couldn't help someone in the village who didn't live to match, and it was really crying to marry.

After my grandfather's family settled down, my grandfather also asked my grandfather and them to introduce some girls who couldn't survive in their hometown, and introduced them here, and found some singles in the village.

Later, my grandfather's family also settled down and stayed in our village.

So he has always been more prestigious in the village, and the deepest memory of my childhood is that my grandfather drank too much and liked to scold people, and the young people of my father's generation in the village, even older than my father, were scolded by my grandfather, but no one refuted it.

Because he's not cursing people for no reason.

The main reason is that sometimes some people in the village do not do it right, and he is usually embarrassed to say it, and he starts to scold after drinking too much.

Many times, it is useless for some parents to control it, but it is useful for the old man to speak.

Perhaps this is also the reason why many people consciously came to give him a ride when he died.

For me, as the eldest son and grandson of our family, in fact, when I was a child, my grandfather and my grandfather were very fond of me, and what I remember most clearly is that when I was five or six years old, my grandfather woke me up in the middle of the night and gave me food from the box, which was that kind of old-fashioned cake.

My grandfather's sister bought them for my grandparents, but they were never willing to eat them.

For my grandfather, the longest thing I shouted when I was a child was, "Grandpa, you stop carrying your grandfather." ”

So sometimes I think it's strange to myself, and it's amazing that I'm not spoiled.

Maybe in addition to pets, what affects me more is the quality of my grandfather.

He has a lot of flaws, all kinds of flaws, and maybe I can count a big basket of them.

For example, many times they are reluctant to listen to others, even if they are sick and hospitalized, they honestly scold other doctors and nurses, saying that they will not see a doctor.

I can only apologize privately.

But when he left completely, I didn't know what kind of mood I felt, except for grief, I wanted him to live, because I wanted to see him again, but I didn't want him to continue to live, because it was too painful for him.

I can't feel that pain right now.

After all, the dust has settled, and maybe all I can leave behind is the picture in my memory.

But in the end, I didn't disappoint him, at least let him see his great-grandson.

I don't know why I'm writing this, but sometimes I suddenly rejoice that I'm half a writer, and at least one day I might be able to write a novel about my grandfather, one of the few stories I can remember about him.

Thank you again for your message, thank you.

In the past six months or so, many old readers know about my updates and achievements, and many new readers may not care.

In fact, it is mainly because of my grandfather's illness and the fact that I just gave birth to a child, everything is gathered together, and I am really exhausted.

I will try to finish the book, and I may open a new book, I can't say for sure, because I do have to eat, because I am full-time.

When I wrote this book, I just didn't want to be free, because that might be more troublesome.

It may take a few days to return to normal, but I am still in Inner Mongolia, and after returning to Wuhan, I will have the time and space to settle down and write.

Finally, a cliché is given to everyone, the son wants to be filial but his relatives are not there.

If you have an elderly person at home, you should go back often.

Because...... Really fast, very fast.

Thank you again to all of you for your support, encouragement, and concern! Thanks!