"My police station is one of the most remote border police stations in southern Xinjiang, where more than 80 percent of the people are ethnic minorities. I remember very well that at noon that summer, the weather was very hot, almost 378 degrees, and there were few pedestrians on the road. At that time, my squad leader and I were on duty, and from a distance, we saw an old man in a white robe lying on the ground, thinking that he was suffering from heat stroke. The squad leader was an experienced veteran, and he asked me to stay in the duty room and run out to help the old man myself. At that time, I was still a new police officer, and I didn't understand the squad leader's intentions in doing this, and instinctively thought that he wanted to create more opportunities for himself to be commended. But the next thing that happened made me ......"

"I saw that the old man suddenly took out a one-foot butcher's knife from his robe when the squad leader leaned over to support him. I saw the knife shining with cold light cut the squad leader's throat in an instant, I saw the squad leader's blood gushing out from the wound of the throat, I saw the gushing blood stain the old man's white robe, and I saw the squad leader's burly and strong body twitching constantly...... At that moment, the whole world was dead silent. ”

I ran out of the duty room, only to stand there stunned and dumbfounded, watching what was happening in front of me. All the skills I've ever learned to capture and defeat the enemy don't seem to belong to me at that moment. I pulled out my gun and pulled the trigger indiscriminately at the assailant. What the other party gave me back was a blood-dripping butcher's knife in his hand, but it was a brutal and sharp light, and a fire of anger and hatred that could not be extinguished by fresh blood. ”

"I could see his face, he was not an old man at all, he was a sturdy middle-aged man with a long beard and deep eyes. I watched him walk away arrogantly, holding the paralyzed squad leader in my arms, he was no longer breathing, only blood was flowing silently. I'll never forget that horrible noon. The sun stabbed my eyes, and I tried to keep them open, but I couldn't see anything. ”

His body trembled as he recounted the incident. I could feel his fear, anger and helplessness, but I couldn't really appreciate the pain he was now in his heart.

His name is Lonely Policeman, and he is a friend who has recently come over for a drink in the middle of the night, when I am almost closing, and is a man with an almost paranoid pursuit of goodness and justice. He still can't accept the brutality and cold-bloodedness that has been present in his life. At the age of seventeen, he was assigned to the border police station, and then that terrible incident happened, an event that would never be known to most people, and an event that instantly changed his three views on life.

I poured him a glass of liquor and told him, "Drink it and indulge your body." A lot of times, we really don't have to be too depressed. ”

He took the wine glass and drank it down, and then tears welled up in his eyes: "I have never mentioned this nightmarish past to others, not because I am afraid that others will laugh at my cowardice and uselessness, but I really can't accept this kind of behavior that destroys goodness and justice. This is completely different from the life I had hoped to see when I chose to come out of the police station. ”

I patted him on the shoulder and persuaded him: "Brother, in fact, the world is not so beautiful, and in many places that we can't see, there are many ugliness that we have not seen and cannot accept. But as an adult, we have to accept all the good and bad in life, all the good and all the evil. You can't accept that horrible fact, maybe because it came so suddenly. And in your heart, you don't realize that the fighting skills we have learned are for dealing with these brutal and evil. I enlisted in the army when I was about the same age as you, and perhaps unlike your policeman's professional philosophy of maintaining law and order, as soon as we entered the barracks, the company commander told us the meaning of the steel gun in our hands. So we understand that sometimes in order to uphold justice, we have to fight violence with violence, and we have to face blood and death. ”

The lonely policeman slowly raised his lowered head: "Brother Jiayin, but I still want to believe in kindness and justice." Believe that any conflict between people can be resolved by non-violent means. If it weren't for that, I'd rather opt out of the Force. ”

I smiled helplessly and said, "Of course there is kindness and justice, but we can't understand it too narrowly." Also, it is not advisable to escape, and as warriors we can only meet the enemy and return a tooth for a tooth. You can't give up the fight because of the paranoid kindness and justice in your heart. ”

The lonely policeman said: "I don't understand, if you have to fight violence with violence, then where can justice and kindness be embodied." ”

I thought for a while and said, "Not everyone believes in goodness and justice, there are many people who will choose unscrupulous means for the sake of profit, in order to satisfy their own greed, and in order to achieve extreme faith pursuits. And when we meet this kind of person, we can only tell them how to live in an extreme way. ”

The lonely officer shook his head: "I still don't understand." ”

I put my arm on his shoulder and said, "Don't worry, you'll understand." ”

"Good News ......"

At this time, Ji Chen walked in, and he was also a guy who liked to come to me in the middle of the night for two drinks.

"Hi Worry! Want to drink something? ”

“ｏｌｄｆａｓｈｉｏｎ……”

"Okay."

Ji Chen chose the seat next to the lonely policeman and sat down, in fact, he rarely talked to strange men, and he cared more about his own space protection, generally as long as the conditions permitted, he would not sit too close to strange men. However, when there were almost no customers in the store today, he chose to sit next to a strange man like the lonely police, which shows that he does not hate the lonely police.

"Your oldfashion. What have you been busy with lately? "I put the mixed wine in front of Shi Chen.

Xi Chen said: "What can I be busy with, except for those things at work, the rest of the time is to pick up girls." "I like to chat in such a way as to play life.

I smiled and asked, "Oh? How many beautiful sisters did you get there? ”

Ji Chen took a sip of wine and said, "There is no suitable one, so I came to you to try my luck, I know that you always have a lot of beautiful women." ”

I said, "Then you should come early, and now everyone who should go home has gone home, and everyone who came to find companionship has gone together." I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed. ”

Ji Chen shrugged: "It doesn't matter. Alas......" said Yu Chen, turning his gaze to the lonely policeman sitting next to him, but asked me, "This brother doesn't seem to be in a high mood." ”

I said, "Yes, this little brother has a knot that he can't untie, so it's just right, you can help solve it." ”

He said, "Oh? What a knot, let's hear it. ”

The lonely policeman raised his confused drunken eyes and looked at Yu Chen, but he didn't speak, only suppressed the wine glass in his hand. It could be seen that his intoxicated body was about to be dominated by his sober mind.

I said: "My little brother is a police officer at a border police station, and he has experienced some terrible events that have led to doubts about his former beliefs. ”

"What faith?" ”

I said, "Kindness and justice." ”

"Kindness and justice......" Ji Chen fiddled with the wine glass in his hand, recalling what I had just said. After a moment of silence, he asked the lonely policeman, "How old is my brother this year?" ”

"22 years old." The lonely policeman replied indifferently.

"22 years old." Ji Chen asked again, "Then how many years have you been a police officer?" ”

"Five years ......," the lonely policeman replied, taking a deep sip of the spirits in his glass.

Ku Chen said earnestly: "After five years of life as a border policeman, can't you clearly understand the world? There is no absolute kindness and justice in this world, and there is only how to measure goodness and justice. I don't know exactly what you've been through, but all I can say is that you're not mature enough. But don't worry, you're only 22 years old, and there's time for you to mature slowly. ”

The lone officer shook his head and said, "I don't understand what you're talking about. ”

Yu Chen said: "What is there not to understand about this? Okay, then I'll be clearer. There's something worth it or not, you know? If you think it's worth it, do it, don't do it if it's not worth it, and don't think about the rest. You have to learn slowly to measure the value of something you do, not to be right or wrong. Because good and bad, right and wrong are relative, not absolute. When you understand the importance of value, you won't be entangled in so-called kindness and justice. ”

"What?" The lonely police looked at Yu Chen, his eyes were full of confusion.

I further explained, "Brother, what this brother is saying is that you can learn whether to make value judgments or moral judgments. This may be contrary to the beautiful world in your heart, but life is like this, and you must learn to fit in and adapt. ”

"Yes, that's what it means. ”

The lonely police said: "Actually, I understand these big truths, but I just can't pass my own level." ”

I smiled and said, "That can only say that you are too simple, but this is also a rare quality, living in such a difficult and cruel living environment for five years, you can still maintain such a true nature." It's a real rarity. You, let us old fritters feel so ashamed. ”

The lonely police smiled and said: "Actually, I am not as simple as you think, but occasionally I feel empty in my heart, and I always feel that I can't find the happy self I once had." ”

Ji Chen picked up the wine glass and touched the lonely policeman's wine glass, and said, "It's all the same." ”

I also smiled and said, "Yes, it's all the same." ”

The lonely policeman said: "Brother Jiayin, thank you. I feel like I'm having a lot of fun talking to you, I seem to understand something. ”

I said, "Whatever it is, you just believe in yourself." Really, what you're doing now is a cause that we look up to. So you have to work hard. Don't doubt your faith at any time. ”

"Hmm......" Lone Cop nodded, "I see." Tomorrow I will go back to southern Xinjiang, and this glass of wine is for the two brothers. ”

"Okay, cheers!" The three of us drank the wine in our glasses.

The lone policeman stood up to leave, and I said to him, "Brother, one last word of advice to you." Back over there, remember to protect yourself. Only by protecting yourself can everything you do be more valuable. ”

"Hmm...... Goodbye."

"Goodbye......"

The night is getting deeper and deeper. He likes to talk about his loneliness in this state, and in fact, I am the same. And the way we usually choose to talk about loneliness is to use innocent words to tell about ourselves once upon a time, and to use plausible ridicule to outline our current life.

When the door of the bar rang again, the last customer in my shop, Mr. Shum, walked in. He was the last guest and the first guest. Because he comes and goes around a few times almost every day, but he only sits down when he meets someone or something that interests him. And when there are no people and things, he usually comes and goes in a hurry. In the dark night that does not need to be hidden, everyone is willing to be their true selves. The same is true of preaching, and this kind of spontaneous loneliness is his truest self.

When I met the bar, the customers had dispersed, and I turned off all the lights in the store, leaving only a small dim wall lamp to show my presence. I sat under the small wall lamp and listened quietly to the sound of the night.

"What, you're alone?" The teller asked.

"Hmm......," I nodded, "and you won't look at what time it is." Oops, after a noisy night, I can finally be quiet. ”

The letter asked, "Do you still have the strength to talk again?" ”

I smiled and said, "I think I'm a little tired." ”

The messenger said, "Okay, then good night!" ”

"Good night...... This one is up to you. I nodded slightly, picked up an apple from the fruit bowl and tossed it to him, "Eating an apple before bed will help improve the quality of sleep." ”

The messenger catches the apple: "Thanks...... See you later! ”

"See you ...... back"

In the dark night, how many people are afraid of loneliness, and how many people are enjoying loneliness. People are connected to each other, and what can be told is only one-sided Chenguang, one or two human affairs. What can be said is not the deepest loneliness. But the deepest loneliness is not self-redemption...