"Yes, I see the sun everywhere,

Happiness flutters over the city.

The new world came like a dream,

Warm me.

Is your old pocket watch still turning?

Can you still wear your old leather shoes?

There's a future brand cigarette here.

Don't you want to taste it

……”

"Listeners in front of the radio, at the moment you are locked to listen to FM102 Xiangcheng traffic radio. I am your good friend Lin Feng. A song by Pu Shu's "Newboy" kicked off our happy time in the evening session. This song comes from Pu Shu's album "I Go to 2000". And today, we really ushered in the year 2000, a new century. You in front of the radio, millennium, how are you? ”

The jubilant melody and a jubilant voice came from the silver Desheng radio on the desk, and the sound of firecrackers outside the window at this moment outlined the joyful atmosphere of the New Year's Day of the millennium.

That's right, on this very day, the long-awaited millennium finally arrived. The fireworks of the old and the new ignite the excitement of the people. Everyone cheered for the fact that they were born in a cross-century year, and rang the bell of the new century with countless beautiful visions. A new century, a new beginning, it seems that every day from now on will be sunny, and everyone's life will erupt like fireworks that light up the night sky.

But for Qin Zhen, who was holding a pen but his attention was not on the exercise book, the bleak and suffocating atmosphere at home did not improve in the slightest due to the arrival of the new century. At this time, the joy on the radio did not erase the sadness and depression in her heart in the slightest.

Although more than a month has passed since the funeral, Qin Zhen still feels trance whenever she sees the portrait of her father on the cabinet in the living room - yes, she has no father. The father, who drove her to school in a taxi every day, then smiled and waved at her, and watched her walk into the schoolyard, left her forever and left this home because of a car accident.

And her mother, Feng Lijun, was completely crushed by this unexpected disaster.

In the first few days, a few relatives in the family accompanied her and relieved her, and from time to time they would pull Qin Zhen over and comfort: "If you don't look at anything else, you have to look at Xiao Zhen too!" The child is still young, Lijun, you have to be strong! ”

Qin Zhen panicked. She knew that her mother needed comfort at this time, but she just couldn't say anything. Just stared at the big eyes, stunned, and then cried himself.

The relatives would sigh again and say, "Look at this child, it's strange and pitiful, he has no father when he is only thirteen." ”

Every time she heard this, Feng Lijun cried even more, hugged Qin Zhen's thin and small body, and cried: "Old Qin, why are you so ruthless? Leave us two behind. How can I live? ”。

The little Qin Zhen was even more panicked. She didn't know if she had done something wrong. Moreover, she doesn't understand, why should her mother complain about her father? Dad doesn't want to leave them!

And the relatives will eventually disperse. When only the mother and daughter were left, the house was quiet. It was so quiet that Qin Zhen was afraid. Feng Lijun stopped crying, only silently washing clothes and cooking, taking care of Qin Zhen's life as before, but rarely spoke. Many times, she just sat quietly, looking at her father's portrait in distraction, occasionally sighing softly, or saying in a complaining tone: "Why are you so ruthless? You're just gone? But how can I live? ”

"But how can I live?"

Although Qin Zhen is small, he can more or less understand the deep meaning behind this sentence.

Both parents used to work in textile mills. Feng Lijun was born beautiful, with long black flowing hair, just like a beautiful and melancholy heroine who came out of Qiong Yao's novel. Those who pursue her are said to be able to circle the factory three times. And his father Qin Zhiyuan is a driver in the factory, he is honest, and even a little wooden. The people in the factory were surprised, why was it such a piece of wood that made it beautiful? But after marriage, everyone gradually understood. Qin Zhiyuan simply held Feng Lijun in the palm of his hand and cared for it.

In the second year of their marriage, Qin Zhen was born. For as long as she can remember, she knew she wasn't pretty. The uncles and aunts in the factory never shied away from shaking their heads in front of her and regretting - "It's a pity, I look like Lao Qin, and I am blind to Lijun's good genes." "If it weren't for family planning and only having one, then there would have to be another one." It is said that boys are like mothers. ”

Hearing this, Qin Zhen would feel a little inferior, feeling that he didn't look good, as if he had made some mistake.

But Qin Zhiyuan would always pick up the little Qin Zhen with a smile and refute those workers: "What's wrong with me?" Like my life! ”

At this time, everyone dispersed in a hurry. The haze in Qin Zhen's heart will also be swept away by the sense of security brought by his father's big rough hands.

Feng Lijun doesn't seem to have matured because she became a mother. Under Qin Zhiyuan's pampering, she is still the "little girl" who will cry and swollen her eyes when she watches "A Curtain of Dreams". This also gave Qin Zhen a deep-rooted feeling since he was a child - his mother was the little princess of the family.

In 1998, the textile mill stopped production and the workers were laid off. Qin Zhiyuan never let Feng Lijun come out to work again. He bought a taxi, worked by himself during the day, and found a "wrist seller" to work as a substitute at night. Although the income is not much, it can also allow this family of three to live a stable life.

But on a cold winter day the following year, Qin Zhiyuan, who had a "good fate", left suddenly before the dawn of the new century, leaving behind Feng Lijun, who was as delicate as a flower and had completely lost her financial ability, and Qin Zhen, who had just entered junior high school and would spend a lot of money in the future.

So, whenever I hear my mother crying and chanting, "How can I live?" At that time, Qin Zhen's immature soul would be covered with a layer of guilt. And this guilt is like dirt, day after day, accumulating more and more, unconsciously making her heart so dead, breathless. Later, she even had an idea - if she didn't have herself, maybe her mother wouldn't have so much pressure.

Of course, Qin Zhen was also sad and missed her father, but she didn't dare to cry. She was afraid that if she cried, her mother would not know "how to live".