Andrey and I were classmates, and from the time we met to the time we fell in love, we felt very equal about each other.

However, the United States seems to have broken this equal relationship between us: I have to rely on Andrei, who is good for nothing in the United States! It makes me feel like a rootless duckweed in my life, fragile and helpless!

André suddenly became the only hope in my life.

This transformation made me feel very lost.

My homeschooling is all about me becoming an independent, self-reliant person.

Therefore, I never thought about who I should live with, even if this person is Andrei, whom I trust the most!

Now I finally understand that the Brest Fortress, which stretched across my way west, was like a tipping point for me. As soon as I crossed over there, I felt an imbalance in my personality and dignity.

Although it was a fatal temptation for me to be able to stay with my lover, it was not a wise idea to abandon my studies and Andre to go to the United States in the current situation.

Andrei is definitely a person who follows his feelings, and he does not question his own approach at all, perhaps in Andrei's mind, being true to his feelings is the most important thing.

Andrei's emotional pattern touched me, but it didn't give me a sense of security!

People need love, and they need love with a sense of security!

This appeal seems to discriminate between men and women.

On the surface, Andrei often showed an overreaction, as if he always had an inexplicable sense of crisis in our relationship. I was very sad and puzzled by his reaction! Later, I understood one thing. His feelings were not unfounded.

Essentially, this sense of crisis is mutual, it's just that my reaction to it is different from Andrei's.

I was overly sensitive to the attitude of Andrei's family, paid special attention to the evaluation of Andrei's relatives and friends, and deliberately concealed Andrei's existence from my parents.

It all boils down to one point - I'm afraid of losing Andrey!

I'm as greedy as most women! I hope that the love I have can last forever!

I believe that the most authentic love in the world is supported by reason.

Those impulsive attraction, no matter how strong, fade and fade over time.

I don't want the love I have to stand up to rational consideration and the test of time.

So all the while, I wanted to try to prove that the affection between me and Andre was the result of our rational choice!

However, for a long time I do not seem to have found more convincing evidence as the basis of our love:

Speak the same language? The three views are the same? Same aspirations?

It's all there, but it's not all!

Later, I stopped worrying about the puzzle of what was the basis of our love, and accepted the fact that we were genuinely in love.

However, I know that a special insecurity has always been present in our subconscious in my relationship with Andre, and this feeling is tormenting us unconsciously. It's just that we couldn't crack it at the time!

Years later, I finally understood that perhaps we had never found the true "who else or me" feeling in each other's lives had never been found in our relationship!

That's what makes us feel so insecure.