I'm 15 years old.

My sky is falling.

I don't want to live anymore.

To live or to perish, that's the question. How to survive or how to destroy, that's the bigger question.

My problem is: fear of pain, fear of ugliness.

Hanging is not good, it will spit out a long tongue. It's not okay to cut your wrists, I've seen photos on the Internet, and my wrists are cut like a cracked peach, "swish" blood, it's terrible!

It's not even good to jump off a building! Ying Zhicheng said that his friend's son jumped off the building last month, his brain burst like a knocked over tofu brain, and his two eyeballs fell out, like pinched grapes. When he said that, I shivered twice in a row.

I vividly remember that Ying Zhicheng had insomnia for two days.

It's better to take sleep aids.

Standing in the corridor outside the neurology clinic of the hospital, I took out my mobile phone and clicked on the "mirror" to see myself again.

His hair was frizzy, a few acne were shiny, and his eyes were bruised like pandas. Yes, looking, smelling, asking, and cutting are not used, and at first glance it is an insomnia patient.

I'm sure I'll be able to get medicine.

I looked at the monitor in the doctor's office, and it had been more than 20 minutes since patient 22 went in, and it was annoying! Isn't this delaying Lao Tzu's search for death!

Just as I was thinking, the door opened, and an aunt came out with her mouth covered, her eyes were red.

Everyone turned a blind eye to it. This is a hospital, not to mention crying and going out, and carrying it out with a white cloth has seen a lot. The only department where people went out with a smile was on the other side of the corridor - obstetrics and gynecology.

Half an hour after waiting for the call, I could already see N couples smiling in and out.

When conceiving a child, it seems that every couple is full of joy, and how many parents can be happy to raise their children to adulthood.

I pursed my dry, flaky lips, the corners of my mouth were a little itchy, and there were two bubbles.

"Patient No. 23 should be invited into the consultation room."

Finally, when the prompt sounded, I pinched the registration list, rushed in, and sat down on the stool across from the doctor. As soon as I sat down, I suddenly reacted, should I pretend that my steps are vain and sleepy, right?

immediately arched his back, hooked his head slightly, and made a listless and weak appearance.

The expression was all wasted, and the doctor didn't look at me squarely. He was taking a light blue fluffy cloth and wiping his thin-footed rimless glasses.

"What's wrong?" The doctor didn't put on his glasses after wiping them, but gently put them aside, stretched out two fingers and pinched the bridge of his nose, where there was a footprint of glasses, which was a bit funny. His eyes were bulging out, a little red, and it was terrifying.

He blinked, but he still couldn't seem to alleviate the discomfort, so he simply squinted his eyes and looked over, wrinkled his nose, a little impatient, as if I hadn't paid the registration fee.

Well, not only do doctors nowadays not know how to smell, ask, or cut, but they even get a 5% discount on their hopes.

Well, I looked at 23 patients in half a day, and I was impatient. Thinking that I would die soon, I was quite reasonable and said casually: "It's hard to be a doctor, your eyes are bloodshot." ”

I still have to rely on him to prescribe medicine to die, and it's always right to please.

The doctor's expression loosened a little, he blinked, leaned back, stretched hard, and spread his hands wide, as if he was about to break his bones: "Isn't it?" Luckily, you're the last number for today. ”

"Shouldn't you say, 'Good thing you came early?'"

The doctor sneered: "Yes, it's late, I'll really get off work." ”

With such a nonsense chat, there is a lot of medical life. He raised his wrist and looked at his watch: "There are still ten minutes." Little girl, tell me, what's wrong? ”

I touched the corner of my forehead and frowned: "I don't want to live anymore." ”

The doctor crossed his arms and looked at me for a long time.

In this world, no one believes the truth, and it is not forced to lie.

I practiced it seven or eight times in my head, and when I said this, I didn't stutter: "There is a lot of homework, and I have a headache." Every day at half past eleven, I was so tired that I couldn't sleep. Doctor, look at my face, walking at night, ghosts ignore me. ”

The doctor nodded, and two fingers pulled at his puffy eye bags to show me: "We're the same." ”

Who wants to be like you? Uncle, you're so old!

About my wide eyes betrayed mental activity, the doctor touched his beard: "Think I'm old?" He made a bitter face: "Actually, I'm only thirty." ”

My mouth was open, and the guy looked like he was forty years old with a haggard beard.

The doctor looked up to the sky and sighed, revealing his snow-white neck.

Damn, this doctor looked yellow on his face, and his neck was whiter than mine, which made me a little envious and jealous in an instant.

"I mean, we're going to have a hard time. I also have a headache, there are so many patients that I can't finish it, I work overtime every day, and I'm tired to death. Slept until midnight, and the phone call was deadly. Walking out of the hospital gate, my feet are empty, more like a patient than a patient, more like a ghost than a ghost, and I don't want to live anymore......"

Hypocrisy! If you don't want to live, you can die? The doctor didn't have much trouble getting some medicine.

I despise him in my heart.

In the blink of an eye, he was energetic again: "Go home and hug your daughter, and I don't want to die." ”

He turned a picture frame from his desk and pointed it to me: "Look at my daughter, isn't it cute?" ”

I subconsciously turned sideways and wanted to hide.

The whole world knows that the baby maniac can't be provoked. I'm both 15 years old, and those two are still basking in the sun, which makes me super embarrassed, because no one knows better than me that I am not remarkable.

That was once, though. Now, they don't want me anymore.

Who says it's a baby face that is volatile? The adults changed their hearts faster than the light of Shenwei Taihu Lake.

I pinched my left hand hard with the long nail on my right thumb to stop my thoughts. Yu Guang glanced at his phone, and estimated that he would have to listen to him talk about the baby for the remaining 8 minutes, and prescribe medicine to me in the last 30 seconds.

Pleasing the Doctor, Pleasing the Doctor, Pleasing the Doctor...... Say the important thing three times.

"Wow! What a cute little sister! The eyes are so big! The eyelashes are so long! Hello doctor, you will give birth! I blinked my eyes and threw out compliments that were more generous than spending money.

The doctor's eyebrows fluttered: "Isn't it very similar to me?" ”

This, with all due respect, I really can't go against my heart - if the three or four-year-old girl with big eyes and small red lips in the photo frame looks like a father, doctor, you can probably suspect the old king next door.

After a pause, I said euphemistically: "It must have gathered the advantages of my parents." ”

The doctor nodded wildly.

"You know what? My daughter is very sweet. One time I fell asleep on the sofa, and my daughter dragged her little quilt out for me and slapped me on the stomach to put me to sleep. She's only three years old! She's only three years old! How can you be so well-behaved! Whew! I want to work hard and make more money, buy the best clothes for my daughter! ”

"She can make up stories, and she made up a story yesterday, saying that Xiao Yunduo went out to play with Yun's mother, lost her black clothes, and couldn't turn into dark clouds and rain. Mother Yun made her a red dress, and the little cloud turned into the morning glow, isn't it very imaginative? ”

……

I tugged at the corners of my mouth.

Once upon a time, I had a great imagination.

Because I want to grow up and marry Ying Zhicheng.

I thought it was a good idea and told him about my decision with great interest. He was stunned: "Do you want to marry me when you grow up?" This imagination, well......"

I nodded vigorously and repeated, "I'm going to marry you!" ”

Zhang Ning and Ying Zhicheng laughed at the same time.

Ying Zhicheng pinched my armpit and lifted me high above my head: "Does Xiaoxiao think Dad is the best?" ”

I looked down at him. He was still very young and handsome, even in his normal blue overalls.

Of course, he still looks very young and handsome. But there was something more indescribable, something that had to be accumulated over time, and had nothing to do with his expensive handmade Italian suit and the Patek Philippe on his wrist. This thing makes people clearly recognize at first sight that he is already middle-aged.

I was not scared at all when I was lifted twice by him from a high place, but I was a little dizzy. I flicked my chubby leg under the pink gauze skirt and motioned for him to put me down a bit. He really put it down a little bit, wrapped his hands in front of his waist and hugged my knees, I hung around his neck, kissed him "horn", and nodded vigorously: "Hmm! Daddy is the best! ”

He smiled, rubbed my head, and said in a seductive tone, "Where's Daddy?" ”

I thought for a moment: "Good looking, good for me." ”

He rubbed my head gently: "Xiaoxiao, when you grow up, you will know that a man who is good-looking and good to you may not be the best." ”

At that time, I nodded my chin and frowned, and wondered, "To be ugly, to be bad for me?" Then he shook his head like a metronome: "Xiaoxiao don't want it." ”

Zhang Ning flew a glance at him: "Look at you, what are you talking to your daughter?" ”

Ying Zhicheng laughed: "What to say? I want to tell Xiaoxiao that good-looking men are also liked by others. A man who is good to her may one day be nice to others. ”

Zhang Ning twisted him: "Okay, everyone understands." My husband is the best. ”

Ying Zhicheng looked at Zhang Ning, and something seemed to flicker in his eyes: "Ning Ning, I will give you a country." ”

I still shook my head: "I don't understand what you're saying." ”

Ying Zhicheng smiled and rubbed my head again: "It's okay, in the future, Dad will pick Xiaoxiao and pick the best one." ”

The beautiful pigtails are rubbed around by him and the building is broken! The little butterfly hairpin on it has only been worn for a day!

I cried, turned around and threw myself into Zhang Ning's arms, and lifted the broken little butterfly on the tail of the braid: "Mom, Mom, look." ”

Zhang Ning hugged me on a high red plastic stool and sat down, stood behind me and tied my hair, while saying angrily: "Xiaoxiao is still young, what are you talking about!" ”

I saw her blushing with anger.

I thought at the time that my mom was angry because I wanted to marry my father, not my mother. I was a little sad because I really didn't want to marry my mom at that time.

But soon I became even more sad, because Zhang Ning said, "This bow cost twenty yuan!" Look at you, you see! Can't fix it! ”

Ying Zhicheng said: "It's okay, I will work hard to make more money, and buy the best clothes for my daughter!" ”

Ying Zhicheng did not lie and was not eaten by wolves.

That scum, the wolf doesn't eat it!

Coming back from the memories, the doctor was still talking. In just eight minutes, he had even told his daughter about her stinky and dressing herself.

God knows, what is there to be proud of in such a thing as pulling a stinky stink!

Finally, with a stroke of his pen, he opened five tablets of melatonin.

I pinched the list, and my eyes fell out: I tried my best to get five pieces?

The doctor shrugged: "The hospital has a rule that this one is prescribed at a maximum of five tablets at a time. If your sleep doesn't improve, you'll do it again next week. ”

He smiled: "At most, it will be open for more than a month." In the summer vacation, I will take you without a pill and sleep like a pig! ”

"You're like a pig! Your whole family is like pigs! ”

I glared at him, unable to keep my mouth shut.

The doctor got up, smiled and rubbed my hair: "Lend you auspicious words." I also want to eat, sleep, eat, live like a pig, and don't worry about everything! But there are always people in this world who are sick, and there is no way to ......"

I twisted my head out of his clutches.

In general, everyone who has become a father in this world loves to rub little girls' hair, and there is really no way to do it.

Picked up the medicine at the pharmacy and I was a little dumbfounded.

The pill was larger than I had imagined, and the white round was as if it had just been cut out with a guillotine, with sharp edges.

I can't swallow any medicine with a diameter of 0.3 cm or more. When I was a child, I swore to fight to the death every time I took medicine. In the words of my parents, persuading me to take medicine is more difficult than the war of resistance.

Grandpa shook his head at this, and hated Ying Zhicheng for not being able to refine into steel: "You are just soft-hearted!" How can a child not cry when taking medicine? Two hits would be fine. ”

His educational credo was: "The Yellow Thorn Stick makes a good person." ”

This is the slang of grandpa's hometown Sichuan, in other words, the child should be beaten, and the more he is beaten, the more he becomes a talent, such as being sincere.

I'm a picky eater when I eat - "Xiaoxiao makes her hungry if she doesn't eat, and it's fine to be hungry for two days." ”

I didn't get good grades - "How many points are missing, how many boards are enough?" Ying Zhicheng, weren't you the one who was beaten into Fudan by me back then? ”

I love stinky beauty-"The girl's family is hardworking and simple, and the first priority is to keep the house, and the bells and whistles are useless." Xiaoxiao, don't learn from your mother, what are you doing with those flowers and grass! ”

Fortunately, Ying Zhicheng and Zhang Ning didn't like to deal with him. I don't like to talk to him.

I put the pills in my bag, clenched my fist at my side, and decided to be brave this time - I am not afraid of death, but I am afraid that the small pills will get stuck in my throat?

"Poof-" someone chuckled behind him, as if the balloon string was not tied tightly, deflated.

I turned around, and it was the mad doctor of the sun.

Taking off his white coat, he looked much younger than before in a short-sleeved casual plaid shirt, jeans, and sneakers. At this moment, he looked at me with a mocking expression: "It's just a few pills, why are you worried like this?" ”

The courage I had just mustered disappeared without a trace, and I immediately smiled and asked sincerely: "That, doctor, if this is broken and swallowed, will it be bitter?" ”

The sun-burning demon blinked: "Blend into the water, colorless and tasteless, travel at home, kill people and set fires must be a good medicine." ”

Uh, I was relieved and smiled at him: "Then I'll melt it with the juice and drink it." ”

The doctor nodded indispensably, as if remembering something, took out his wallet from his trouser pocket, and pulled out a business card for me: "No matter how good sleep aids are, they have side effects." If you have problems such as difficulty concentrating, drowsiness, etc., you can call me and I will change the medicine for you. The third year of junior high school is a critical time for learning, so don't let side effects ruin your future. ”

I kind of want to cry.

What a good doctor.

Strange doctors all know that they care about me, but the scum who should be sincere doesn't want me!

I lowered my head and said with great sincerity, "Thank you, doctor." ”

"You're welcome." The doctor touched my head with a smile: "Prepare for the high school entrance examination and study in a good university in the future." Just one point, don't study medicine, remember to follow the doctor's instructions. ”

This time I didn't hide.