Summer evenings are very hot and mosquitoes are buzzing. After the lights went out, no one could sleep, so they chatted.

Everyone takes turns talking about their love life. If you make an appointment, you must confess.

Sleeping on the easternmost side was a technician from the design institute, who was a very talkative person. When it was his turn to speak, he was silent for a long time and did not start.

People, you and I urge him one by one.

Finally, he sighed and spoke—

My lover and I are free to love and get married.

The year before last, I had just graduated from university and worked as a technician on the second construction site. On the first day I entered the construction site, I had a leak - I didn't have to ask for reimbursement documents for taking the train. I was very frustrated, thinking that the accountant would not give me a report, even if he gave a report, he would criticize me severely. I pouted and entered the accounting room.

Sitting behind the desk was a dignified girl, with her hair cut and her light blue shirt white. She pushed a chair for me to sit down.

"How could you forget to ask for a reimbursement slip?" She said solemnly: "This is the system of the state!" ”

I wiped my sweat and said, "Yes, me, I just came out of school, and I haven't ...... used to it."

"Hmm!" She smiled, "That's another story, I'll write a letter to you to go to the station and get a replacement." ”

I took the letter and walked out the door, but she called out to me again and hurried out and said, "You may have a lot of things to do in the first day, so you can write a patch and I'll do it for you, okay?" ”

I had a very deep impression of her.

At this time, I was applying to join the group. She held the position of secretary of the Youth League and talked to me individually at the end of three days. She looks very delicate and smiles beautifully. I was glad to have such a secretary to help me, but I didn't expect to fall in love with her, I felt that she was not the same person as me, she was taller than me.

After a few days, I also learned her history: she didn't go to school much, after graduating from junior high school, she stayed at home for a while, and after liberation, she went to an accounting school for a period and then came out to work. Now, after self-study, I can read the history of the Russian Union. I joined the party in the spring of the year I came. I added another layer of respect to her. The people on the construction site also respected her.

Somehow, I fell in love with her. I took every opportunity to get close to her, and asked her to play with her on Sundays, and I was so flattered to hear her generously promise me, and it seemed that I had walked with her, and my personality was much more noble—she was the leader of the youth!

I'm asking for it. She pondered for a while, and then said gently, "Think about it again, I'm two or three years older than you, which may not be good." ”

I hurriedly said: "You really hurt me when you say this, I love you as a person, what does age matter?" ”

Since then, she has been more kind to me. Not only does she urge me to improve ideologically, but she also worries about the details of life. I don't have a plan to use the money, and on the two days of paycheck, I eat and buy all day, and I don't even smoke cigarettes after the 15th. She asked to take care of my accounts, and from then on I was not only rich every month, but also able to save a little money every month. In the past, I didn't want to wash my socks and handkerchiefs once a month. On Sunday, I was going to play with her, so I hurriedly went to buy a new one. When she saw it, she jokingly said, "Do you think that if you put on new socks, people will like you more?" So he asked me to take out the old ones and help me wash them and make them up. I was embarrassed to say, "If you do this for me, people will laugh at you!" She said, "What's so ridiculous about this! Isn't it more fun for the two of them to do something together than to wander the streets? "Really, the comrades didn't laugh at her, they just said that I was "the wild horse is on the halter!" I listened, and my heart was secretly proud.

On several occasions, she asked me what I thought of her, and I couldn't say it, so she said, "You see, you always don't pay attention to others politically, and what about me, what about your comrades?" "I blushed and promised to change it, but I couldn't change it.

This fall, we got married. I advocated for a double bed with springs, but she said, "Sleeping on a plank is different? I wanted to buy an artistic marble table lamp, but she said, "Buy an ordinary one, it looks generous and beautiful." I said, "Get married, only once in a lifetime, and you can't borrow money if you don't have enough money." And she said, "Marriage is only the beginning of a new life, and there will be a long time to come!" ”

After we got married, we had a good relationship. We go to work together in the morning and go home together in the afternoon. We rarely ride in the car, and we always talk while walking. I don't know why the information of the conversation is always so rich, and the two of them are also very interested in talking about ordinary small things. When I got home, we studied together, first she read Russian, and I read technical books. Later, she said that she wanted to correct my dislike of reading political books, so she moved the Russian language to read in the morning, and asked me to read political books to her in the evening. Sometimes the two of us read separately, and then I often looked away from the book to her face, and looked at the pair of black eyebrows and a slightly pale face, and the more I looked, the more I couldn't see enough, and I couldn't believe that she was my wife, and I wanted to live with me forever. She noticed that I was looking at her, but she didn't look up, she kept her head down and read. But his face gradually turned red, and a smile appeared on the corner of his mouth. I couldn't help but run over and hug her, kiss her hard, and say, "I don't need anything anymore, all that's left is work, work, work well!" She smiled, leaned on me and closed her eyes for a while, and then said, "Okay, it's time to work hard, let's set a half-hour break, whoever destroys it will be punished, otherwise we will become second-rate." ”

Later, I was transferred to a design institute, and we could only see each other once a week. So every Sunday became our festival, we went to the fair, watched the movie, danced together, she bought a small charcoal stove, and sometimes we didn't want to go out, so we invited friends to our house for dinner. She can stir-fry many dishes. On cold weather, they were bottled in glass and told me to take them to the institution to eat. I was her assistant when it was cooking and doing laundry, and although I always caused her a lot of extra trouble, she still asked me to help her.

We talked a lot about our work, thoughts, and so on over the past week, and in these conversations, I gradually recognized many of her characteristics, and what impressed me the most was her simplicity. Or "Seek truth from facts." "If I hadn't exaggerated some of the things, I wouldn't have been able to say the things themselves. For example, when I finish designing a drawing, I always say, "Hey, it's all work, it's finally done, it's really hard!" As for her, she always said a simple sentence or two: "I finished the monthly settlement!" If not, add a sentence: "There is a place that needs to be reviewed." "We also talk a lot about the future. Sometimes I say, "When we wait for the next five or two five-year plans, maybe I can design a modern house for ourselves, with a balcony, a bathroom, and a ......," but she says, "We should save some money from next month, and if we have a baby next year, we won't be able to live in this house." "Her personality influenced me unconsciously. When I was tasked with designing an office building, somehow I got tired of my ostensibly glamorous style! I try to be practical and generous. As a result, this design was praised, and my superiors asked me to give a typical report during the anti-formalism study. In terms of life style, I have gradually changed my exaggerated and sharp faults, and my comrades have said that I am much more down-to-earth. In this context, I joined the Youth League.

During this period, I had a very good time working and living. I often think: as long as we study, work, and live step by step, step by step, constantly improve ourselves, and strive to be a good party member and red expert, what are the difficulties?

Unexpectedly, I was like a person who participated in a long-distance race walk, greedy for a new flower and plant on the way, forgot the instructions of the road signs, and took a detour.

There was a girl who had just graduated from the art academy and was a sculptor, named Galia. Her father was a professor of music, her mother was German, she spoke Beijing and Berlin fluently, she came in autumn, she wore a light gray dress, a beige sweater, brown hair, black eyes, and long eyelashes. So the word "Galia" stuck to the lips of the boys. During the meeting, this one moved a chair for her, and the other handed her tea. During the break, this one asked her to go for a walk, and the other invited her to play ball. She was elated all day long, infecting her happiness with this and that at the moment. Naturally, I don't want to be courteous like those bachelors, but in good conscience, I admire her appearance and demeanor, and I would love to go for a walk with her and talk with her.

During the Mid-Autumn Festival, the agency organized everyone to visit the Summer Palace. Galia said she was going, and many of the lads scrambled to sign up. Someone took the fruit bag for her, and someone left her a seat in the car. That day my wife was going to participate in a group activity on their construction site, so I had to go alone, sitting in the car, and I looked at the boys and laughed.

Galia came up and pretended not to hear her beckoned to sit, but unexpectedly, she walked up to me and smiled and said, "Excuse me, go inside." ”

I moved in and looked at her from the side. She turned her face forward, deliberately serious.

The car passed through the Western Suburbs Park, and suddenly turned a corner, and she hit me. Once she sat down again, she nodded to me and said, "I'm sorry." ”

I said, "You're so gracious! ”

"You're welcome," she said with a smile as she looked at me, "you're always so serious, you're so scary!" ”

"Huh?" I laughed out loud.

The two of us had a lively conversation. I complimented her on her clothes and figure, and instead of being shy, she was cheerful about the girls' body characteristics and how they should be dressed. I liked her cheerfulness, so I didn't hesitate to express my opinions, and then I talked about university life and common interests...... The more we talked, the more speculative we became, and when we got out of the car, we were like friends.

"How's your boat going?" She looked at me seductively.

Who hasn't been favored by a girl in school? Who didn't have the strength to win among the young people of his generation, Galia seemed to drag me back to three years ago, and I looked proudly at the young men who were staring at me with jealousy, and pulled Galia and said, "Let's go, let's buy a ticket." ”

Since then, she and I have become good friends, we have good phone calls and concerts, and we always go together.

Once I watched "Dubrovsky". On the way back, she said, "These two actors are so beautiful! ”

I said, "The two of them are a good match!" ”

"People are consciously chosen," she said seriously, "love, in addition to character, interests, should also be a combination of beauty, both people are beautiful, not only their own happiness, but also the onlookers are also happy ......" was saying, a pair of men and women walked across the opposite side, the man was twenty-seven or eight years old, very young and spiritual. The woman was smiling, with a few wrinkles on her face, and she looked to be four or five years older than the man. She immediately touched me with her elbow and said, "Well, you see, maybe they have a good relationship, but it's always a pity to make others look unpleasant, right?" ”

I looked at the backs of the two of them, and at first I was very happy, thinking that Galia was suggesting that we were "compatible", and then I remembered that my wife was here. "She's two years older than me, and she's not as 'handsome' as Galya, so what would Galia say if she saw us walking together?" I can't help but feel a little disappointed.

It just so happened that we had a dance party this Saturday, and I asked my lover over. We sat in the corner of the hall, feeling someone chattering and laughing behind us, and when we looked back, it was Galia. When she saw me looking at her, she simply said aloud, "I'm talking about you!" He shook his hair, came up to me and winked at me and said, "Can you introduce me?" ”

I blushed and introduced my lover to her. God knows how my lover across from Galea seemed so dull, devoid of grace and pale. I regret that I shouldn't have brought her here to show up. Later, when the music started again, I asked Galia to dance, and I asked other comrades to dance, and Galia asked me, "Won't she be angry if you let her sit there alone?" I said, "She doesn't like to dance very much, and she doesn't know how to dance!" However, when I returned to my wife after a waltz, she was very unhappy and said, "I want to go home, you can stay and dance!" I hurriedly said, "Why, it's still early?" She said, "I'm tired!" "I had to be patient and go back with her. We were silent on the way, and when we reached the door, I asked her in a joking tone, "Are you angry that I danced with others?" She said, "Why are you pulling me to be an exhibit?" Wouldn't it be better for me to read some books at home? I said, "There's nothing malicious about people wanting to know you!" It's also polite for me to ask someone to jump. She said, "I don't see that frivolity." I respect others and expect them to respect me! ”

When we got home, we sat in silence for a while and then fell asleep. Lying on the bed, I suddenly thought, "If I didn't lie next to her, but Galya, wouldn't all this unpleasantness be gone?" ”

Yes, if my wife also has Galia's looks, demeanor, and taste, how happy should I be?

To avoid annoyance, I didn't go to the ball for weeks.

One Saturday night, as I was packing my things and getting ready to go home, Galia came in and smiled at me, "The hostess is so strict that I can't even see you at the ball." ”

I said, "I don't want to jump myself!" ”

"Why does that sound so good?" She Nunu mouthed, "Famous dancer!" But I can't help myself! ”

I couldn't hold back the fire and said, "So, I'll dance for you all night today!" ”

"Go back and be scolded, but no one sympathizes!" She smiled and said, "There is a gala tonight, and I said that I want to choose a few good dancers to demonstrate, how about you?" ”

I said, "Okay, we're a couple!" Decided: ......"

She smiled and pushed me: "Then don't call and ask for leave!" ”

I hurriedly said, "Who do you ask for leave?" I'm the one who sees it! ”

That being said, I'm really worried that my wife is in a hurry at home. Just embarrassed to call.

I hadn't been in the dance hall for a long time, but when I heard the music and saw the lights, I immediately became excited, and I put everything else behind me.

Galia changed into a beautiful outfit. As soon as the music played, we swirled around the hall like a whirlwind, and the appreciative eyes of the people flashed after us. "It's been a long time since I've been so happy, dancing itself is pleasant, and being appreciated is also pleasant." I'll tell you a secret, although the girl loves to pretend to be sacrosanct in front of people, she still wants to be admired in her heart! I laughed and said, "Why don't you do that, boys?" She said, "You are the same?" I laughed and said, "It's a pity that I'm not beautiful and can't attract people's appreciation!" She smiled and said, "You're welcome, I'm the first to appreciate you!" "We were jumping and laughing, always bumping into people. She shrugged her shoulders and said, "Regardless of him, when I'm happy, I don't even think about the existence of other people around!" I said, "You don't even think about whether you exist or not, do you?" ”

"That's right, this is called forgetfulness!" After a turn, she smiled again, "I can forget myself, you can't!" ”

I asked, "Why?" ”

"You forgot yourself, but there is someone who has not forgotten you!"

Originally, I had forgotten about the affairs of my family, but when she mentioned it, my interest immediately decreased a lot, so I said, "Let's not talk about others, okay?" ”

At this moment, someone at the door called my name and said, "Phone, your lover is looking for me!" ”

"How?" She pushed me away and said with a smile, "Life is precious, love is even more valuable, if it is for freedom, ......"

I ran out of the clip in a rage, grabbed the phone to the communication room, and yelled, "I'll go back right away!" ”

After saying that, no one answered on the phone, I was surprised and asked, "What's the matter, are you leaving?" ”

He coughed dryly and whispered, "I'm asking if you're coming back for dinner, so I don't have to wait, and I didn't urge you to come back......"

I heard her aggrieved tone, and I didn't have the heart to dance anymore, and I really felt that I had lost my freedom. Walking down the hall to say goodbye to Galya, she danced with a young man in a blue suit, still with joy on her face, and said something gleefully. As she passed me, she only nodded slightly. I didn't say a word and walked home.

My wife was sitting at the table with a cold meal on the table, and when she saw me come in, she twisted her head.

I said, "No wonder people say lesbian pettiness, I'll come back later, and it won't be like this!" ”

"What did I say to you, you picked up the phone and went murderous?" She said angrily, "Am I getting in the way of you?" ”

I heard what she said, and said hurriedly: "Okay, okay, don't say this, I won't leave you in the future!" ”

"I didn't ask you that!" She shouted, and quickly stopped her mouth again. Two eyes looked at me sadly, and whispered, "It's terrible, you don't want to come home on Saturday, and we start to quarrel......"

"Don't be cranky," I said, "it's inevitable that husband and wife will quarrel. ”

"Alas, since the quarrel has begun, who is sure that the quarrel will not go on forever?"

The storm passed, and she slept. As I lay in bed, I thought about the ball, I thought of Galia, I remembered the envious glances that people cast on the street and at the ball, and I couldn't help but glance at our wedding photos, and for the first time I saw that the difference in age between us was so stark. I was a little scared and thought, "I got married in a hurry......

She rolled over and woke up. Seeing that I was still with the light on, I asked, "Why don't you sleep yet?" Angry? ”

I shook my head.

"Don't be angry, maybe we're not good at dealing with life's problems...... But you shouldn't have given me a phone call," she kissed me, "Do you know how long I've been standing at the door, it's cold, I'm going to get hot, it's hot, it's hot, and you're not coming back......"

"It's me who is not good." I stroked her hair and said, thinking of Galia again, I felt terrible hypocrisy, but I couldn't stop myself.

The commotion caused by Galya's first arrival calmed down considerably. Many of the youths who surrounded her also dispersed automatically. And when people mention her name, more and more often they turn from praise to reproach. She said "frivolous and emotionally guerrilla". I think that when boys fail in their pursuit of a girl, they inevitably say that the grapes that can't be eaten are sour, so not only do I not change my opinion of her, but I feel a little upset for her. I could see that she was also faintly depressed, so she got closer to me. Every day after dinner, we went for a walk or ice skating at the beach. Bizarre fantasies can pop up in her head at any time. When I saw the ice, I thought that one day the sidewalks on the road would be covered with ice, and all pedestrians would wear skates. "At that time, we could walk to Tianjin on Sunday," she said. When she saw the water, she thought that in the future she would build a double-glazed sculpture room, filled with water. I said, "In the future, when I design a house for myself, I will prepare a crystal palace like this for you, and keep you in it like a goldfish." With that, I peeked at her face. She was not angry, but said, "You are really a bosom friend, how good it is for me to have a brother like you!" I said, "Okay, you can be my sister." "Since then, when we are together, we have been brother and sister.

Once when we were walking by the Shicha Sea, she held a plum blossom in her hand, and hummed while putting a hairpin on her head: "Ah, girl—" When she was halfway through singing, she suddenly stopped and said to herself: "Girl, how loud these two words are, like gold, I will never let them leave me for the rest of my life." ”

I laughed and said, "So, as soon as you get married, the value of gold depreciates!" So, you're never going to get married? ”

"Not necessarily," she laughed, "maybe one day there will be someone who will compel me to exchange this golden name for his love—who knows where this man is?" ”

I felt hot in my heart, thinking she was hinting at me.

In winter, Galia always wore a gray Cossack sheepskin cap. I like this kind of fur hat very much, and I once asked the hat shop and said that it would be a month before it, so I waited. When my wife saw that I was bareheaded on such a cold day, she bought me a plush, and said, "Don't be too economical, and you should pay attention to your appearance if you can." ”

The day after putting on the velvet hat, Galia came to me and said, "Don't you like my fur hat?" It's in the store, let's go buy it. Without hesitation, I walked out with her. Halfway through, I felt that this was a bit inappropriate, and hesitated and said, "Wait, maybe I don't have enough money-"

"I'll give it to you," said Galia cheerfully, "it's too lonely for me to be the whole organ, it needs a partner." ”

She really didn't allow me to pay, so she gave me one, and tried it on for me in front of many clerks and customers, and while looking at me, she clapped her hands and said, "Handsome, handsome, I'm going to make a bust of you and wear this hat." She ignored the snickering of the people next to her, and she didn't care about my blushing.

I was careless and went home on Saturday night wearing a fur hat, and when my wife saw it, she was surprised and asked, "You bought it?" ”

I blushed. Zhiwu said: "If you don't buy it, someone will send it?" ”

"Didn't I just buy you a new hat?"

"I ......"

"You don't pay any attention to what I bought," she said unhappily, "I was so stupid that I thought I didn't buy a hat to save money!" It turns out that people didn't find a suitable one, hum, the more you dress up, the better it looks! ”

"She doesn't know what beauty is!" I thought, "That's not how Galia is!" This is artistic accomplishment......"

"Why are you stunned?" She opened her eyes wide and asked, "Angry?" Alas, you think you're a waste, isn't it? A person's quality is not in his dress, but in his soul! ”

"You see, it's you who persuaded me to buy a hat, and in turn, I'm you!" In order not to make her suspicious, I told a few more jokes and helped her set the table together. After eating, I leaned back on the bed to rest, and before I knew it, I missed Galia again. I replayed the scene of us playing together in my mind, recalling every sentence that seemed to be intentional and seemingly unintentional, and I don't know how long it took me to gradually feel something abnormal, why was it so quiet? I looked for my wife, and she was hunched on the table with her head on her shoulders.

I realized that she was crying, and I became irritable, and I walked up to her and asked, "I didn't mess with you, why are you crying for no reason?" ”

She doesn't speak.

"What the hell is going on!" I hurriedly said, "What can't you say?" Do you feel distressed to see that I bought a hat? ”

"You have something on your mind, and when you come home, you will be distracted by yourself, and you will ignore me!"

"Oh, I'm tired from a day of work, and you're not a child, so I want someone to come back and coax you!"

She burst into tears again, whimpering and saying, "None of us are children, and we all know how to live between husband and wife!" There must be a reason for this coldness! ”

I hurriedly said, "Don't you mess around, okay?" ”

"No one is blind, and I don't want to come back on Saturday, and I lose my temper when I call to find it...... You've forgotten that there is such a person as me! ”

I tried to distinguish between the words, but even I felt the hypocrisy in the laughter and the words. The shadow of melancholy and suspicion increased in her eyes, and my temper became more irritable. It seems that everything has changed, when I went home before, I saw her waiting for me at the door from afar, and I felt infinitely happy in my heart, but now when I saw her waiting for me at the door, my heart immediately became angry, "Hmph, don't relax me for a moment, staring here!" When I entered the house, she urged me to eat, and I said angrily, "Are you telling me to gasp?" She looked at me and sat down on the bed without making a sound. After a long time, she asked me again: "Let's talk about what problems we have in person, don't torture others like this!" Of course, I couldn't talk about it, so I had to say to her: "You are a little instrument, and you think nonsense when others say a few words, so how can others get along with you?" ”

She smiled coldly and said, "Say whatever you want, but I would like to give you two words of advice, those who go down the wrong path are always not very conscious at first, and they always start with very small details......

I said angrily: "You are the truth, whoever treats you badly is going down the wrong path, what a clever logic!" ”

In this way, we hardly had a week without fighting! As soon as I heard her call, my heart immediately felt like a lump of lead, and I felt relieved to hear that she would not be able to come home on Saturday.

Going home has become my greatest pain.

The worse the relationship with his lover, the stronger his feelings for Galia. The stronger the affection for Galia, the worse the relationship with her lover. I don't know exactly what is the cause and which is the effect.

Only one thing is clear: whenever I see Galia's cuteness, I secretly compare it with my wife's disgust. I even tried to put my wife's disgusting behavior on Galia, and I thought it was cute at the time. As a result, my imagination of Galia is lovelier and more perfect than the real Galia. And the imaginary wife is more difficult to get along with than the real wife.

I can't deny that my wife is respectable in terms of quality and ideology, and I think this is important for a revolutionary comrade, but it is not necessarily suitable to be my lover! In that case, why not change people?

I'm planning a divorce.

How many times I have made up my mind, but when it comes to my wife's face, I can't open my mouth. I knew she loved me, and it was a hard blow for her that I couldn't bear to say it. I racked my brains to find a way to get a divorce without making her miserable. I took the opportunity to tell stories about other people's divorces and praised them for their simplicity. and secretly separated the clothes of the two into boxes, hinting at her? I had made up my mind to leave her, but God knew that when she really understood my intentions, and her face became so sad and terrible, I panicked again, and tried to comfort her, not to make her careless, that all my actions were unintentional. As a result, the problem was not resolved, the tension between us was even more intense, more painful, I had insomnia all night, and she lost weight significantly. I scolded myself for being unlucky for "kindness", but I couldn't be ruthless.

In the institution, my life is also difficult. People are already gossiping about me and Galya, they even say to my face that Galya is a moral depour, that she is a pure bourgeois style, and some people half-jokingly and half-seriously say that I am "dizzy", but how can I give up being close to Galia? She's so unstable, painting an oil portrait of this one today, collaborating with that one tomorrow, and the one who likes to dance with her the most in a blue suit (now wearing a "leather monkey", also blue) is still chasing her, if I lose her, won't I miss both ends?

The group paid attention to this matter, and everyone formally gave me their opinions at the group meeting. The branch secretary also talked to me and made it clear that I would not be allowed to continue like this for the discipline of the regiment. I can't help but be a little more restrained. But as for Galia, this wrongdoer is not considerate of me at all. Once, she asked me to accompany her to buy something in front of many people, and I muttered a word, and she immediately shook her hair and left. I caught up and explained, and she said, "If you don't go, others will accompany me, nothing!" I said, "We have a good relationship, so why show it in front of people......"

"What do I have to do with you that I can't see people? I'm not afraid of others slandering me, don't approach me if you're afraid of being affected! ”

"Galya, you have wronged people......"

When she saw that I was really anxious, she smiled and said, "Just knowing how to pay attention to other people's reactions, don't you know how to pay attention to your own neck?" Look, the scarves are all torn, can't you change them? I smiled bitterly and said, "Where can I take care of it!" She said: "I don't love beauty, and I still say that I appreciate others?" She untied herself and put it around my neck. The scarf carried her body temperature and fragrance on it, which made me drunk.

However, in the end, it is still painful. I really don't know how messed up a person's mind can be, I always try to sort out my thoughts, but I can't sort it out.

I was given the task of designing a hospital organizationally. I was so happy that I thought that I had a new sustenance and could forget about these chores for a while, and who knew that as soon as I sat down at the table, my mind turned to Galia and my wife. When I designed the neurological ward, I thought about how much pain I would bring to my wife if I filed for divorce, and I was afraid of my cruelty. When I painted the solarium, I was reminded of Galia's glass sculpture room, Galia is so lovely, how can I go hand in hand with happiness? No, to endure a moment of conscience reproach is a lifetime of happiness...... I thought about it like this, and the days went by, and I didn't even draw a sketch. I can't make myself believe that all this is for Galia, designing the ward, and I think of her lying in the house in her soft nightgowns; Designing the balcony, I imagined her painting watercolors in the sun. After the design of the drawing, I was surprised to find that I had put so much thought into comfort and beauty, and even looked too luxurious, but there was no time to revise it.

Soon after the drawings were handed in, the approval came back, not only accusing many places of inapplicability, formalism, but also writing on it: "A person's design style is inseparable from his entire thoughts and feelings, and your simple style is being lost, which is a thing worth pondering!" ”

This blow made me even more distressed, I am so unfortunate in love, if I have no future in my career, what hope do I have? I was so pessimistic that I couldn't find the cause of all this, and I didn't know how to end it.

The group held a criticism meeting for me. Everyone helped me to analyze it, saying that my bourgeois consciousness was playing tricks, that I had low moral character. I was so disgusted, but I didn't have the courage to contradict them, and I said that I and Galia were just in a normal relationship, and at most we were in a similar relationship. Everyone criticized Galya's emotional taste, saying that she was emotionally exploiting people! The most pointed speeches were made by the few young people who had surrounded Galia in the past, you think, can I be convinced?

After the meeting ended, there was only one impression left in my mind - it was time for all this to come to an end, and the more it dragged on, the worse it would be!

After dinner that day, I quietly asked Galia to go for a walk on the beach. Coincidentally, I met our section chief on the road, he is an old cadre and has a high prestige in Cory. He looked at us both with disliked eyes and said, "Would you like to come to me in the evening?!" ”

I promised, guessing what he was going to talk to me about, and my heart became apprehensive.

Apparently, Galia had guessed this too, and she looked at me, the corners of her mouth curled slightly, as if mocking me, and as if laughing at herself.

The two of us thought about our own thoughts, and walked along the pen Yang on the beach for a long time. She sighed softly and said, "It's so hard to be a man here, especially a girl!" She frowned, but there was no sadness in that tone, but she said a little proudly, "It's a sin to be pretty, people surround you, chase you, you have a better heart, make love to them, people say you have cheap feelings!" You ignore him, he gets emotional, and he says it's irresponsible! Can you blame me for all this? ”

I said, "There are some things that you just don't hear!" ”

"I also have my flaws, I'm a bit warm-hearted, and I like to play with boys, but does that mean I have to marry someone? Whoever loves to marry is married, why bother with me! ”

I smiled.

She looked at me and whispered, "They also said that I ruined your relationship......"

I got nervous and hurriedly said, "Where is this?" ”

"I just treat you as an elder brother, and I don't think about anything else, if you are criticized by others because of this, you can ignore me!"

"Galya, I didn't mess with you again......"

I was suddenly shocked in my heart, ah, girls often have to say things contrary to their feelings: she is afraid that you will be separated from her, so she deliberately says that she is willing to be separated from you, she really loves you in her heart, how can she say it directly? Especially in the face of all eyes......

"Alas!" She held a twig in her hand, patted her pants and said, "The most frustrating thing is that no one understands you." ”

"Galia," I whispered, squeezing his hand, "trust me, I understand you. ”

We stood close to each other, and several times I wanted to kiss her, but finally held back. I stood for a long time before I walked back. Thinking that I was going to see the section chief immediately, I walked slower and slower step by step.

The section chief sat on the sofa in the office, saw me come in, moved his body, and beckoned me to sit down.

"Last time I asked you to think about the changes in your design style, did you think about it?"

"Think...... I thought about it, but I didn't think about it carefully. ”

"What do you think? Isolated, consider design thinking in terms of design thinking? ”

I replied vaguely.

"That's not a big deal!" He raised his head and muttered to himself. He thought for a moment and asked bluntly, "Tell me, what is the most important issue in your mind in the recent period?" ”

"Life Problems!" I also confessed, "I don't get along well with my lover." ”

"Why don't you get along?"

I talked to him about my situation and thoughts.

He was silent for a long time and sighed: "Some people say that 'love is a trivial matter of life', but I don't think so, I think this issue can test a person's class consciousness and moral character the most!" ”

Then he told me in detail a story about how he himself wanted to get a divorce but didn't. Before the Anti-Japanese War, he got married at home, and the relationship between the two has always been very good, after the victory, he entered the city, came into contact with many intellectuals, and had the idea of divorcing his wife. On the train home, he met a pregnant woman who was about to give birth, and the whole carriage was busy, some people unpacked their luggage and tore the sheets to make diapers for the child, and some people ran from this carriage to that carriage to find the doctor, and the conductor's forehead was covered with beads of sweat, as if the person who gave birth was his woman. All this made the old section chief have a lot of feelings, and he said to me while thinking: "At that time, I thought, isn't the moral spirit pursued by people in our society to care about others and the collective like this? To be responsible for others and the collective, and to treat each other's pain as their own, to put it bluntly, isn't the spirit of communism the core of this? How much did I think about my lover in the matter of divorce? She has been waiting for me for many years, but today she waited for her husband, but she came to divorce her, it is not difficult to imagine what kind of changes will take place in her mind and her spirit...... What could be a more serious tragedy than denying one's whole spiritual character! Even if I can find a beautiful and desirable new lover after the divorce, can it make up for my irreparable loss for life? In the midst of the sharp struggle, I bowed my head to myself, and when I said that I really wanted to be a real communist, I am afraid that even I would not believe it! ”

His things, his words, touched my heart, and I unconsciously thought of my wife's painful situation several times. However, I am afraid that my own will will be soft, and I will really listen to the words of the section chief and ruin the idea of divorce, and it will be too late to save it when I regret losing Galia in the future. I said to myself, "Be ruthless, grit your teeth and you'll be over!" He tried his best and deliberately to increase his disgust with the section chief, and said in his heart: "What he said is just a big truth, he has not encountered such a specific situation as me!" There's a Galia by your side to see ......."

I asked, "So, the difference in personality and style between two people cannot be the main condition for whether they can live happily?" ”

"Yes. Of course, it is very related, so anyone has the right to choose before falling in love and getting married? Why did you like her very much in love and after marriage and now you have changed? Why do you think differently after someone marries you? She didn't let me go and asked, "I heard you like Galia?" ”

I replied vaguely.

"Galya was demerit at the Academy of Fine Arts for her bad style, but you have the same personality as her. Well? Do you think her style is incompatible with our healthy thoughts and feelings? Have you criticized her for any of this? ”

I was taken aback to hear him say that Galya was like this, but then I felt sorry for her. Yes, many people have hit nails in her place, and of course they won't say good things about her! As for the Academy of Fine Arts, who knows what the truth is? Anyway, Galiya is not connected with the words "bad quality". Don't forget, the section chief is opening my mind, will he still praise me for her benefits, not to mention that she has many beautiful things that only I recognize.

When the section chief saw me bowing my head and was silent, he thought I was moved, so he told me to go back and think about it.

What do you think? Speaking of conscience, there is not a single word wrong with his reasoning; It's one thing, Galia is a living person, I love her, and I believe that she will love me, I have imagined and painted so many pictures of our future life together, and now that I have walked ninety-nine steps in a hundred steps, how can I be willing to cut it in two?

I know that if I chew on the section chief's words seriously, my own conscience will not be able to stand it, but as a result, I still can't make up my mind on both sides, and it will only drag things out indefinitely.

I decided to go home and tell the story and cut my wife apart!

The thought of having to deal with it soon scared me again. Many of my wife's lovely places came to me at once; From the good impression she made on me when we first met, to her tolerant attitude during our latest quarrel, it was more and more vividly replayed in my mind. I couldn't help but ask myself, "Am I really not reckless?" I don't really regret losing her......"

"Be decisive!" I said to myself, "If you hesitate like this, you won't be able to do anything!" ”

However, I still can't decide! Galya, Galya, if you didn't appear in front of me, wouldn't I live peacefully and quietly, and I wouldn't feel any dissatisfaction? You've hurt me!

Ah, no, the chance to be happy may only come once in a lifetime, if I don't meet Galia, maybe I won't experience the joy of getting along with Galia in this life, you should still come.

In addition, I also thought that although Galia was very good to me, she never explicitly confessed our love, what if she changed? I'm going to test it first.

I crept up to the door of Galya's dormitory and timidly knocked on the door.

There was a sound of footsteps inside, and the door opened. She stood in front of me with her hair draped and said with a smile: "Three watches in the middle of the night, what's the matter?" ”

I said, "It's okay, I've never been to your house, look at ......."

"Then please come in!"

On her wall hung two oil portraits of her—one frontal and one full-length leaning on a large stone pillar—and a caricature, each with a simplified author's signature underneath. On the opposite wall, there is a group photo of many people in skating suits, with Galia standing in the middle, surrounded by a group of young men. She pushed a chair for me to sit on. I saw an unfinished clay figure on the table in front of the lamp, and asked, "This is mine?" ”

"You're done!" She turned around and took a cardboard case from the bookcase, handed it to me, and said, "Please appreciate yourself!" ”

I opened it and saw that it was a bust of me in a fur hat. Because they're prettier than me, they don't look like me anymore. I couldn't help but compliment, "Good, great! ”

She smiled: "It's the good looks of the people, not the good of me." For example, no matter how good a sculptor is, he can't make me a work of art! ”

I said, "Come on, you don't need to be plastic, you're the best work of art in your own right!" ”

After a moment's laughter, I was about to get back to business when there was a knock on the door outside.

"Who?" Galia opened the door, and in came the blue-skinned monkey (he had changed to a Chinese-style silk jacket, still blue), and he nodded to me and sat down at the table.

I scolded him for coming at the wrong time, thinking that something must be wrong with him, so I just waited for him to leave, so I picked up a book from the table and flipped through it.

Seeing his ghost, he also sat there and flipped through the book! I looked at Galia and hoped she managed to get him out.

Galia looked at me, then at him, laughed out loud, and said, "It's wonderful, why did you come to me to play pantomime!" ”

I couldn't help but laugh, and he laughed too.

"Let's play cards!" Galya broke the ice and said, "Bet on pouring tea!" The loser pours tea for the winner! ”

I'm so anxious, how can I bother to play cards! But I didn't want to go out and let that guy be here—I regret that I didn't think to go up to the dormitory to find Galya, he must have come often! - Just play cards with them. The devil knows how, as soon as I go up I lose, and I have to pour him tea, and I don't see that Galia is more affectionate to me than to him, and in the third game, I push the cards and say, "I'm not playing anymore, I'm sleepy!" ”

"Don't be discouraged!" Galia half-jokingly said, "People say that they are disappointed in the casino, but they are proud in the love field!" ”

I felt that Galya's words had a deep meaning, and immediately my whole body became comfortable, and I swept the blue cotton jacket with the eyes of a victor, and said, "Okay, fight!" ”

But the lights went out outside.

I reluctantly walked out of the house with my statue in my arms, and Galia gave us out, whispering to me, "Go back and see what's in the belly of the statue!" ”

"Naughty ghost!" After I finished speaking, I walked lightly towards the dormitory, I couldn't wait to go back to look, I walked under a street lamp and opened the paper box, reached in my hand and touched it, and found a note, which read:

"Man is still like, but I don't know what his heart is! At three o'clock in the afternoon on Sunday, I will go to Beihai, will you come? ”

A warm current rushed from the bottom of my heart to my head, and I couldn't breathe! When he was happy, he took out his pen and wrote on the side: "Galia, Galia, you are about to see my heart!" ”

After thinking about it for several days, I decided to try my wife one last time to see if there was any hope for a "peaceful solution". If not, then let her hate me, maybe that would be better! If she is asked to leave me with nostalgia, it will be even more unbearable to say to her, and it will deepen the conviction of conscience for me.

Saturday night has arrived.

It was surprisingly cold, the north wind squeaked and roared, the road was cold and cold, and occasionally a few pedestrians hid their heads in the collar of their coats. The electric light hanging from the wire in the middle of the street shook like crazy.

When I got home, my wife had already returned, and she was cooking something on the stove, and the house was full of sweetness. She held chopsticks in one hand and stared at the flames with both eyes.

When she saw me come in, she asked, "Is it cold outside?" ”

I casually agreed and placed the statue on the table. She leaned over to the table, opened the paper case, and exclaimed, "Good! After looking at it for a while, he said, "It's a pity that this person's skills are not high, and the shape is a little out of shape." ”

I said with a straight face: "Art is to exaggerate, you don't understand!" ”

"Why do you just exaggerate this fur hat and scarf. See! The hat is still crooked," she laughed, "a good man, like a bourgeois young master." ”

I said, "I don't want to be of proletarian origin, so I beg your pardon." ”

"You don't have to be fierce," she laughed, "I won't quarrel with you anyway!" I'm so determined! ”

I felt that she was really a little different from usual, and secretly felt a little strange, but she was embarrassed to keep a straight face again, so she smirked, "Don't make noise, isn't crying more annoying than quarreling?" ”

"Don't cry anymore, fools quarrel and cry!" She smiled and said, "I figured it out, would that solve the problem?" No! only shows that he is weak and incompetent, anyway, the two of them want to get by, why don't you find a solution to the problem, just impulse is useless! ”

"Is she planning to never be separated from me for the rest of her life?" I thought to myself, a little at a loss, and after taking off my coat, I pulled up a chair and sat down on the side, thinking of ideas in my heart, and saying useless things to deal with her, so that she would not find out that I was absent and sad.

I asked her, "What to cook?" ”

"Hawthorn sauce, I've been ...... lately," she said with a smile, "I want to eat it, don't you like it?" After cooking, let's each pack a can and take it to the organ to eat. ”

I was not interested and said, "Forget it, the jar is not easy to brush." ”

"I'll brush it."

I stopped talking. She didn't ask me why I didn't speak, just stirring the hawthorn in the pot and staring at the flames. I think there's something strange about her, but I'm not in the mood to care. After sitting for a while, I said I was sleepy, so I went to sleep first.

In the middle of the night, when I turned over, I felt that I was shaking gently when I got out of bed, and I noticed that I heard her sobbing under the covers.

"I hate it, even if you live with this kind of person, you will lose your temper even if you are dumb!" I thought to myself, ignoring her, and turned away.

After a long time, she didn't stop, I couldn't help it, turned around and shouted: "What grievances do you have, it's okay to say it, just cry!" Others come home from afar to listen to you cry? ”

She didn't reply, she cried even louder. I felt that I would explode with irritability to lie down beside her again, so I lifted the quilt, put on my coat and got out of bed, turned on the lamp, pulled a novel from the table, and sat down by the fire to read. His eyes were on the words in the book, but his mind was on other things. I said to myself, "It seems that only divorce can free me from this pain, what kind of life is this?" Spend every Saturday like this! The section chief only knows how to speak the truth. Let him come and live like this for two days......"

After a long time, I felt cold and sleepy, and she quieted down. I went back to the bed and lay down, and while covering the quilt, I said angrily: "Think about it, you are not the only one in this room, you only care about playing temper, how can others endure it?" We are all equal people, and I have not oppressed you. ”

She was silent. I lay down for a while and fell asleep.

When I opened my eyes the next day, she was already sewing something underground. Around the stove was roasting the underwear I had taken off last night, and the clean clothes were placed next to my pillow. I said with contempt in my heart: "What an unstraightforward person, who is obviously dissatisfied with me in his heart, and still does this on the surface!" Galia would never do that. ”

While getting dressed, I asked lightly, "What are you sewing?" ”

She didn't look up and said, "Gloves, yours!" ”

"Rest for a while, I'm going to buy it!"

"I know you won't wear it, but once you've done it, you're done!" She suddenly changed her tone to a sad tone and said, "Everything should have a beginning and an end, right?" ”

When I went down to the ground, I saw that her eyes were so red and swollen, and I said, "Look, you said last night that you would never cry again, but you cried even more!" ”

"You can rest assured, I won't let you see tears in the future." After saying that, she sighed softly.

I asked her something to ask, and she answered calmly. I thought, "She's calmed down, it's time for a showdown." ”

While eating, she suddenly said, "I have something to go back this afternoon!" ”

I said, "Well, I've got a meeting at three o'clock in the afternoon." ”

She sneered faintly and said, "What a coincidence! But I don't necessarily have to be back next week. ”

I said, "So- shall I go and see you?" ”

She sneered: "No need, we have a lot of comrades there, and this family is really distressing...... " As she spoke, she was stunned by the window again.

Looking at her aggrieved and distressed look, I was also very sad, thinking, "Cut through the mess quickly, all of a sudden!" Then he said in a very gentle tone: "Let me ask you a question, don't be emotional, think about it calmly and rationally before answering me, okay?" ”

She shook for a moment, then calmed down, and said with a look in her eyes, "Say it! ”

"You are a good comrade, and I love you, but if you think about it, do you have the same personality as me, and will there be real happiness if we live together? You don't get angry, you calm down and think about it......"

"I knew you were going to ask this question!" She seemed confident and said, "Shall I ask you a question first?" ”

"Good!"

"You frankly, what do you dislike the most about me".

I blushed and stammered, "We have different personalities, I often make you miserable, and I'm ashamed......"

"Don't bend!" She looked at me with a pale face and said, "We've lived together for a long time, and we still know each other!" What kind of personality is different, didn't we get along very well at the beginning I'll tell you well, I'm older than you, I'm not pretty......"

I hurriedly explained: "You ......"

"No need to explain, don't worry, I won't be able to stand it, I don't need to be pitied!"

I hurriedly said: "Don't get me wrong, I said it earlier, I just asked a question to tell you not to be impulsive......"

"There's no misunderstanding, I'm not a child!" She paused, her eyes rolled, and two tears fell, she hurriedly turned around, turned her back to me and asked, "I only ask you, I said that I was older than you, and I wanted you to think about it seriously, why did you say that you thought about it...... What do you say, blame myself for not being productive......"

"Don't worry!" I said, "I just asked, and I didn't mention divorce!" ”

"You are afraid of being responsible, afraid that I will hate you, so I dare not mention it!" She turned around and said calmly, "It's okay, I'll take the initiative!" I'm not asking for a husband! What I want is true love, and it's no good for the two of them to be perfunctory like this! In the past, I always had a hope of reconciliation, but now I understand that there is no hope, and it will not be delayed! She said, lifting her handbag from her chair, and walked out of the door without looking back, and then turned back and gently closed the door as if she had gone back as usual, without any trace of rage.

I looked at the door numbly, and suddenly a whole bunch of questions were piled up in front of me: the bridge was demolished, her heart was broken, and there was no hope of reconciliation! However, is the road in front of me really as beautiful as I usually think? Will you want to come back and never come back? Galia in case ...... Oh my God, I thought that as soon as I solved the problem of separating from her, things would be simpler, my mind would be quieter, but I know, it will be more complicated and messy! The room was so crowded that I had to go out and go to Garia, but she said she was waiting for me in the North Sea at three o'clock, and it was only eleven o'clock. Watch, why don't you leave?

I put on my coat, locked the door, and walked out into the street. The wind was light outside, and the snowflakes were falling in large patches, and I didn't take the three-wheeled or tram, so I walked dizzily on the street, walking from Longfu Temple to Dong'an Market, and from Dong'an Market to Wangfujing South Exit, and I didn't see anything along the way. On several occasions I was pushed off the road by the three-wheeled workers, and they pointed at me in the face and mocked me, but I didn't bother with him, I didn't get angry, I just walked with the others.

It was easy to get to half-past two. I jumped on a three-wheeler, patted the carriage and shouted: "Beihai, hurry!" He wanted to prop up the tent, and I said, "Open and happy." ”

Miwa sped up on the snow, but I was so anxious that I couldn't jump down and run on my own. The snow is getting heavier and heavier. The golden roof of the Forbidden City has all turned silver. It is no longer possible to tell which is the royal river and which is the bank of the white jade. I kept wiping the snow from my face and looked at the front door of Beihai.

I finally saw it!

Galia stood like a bright flower in the snow, and she wore a fuchsia tweed coat and white felt boots with red trim. I shouted, "Galya—"

She lifted a yellow and black fur glove and jumped and called my name. Before the car could stand still, I jumped off, and I held her hand and felt a thousand words to pour out to her.

"What about the place I chose?" Her long eyelashes flashed, and a smile appeared on her frozen red face, "How beautiful the snow scene in Beihai is!" Let's go up to the back mountain and build a snowman, huh? Don't walk on the bridge, slide over the ice! ”

We walked hand in hand on the ice.

I pulled her by the way, with a draft in my heart, ready to tell her as "artistically" as possible. As for her, she laughed loudly and talked to me about snow, plum blossoms, and birds, but she didn't ask about my "heart".

I couldn't bear it anymore, and when I went ashore, I carefully supported her and smiled: "Don't you want to see my heart?" I brought! ”

"Huh?" She looked at me questioningly, then laughed, "Then take it out and have a look." ”

"I'm divorced from my lover." With that, I shivered and looked nervously at her face.

"Really?" She stopped, thought for a while, and said, "Since you are leaving, it doesn't hinder me from saying a word, I originally thought that you got married earlier, diapers, baby bottles, stoves, and family ...... Ahh These mundane things will polish the imagination of any genius! Love is originally poetry, but when you get these, where is there poetry? ”

I looked at her a little blankly, not knowing what to say!

"Also, the ideal lover has to be discovered slowly!" She shook her hair and said with a smile, "When you don't get married, you have the right to love 599.99 million people, and the right to be loved by them!" As soon as you get married, it's over, you can only guard that person, tie yourself to one person all the time, and when you meet the ideal person again, it's too late to regret it! ”

"Galya, don't talk about this!" I approached her and said, "I'm going to go crazy if I don't have a new love to make amends!" ”

She smiled and said, "You are free now, who can't love?" ”

I mustered up the courage to say, "I love you!" ”

She tilted her head, picked up a wet pebble from the ground, and threw it at the crow in the pine tree, who was "dumb!" Dumb! The ground screamed. She turned around and said, "I don't have the right to forbid people to love me, but there is one thing, don't turn your face and give me advice again, saying that Galiya has hurt you!" ”

I hurriedly said, "Galya, I'm telling the truth, you know what position I'm in now!" ”

"Huh?" She stopped, looked at my face, immediately suppressed her smile, bit her lip and looked at her toes for a while, and when she raised her head, she changed to her usual look, and said indifferently: "You want me to marry you?" Well? ”

I was amazed at how she really didn't seem to have this in her heart, and I said, "You should know my heart!" ”

She had a smug look on her face, her cheeks reddened, and she said, "Frankly, I've never considered getting married, it's far away!" I told you, I don't leave the position of a girl easily! I beg your pardon! ”

"Huh?" I felt like someone had been hit on the top of my head, my legs went limp, and I panted and said, "Galya, I divorced for you, why are you ......?" ”

"What?" She screamed, thought about it for a while, and immediately pointed to her face and stomped her feet and cried: "You scare me, you add the sin of your divorce to me, and threaten me to marry you!" I'm not afraid! Ah, what am I going to do, all the people are bullying me! ”

She wept, and despite pity for her clothes, she shook her back against the tree.

I walked up and put my hand on her shoulder and pleaded, "Galya, plus-"

"Go away, go away, I know people and faces, I don't know my heart, I treat you as a brother, but you plot against me! Talk to me about things like that, who told you to get a divorce? If you say this, everyone will seize the excuse to hit me, and I can't stay in the design institute anymore......"

"Galea, calm down, Galya-"

"Go, go, if you don't go, I'll go!" She pushed me away and turned around and ran, and I chased after her, desperately shouting, "Galya! Galia! ”

Two people came from behind the hill and were shocked when they saw us. I blushed and shouted to Galia, "Don't worry! I'm not as despicable as you might think. He left Galia and walked towards the hill by himself.

I walked on my feet mechanically, walking, walking, walking and walking, wishing I could destroy everything around me with one punch, and as I walked, I felt the snow under my feet sinking and was about to fall into a deep pit.

What's wrong with me? What did I do? Is all this true, or is it just my imagination?

I felt too heavy to lift my legs, so I walked into a pavilion and sat down. I leaned against the pavilion pillar, trying to clean up the mess in my head, but I couldn't clean it up, and there were only two sentences after thinking about it: "My wife is gone!" Galea doesn't love me! I'm the only one left! ”

It was getting dark. The snow was still falling silently, the park was so silent that there was no one in sight, and thin black smoke was rising from the buildings to the west. I could vaguely hear the hustle and bustle of the street outside the park and see the sparks of the train. Cold, shivering with cold. I had no choice but to walk out of the garden gate, hire a three-wheeler, and go home.

The door was locked, and I remembered that I had locked it myself. Then, from the time I got married, everything that happened in this house came back to me, and for some reason I put myself in the position of my lover, and I assumed that I was her, and I thought of her every day, and came back early on Saturday to stand at the door and wait for her, and after waiting for a long time, I called and asked. But the answer was one of anger and coldness...... For the first time, I saw my own cold face. What the hell, I'm such a ruthless, vicious and selfish villain! She endured it!

My eyes were wet, and I wanted to find her right away, tell her everything, and let her punish me however she wanted! I don't want her to forgive, I've sinned morally, I've hurt her!

The door was locked, and I didn't want to open it, for fear that I would not be able to help myself when I saw the scene in the house! I staggered out of the house and headed for the agency.

"It's all Galya, this vicious person!" I walked, gritting my teeth. However, an opposing voice asked in my head: "There are people in the agency, some are married, and some are not married, why are you the only one who has been harmed like this by her?" ”

So, my first meeting with Galya, our conversation, our walk...... It's all coming back to the eyes. For the first time, I calmly relistened to every "poetic" conversation between the two of us! Seeing every "emotional" interaction again, I started to burn, how despicable, what "poetic", isn't it "flirting"? What emotion is not self-intoxication? It's not clear that my "fun" that has faded unconsciously has been summoned by Galiya and blindfolded! O people who are dazed by bourgeois emotional tastes! Although you have been married to your lover for a long time, you don't realize her true loveliness, because you don't fully love her most worthy of love......

The daily comrades' criticism of me and the words of the section chief hit my heart again like a stone.

What to do with this, it's useless now, it's too late.

How will I live my life in the future? Forever immersed in loneliness, remorse? I'm only in my twenties! Yes! Isn't it normal for me to see my future life clearly? How did I throw myself out of the orbit of normal life?

……

Triplating over a stone under my feet, I came to my senses and saw that there was already the gate of the mechanism in front of me. Seeing this gate, I understood more clearly what was happening today. It turned out that it was all over. I was the only one left who was a "villain" who had been exposed and had no one to sympathize with. My wife's heart is cold to that extent, and she won't come back; Galia was only worried about what I would do to her, and naturally she wouldn't pay attention to me anymore! What about comrades, comrades...... My eyes were blurry again.

"Comrade ×, your thing!" The porter Lao Li recognized me and shouted from afar. I wiped my tears and walked up, and he took out a cloth bag from the house and gave it to me, saying, "Your lover sent it at about four o'clock, and she said that she was busy catching the train and had no time to wait for you to come back." ”

"Catch a train?" I shuddered, scrambled to unwrap it, and unexpectedly rolled out a glass bottle from inside, which fell to the ground and shattered, splashing jam all over the floor. In my bag were the clothes I had changed from this morning. Sandwiched between them was a letter. I pulled it out, and the first thing I saw was the note that Galia had put in my statue, and I was very curious, and hurried to read the long letter.

"I'm so sad and confused, and my only hope is that you patiently read it through."

"Yesterday morning, I went to the hospital for a check-up, and the doctor congratulated me and said that I was pregnant with a child. At that time, I immediately remembered what our lives had been like recently. We don't live well together, and if we go on like this, I'm sorry for our own original wishes, and I'm sorry for this unborn baby! I think I am responsible, I ask more of you emotionally, and I care for you less and are considerate of you ideologically...... In the hospital, I made up my mind that I would stop crying in the future, and I would patiently discuss with you and help you distinguish right from wrong! ”

"But before I could tell you all this, I stumbled upon this note as I was tidying up the house! I used to only hear that you and another girl were in a relationship a little abnormal, but I really didn't expect it to develop to this point, and it hit me too hard! I was very sad, panicked, and thought hard all night, and I was sad for my child, what is his sin, he has been born in such an embarrassing situation, this is all our fault, we are not worthy of being parents. ”

"When you raised the question of divorce just now, I answered you with a feeling of 'crisp and neat' and I don't want you to pity you. But after answering, I was sad, and even regretted it a little, I couldn't stay in the house anymore, I didn't want to show weakness in front of you, and I walked out. ”

"Tomorrow I started my vacation, I was going to stay at home for a few days, and now, I feel that it is an unbearable torture to live alone in that room, and I have decided to go back to my home in Tianjin immediately! Let's live apart for a while, and we can also think about the problem more calmly! ”

"I wonder who the other person you love is? Although I am not satisfied with her, I will never slander her, I just want you to think about it, a person who does not respect the happiness of others, will she bring you happiness? ”

"My dear (let me call you that!) I love you, and I'm so worried that you're going down the wrong path - you're so uneasy in these places, you've changed in every way lately, and the changes in love are only part of the reflection of the changes in your ideology, and I didn't remind you of these things in the past, and now I don't have the opportunity to remind you! You should pay attention to it yourself! ”

"Perhaps, you will be even more disgusted with me when you see these words! Don't think I'm threatening you with these to keep you from leaving me! No, though I love you (and even need your love more than ever), and I shudder like crazy at the thought of parting with you, but if you no longer love me, and do not want to rebuild our love, I will not ask you for mercy! ”

"Forget it, there's no end to it! ……”

After reading it again, I didn't understand what she said, and I read it again urgently, and I vaguely felt that she still loved me and could forgive me. I hurried out of the gate, jumped onto a passing tricycle and shouted, "Quick, quick!" Get on the station! ”

The porter Lao Li shouted from behind: "Comrade, your things, your ......"

The technician talked, talked, and found that the listener did not move at all, and asked, "What?" All slept! ”

"No, no."

"Go on!"

"Hmm!" He sighed comfortingly, thought for a moment and said, "It's over, you know, I'm not divorced!" ”

The listener said, "Did you find her at the station, and what will happen when you come back?" There's still a lot of work, how is it over? ”

The storyteller said: "After coming back, in order to rebuild our love, the two of them also put a lot of effort into it, but it will be too long to talk about it, and we will go to work tomorrow!" ”

After a moment of silence, he laughed: "It's better for you to come to my house on Sunday!" It's better to see than to hear! ”

September 1956