Finally, I made my choice.

On September 10, 2019, the first day of school, An Yushuo and I proposed to break up. We were seniors that year; On that day, the sky was full of dandelions. From that day on, it was a thorough heart.

No one is right or wrong, there is no bloody cheating on him or me cheating, it's just that we are not suitable.

I vaguely remember the saying: If you are well, it is a sunny day. At the beginning, we met in the year of our youth, and we experienced a faint feeling in that haze; And in the end, we are like the melody on a music box, meeting before the notes stop, and then recalling.

The first day I met him was also quite magical. In the middle of the second half semester of freshman year, around May, the freshmen didn't know what truancy was, and everyone was busy with grades. One day, I was on my way to the library and came out of the classroom with a stack of textbooks. He stopped me in the hallway, probably with a lot of courage, holding a dandelion, and walked up to me, "I want to know you, can I be your friend?" ”

I dismissed in disgust: "Isn't your way of accosting you too old-fashioned?" I don't like you, don't bother me. "It was also on that day that I noticed that there was such a person in our college.

The story is so simple that I can't remember the details even when I think about it. He didn't give up. Since that day, he has always been on the trajectory of my life. I don't know where he found my class schedule, but he would show up at the door of the classroom every day and then accompany me to another classroom, or to the library or cafeteria. There was no dialogue, he just followed silently behind him, not far away, not close, like a bodyguard.

At first, I was very disgusted, and even asked my girlfriend to stop him, but he was unmoved. But over time, he got used to his presence. We added prestige and exchanged numbers. Well, yes, there was a girl in their class who helped him send me a love letter during this period, and I didn't know it was him at first, and the love letter was not signed, but the writing was very good, so I surprisingly stayed and didn't deal with it like the others. It wasn't until I became good friends with that girl that I found out that he wrote it.

At the end of my sophomore year, I didn't do well in the exam and was in a very bad mood. I called him by accident that day and asked him to come over and have a drink with me. He sneaked out of the dormitory, and at 12 p.m., he came to the bar, which was supposed to be his first time in such a place. It was a mess inside, but he seemed to find me at a glance, stuffed me with a dandelion, and said that it was picked on the way. Oh, it's July, where are there wild dandelions? He still doesn't lie as much as he did when he first met.

I had drunk a lot of wine that day, and I asked, "You want to chase me?" ”

"I, I just want to be friends with you."

"If you like it, you like it, there's nothing bad to say."

I forgot the rest of the story, I woke up in the dormitory, I heard my roommate say that he sent me back, and he went to buy sobering medicine, and asked my roommate to feed me, and cover me with a quilt at night so as not to catch a cold or something. In the next few days, he seemed to disappear, and I was inexplicably uncomfortable.

August 17, 2018, I remember it very clearly, and I guess I will never forget it in my life. On that day, I ended my day at the library and passed by the corridor under the library. No sweet words, no candle love, no 999 roses. He sat in the middle of the cuckoo, held his guitar, and sang to me a song "The Fruit of the Dandelion". After singing, he carefully took out a pot of fruiting dandelions from his bag.

"You're not my first love." I say.

"I know, but I like you."

I was touched by this young man who didn't express much affection but had always cared for her silently, and I agreed to him. I still remember that this was our first day as a couple, there were so many people who were envious and jealous, and there were blessings from roommates and girlfriends.

And so the time passed. The busy days made my mood more and more chaotic, irritable, and I couldn't figure it out. In the days leading up to the start of school, I had less and less contact with my family, except for my roommates, who had almost zero contact with my friends, and my phone calls with him became shorter and shorter. Finally, at the beginning of my senior year, I proposed to break up, ending the 13-month relationship.

That day, he stayed where he was: "Why? ”

During that time, I was not in his sight. He called me every day and asked me what was going on, why we had to break up, if I had new friends, if I had found someone better than him...... I didn't answer any of his questions. I chose to run away.

From the beginning, my parents did not approve of this relationship, and when they learned that he had added another niece, they resolutely asked to break up, they had already found a marriage partner for me, and if I did not agree with her, my parents would disown me. I don't blame my parents, affection and love, I've made a choice.

I would cry silently in the dormitory, remembering the bits and pieces he did for me, the grimace he put on to make me happy, the fact that he would run 5 kilometers to buy me my favorite taro balls, the rain that came to me just to give me an umbrella, and the fact that he stayed in bed for me all night when I had a cold. I often even asked myself why I couldn't come out and face him with dignity, telling him that nothing had happened to me, and asking him to cherish himself; Tell him I'm just tired and want to be alone for a while; Tell him we won't have results, I'm afraid of delaying him. It's like a neutralization reaction, maybe we shouldn't have met, so at least we don't have to cry.

I saw him again on the stage of Bai Qiuling's concert. I sat down with the man on the stage, and I struggled to squeeze out a smile when I saw him on the stage looking in my direction. He probably thought I was taunting him and sang "Gentleman" to fight back against me. Hearing the sentence "Our distance furrowed between my eyebrows, and quickly returned to the appearance of passers-by, the more polite I am, the more scared I am, and the gentleman must let go" My heart was dripping blood.

In the end, I still didn't see him, there was no need to explain, and there was no room for recovery. Even if we force us together, we will not achieve anything, and we will only be left with regret and harm to ourselves.

Forget it, everything is in the past, how can someone like me have true love?

On October 2, 2020, I called him and told him that I was getting married. He refused to come to my wedding. clicked on the song "Guest" and listened carefully, and at that moment it seemed to make me realize something, it turned out that it was not just time that was lost.

My favorite is the dandelion, I thought it was because of its freedom, but I didn't want to be a love that couldn't stay. Gently scratch how many years of thoughts in my heart, Feng Chen does not want to forget in his memory, maybe. We still missed it in the end, but meeting you is the most beautiful scenery in my life.