Excerpt from a Toddler's Diary (My Father)

My name is Chu Chen, and my father said that dust is because my mother's name also has an orange character, but the word orange is not suitable for boys, so he gave me another dust word, because he said that each of us is a speck of dust in this world, so it is just right to call this name!

I'm four years old...... But I already know a lot of words, because my father has a lot of books, and he is still bringing books to the house, but those books are about some strange and ghostly things, and my father doesn't like me to read them!

My diary writing habit was brought to me by my father, because he likes to stay in the study, flip through books, study books, and write books!

My father didn't like to laugh, my father never smiled at me, the only time was when my father was in the study, I secretly approached, I saw my father smiling through the crack in the door, he smiled very well, but he didn't like to laugh, my father found me, but he didn't get angry, but he held me in his arms, pointed to a painting on the blank page of the book and told me that it was my mother, but it was just a back, I still didn't see what my mother looked like!

When my father is not in the study, he likes to stand on the balcony and look out, especially when I was four years old, and my father sometimes stood outside the window all day!

He said he was waiting for my mother to come back, and I was very happy because I had never seen my mother, not even a photo, but I waited outside for a long time and never saw anyone coming!

My father is a very powerful and intelligent person, sometimes he is very mysterious and doesn't know what he is doing, when I play with the friends downstairs, I can often meet their parents come to me and ask if my father is not at home, saying that he has something to do......

Every time they come, we always get a lot of good food at home, and I can also receive clothes and shoes to wear from them!

Sometimes my father would leave for a while, and he would put me in the neighbor's house next door, where there was a little girl as old as me, it was their daughter, her parents were very good to me, and they gave me a lot of delicious food first, they all liked to laugh, and they often laughed very happily when they sat together, but I couldn't laugh, because the little girl told me when she was lying on the bed and stealing snacks!

My father gave them a lot of money, saying that my father might not want me anymore and let me be a son to their family in the future, I don't believe it, I think my father will come back to pick me up!

But my father was away longer and longer!

Gradually, I got used to staying at my neighbor's house!

Later, after a long, long time, another four years, my father said that my mother came back, but I still didn't see it!

That time my father was gone for a long, long time!

Until one day my father came back......

My father made a rare meal for me, and I realized that my father could cook, but he never cooked it for me, and my father's cooking was so delicious, I think it was the best dish I had ever tasted!

My father looked at me very kindly, one day he did not go to his study as usual but took me to play chess, taught me to play chess, I couldn't learn it, my father was also very patient, and one day my father said the most words to me ever!

"Dust...... Do you like your neighbor's aunt and uncle?" Father asked me!

I nodded because the neighbor's aunt and uncle were so nice to me!

"Father told you...... I have given them all my savings, partly as a self-help for parenting, and partly as the funds you need to go to school in the future, which is enough for you to live for half your life, as for the second half of your body, how can you need to work your own in the future, and when you grow up in the future, when you are born, you can also help the neighbor's uncles and aunts to be your parents without honoring me!"

I heard my father's words, and knew that he really didn't want me anymore as the girl said, and I cried, crying very sadly, although he was often not at home, but I knew that he was my father, and I couldn't live without him!

My father gently wiped away my tears and apologized to me, "I'm sorry...... I have to leave because I'm going to find your mother, and this may be my only chance, and if I miss it, I may never find her again

So I have to go! Father left you with nothing but books...... You can do whatever you want in the future, but there are a few autobiographies that I have written in my idleness, and I hope you can keep them, but in fact, you have not written anything but the story of my life!"

My father is still gone, the page I walked, the neighbor's uncle and aunt took me, I watched my father go into the night, kept looking at his back, never looked back, that was the last time I saw my father, when he was 33 years old, I never saw him again, and I don't know where he went, whether he was doing well...... Or is there still no living in this world!

Until one day...... I saw him when I was dying, I was 78 years old that year, my body was getting worse and worse, and when it was dusk, I was sitting on the balcony napping, for a moment, I seemed to have lost my sense of smell and taste, and I couldn't feel the cold, and I didn't even know if it was him when I saw him, because he was still the same as he remembered when he left me that year, he was never old, he was still so young, but he didn't seem to remember me anymore, he just came to tell me, and then came back to pick me up!

In my life, I have never discarded any of the books left by my father, I have read his autobiography, I know that he is extraordinary, I have always hoped to see my father again one day in the future, but I know that maybe there will be no such opportunity, so I tell my daughter, I hope she knows, she has an amazing grandfather, maybe still alive in this world, he has a love story that can sing and cry!

And I never had time to tell my father about the apology he gave me that night, I never blamed him, and thank him for raising him...... You will always be my only father!

29 years old......

I didn't give up...... Chu Yan left this sentence in the last sentence of his autobiography!

He wanted to find the answer to the mystery of the other world, about his own background, but he didn't know where the answer was!

Early that morning...... He seemed to have a dream, in the dream he opened his eyes and seemed to see Nancheng, she was wearing a white dress, like when he first saw him, he wanted to open his eyes and look, but no matter what, he couldn't open them, he could only look at a hazy line of sight along a gap!

Nan Cheng picked up his palm and left a mark on his wrist!

He heard her say, "This lotus mark I carved for you and it will never dissipate, so that in the future, no matter what you have become or where you are, I will be able to find you with this mark!"

After she finished saying that, Chu Yan suddenly opened his eyes, but he was the only one in the room, and there was no Nan Cheng at all!

Is it really me dreaming?

Chu Yan didn't believe it, this period of time was obviously the day she came over, but she didn't appear until she appeared, but it seemed like a dream?

But Chu Yan searched every corner and found no trace of Nan Cheng, all of which told Chu Yan that Nan Cheng had not come back at all!

He really just had a dream!

But he couldn't wait any longer, he didn't want to live this dark life anymore, Nan Cheng didn't show up on the usual days, after the first hope was dashed, Chu Yan didn't continue to wait, but began to go out to look for something, what to look for?

Look for a way to find Nan Cheng, all the records about the underworld, about Nan Cheng's identity, or about that great war, whether anyone knows, someone sees, someone who participates in it......

Even if it's just a few words, is there anyone who can tell him!

And this search is another four years......

33 years old......

This year, Chu Yan didn't wait for Nancheng, he waited for another person!

This woman Chu Yan didn't like her from the first time he saw her, maybe it was because she was dressed in black, or because of the smile that looked a little hypocritical on his lips, which made him feel weird!

He just doesn't like him anyway!

"My name is Namgy...... It's Nancheng's older sister......

Over the years, Chu Yan finally saw a person related to Nancheng, and he was a little surprised, but

Also a little cautious: "How can I trust you!"

"I know he left you something!" Nan Zhi said and took Chu Yan's hand and swiped it on his wrist, and the mark of the lotus flower that had appeared in the dream appeared in front of Chu Yan again!

All this is telling Chu Yan that everything he saw four years ago was not a dream at all, and this lotus mark really existed!

"She went to a far away place to protect you, I don't know when she will come back, I came to pick you up!"

Chu Yan looked at the person in front of him, and couldn't help but believe it, this thing is definitely not something that ordinary people can do! I finally got news of her, but I didn't know what to ask for a while!

How was she, where she went, what had happened, how long it would be before she would come back, he wanted to know!

"But you're a mortal, if you can't wait for her to die, how sad it will be when she comes back!"

Chu Yan looked at her, "Then what should I do? Can you help me?"

"Of course...... I can make you immortal until she returns!"

"Really?"

"Really...... Be a messenger of hell...... Then you can have immortality in the underworld, and then wait for her to return to the underworld one day!"

"Good!" Chu Yan agreed almost without hesitation, once upon a time, he wanted to go to the underworld and go to her side more than once, and now he got what he wanted, how could he not want to, this time he was waiting for her in a different place!

Nam Zhi looked at him and smiled, like a successful cat: "Change your name, a new beginning!"

A new name? Chu Yan decided to discard his surname and change it to a full name!

"Let's call it Yanchen......