(This article was written when I was a student.)

It's even ridiculous now

When I was young, my feelings seemed to be novels of romance dramas every day

Full of impulsiveness and hormones

Now it was all gone

There is no trace

Only the people in the story are left looking for memories of the past

Growing up is a terrible thing

Nowadays, sorting out manuscripts from the past has the illusion of traveling back in time

Think of it as the young anger of that little boy)

A month ago I deleted all your contact information

What a childlike thing

You'll never see me when I'm white

Nor will it be perceived

It won't be white

Why do such a thing without warning

I'm getting white, I just met you at the right time

I'm not irreplaceable, and what can I do without me?

I'm just lying to myself

in front of your eyes

I can't become a Faceling

I can't hide my worst things

I can't be as sensible as I normally would

I can't continue to be angry, I just see you and I forget everything

I can't be brave with you, because I'm as cowardly as an ant before you

I can't help but think about it, I can't control myself

I can't quit watching you like a voyeur

There's no way not to see your pain, there's no way to watch you suffer

I can't say what I thought about going through carefully

The mediocre is like a pile of sand

I can't go on like this self at all

It's not that you can't live

It's whenever there is any emotion

I can't stop thinking about you

It feels like never before

I can't do that

It can't be like this

And then I did a lot of idiotic things

In the last relationship, I didn't go down with that girl, I think the most observed was my withdrawal, I couldn't lie in the eyes of the people who loved me

I gave up on myself, I started doing stupid things, forcing myself to start a new relationship

But I can't fool a lot of people's eyes, but I think this will allow me to start a new life, I don't know how stupid and embarrassing it is

With you by my side, I'm not going to be normal anyway

But it doesn't matter anymore

I've long been white, I'm not your indispensable person

I just happened to show up

I'm innocent, and you're just obsessed with my kindness to you and can't say it

You can't tell me what pleases me

I can only do nothing about what you are sad about

I'm stupid in front of you

So I'd better leave

Leave without your knowledge

Not to be discovered by you

You'll forget me over time, and I'll forget you, won't you?

Now I'm here

It's the worst I've ever been

There is no fighting spirit and no ruthlessness

I can't sink any longer

I've fallen many times, but this time it's all because of myself

There are always regrets in feelings, and I can't warm you

Touched by you

I don't have the heart to watch others warm you

I'm selfish

So I'm leaving

So I stepped back

So I don't want to know everything about you anymore

So I'm going to destroy all traces

I can't hide myself like this all the time

I can't love you and you don't love me

That's it

This cowardly coward has left you

I hate you who are proud, I hate you who are pretentious

But when I see your face in the dark, only I love you

I let myself down like a deserter

But I at least have a choice, at least I can stop seeing you fall in love with someone else

I went to practice throwing alone until I was exhausted

Then throw the last ball

I told myself to put in it, and I'll tell you everything

Then I took a shot, the ball bounced, slid down, and didn't go in

Then I knew the answer

How I really wanted to score

I turned my mind white

It doesn't matter if you can't get in like a coin toss

Because I've already decided, give me some time and let me tell you

Then let me go and let me start a new life

You know me, I've always been like that

I couldn't hide my emotions in front of familiar people

I can't live like acting

I'm selfish, and I'm uncomfortable

I also have the right to leave you

I said I would leave you when you start a new relationship and get married

Will write you a letter and tell you

Then I care about your bits and pieces like a peeper

And then I confessed, I was just cheering myself up

I'm just giving myself hope

If you have a new relationship to start

And then I might bless you?

But for me, that is impossible, and I will be bitter and jealous

It's stupid to be involuntarily

But why would it be done

It's because I'm white, it's only a matter of time

So for myself, I want to end it all by myself

Don't contact, don't meet, don't think again

But a text message from you made my peace wrinkled

Reading between the lines, you're still the girl I like

You're still the girl with a good nature, a knife mouth, and a tofu heart

I don't know what mood you were in at that time, you were mad at me and yourself

Still crying

Haha, because you're never going to admit that I made you cry

But what I want to tell you is that you are never alone

Because although I can't help you, I will always keep an eye on you as long as I have your contact information

Everything about you sometimes surprises me

It's okay to say something off-topic, I sang it to you with another card in my freshman year, I haven't seen you for a long time, and I haven't heard it, and I wonder if it's me

In the situation at the time, no one else would care about you except for a fool like me?

Hahaha, I was confident that I would catch you

Stupid can

Provoked you, called your friends on the Internet, and asked her to scold me severely, but it relieved your anger, and it was worth it to you anyway, anyway, that anger dared to spread on me, right, anyway, I got used to your stinky temper

It will only spray me coldly, of course, I have been impulsive, but I prefer to talk to me in person to solve the problem

Except this time, though

Everything I've done for you is because I want to do it

That time in the hospital, I was doing things for the people around you

You don't think you have to do that, but I think I have to do it because I decide to do it

I'm working hard for you, is it necessary to give reasons one by one?

Although I am leaving, I am still very proud that I am such a person, although I am a good secondary two

Actually, I had already decided on this before you got sick

And then when I saw your state, I somehow forgot all the determinations I had made before

And then I don't know what I'm doing, maybe obeying my heart is the most painless way to survive

I really can't be honest in front of you

I can't hate you and I'm not mad at you

There is no way to continue

And then lie to myself and say I'm not sad

Messing myself up with bruises is actually just an undercurrent in my heart

I can't look at you anymore and wish you happiness

That's not me, I'm a selfish person

I don't know how I'm going to write this nonsense like you

I've become like you

I rarely did this before, and silence can go on

Hide in such corners

I don't know how you found out yesterday

It's just that I still don't want you to see this

To be honest, I've had continuous insomnia in the two months I've been away from you

Sometimes you can't cure yourself

Then find you once in a while and then look at everything about you

How do I find it, you ask? Even if all contacts are removed?

Please, what era is this, as long as there are people who have a heart, the information age

As long as there are traces, they can be found after all

I'm white, and you'll never be able to like me

I know that there will always be times in life when I am unwilling

There are always people who think that what you can't get is the best

Even if I am in a hundred times more pain, isn't it useless if you are not white?

But what you didn't expect was that I would give up, because I was already sorry for one person, I didn't want to be sorry for the second one, I wanted to start over

At least start with action

Sometimes I think it's better not to run into you again for the rest of my life, but if I think about it, maybe I won't be who I am now, because you make up my life, and you're unique

There are always times when things aren't perfect

But this is the first time I've done this to you

Perhaps the last time

I'm scared

I'm afraid that I'm more and more like you

Fear that you won't be able to extricate yourself

Fear of losing you all the time

Make stupid decisions

You won't be in vain after all

I wrote such a hypocritical thing because I had done it sincerely

But I don't see hope

No cloudy days can be seen

But I saw that I was hypocritically alive and bruised

So I always have to find an opportunity to take the initiative

I must have a chance to choose

I've said I'm a passive person, and I've said I like to be at peace with what happens

But at heart I'm an extremely competitive and proactive person, and I just want to make my life less difficult

Today may be the time to decide whether or not to tell you

But I don't think there's much need to tell you, because you still won't understand

It's one of the hardest things I've ever done, but the difference is that I don't know what it's like to be on drugs, but I guess it's a lot like quitting drugs

Didn't you say I love to run away, but this time I didn't

So

Let's end it

In fact, the hardest thing is how to persevere

There are always times when it's not fair

The pain is comparing yourself to others

It seems like the old thing is happening to me again

But I'm not in pain

I guess it's just a bit of a pity.

After all

I lost you