"Hey, hey, Poor Dao Law Grapes!"

Du Chen lay on the ground, pitifully looking at the old Taoist priest in front of him, only to see that he had a fat face and a smile, the Taoist robe on his body was full of oil, a piece of butter on his left sleeve, a piece of cream on his right shoulder, a burnt chicken wing pinned to the ribbon around his waist, and a fat crystal elbow in his hand, which was being stuffed into his mouth like a starving ghost.

Lao Dao squatted beside Du Chen, continued to gnaw his elbow with one hand, and patted his face with the other dirty hand full of oil, "Little guy, do ......you want to eat?

"Dao Chief, are you very familiar with Tang Seng?" Du Chen was dizzy and dizzy, but he was tied up by the old Tao's footcloth like a mummy at the moment, leaving only one head outside, I really don't know why the old Taoist's footcloth is so long!

"Hey, how do you know that I know the Buddha of the Meritorious Buddha of Tan? Hey, I'm quite familiar with his master! Later, when you go to the Western Elysium, if a bald monk bullies you, you can mention my name—Grape!"

"Dao Chief, I was wrong, I don't want to go to Elysium, please trouble your boss with a lot, let me go! I don't dare to steal your things anymore!"

People were under the eaves and had to bow their heads, Du Chen repented reverently, but his eyes looked at the four walls with a thief, looking for an opportunity to escape!

It is a Taoist temple, on the top of a nameless hill, in tatters, almost like a ruin.

And Du Chen is a thief, a skilled thief!

Just now Du Chen came to steal something in the Taoist temple, was knocked to the ground by the elbow of the old Taoist crystal elbow, and was trapped with a foot cloth, and now the back of his head is still in pain in a piece of flesh!

The boss pulled out the chicken wings on his waist and smashed Du Chen's forehead hard, "Look at your kid's thief eyes, how are you going to run away?" Tell you, the thieves who fell into the hands of the poor Dao were all sent by my old man to become a monk in Western Bliss!"

"Dao Chief, I'm only in my twenties this year, I can't go to the Western Bliss!" Du Chen begged bitterly, he was five years old for stealing, he was caught countless times, and he had already performed the drama of begging for mercy well, only to see his tears and snot flowing, his eyes were sincere, and the corners of his mouth were still trembling slightly, "Don't kill me, Dao Chief, I still have a two-year-old child waiting to be fed at home!

Lao Dao chewed the elbow meat in his mouth, pursed his lips and muttered: "Boy, you are really bad! Do you have a son? Hmph!"

He swallowed the meat in his mouth, stared at Du Chen, and said word by word: "You, yes, virgin, male!"

Du Chen was taken aback and blurted out, "How do you know?"

"Because I'm a grape!" Lao Dao's expression was solemn, and then he counted on his fingers, raised his eyebrows and smiled like a show-off: "Ah, you are quite pitiful, you have been an orphan since you were a child, you came out to steal things to support yourself at the age of five, and you almost starved to death when you were seven and nine years old!

Du Chen didn't believe that someone would tell fortunes, he pondered, estimating where this old Taoist was a master, who was invited by Du Chen's former enemies, first checked the details, and specially designed to teach him a lesson.

But Du Chen still opened his mouth slightly, and looked at Lao Dao dumbfounded: "You can tell fortunes?" He glanced at the milky white jade pendant on Lao Dao's waist, and sneered: "This is not to blame me, just with your old demeanor and temperament, at first glance, you are a master, then your old thing must be a baby, you see, I am a thief, how can I not be tempted when I see a baby!"

Lao Dao was comforted by this sycophant, nodded and said: "Well, what you said is reasonable, I don't blame you for this, if you want to blame, blame Poor Dao's temperament and demeanor are too eye-catching......"

"Can you still ...... Hey, make a friend, let me go?"

"Life and death have their own destiny!, come, report your birthday, poor Dao look at your destiny, if you kid is not good......" He widened his eyes and threatened: "Poor Dao will send you to the Western Bliss to be a monk!"

Du Chen decided that the old man in front of him was a master of seeking revenge, and he smiled: "I am the birthday of the first son of the first month of the lunar calendar!

"Weird!" Lao Dao looked Du Chen up and down, smacked his lips and said: "On the first day of January, the five elements are prosperous, people born at this hour should be so rich that they are so rich, how did you get mixed up to the point of almost starving to death!? Could it be that you did something evil in your last life, and you deserve to starve to death in this life!?"

Lao Dao threw away the elbow in his hand, and touched Du Chen's body with both hands, that demeanor, that posture, just like touching Fang Cai's crystal elbow!

"Dao Chief, I don't have any special hobbies, your old subordinates are merciful, I'm still a virgin!"

"Boy, what are you talking about? Poor Dao is not interested in men! Hmph, you are not a little nun!"

Lao Dao smacked his lips, shook his head constantly, and sighed with a posture of divination in his hand: "Oh, no wonder you have suffered in this life! It turns out that you were a bandit in your last life and killed a lot of people!"

Du Chen smiled: "Dao Chief, can you calculate my last life?"

"Hmph, Poor Dao can even calculate your previous life, come, let me touch it again!" Lao Dao touched again for a while, and then he jumped up violently, picked up his elbow and gnawed hard!

"Wow!!You were a flower thief in your last life!!You can be reincarnated as Chengren after doing evil things in two lives in a row! Are you surnamed Niu?"

Du Chen shook his head helplessly, "My surname is Du!"

"No, you're such a cow, how can you do it without a cow!?" Lao Dao continued to touch Du Chen, "Come, let Poor Dao see your third life ago!"

"Immeasurable Heavenly Venerable! You were a corrupt official three times ago! Strange, how can you still be a human being, you will go to hell if you sit on the three worlds of evil people in three lifetimes! Did the King of Jizo leave you out!?"

Lao Dao continued to touch, and the oily fat face became more and more surprised, "You were a woman four times ago, and you murdered your husband!"

"You committed rebellion five generations ago, and you were a thief......"

"Six generations ago, you abducted and sold children......"

......

"Twenty-seven years ago, you opened a black shop!"

......

"Forty-eight years ago, you betrayed your father!"

......

"Eighty-one years ago, you sold fake medicines!"

......

"Ninety-nine years ago, you, you actually dug up someone's ancestral grave, stole tokens, and deceived a blind little widow!"

Lao Dao sat beside Du Chen dejectedly, patted his chest, and said in amazement: "Dude, are you related to the King of Jizo, you have ninety-nine lifetimes, which one life is enough to go to hell, but ...... But you can still fucking be a man!"

Du Chen was so long-winded that he was about to fall asleep, he sighed, and said secretly, it turns out that he encountered a neurotic today!

"Dao Chief, you are so capable, make up a whole and calculate what I did before the hundredth life!?" Du Chen joked.

"Wait for me to rest!"

Lao Dao was so tired that his brain was sweating, beads of sweat the size of beans flowed down his greasy cheeks, and after resting for a few minutes, he touched Du Chen again, "Immeasurable Tianzun!

"Hey, yes, I've finally been a good person!" Du Chen smiled.

"Good man?" the old man glared and said angrily: "You are a man who repaired the Great Wall, cutting corners and causing the Great Wall to collapse! But you, you saw a woman named Meng Jiangnu worshipping her deceased husband, so she planted the blame for her, and said that the Great Wall was caused by her crying!!"

Du Chen wanted to stand up and kick him, but he was still tied, "Old neurotic, why don't you say that I also did the book burning and pit Confucian!?"

Lao Dao didn't care about Du Chen's ridicule, he walked around Du Chen a few times, and said, "No, people like you must be sent to Western Bliss to be a monk!"

As he spoke, he picked up his big elbow again, and he wanted to smash Du Chen to death with this thing!

"Dao Chief, be merciful!" Du Chen was in a hurry, he didn't want to die in the hands of a nervous person!"Your old magic is powerful, can you think of another way to teach me?"

Lao Dao stopped, gnawed his elbow and said, "Something else...... That's right!" his eyes lit up, clearer than the grease on his elbows.

"You are a wicked person of a hundred generations! Immeasurable Heavenly Venerable, with that set of exercises, it is simply amazing!!Boy, get up, worship the poor Tao as a teacher!"

He untied the footcloth on Du Chen's body and threw it aside.

Du Chen stood up, moved his muscles and bones, pursed his lips and smiled, "Old neurotic, let's say goodbye!"

He turned and ran.

Boom!

When Du Chen ran to the door of the Taoist temple, he seemed to have hit an invisible wall of qi, and he bounced him back again.

Du Chen was taken aback, turned his head to look at Lao Dao, and saw that Lao Dao casually threw out the footcloth, which seemed to have a spiritual surname, flew to Du Chen like a gray snake, and tied him up again.

"You, you're ...... Youkai!!" Du Chen shouted in fright.

This is not an old psychopath, he knows how to demons!

"Phew! What kind of demon method? This is the immortal method!" Lao Dao beckoned Du Chen to his side, threw him to the ground, sat on his chest and said: "Good guy, what's the matter these days? Back then, someone knelt in front of the poor road gate for a few days and nights in order to apprentice to the teacher! But you still want to run away, it's strange! Is my old man's signboard worthless?"

Du Chen trembled all over, and asked boldly: "Are you old, really, really an immortal?"

"Didn't I tell you? Poor Dao is very familiar with Rulai!"

Du Chen doesn't know what he's doing anymore, immortals, there are really immortals, this opportunity must not be missed!

"Master, please get up, I'm willing to apprentice!" he shouted.

"No, I'll teach you that!"

Lao Dao stood up and turned Du Chen over, tore off the footcloth and Du Chen's pants, and slapped Du Chen's left buttocks hard, "Mark this mark, hehe, you are my person!"

Du Chen tried to turn his head to look, and there were dozens of dense lotus tattoos on his buttocks, all of which were still in the form of buds, and none of them had bloomed!

Lao Dao pointed to his ass and explained: "Apprentice, see it, the thing I passed on to you is called "Lotus Treasure Book", and these lotus flowers are progress, and when they all bloom, you will be a miracle, and you can drink with the Buddha and the Jade Emperor!"

Du Chen was secretly overjoyed and said hurriedly: "Master, how should I cultivate?"

"Cultivation...... Simple!"

Lao Dao stretched out a finger and shook it in front of Du Chen, "Just one way, you do good deeds, the more good deeds you do, the bigger and bigger the lotus, the faster the lotus blooms!"

"Hey! Actually, this exercise is something that accumulates virtue by doing good deeds and accumulating the power of the immortal family! With you, a wicked person of a hundred lifetimes, it is really amazing!"

"It's that simple?" Du Chen couldn't believe it, "That'...... There are no other secret moves?"

"Hehe, no, but look at the shape of this lotus......

Du Chen looked down with the old-fashioned guidance, and saw that the lotus flowers on his buttocks were faintly arranged in gossip.

"This is called Bagua Lotus, every time you open a hexagram, you will get some benefits, as for what the benefits are, take your time to understand! Anyway, it won't let you down!"

Du Chen smiled from ear to ear, he couldn't believe that the fate of the Immortal Family had fallen on his head like this.

"By the way, let me tell you an advantage first, that is, after you practice the exercises of the poor path, you will live forever and never fall into the six realms of reincarnation......! That is, immortality!"

Du Chen was already laughing stupidly.

What's wrong today? Could it be that he has endured more than 20 years of suffering, and he has made up for it together today?

"Master, as long as you keep doing good deeds, will it be done?" he wanted to make sure if it was really that simple!

"That's right, and it's only based on how many good things you do, no matter how many bad things you do, as long as you don't do bad things when you do good......!

Lao Dao narrowed his eyes, as if he was teasing Du Chen, "You're still a virgin, right?"

Du Chen nodded.

"I'll tell you bad news, this "Lotus Treasure Book" is a child's skill, you can't get close to women before you practice!"

Du Chen's face changed.

Lao Dao continued to laugh and said: "And the more it goes to the back, the more difficult it is to improve, when the first hexagram, you can help the old lady cross the road can improve a lot, and when it comes to the eighth hexagram...... Tsk, you save all of humanity or something, it's almost done!"

Du Chen hurriedly said: "Then how young do I have to be to do so many good deeds!?"

"Don't worry, anyway, if you don't enter the six realms of reincarnation, what are you afraid of!? You can do good deeds slowly! It should be about the same for 1,800 years. ”

Lao Dao looked at Du Chen's lower body, and said with a smile: "I can warn you, before the exercises are completed, don't get close to women, otherwise...... This "Lotus Treasure Book" will help you cleanse your body!"

"You...... Then wouldn't I have to wait thousands of years to get close to women??" Du Chen yelled.

"I'm not practicing, I'm quitting!

Lao Dao stood up and removed the footcloth from Du Chen's body, "It's late!"

Du Chen stood up and pleaded: "Dao Chief, you see, I am a wicked person of a hundred worlds, how shameful it is for you to accept an apprentice like me?"

"Are you bad? I have an apprentice who is even worse than you, the one who has knelt in front of my door for days and nights!"

"But I'm a thief!"

"What kind of thief are you? My apprentice has stolen Lao Jun's elixir and the queen mother's peach, compared to him, what are you!?"

"But...... But ......" Du Chen cried with a sad face, and held back a sentence, "You let me be a living eunuch, it is better to send me directly to the West to be a monk!"

"Hehe, I've already sent one apprentice, and I don't want to send a second one!"

An auspicious cloud suddenly rose under the feet of Lao Dao, he flew up, waved his hand and said: "Apprentice, for the sake of being close to women, you should work hard to do good deeds!

Suddenly, the old way is gone!

Du Chen was startled at first, and then scolded, "You old neurotic, Lao Tzu is still a virgin! It's over, I'm going to be a 10,000-year-old virgin......"

Turning his head in frustration, Du Chen looked at the lotus flower on his buttocks, still angry, and scolded the sky: "Damn, just such an old neurotic, who wants to kneel in front of your door for a few days and nights, isn't that an idiot!?"

Syllable!

Suddenly, someone patted Du Chen's shoulder.

Du Chen hurriedly looked at it, and it turned out to be a thin monk with sharp beaks and monkey gills.

"Dude, which direction did you go from fooling your old guy just now?"

Du Chen was stunned, when did this monk come, why didn't he see it? Could it be that this monk is also an immortal?

Thinking of this, he cautiously asked, "Who are you?"

"I'm the one in your mouth, kneeling in front of the old neurotic door for a few days and nights, and stealing the old Jun elixir, the idiot of the queen mother peach!"

The expression on Du Chen's face froze, and he sneered: "Oh, that's my senior brother, senior brother's surname?"

"Just call me Senior Brother Wukong!"

Poof!

Du Chen sat on the ground.

The monk frowned and said, "Damn, why did the master accept such a apprentice, and really smear the Leaning Moon Cave! Boy, although you are my junior brother, you dare to scold me! My old grandson cursed you to be an idiot in the next life!"

With that, he disappeared too!

..................

Since then, there has been one more weirdo in the world who does good deeds in the middle of the day and steals things at night!

Soon after, Du Chen's first lotus flower bloomed halfway, and then he died heroically in a righteous and courageous act......

"Old neurosis!How dare you lie to me!Immortal!?"

This was the headline of the next day's newspaper - the last call of the 'thief' martyrs!

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