"'I'm most troubled by who asked me to get this straight. I said what I was thinking, and then added, 'Because I can't tell.'" ’

"I can't tell you two things: one is that I can't promise you anything, and obviously, you have developed from gratitude to commitment, and I can't bear the weight of a lifetime to be entrusted to me; I can't bear the lightness and the heaviness, how do you say I can explain it?

"But she understood what I meant in the other direction, and as soon as she turned around, she sat down on my lap and put her arm around my neck, and asked me carefully, 'Do you have a mental obstacle?'

"She accused me of being sexually impotent. I had to follow her words, 'Well, yes. ’

"However, it's easy to betray yourself, not to mention that each other is dressed so thinly. She grabbed me and looked at me, 'You're lying to me again.' ’

"I couldn't say anything else, so I muttered, 'Don't, don't ...... like that,' and pushed her as hard as I could.

She sat back in her seat.

After a moment of silence, she looked up abruptly, "Maybe I'm complicating the problem, I shouldn't ...... I insist on it at the beginning, and there is nothing you can't tell.'

"I don't understand what she means, what 'stick to the beginning'?

"'What do you mean,' I asked.

She smiled, 'At this point, there is no need to hide it, if you don't elevate the two of us, won't you be unable to tell?'

"I'm even more confused, where did she come from?

She laughed sarcastically.

"'The first time you came to my house, I actually saw it, and you recognized me at a moment, although there was some distance between me and the photos posted on the Internet. ’

"'The more you talk about me, the more confused I become. Why can't we talk together? ’

"'Can't find the leader?'

"'I have said that, and there is no need to hide it. The fairest thing in the world is that you are willing to buy and sell, and you are here, and you can't go back to Shigongshan City. ’

"'Spread it out, don't put me in the dark. ’

"'Spread out? What is there to spread out, we both know it. ’

"'Well, let's start with your 'persistence' in the beginning--I go to your house, and you still have an 'initial'?'

"'Didn't you see the picture I posted online?'

"'Photos?'

"'You can see me in the eyes that you have seen me before. ’

"'Yes, I think I've seen you somewhere, but I can't remember. ’

Chen Guiyan smiled suspiciously, 'Then what are you doing at my house?'

"'Come to your house?' ’

"'Helping the poor?' So how do you know my address?"

"'The farther and farther it goes, I know your address from the Working Committee of the Organs, is there any other way to know your address?'

"'Someone asked me for my home address on the Internet, and I told him, that person is not you?'

"'Not me. I learned your home address from the work committee of the organ -- what are you doing telling others your home address? You can't just tell outsiders about your home information!'

"'No, he doesn't believe it. Think I'm joking, or earning attention. ’

"'What are you doing? You just said you posted a photo on the Internet, what are you posting a picture for?'

"Chen Guiyan looked at me in a daze, 'You really don't know?'

"I raised my right palm, 'I don't know, I swear!'

Chen Guiyan's face tensed, and gradually became wooden again. She picked up the glass of wine I had poured her and drank it down. Although it is wine, the amount of wine is not shallow for a girl. She placed the glass on the table, wiped it with both palms on her face, and the wine oozed from her face—first her cheekbones, then her two eye bubbles, and then her neck.

She pouted and blew on her lips, looked at me with a wink, and said, 'I have the courage of a young woman.' ’

"'Say. ’

"'But you can't teach me and laugh at me. ’

"I put my palms up again, 'I swear. ’

She reached over and grabbed the bottle.

"I said, 'If you want to drink again, I doubt your credibility.'" ’

"'No, I'm telling the truth. She deliberately changed her hand, holding the bottle in her left hand, and learning from me with her right hand, holding her palm up, 'I swear.' When she finished speaking, she did not put down her palm, but took the left hand of the wine bottle, took the bottle, and poured wine into her wine glass.

"After pouring the wine and putting down the bottle, she continued, 'With a glass of wine in my stomach and a glass of wine in front of me, I have a lot of courage this time. ’

She did feel a little more comfortable and let go of herself. She ran the tip of her index finger across the rim of her glass and said, 'You saw the situation in my house before the Spring Festival, what do you want me to do?'

"'What are you going to do?'

"'I think of death first. ’

"'Too pessimistic, I didn't expect there to be a person like you in the world?'

"'I didn't expect that, I only wanted to live down, and I couldn't live. My dad and mom are like that, and my brother is still like that. My family was once better, but all of a sudden, to such an extent that no one could accept it.

"'Choosing the Way to Die: Smoke. I carried it out, and filled the cauldron stove where I was cooking and burning the kang and lit it. However, my mother has emphysema, and as soon as she smells the smoke, she coughs incessantly. My mom found out about my intentions and hit me. She was in tears, and the next morning she told me that when spring began and it was warm, she would go to the construction site and earn her money back. I thought to myself, you are like that, you have to walk hard, what can you do to make money when you get to the construction site?

"'To the south, we have built an international hotel and several high-end residential buildings, and these projects have been built for more than a year, and many migrant workers from other places walk in front of my house every day. Later, a neighbor came to my house and said that another neighbor would go to the construction site, and I thought that my mother was going to the construction site to do that!

"'My mom is nearly 50 years old, and she has asthma, and she wants to do that to make money! I was beaten again, this time in the mouth, and it was quite loud. ’

"'It's time to fight. I said, 'You're a girl...... Your mom shouldn't think that way, either. ’

"'What do you think? How do you think there is a way out? At that time, there was no other way but to sell yourself. I imagined that the first time I talked to my migrant worker, I would have to ask him for some money, because he possessed me and was my virgin treasure. Thinking about it, I went to the Internet café and typed a message on the Internet that betrayed my **. ’”