Volume 3: Exquisite Dice An Red Beans 188: Autumn Evening

Is it that, in everyone's opinion, she refuses to turn back and accept Liu Ying again, is she just wanting to welcome and refuse, or is she a mediocrity disturbing herself?

Zhang Yan pushed open the window and couldn't help sighing.

Everyone only saw Liu Ying's kindness to her, and told her that it was easy to get priceless treasures, and it was rare to have a lover. In this world, how difficult it is to have a man who is so good to you, especially that man's worth has added countless points to him. What are you waiting for? Reserved for what? However, her heart was depressed after all.

She pressed her palms to her chest and asked herself, "Can you forgive?"

The still night is like frost, and the heart beats gently.

It's saying that she doesn't want to.

And she is not a saint after all, she has suffered four years of hopeless bitter love, humiliation in Tianyi Pavilion, and so many grievances. It took half a year to convince myself to let go. But when I saw him again, I turned my heart again. If he gave up willingly like this, who would she complain to about the tears she shed for him in the middle of the night?

The cold moonlight shone down and sprinkled on the windowsill, a piece of crystal. Zhang Yan raised her head and looked at the quiet night sky, the sky was like water tonight, and the stars were flashing in a flash, as if frozen in the night sky, extremely far and very close. It was as if you could touch it as soon as you stretched out your hand. On one side of the sky, a long band of white light is distinct.

Only then did I remember that today was Tanabata.

Qixi Festival is originally a festival in Chudi. Peiren Xiang Chu, after the mother got married, she still retained the habit of celebrating Qixi Festival. When I was a child, every year when it came to Qixi Festival, my mother would pick a spider, put it in the zygote, put it under her bed, and said to herself with a smile, "Wait until Ah Yan opens it tomorrow morning." Kiko will form a dense web. ”

The dense net of the Xizi knot means that this year, the girl is ingenious and will have good luck.

And then?

Have all the Xizi she caught over the years become netted? She seemed to have lost her memory.

At the beginning of the Han Dynasty, it has only been more than ten years, and the customs of Qixi have not yet spread to the north. Zhao Yuan and Qingkui will not mention it to themselves. Only to wait until night. When I saw the clear night sky and the Milky Way on it, I remembered it later.

Zhang Yan took a zygote and pushed the door out. Look for spiders in the quiet yard.

In autumn and July, the night in the north was already a little cold, she exhaled into her palm, rubbed her hands gently, and her breath formed a white mist in her palm. When it falls, it is a tiny drop of water.

Then I heard the sound of a silk harp.

Liu Ying plays the piano on stage.

He was depressed in his heart, and the sound of the piano that flowed out of him lost the peace of the past, like a narration of thoughts. And with a hint of intensity.

The silk string "popped" lightly and broke off. The sound of the piano stopped abruptly.

Liu Ying looked at the paulownia in her hand in amazement, and a bitter smile appeared at the corner of her mouth, and she raised her left hand. There was a bright red line above the index finger, and a drop of blood dripped down, staining the base red.

"Master." Guan Sheng was shocked, and hurriedly stepped forward and said, "Someone's coming." ”

"What are you shouting in the middle of the night?" Liu Ying frowned. "You go get some gauze and bandage me quietly."

Guan Sheng opened his mouth. The grievance was answered, and he personally waited to carefully wrap up the wound, and asked, "Master, do you want to get another piano?" ”

"No need." Liu Yingyi said excitedly.

The heart of the piano has been messed up, the meaning of the piano has been dispersed, and what is the point of playing it reluctantly?

The feelings were adjusted to a high place, but they were not allowed to vent, they were depressed in the chest, and all kinds of memories of the past and Ah Yan, joy, warmth, despair, and sadness, all rolled over my heart for a while, and I felt depressed, and finally couldn't help but stand up and said, "I'll go outside." ”

He walked along the scattered water under the wall separated from Ah Yan, and in the night, only a lush outline of the grass and trees could be seen, casting a faint shadow. Across the wall, which was not too high, not too short, not too thick, not too thin, Ah Yan was opposite, and he seemed to be able to smell the faint fragrance of her fingertips, but there was no way to see her bright eyes.

The Tianhe River hangs high in the night sky, long and like a winding ribbon. On its east side, there is a bright star, which is Vega. There are also two stars, one large and two small, hanging on the west side of the Tianhe. According to legend, the big one is the cowherd, and the two smaller ones are their children.

After a year of separation, the Cowherd and Weaver Girl are going to reunite, so what about him and Ah Yan?

At this time, what is Ah Yan doing?

She can put her cheek between the pillows, and she will have a good dream tonight? Can a pillow press a sleep mark on her cheek? Does she remember that on this day last year, he put a spider in the middle for her, waiting for the next morning to get up and look at it, only to see an empty box, but Kiko was nowhere to be found?

"Yikes." Suddenly, there was a low cry from across the wall.

Liu Ying was surprised and asked, "Who?" ”

At that moment, Zhang Yan threw away a spider stuck to the corner of her clothes, and hurriedly turned around to dodge. I heard Liu Ying asking, "Ah Yan, is it you?" ”

No one answered. On the other side of the wall, the footsteps were getting farther and farther away, Liu Ying only felt a bitter taste in her heart, and couldn't help but say, "Ah Yan, the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl have been marquis for a year, and they can meet tonight." I have been with you for more than ten years, can't I stop you to say a few words? ”

……

The footsteps gradually slowed down, and after a long silence, a clear voice called in a low voice, "Uncle." "The voice is low.

Liu Ying sighed, her heart was sour and sweet, "You ......"

With a thousand words in my heart, I don't know how to speak. After a long time, Fang said, "The night breeze is cool, you remember to add more clothes." ”

To the east of the flower wall, Zhang Yan hugged her elbows, showed a faint smile, and replied softly, "I'm very good." Don't worry about it. ”

Ah Yan, these days, I miss you so much. ”

There was silence.

Zhang Yan did not respond. Liu Ying heard her slightly rapid breathing.

"I miss our time in Jiaofang Palace, at that time, you cooked tea, I studied, and when it came to winter, the snow in Chang'an fell, and the yard was three feet thick. Looking back, you were always there waiting for me, smiling warmly. It feels like it's all from the previous life. ”

"What's the point of saying that now?" Zhang Yan raised her voice abruptly and intercepted his words. It has been a long time since the years of guarding the Jiaofang Hall together, and she is afraid that she will hear too much. Your heart will be shaken,

"Think about who you are. No matter what, this great Han country cannot be without a king for a day. You are dressed as a hidden dragon fish, and you spend a day in this cloud. What if something happens to Chang'an? You have always put the country first, if for the sake of an insignificant woman, you will ignore the affairs of your family and country. A thousand years later, the history is like a rafter, but I have to say that I am Daji. ”

"You're not an insignificant woman."

Liu Yingdao.

You are the love of my heart.

"And." He changed his words, "If you don't want to take care of Daji's reputation, go back with me." Even if you want to be a generation of virtuous queens, it is also a make. ”

"Why did you come to the Northlands?" Zhang Yan couldn't help but turn her face away and said loudly, "I don't understand, you don't keep saying it." Do you just want to be my uncle? So good, I'll fulfill you. I'm already gone, why don't you push the boat down the stairs and come to me for something? The words are presumptuous, but they are still a little childish. Liu Ying put down some of her heart,

What he feared the most. It's not that Zhang Yan is willful and stubborn, but just like the indifference in Dongcheng that day.

He whispered. "What do I want to do? Yan, I just want you. ”

"After you left, I realized that I had been thinking about you in my mind. I miss the days when I was facing you, and I want to hold you in my arms. Kiss it. If there really only one person by my side can be with me until I grow old. I hope that person, it's you. I want to be married to you. Until old age. ”

Zhang Yan was dumbfounded for a while. Forming his hand into a fist shape and placing it in front of his lips to stop the tears that flowed low, "What are you like this?" ”

"I've been waiting for you for four whole years. I waited so wronged, if you were a little nicer to me at that time, how happy I would be. Even before I leave, as long as you are willing to come and see me and say something good, I will forgive me for nothing. Now that I've decided to give up, what is it if you come and talk to me again? ”

"Ah Yan, I'm sorry." Liu Ying heard her low sobbing, and was very distressed, and kept saying, "I know I was wrong in the past. I will never make a mistake in the future. As long as you forgive me. Good no good? ”

"Okay?"

Zhang Yan cried very happily, as if she wanted to shed all the tears in the past four years. "If that's what you want, then, okay, I forgive you." She closed her eyes and leaned against the cold wall, as if leaning into his arms. In her cardamom years, she once loved someone so passionately, but I was afraid that in the future, she would never be able to.

"Ah Yan?" Liu Ying was overjoyed, followed by a slight confusion.

"I don't blame you." Zhang Yan reluctantly smiled, "So, you can go back to Chang'an tomorrow." ”

Liu Ying calmed down and asked, "What do you mean?" ”

"That's what it means."

She said slowly, "I'm glad you can say this to me, it will make me feel that my relationship in the past four years is no longer a joke." It's just," she pursed her lips, slowly, word by word, like a knife, "it's too late." ”

"I don't have the courage to love anymore."

No matter how sincere love is, if it doesn't get a response from that person, it will eventually be dyed to ashes.

Wouldn't it be nice if you could have told me earlier?

Wouldn't it be nice if I could wake up sooner?

Too late...... Is it?

Liu Ying clenched her fists, and her heart sank.

She suddenly remembered that year in the Jiaofang Palace, when he had just come back from the court, Ah Yan came out of the palace, the weather was hot, and she only wore a thin gauze robe, bright and warm like a swallow flying over the willow treetops.

At first, he didn't really think so. He just felt that there weren't so many ifs in the world. And Ah Yan is too stupid and persistent, if she is given a glimmer of hope, she will be even more addicted to this hopeless marriage and can't turn back.

Perhaps, he was even more afraid that his heart had been soaked too soft by Ah Yan's tenderness, so he refused ruthlessly, just to not leave himself a way back, and he was even more reluctant to Ah Yan. He just, in the end, he didn't expect it, in the end, Ah Yan came out, but he fell into it until he perished.

"Ah Yan, don't say that. We are all young, and what we missed in the past would be nice to make up for it. I will do what you want, think about it and don't regret it. ”

"No need. That's fine. Zhang Yan opened her eyes, calm and resolute. Feelings are like cooking tea, and if you get older, you will get old. If you owe one point, you don't have enough. Now, we can do this, and the heat is just right. "If you stop here, when you think of your youth in the future, all you will remember is my good. If you want to continue, I'm afraid that you will have polished out your original feelings. ”

"him just right." Liu Ying suddenly became annoyed,

"Ah Yan, I will never get tired of you for the rest of my life."

"Ah Yan, think about it, think about it again. You're in Chang'an. Not only is there a me, but also your mother, and your brother. With so many relatives who care about you, can you leave them all behind? Ah Yan, if you think about it carefully, we don't have much time to regret it in the future. It's never too late. ”

You must know that the empress is never just the emperor's wife. It is not a trivial matter for the queen of the middle palace in the world of mothers to leave the palace - if it weren't for his efforts to suppress the news of her leaving the palace, and the queen mother, who was her maternal grandmother, kept silent, I was afraid that she would turn back. I can't continue to be this queen anymore.

The queen is immoral, and this crime is that he wants to bear it for her. You may not be able to eat them all. It is for this reason that he would rather leave a Chang'an without himself and come here in person, just to be able to bring Zhang Yan back as soon as possible, when everything is irretrievable. Erase things seamlessly.

Zhang Yan's tears finally spilled and raised her head. "No one can stay together for a lifetime. Although I can't be filial to them, if they know, I miss them wherever I am. It can be comforted. ”

Liu Ying only felt that her throat was fishy, and she swallowed it hard, "Why are you so bitter?" ”

He couldn't help but say, with a little pray, "As long as you are willing to go back to Chang'an, there will be the queen of the world, the queen mother loves you as much, and your mother will still visit the palace from time to time, everything is the same as before, isn't it good?" ”

"Oh?" Zhang Yan's voice was a little sharp and self-deprecating, "Do you really think that I have been living well all these years?" ”

As the queen of the middle palace, but she has no emperor's favor and is not standing upright, how can she stand up her own shelf and face those concubines? In the palace, you are the closest person I rely on, but no matter how close you are, there is a barrier between us, which we can't see or touch, but we can't surpass it. After a four-year long career in Weiyang Palace, when she came out, looking back, it was bleak.

Liu Ying was speechless,

"Ah Yan, I can't redeem the past, but if you are willing to go back with me, I will never let you suffer those unpleasant things again."

Zhang Yan smiled slightly, his words were sincere. can find the clouds, Liu Ying's feelings for her should be true. He always made a promise, and she was convinced, but, "I really can't hold on." ”

"At that time, I was very naïve, thinking that with love, I could do anything. It wasn't until later that I found out that this was not the case. She can deal with all kinds of calculations that a queen should have, but she can't deal with the person she loves the most and is the best for her in Weiyang Palace. Looking back on the past four years, how much power does it take to make oneself, who was once ruined, fall into the sand and retreat?

But

"You don't have to worry about me." Zhang Yan raised her face and said with a clear smile, "I like the life here very much. Although it does not have the glory, wealth, brocade and food of Chang'an, it is also a good life. Every day, if you are unhappy, look up at the blue sky of the Northland, and you will feel good for a while, such a day is very good. When the time comes, I will leave here, ride a horse all the way south, see the mountains and rivers of Dahan, taste snacks from all over the world, and occasionally listen to the news from Chang'an, which is also comfortable. ”

"Ah Yan," Liu Ying's heart was empty, and she hesitated for a while, and finally asked, "You...... Do you blame me? ”

In the four years of married life, he thought that he had given her shelter as much as possible, and it was not until tonight that he finally understood how much harm his so-called good had done to her.

This man, after all, is the first person she loves seriously, even if the injured body is incomplete, she still remembers his goodness and is unwilling to hurt others. This is the best, in the middle of the night when no one is around, through this flower wall, they can't see each other's appearance, but the sound and smell.

"Weird?" In the last days of Chang'an, she really blamed him to the core. But after leaving, I let go of my thoughts, and I felt a little calmer. It's just that there are lingering doubts in my heart, whether this man who has loved him for so many years has ever loved himself even a little bit, not as a relative, but as a man. Now that she finally knows the answer, after making her last wish, she is in a calm mood for a moment, and for more than ten years, joys, sorrows, and sorrows flow through her heart like flowing water. And she was like a guest, standing beside the flowing water, calm and sharp,

"I used to love you very much, and I never regretted this love. Although there was pain in between, it was ...... In the past ten years, I have always remembered your kindness to me, and you don't have to feel sorry for me. Because all the paths are my own choice. …… I'll admit, I used to like you. I also wished I could be with you for the rest of my life. For this reason, I tried hard, and in the end, I failed. That can only be said that fate should be like this. I don't regret it. ”

It's just that, sometimes, I wonder if you weren't my uncle and I wasn't your nephew, would there be a good ending between us. However, there are so many ifs in the world, if you were really not my uncle, we would never have known each other, let alone in the future. I don't deny that I will be sad when I leave you. But it doesn't matter, it will be fine in the end.

Fate is truly wonderful. Her eyes sighed lightly, in the past, I have been chasing you hard, and you refuse to look down. Now, I finally gave up, as you wished, and left, but you turned back to chase me, uncle, why bother? Fate creates magic, and it is as good as Si.

"Ah Yan is not a person who doesn't know what to do, in the past ten years, I haven't forgotten all the kindness you have been to me. It's just ......," she said, covering her face, "we're just not fit to be husband and wife." ”

"Perhaps, it is best to be a well-behaved and sensible niece for the rest of your life, right? But the times made people, and finally came to such a point. ”

"So be it." Zhang Yan said, "Good night, uncle." ”

——5,260 words, revised on May 6, 2011