Even when I think about falling in love, I get scared.

It's funny to say, but what made a shadow for me was a phone call I had with Aunt Feng.

She told me about the eldest sister and Li Qiang at that time, and learned Li Qiang's original words in a tone -

Uncle Changlin, this is love!

It's this sentence, every time I think about it, I can't say it in my heart.

So I only have a very superficial vision of love, and I will feel beautiful and sweet when I see others falling in love, but when it comes to myself, I can't tell which cell will be very resistant, and I know very well that I am not qualified to fall in love.

As a person with an expiration date, what kind of relationship do you fall into? Isn't that harming others and yourself?

When these thoughts came to me, I felt like I was wrapped in an inextricable trap, I felt suffocated, suffocated, and just wanted to escape.

In my limited energy, I really only want to do a good job in learning the Tao and control the matter of my life and death.

I don't want to break the rest, I don't want to break the existing relationship with Meng Qin.

I'm really selfish in this regard, and I just want to be his sister.

If the relationship changes, I'm afraid I'll be at a loss and a mess.

Thinking of the photo that Sister De mentioned......

I then asked, "That girl, is she still alive?"

"Of course."

Meng Qin smiled brightly, "She is living a very good life and has been actively pursuing her dreams."

Sounds like a very optimistic and motivated girl.

I laughed with him, "Does she live abroad?"

If I was in China, why hadn't I seen it? I haven't even heard him mention it.

By the way, it seems to be said in the book that if you care about someone in your heart, you won't be mentioned easily, and the girl in the photo should be Meng Qin's white moonlight, or cinnabar mole.

"I'll tell you next month."

Meng Qin restrained his smile a little, "Next month, I should be able to wait for her."

"January?"

I understood, "She's just living abroad, isn't she? Will be back next year? When the time comes, the two of you will be able to fall in love?"

Meng Qin didn't respond, and after a while, he said, "Perhaps, it depends on what she means."

"Oh, Dr. Meng actually made me feel a little underconfident."

I laughed jokingly, and inexplicably thought of gossiping, "No wonder everyone says that you are unfathomable, Meng Qin, you really can't be seen through, hiding such a big thing, I've known you for five years, and you didn't tell me, so ......."

After a pause, I thought of something very important, "If you're in love, we can't do this, can we?"

There was silence on the other end of the earpiece for a moment, and Meng Qin's voice was low, "Yes, it can't be like this anymore."

I panicked, which means, he can't care about me anymore?

Yes, there are some things that I thought about at the beginning, but when it comes to this day, I still feel a little uncomfortable.

I thought I could accept it generously and bless Meng Qin, but I still didn't want to distance myself from him.

As soon as this thought came to me, I felt very selfish and shameless.

If this noble man really can't appear in my life, who else can care about me.

"Well, don't worry, Meng Qin, I know what to do."

"Fool."

Meng Qin's voice once again showed tiredness, "Okay, rest early, I'll go to you after this busy time, good night."

Putting down the phone, I lost my mind on the rice paper, picked up the brush, and almost subconsciously depicted a lonely boat on the landscape painting, with a shallow outline of a figure above, and the accompanying poem next to it was written, I was still a little stunned when I looked at it-

The floating world was originally scattered more, and the red fern was also separated.

Mu Mu watched it for a long time, and I kept thinking back to what happened with Meng Qin.

It seems that I've known him for so long, only tonight, in

At this moment, when I learned that he had a girl he liked, I seriously thought about what to do next, and the past scenes were put back in my mind, and I thought that I had kissed him excitedly at the racecourse, bit his neck in the western restaurant, and hugged him......

If it weren't for Su Yutan's indulging and indulgence with me, I wouldn't have had a conflict with her.

No, it should be said that Sister Meiling was a fuse at that time, and she noticed that I had crossed the line early on.

Su Yutan was a later explosive point.

But I didn't think about it until tonight.

Or rather, I don't know how to control it.

It is very likely that at some point, I behaved very recklessly towards Meng Qin.

As the defeat intensifies, I can already call myself my sister to Meng Qin.

Want......

Kiss him!

Or even molesting him.

As if I'd be more comfortable that way.

It's hard to talk about what I want to do to him at a deeper level when I'm out of control.

Even if I couldn't guess what I was going to do to him, it was clear that I was in danger.

For Meng Qin, I am the biggest hidden danger.

If the girl he really likes shows up and sees my boundless behavior, how responsive will she be?

I raised my hand and patted my forehead, and a sense of disgust for myself rose in my heart.

It seems that he is a trash, and when he stays with Meng Qin, he thinks about things that are not boundary.

It's disgusting.

But I couldn't break free.

I couldn't draw anymore, so I went to the bathroom and took another shower.

The shower came down head-on, and I scrubbed my skin desperately, as if doing so would wash my brain.

From childhood to adulthood, Grandpa Cai taught me the most about conduct and virtue, knowing good and knowing evil.

But here in Meng Qin, how did I become a shameless taker.

The evil thing is, I don't feel like there's a problem with me yet, and I want to keep going like this......

What the hell is wrong with me?

Lying in bed I had a splitting headache.

In a trance, Ciyin's former laughter sounded in his ears, "This life is short, I didn't enjoy it when I was young, when will I enjoy it, girl, live well, the deity will bless you to live smoothly until the last moment......

Am I going to rot?

His eyes trembled open, and his temples slid through two lines of coldness for no reason.

I'm about to turn eighteen, and for Meng Qin, will I become more and more unbounded and shameless.

My body sat up suddenly, and I looked at the draped veil beside the bed, my fists tensing unconsciously.

I don't have to wait for that girl to come back, from this moment on, I have to keep my distance from Meng Qin, don't hurt, it's my best protection for him, all the kindness, wait until I'm twenty-four years old, and then repay it.

Taking a deep breath, a trace of reluctance rippled in my heart, but I knew that this was the reluctance brought to me by defeat, because a thought arose in my body, urging me to call Meng Qin and order him to come over to accompany me.

It was horrible, I was clutching my hair with both hands, tearing at my scalp and exuding pain, suppressing bad thoughts.

Lying down on my back, I covered myself with the quilt and trapped myself in a dark space.

A huge garbage heap came to mind, and little by little, buried me in it.