When I returned to the study, I made a set of volumes, felt calmer, and continued to read the book.

In the past few years, Master's collection has been read by me, and there are some obscure places that need to be read again and again.

Late at night, I went back to my bedroom and spread out a map of Pingxian on the floor, marking it with a red oil pen.

Looking down, this map has been drawn by me beyond recognition, and it is full of dense red rice characters.

Every time I come back from Pingxian, I will mark the places I have been on the map and refine them down to the street districts.

It's not only an elimination method, but also a way to strengthen my memory points.

In the past two or three months, I have been considered a Pingxian pass.

I stayed up until one o'clock in the middle of the night, and I was bored with baking bread in bed.

I can't sleep when I count to a thousand, and I always feel a little angry.

My eyes finally fell on my phone, and leaning on the head of the bed, I clicked on the text message dialog box with Meng Qin.

The last short message was on March 13th.

It was a long text message of apology I sent to Meng Qin on the day of my grandmother's memorial service.

Exiting the text message page, I clicked on the address book again, and wanted to tap Meng Rongtang's name eagerly.

I want to ask him what kind of psychology he has for me, and why he still meddles in my affairs while saying that he doesn't care about me.

In my opinion, he can take care of the kind of thing that kicks people in the vegetable market, after all, I am also half his sister, even if he doesn't want to be my brother, I also grew up next to him, in my heart, he has an identity as a brother.

Not to mention, he is also my calligraphy teacher, has tutored me in many subjects, and has a relationship with me.

But Meng Qin doesn't have to care if anyone is chasing me or not.

Isn't he too troublesome?

Is the miso salty?

That day, he personally said that he would not care about me anymore, and asked me to take care of myself and let me cheer up.

Why ......

I was very irritable, but I didn't have the courage to call him, and I had a familiar feeling of scratching my heart.

What the hell does Meng Qin think, if he doesn't be friends with me, he is still good to me, is there something wrong with this person!

Grabbing my hair, I sat up from the bed abruptly, my back straightened, and stared at Meng Rongtang's three words for tens of seconds-

I have a heart. Look at the book

Block his number directly!

Call~

The suppressed breath of breath can be regarded as smooth.

Comfortable.

"That way I won't want to call you again, Monchin."

Didn't think about it.

Don't think about it anymore.

I threw away my phone and went downstairs in the dark with my slippers.

Go to the kitchen, open the refrigerator door, and pull out a can of cold beer.

I took a big sip of it, and the bubbles hit my throat, and I felt a masochistic pleasure.

To be honest, I don't think this thing tastes good, but I still want to drink it, because every day as long as I open my eyes, I have to put on a positive and optimistic mask, and rush forward tirelessly, I am not qualified to shout tired, let alone afraid of pain.

But in recent months, I always have a deep sense of powerlessness, a lot of confusion, a lot of confusion, obviously I took the thunder but couldn't get out, I went to Pingxian but couldn't find the mother and mouse, I saw the suffering but couldn't completely reverse the situation.

Sustain.

It's always maintained, sustained, and made do.

My brothers all say take your time, and that's what I say to myself, but I know that time won't wait for me.

Full of mountains and rivers, love but can't.

I don't understand why the more I spend money, the more miserable I become, as if I have embarked on a path that I hate the most.

The book says that money is difficult, and the poor will think, what will happen when I have money, it seems that spending money is the easiest thing in the world, but when I am really rich, I may not be able to be generous in everything.

Why?

Because it's not easy to earn,

How can you easily spend money and be detached in your heart?

Spending money on welfare homes and spending them on Xiaozhen, even if the people around me don't understand, I'm actually quite comfortable.

At least I don't spit on myself in my heart.

But buying good things to do harm is the most embarrassing thing for me.

I always think of my father, who got up early and worked late to earn some money, building walls and plastering for a living, and none of his clothes were clean.

In the summer, he wore a shabby camouflage uniform, and inside was a hurdle vest with hole-in-the-hole eyes, and he squatted at the base of the wall, smoking a cigarette, and counting the hundred and eighty he earned, and the owner asked him to drink soda, and he pretended to drink it, but in fact poured it into his own kettle, and brought it back to me to drink.

When I drank it, all I had was sweet, and the steam was astigmatized.

Dad also smiled and said, "It's delicious, this is Jianlibao, the most expensive soda in the store."

I asked him to try it too, and he said that he was tired of drinking crookedly when he was working in the owner's house, and said with a smile while washing his face, "San'er, Dad is still behind when he eats good things, and when you and your sister have a great future in the future, Dad will be happy!"

After washing his face, I helped him pour water, and I saw that the water he had washed his face was muddy, as if soap had been mixed with mud.

Growing up in this environment, how can I be a loser with peace of mind?

I had no choice but to try desperately to make all kinds of excuses for my actions.

I'm not defeating my home, I'm just feeding medicine to defeat, and now I'm fusing defeat is just a delaying tactic, everything will be fine after the momentum, as long as I can bite to death and persist to the end, I will still be depressed, depressed that I don't spend all the money I earned.

The accumulation of human debts in my heart is getting heavier and heavier, just like the material box in front of Sister Xiaoyue, the beads full of beads are the expectations of the people around me and the bright future I look forward to, but I don't know when I can wear those beads into a string of bracelets and necklaces, and wear them beautifully and easily.

I can only persevere, and be a disgusted loser, which is also the protective color of my survival.

However, when I am sober, I still loathe myself.

How did it change?

So I'm more and more obsessed with the feeling of being slightly drunk.

It was as if a way out of the gap between despair and confusion had been found.

When drunk, I don't know that the sky is in the water, the boat is full of dreams and the galaxy, there is wine today, and I am drunk today, and I am sad tomorrow.

Wiping my face haphazardly, I leaned against the refrigerator door and slowly flattened the empty can in my hand.

The night is dustless, the moonlight is like silver, and when the wine is poured, it must be full of ten points, and the fame and fortune are floating, and the mind is hard work.

Sigh in the horse, fire in the stone, body in the dream.

Ringing bell ring~~!

I ran through my phone with my eyes closed and put it to my ear, "Hey."

"Hotaru, can you get up?"

Qi Yihou's voice came out of the earpiece, "There is a familiar owner who contacted me to do hospice business, one of his aunts is going to die, saying that her legs are cold to her knees, it is estimated that it will be an hour or two away, living in the suburbs, having a yard, and being able to mourn in your own home, if you want to take this job, you have to be Mr. Concierge, this person trusts me very much, and I have not contacted others, you have to help set a phase for the burial, I will send you over first, and then leave the car for you there, if you pick it up, you have to work there for three or four days, I told the owner to give you a personal package of 5,000 yuan, do you think it's okay?"