I said earlier that my mentality exploded, but I didn't say why.

I probably know it in my heart, but I haven't analyzed it carefully, so I'll write it while analyzing and sorting it out.

I remember that day we came together in the morning to start coding words and continued to code until the early hours of the morning, because I said that I would have 10,000 words a day that day, and finally I did update 10,000 words.

The problem is that I thought it would be interesting to send NB to prison when I wrote about the NB incident, so I stretched out the article and sent NB in reference to the defamation of the female anchor of Jiujian Xian.

It was said that writing a mess and copying was secondary, but when I finished writing, I suddenly realized that my behavior seemed to be no different from slander, and I could even remove the "as if".

Because I only collected all kinds of information about NB from the Internet, but there was no actual and sufficient evidence that NB had some of the behaviors in my book, which was equivalent to me forcibly "stone hammering" NB.

Looking back at the beginning I said "it feels like it's fun", is it really just because of this?

In fact, I knew from beginning to end that a large part of it was for "highlights", and I didn't suddenly find out after I finished writing.

It was only when I finished writing that I had reason to convince myself: I had written everything I had written, so I would send it out like that.

And the irony is that this plot was not very popular.

Throughout the day, I felt a faint sense of guilt.

What I'm afraid of is not that the plot will be said to be boring, but that I'm afraid of being called disgusting, in fact, I'm disgusting myself.

Because I know what I'm thinking so many times, it's hard to deceive myself.

Everyone's moral outlook and three views are different, and some people may think that they are hypocritical, hypocritical, and make a fuss, but for me, this matter affects my mentality very much.

All kinds of negative comments, coupled with no relaxation for nearly half a year, etc., eventually led to an explosion of my mentality.

After that, I indulged for a while, but I just felt nothing, I didn't want to code words but I didn't know what to do.

So I began to look back on my original intention of writing this book, as if it was to earn money to support myself without relying on my family.

It rose from 3,000 to 7,000 a month, and then to almost 10,000, and it was rising every month.

So I thought to myself whether to write more about this book and make more money, after all, the momentum seems to be good.

I said that I just wanted to earn some money to support myself, but when I saw how much I could earn, I suddenly began to be dissatisfied.

This can't help but remind me of a sentence: don't forget the original intention, you have to always.

It's a pity that I know that it's too far away from doing it.

Now that I've given up on my full attendance for so long, the breath I hold in my heart seems to be gone.

As for what I am thankful for after "messing up", on the one hand, I am sorry for the development of this book, and on the other hand, I am sorry for the book friends who still support me.

But personally, I think that people live for themselves after all, and I will not change my true thoughts because of some expectations of others and so on.

It's all about how I act.

Now I have more than 10,000 yuan in my small coffers, and it is enough for me to survive for a few months.

So I'm probably going to finish this month, and then I'm going to do what I want to do while I think about the new book.

I sometimes didn't update it a few days ago, and some people said that I was running to supervise the movie, and I can only say that I thought too much.

The movie was already filmed, but there was a little problem in the theaters, and others wanted my dad to join the stock and use a little relationship.

And the reason why I don't update, in addition to being lazy, I simply don't want to code words, but also because I have picked up fitness now, I have to go to the gym every day to exercise, and I have to buy vegetables and cook to supplement nutrition, as well as make videos.

I just released a video two days ago, and the data is not bad, so it's no surprise that I can be a small up master after a while.

Above, there is nothing more to say, I wish everyone can live the life they want.