(1) First meeting the master

Many years ago, after graduating from university, he chose to work in a local Chinese medicine hospital. Later, he left the hospital, said goodbye to his parents, left his hometown, and came to the unaccompanied southern city with a hot dream and a borrowed 400 yuan. Working first, then starting a business, self-reliance, self-improvement, and hard work, he watered the flower of hope with hard work and sweat.

After a few years, he started a family and finally had his own rehabilitation center.

The master planned to recruit employees, and when I went to apply, the master said: "Stinginess, stinginess, picking, and not pulling out a dime, etc., are all effective means to make a fortune." Let's take me as an example, if my clothes are worn for five or six years, what does it matter if they are torn? It can also be worn by sewing and mending, and it will be left for sons to wear and grandchildren to wear in the future, as the so-called 'children and grandchildren are infinitely scarce'. ”

I weakly replied, "I've been wearing my clothes for four years......"

The master seemed very happy to hear this, and shook his head: "Well, that's good!" You still have a bit of a talent for 'picking the door', of course, meeting me is that you have accumulated great virtue in your previous life, and you must start to strengthen the key cultivation of 'picking the door' in the future, which is crucial. ”

The slogan of the master is: to give full play to the economic value of every penny!

I was puzzled: "You are the legendary 'No.1 Door Picking'?" ”

He smirked, and just gently stroked the piece of stitch on his knee that had been sewn four times, but had been brushed.

The master changed his words and pointed to his shoes: "These are my 'mille-feuille' cloth shoes, which are very comfortable to wear." Tell you, it's not just a pair of shoes, it's an ancestral secret recipe for traditional Chinese medicine! ”

"Chinese medicine?"

"Yes, you have three years and five years, ten years and eight years of rhinitis? No problem, Sensei worries. As soon as I take off my shoes, your rhinitis will be cured immediately! ”

"So smart?" I will be skeptical.

"Don't believe it, if you don't believe it, you can try! To tell the truth, Master Zhang, an employee in our store, his old rhinitis of more than 20 years was smoked once and then smoked. ”

I nodded.

"Of course, any medicine has side effects, and the side effects of my 'nasal psychic spirit seven' are: dizziness and cataplexy after smoking too much, don't overdose!"

(2) Set up stalls

As soon as the night fell, there were a lot more people in People's Square.

As soon as we set up the stall, the master shouted that he was thirsty, and he took out the kettle he had brought with him, even if he had not participated in the War of Resistance Against Japan, he probably had participated in the Civil War, and I had only seen it once in the Nanjing Massacre Memorial Hall.

The army-green outer membrane of the kettle has been polished and mottled, and even the shape of the kettle has changed a lot, and the strap has been sewn many times.

As far as the eye can see, there is a small restaurant. The master asked me to beg for saliva, and I still used this unique kettle.

"Master, we don't go to eat again, how can we beg for water to drink, it's too embarrassing, I won't go!" I stand by my principles.

"It's okay if you don't go, then you shout here, let everyone take a look, take a look." The master actually let me choose.

I had no choice but to ask for a pot of water, which was actually tea, and tea with the fragrance of jasmine.

At that time, I felt that the welcoming girl at the door was beautiful and her soul was even more beautiful.

The master drank most of the pot in one go, and a dense bead of sweat appeared on his face.

He instructed me to look at the stall and go around by myself, he was always worried that there were overtime chengguan, in his words: overtime chengguan is the fighter in chengguan!

It's been an hour, and still no one has bought a single piece of clothing, and I'm always a little anxious.

"Master, I think this dress is too old-fashioned. People say that I am as earthy as the Terracotta Warriors and Horses, how do I feel that these clothes are like the clothes worn by the Terracotta Warriors and his grandparents. Will they buy it? I asked.

"Don't worry, don't you believe in the master's vision? Do you want to believe in the master as you believe in the Chinese Communist Party, yinbai? The master's eyes were very determined.

"Besides, I am now a public figure, and there are already more than 30 people in the WeChat address book!" He added: "I still want to compete to be mayor?" ”

After saying that, the master walked away again, because "public figures" should not set up stalls.

A lot of clothes were sold that night, and the customers were mainly aunts and uncles, as well as people on crutches and in wheelchairs.

It was close to eleven o'clock in the evening when the master returned, and he took his wallet and counted it three times.

"Yes, yes, we made more than seventy dollars tonight! I hope to make more money on cloudy days. The master stroked the wallet over and over again, and he didn't realize that the zipper of the severed head had scratched the tip of his finger.

"Master, are you hungry? Let's eat fried noodles, just five yuan a bowl. ”

"Forget it, don't be hungry and don't eat." The master replied.

"I'm so hungry, so hungry! I swear! ”

"Forget it, you go back to the dormitory to rest. When you fall asleep, you are not hungry, thirsty, or tired. "The master comforted me.

"I really want to eat chow mein......"

"If you don't have a good stomach, you will be restless, and if you eat supper, you will have insomnia, so you should lose weight."

"I'm not afraid of insomnia! And I'm only over 90 pounds, so I don't need to lose weight! ”

"Okay, then you go buy fried noodles." The master finally relented.

"I don't have any money......"

"What? No money! This month's living expenses of 20 yuan, how can you spend it in the middle of the month! What is the 'planned economy'! Today on the 15th, you will spend the money at the end of the month in the middle of the month, no wonder there is no money! The master seemed very upset.

"Why doesn't the master pay me?" I finally spoke out about the problem that was buried in my heart.

"Payroll? You can't even manage twenty dollars, how can you manage thousands of dollars? Don't worry, I'll give you a lot of salary. The master shook his head.

"Don't blame the master for being cruel to you, when you buy a house and get married in the future, you will know the master's hard work for you......"

I have always felt that the master is a complex and changeable lifeform, and suddenly I feel that the master is actually a good person!

Today, I suddenly feel so sad, maybe people like my master and me, who live at the bottom of society and often struggle on the poverty line, should not have dreams.

The master should not have a "town mayor dream", and I should not have sentimental feelings when setting up a stall.

(3) Poverty alleviation and prosperity

"Master, why do we work every day, go to set up stalls after work, and are still so poor, when can we get rid of poverty and become well-off?" I asked the master.

"I've been thinking deeply about being a teacher for more than 50 years, and I still haven't thought about it." The master couldn't help but feel a little confused.

"I know! Because there are no heroes who rob the rich and help the poor! Otherwise, we'll get rich overnight! Count the money and tremble! "I'm so happy.

"You're so stupid, I know how to buy two money counters and count them with machines!"

I said: "When the time comes, I will travel around the world, and then go back to my hometown to retire, eat and read novels every day, and wait for death." "My eyes were full of longing.

"It's really unproductive! At first glance, he is a person who does not want to make progress! If it's me, I'll meet thousands of blonde beauties! Haha......" The master laughed unscrupulously, and his mouth was tilted to the side.

"Master, do you know how old you are? I reminded him.

The master's face suddenly changed, and he reprimanded sharply: "What kind of mess are you talking about, do you still need to doubt my character?"

I quickly diverted the topic, "Master, starting from a cloudy day, people who drive luxury cars come to acupuncture and collect 200 yuan at a time, and poor people acupuncture at a time 5 yuan or no money, this is robbing the rich to help the poor and adjusting the gap between the rich and the poor, how about it?" ”

"As a teacher, money has always been regarded as flowers, cockscombs, and dog's tail grass. No matter who you are, you only know how to charge 5 yuan! I have been inspired to be a decadent and good person since I was a child, and I can't change my ambition because of money! Perhaps, in this world, I am the only one who does not love money...... "The master's attitude no longer allows me to say anything."

"Master, look! See! The red one seems to be 100 yuan! Doorway! "I'm so excited!

"100 bucks! Money! Don't move! I must have lost it last month......" The master immediately bounced up from his chair, "whoosh", and went straight to the gate!

I suddenly realized that my master should go to the Olympics, and he will definitely win the championship! Whether it's a long run or a sprint!

The master came back, his face pale.

"Xiao Yang, I searched for 10 minutes, but I didn't find a penny! There is no money at all, only a piece of broken paper! What a look at you! ”

I didn't dare to speak.

The master said he was going to give me 50 yuan, and I thought he had given out a red envelope. The master said that if he wants to give out red envelopes, he must wait until communism is fully realized!

It turned out that it was money deducted from my salary to get me glasses. He said that 350-degree glasses are no longer for you.

"Master, 50 yuan is not enough for glasses!"

"I've inquired, it's a summer discount, you go get the cheapest, use my daughter's student ID." The master took such good care of me that I almost cried.

"Master, it's hot, what should I do if I'm thirsty?"

"I borrowed that heirloom kettle for you, and it was full of enough for you to drink." The master said generously.

"I'm going to drink 'Wonderful Love' yogurt, the taste of first love! ”

"The taste of first love? Just you? It's not that I hit your self-esteem, but someone can fall in love with you, it's your creation. ”

The master continued, "You don't look as handsome as me, and you wear more earthy clothes than me." After saying that, he touched a large patch on his buttocks, and then he was proud.

(4) Aspire

The master said that the current political environment has adversely affected the state of the economy - money, too hard to earn.

"That's it! It is! "You see that I am busy every day to die or live, or poor and sad." Master, is there a solution? ”

"I plan to set up a stall after work to make up for my family." The master became worried again, "I'm just afraid that those city managers will chase and intercept them."

"Master, I've thought about it too, after work, I went to the People's Square to beg for food, and no, begging for money! Ask for some money, ten or eight dollars. Just knock a hole in the bowl you eat, and you're done. I said seriously, "But I don't know any musical instruments, I can't even whistle, what should I do?" ”

"I've learned the guitar as a teacher, and if I can't set up a stall, I've thought of a way out......," he sighed.

I immediately retracted my words, "Master, can you still eat?" "Because I know that the master can eat, drink and sleep, and his head is still good.

The master told me vigorously: "You just have a bowl, be careful." Also, don't forget to bring back the open bowl when you go to work, you still have to use it for meals. Most importantly, when begging for food, do you have to be pious and cry seriously, and be white? Also, if the bowl is broken, don't ask me to borrow money. What is the master's economic situation, not to mention you also know. Besides, don't say that you don't have money for teachers, even if you have money, I won't borrow it! ”

I nodded in gratitude.

It's really not easy for the master, he ate a vegetable bag for breakfast today, and licked his mouth three times with his tongue, and each finger snorted once, it seemed that he was still a little uneasy, touched his mouth with his fingers, and made sure that there was no oil star, so he wiped his fingers a few times on the black patch on the cardigan.

He didn't even look at it, and he hadn't opened one of the two packs of tissues he picked up on his way to work on March 20 the year before.

The master also said that black clothes are the most resistant to dirt and do not hurt the laundry detergent......

"Master, why are you so stingy?"

"Alas, the ancestors dare not forget the legacy, otherwise they will be ashamed of their ancestors, if you see Grande, a few relatives on Sherlock's side, you will always have to get by."

He sighed again: "To be a decadent and stingy person for the sake of being a teacher since childhood, decadence has already been done, but it is just stingy, you still have to work hard, and you must carefully understand the true meaning before you can give up." ”

(5) Meetings

Today, the master is sitting at his desk, planning to have a small meeting.

"It's a meeting! It's time for a meeting! You guys are all seated for me! Today, I plan to hold 'three meetings' together: the meeting of the Standing Committee of Tuina, the enlarged meeting of grassroots Tuina teachers, and the meeting of leaders of Tuina departments! Let me say a few words briefly, I don't want to listen, and I am not allowed to go out, you are all gone, who will listen to my tirade? Lock the gate, and you won't let go!" ”

He cleared his throat: "Looking back on the two years of 2016 and 2017, it is the most difficult two years in the development of our Qihuang Physiotherapy Center, and they have all survived, mainly thanks to one person!" This person is me! Because, I am a good leader! Good master! Strategize and win thousands of miles away! Of course, to put it mildly, you don't understand it at all. Because, the highest Chinese among you is Xiao Yang! She graduated from the second grade of primary school and is enrolled in several kindergartens. Well, what the teacher means - the train runs fast, and it all depends on the head to carry it! You must firmly believe in my exemplary leadership and leadership! Please start applauding and praise me as much as you like! ”

Everyone fell into a state of depression: "Master! Is there anything you look like? Is it a meeting today or is it looking for a sense of presence? Or a self-recognition conference? ”

"Master, do you have to be true to your word?" I asked.

The master seemed to be very unhappy: "Xiao Yang, I said why are you so deviant?" It turns out that speaking is a hammer knock in the east, and an axe in the west is chopping (Kan), but now it is a sentence in heaven and a sentence in the world, what is going on with you? Got a thunderbolt on the head? ”

"Master, didn't you say that you only spoke two sentences? It seems that there are already more than two sentences. ”

"I can't blame the master, my math is taught by the PE teacher. Next, I would like to invite Master Zhang to say a few words, come! ”

Master Zhang looked embarrassed: "I don't know how to speak, I don't know what to say?" ”

"Say whatever you think in your heart! If you have any sad things or ugly things, you can also talk about it, and let's have fun with it! ”

Master Zhang plucked up his courage: "I still work every day in the lunar year, in addition to working, I just watch "If You Are Honest, Do Not Disturb", and I also chat with beautiful women on the Internet to see if I can hook up with a wife." Others, none. ”

"Well said! Although this is not on the table, it is true! Okay, Xiao Yang continued. ”

"Master, what I want to say is: First, I have bought vegetables with public funds for two years and have not embezzled a single dollar from you! Conscience of heaven and earth! ”

The master raised his crooked face: "Do you think that if you don't embezzle public funds, the master will praise you?" Tell you, although you didn't embezzle public money, you didn't create any 'windfall wealth'! For example: pick up a big diamond ring, a big gold chain, a wallet, a mobile phone, even if you pick up a radish and cabbage and come back to eat. You're good, you haven't picked anything up for two years? I'm embarrassed to say! ”

"People walk and look at their mobile phones, I look at the ground, there is no big gold chain on the ground, big diamond ring, and no money, just ask the sky is vast, where should I pick it up?" I argued with all my might.

"Look at people picking up rags, sweepers often pick up huge sums of money, I knew that I specially hired to pick up rags, sweepers the streets, what do you want you to do?"

I didn't take the stubble: "Second, I want to ask the master to buy a woven bag for a dollar." ”

"What? Are you really going to pick up the junk after work? ”

I explained: "The sheets are changed once a day, and the towels are changed once a person. Changed a lot of bed linen every day, dozens of towels. Originally, the snakeskin bag (woven bag) had a hole rotten, but it may have been because of the 'source of infection', and it turned out to be a total of six holes: three large holes, three small holes, and the other holes may still be forming! Every day I lay out the sheets, cover the hole, and put the towels, otherwise, the towels will all leak through the hole. Every day, I carry this 'artistic' woven bag to and from the dormitory and the physiotherapy hall, and passers-by stare at me. What should I do? My temperament and aura have been seriously affected, and they all say that when they see me, a strong local atmosphere comes to their faces! ”

"I thought, why don't you put an ad on this braided belt - love her? If you love her, take her to Qihuang Physiotherapy Center for physiotherapy! It's your fault if you don't come once, and if you don't come twice, you're wrong on top of wrong! ”

"Thirdly, let's talk about grocery shopping, right? That day, I went around the vegetable market of Nuoda three times and bought one meat and two vegetables plus green onions, ginger and garlic, which had already cost a full eighteen yuan. What does soup do? I'm going to buy greens. Because the whole vegetable market is the cheapest greens, right! I'll just buy a green vegetable for three cents a piece! At that time, the vegetable vendor stared at me in surprise, and he not only stared at me, but also asked me: Just buy a vegetable tree? A tree? It's as if I've done something that I can't see. Master, you know I'm pretty broken inside! Actually, how I wanted to tell him that I had planned to buy only half of it, if he was willing to sell it. ”

"The peddler is looking at you? Or look at your woven bag? ”

"Master! Do you think you buy woven bags or not? Less verbose! ”

"Okay, just buy it. I'm going to ask someone if I can pay in installments for a dollar? ”

"Good! That's all for my words, it's over. ”

"Good! Next, please Zhang San, Li Si, Wang Er, and Mazi...... Separate statements. ”

Everyone said in unison: "Don't say it, don't say it, no matter how verbose it is, the train is going to leave, and I can't go home in time for the New Year!" ”

"Let's go!"

(6) In dreams

I plan to take advantage of the Spring Festival holiday to sort out my old study notes, in the words of the master: This is an era of "looking at faces"! Is it possible that your face is long? Are you still a bit human? Don't go to Africa in the future, if you go there, they will catch you directly and lock you in a cage! It's too dangerous! Therefore, for the teacher, I will show you a way to live: if you are ugly, you must work more, and if you are ugly, you must study more. You've all memorized each of you!

Of course, the master also said: If you don't study the skills I taught you, how can you become a veterinarian in the future, and how can you treat others if you don't go to a veterinarian?

I remember that when the master said that when he was young, he met a patient, and the master rolled up his sleeves and rushed forward, volunteered to see a doctor, and comforted the patient and said: Don't worry, this is a small problem, I can't cure your disease, I will go to be a veterinarian! I'm not good at healing people, can't I still heal animals? I......

Before he finished speaking, people punched and kicked up, and the master was beaten to a pulp, and afterwards his old man finally learned a lesson - people in this world, you must not tell the truth!

Of course, there are a lot of wise sayings from the master, and I will slowly make them up when I have time in the future.

Let's just say this morning, the phone rang, waking me up, I took the phone and looked, good guy, it turns out that the other party has called twice, this is the third call.

I swiped and hung up.

I didn't wake up after the first two phone calls, why? I had a dream in the middle of the night last night:

A number of people were busy in the kitchen, and I was washing vegetables and cutting meat. There are chickens, ducks, fish and turtles, fresh seafood, vegetables and fruits, mountain delicacies, ginseng and deer antlers, dendrobium,...... They fly in the sky, they run on the ground, they swim in the waters, they reap in the ground, and they bear fruit in the trees...... Anything I could think of, anything I couldn't think of, here's it! There are a lot of dishes, not to mention eating them, I haven't seen them before!

So, I worked hard, working early and resting early. Then, hee-hee-hee...... Binge eating!

Later, I heard people outside arguing, saying that there were Moutai brand Wuliangye, Lao Yinguang brand Luzhou Laojiao, vodka with absolute water, and sesame Wallace champagne wine.

"Why don't you have a remy Martin?"

"I'm a person who doesn't drink, so what do you want to do with Remy Martin? The name sounds weird and scary. ”

The people outside quarreled for a while, and what did they say that the courier company was on holiday, and no one delivered the goods, it was their mistake, and they promised to send a bottle of Louis XIII's brother and a bottle of Millennium Lafei It was not a compensation at all.

Later, those few people were relieved.

Everyone worked together until dawn, when they were cleaned up and served on the table, and the feast was feasted! True: Cooking with fire, flowers and brocade, looking at it will be greedy!

On the table, there are also Chinese pandas, Zhongnanhai Great Unity, Jinding Yellow Crane Tower, Hunan and the world, Taishan Buddha Light, Golden Sky Leaves, and cigarettes printed with foreign characters, a lot of smoke, I don't know it.

I don't smoke either, so I simply picked up the bowl and picked up the vegetables, sandwiched half a bowl, made a chicken thigh, and was about to open my mouth, when something terrible happened: the phone rang again!

You see this phone ringing is really not the right time, a good meal of human delicacy and I am insulated, as the saying goes, putting down chopsticks is a lifetime!

How could I not be heartbroken!

From the busy work in the middle of the night to now, all the work has been in vain, and I haven't drunk a sip of water, I really have a bad idea!

You say if I go out to answer the phone and come back, will they leave me some food? What if you stay?

I mean, you people are really? What big deal can I do? In addition to going to work is to go home, two points and one line.

Alas? Did you say the call came from the president? Can he call me? Does he have something to ask me for? Or do you want to greet me for the New Year? Not like?

Fairy call? It's a bit of a possibility!

Let's take a look first.

The phone reads: "Suspected scam call", oh? I finally turned white, this is a call from the Japanese. How is it not Japanese? There are not many Chinese names with six characters?

This parent is really, how can you give your child this name? Sounds like a liar.

This Japanese person is so annoying, ruin my delicious meal!

Then again, what are the Japanese looking for me for? Give me a gift? Invite me to dinner?

Well, he'll call again, and I'll ask him.

But think about it, I'm really not on the table, so delicious, why do you choose chicken thighs? It's really a few people in the countryside who don't know the goods, and they pick up the big touch.

If I had taken a pigeon egg and eaten it in my mouth, I would have regretted it.

(7) Brain

The blue sky is like washing, the geese are returning to the south, the clouds are leisurely, and the silence is quiet. The autumn wind is blowing, and the fallen leaves are flying with the wind. The fishing boat returns late, and the sunset sinks in the depths of the reeds. The night is as cool as water, the moonlight is bright, and the fragrance of osmanthus is thick.

Autumn is getting stronger, the temperature is cool in the morning and evening, everyone gathers in the rehabilitation center at nine o'clock in the morning, the master is only wearing a vest and shorts, after a gust of autumn wind, the master is shivering from the cold.

I was a little puzzled: "Master, this weather, you are wearing so little, what is the situation?" ”

"Heck, as the saying goes, 'If you want to mix well, you have to wear less'!"

"Where did you hear all this saying? How come I've never heard of it? ”

"What do you know day by day?" He let out a sigh of relief.

"Master, how can you be so sad?"

"I want to mix well as a teacher, but ...... But ......" the master suddenly fell silent.

"But what, you say?"

"Tell you, I was also an idealistic teenager when I was a child! I told my grandfather that I wanted to learn piano and become a musician! Grandpa said that a piano costs tens of thousands, which is too expensive; I told my grandmother that I wanted to learn to paint and become a painter when I grew up! Grandma said that it was too luxurious to go out to sketch to learn to paint; I went to my mother and said that I want to be an expert, a professor and a scholar in the future! ”

"Ambitious! What did your mom say? ”

"My mother supports, praises, and encourages me - just rely on my mother's understanding of you, in this life, you will die of this heart! With your IQ, it's good to be able to write your own name! ”

"No way, I'm going to ask my father, what am I going to do when I grow up?"

"Knowing your son Mo Ruo's father, what did your father say?"

"He said, 'Which one is stronger in excavator technology?' You go to Shandong to find Lan Xiang! He asked me to go to Lanxiang Technical School to learn excavator technology! ”

"This idea is down-to-earth, real, sure enough, your father knows you best, he is really a 'master'!"

"I don't think it's appropriate, you see? To learn excavator technology, people ask for tuition. I also want to learn a trade, provided that there is no tuition, and it is better to find two dollars for me. ”

I was speechless.

The master continued: "I also want to be a single-minded person, but there are too many beautiful women; I also want to be rich, but it's a pity that the money is too hard to earn; I also want to rise to the top and flourish, is this my fault? ”

"You're right?"

"Okay, I'm going to be a person who is full of economy, well-versed in the past, and has chapters in exports, but I feel dizzy and drowsy when I read a book, and to be honest, that book is better than sleeping pills!"

"Forget it, you don't mix well, it's all because you're lazy and don't use your brain."

"Who said that? Am I lazy? I think when I was in school, as long as I got out of class, the teacher hadn't left the classroom yet, and I jumped out of the classroom! And when I ate at noon, I was also the first student to go to the cafeteria to eat? Tell me, is this called laziness? ”

"This? So when did you use your brain? ”

"When I was studying, I thought about whether I should go to school or not go to school every morning. If you don't go, should you take personal leave or sick leave? When I was in class, I was thinking, should I open my heart and mind, or play CF, or play League of Legends? Do you know how tangled I am? In the afternoon, I still think about eating chicken legs, pork ribs, or beef in the evening. It's easy to get to the night, and I wonder if the homework is copied from Xiaoyin or from Xiaohong? And on Saturdays and Sundays, do you go to play basketball, go to the movies, go hiking or fish? …… There are many, many more questions. I'm thinking about it all the time every day, it's nerve-wracking! This is called not using the brain, what is the use of the brain? ”

"Master, do you really know what a brain is?"

The master seemed to be a little sad, and the donkey's head continued to deviate from the horse's mouth: "How can there be any quiet years, I always have to carry weight when my back hurts and my legs cramps." ”

"The master doesn't have to be so sad, he must be rigid, flexible, forbearant and tough. As the saying goes, where you fall, you lie down. I comforted him.

The master asked, "Why are you lying down?" ”

"This is fat, your arms are as thick as someone's thighs, can you get up?"

The master was even more sad: "The teacher is fat, sleepy, and tired." Sometimes I really feel tired, really tired. Do you know why I smoke cigarette after cigarette? Why drink glass after glass? Why eat meat bite after bite? Why eat bowl after bowl? ”

"I think it's someone else inviting you to dinner, and you don't have to spend money on it yourself, so you're going to eat and drink as hard as you can." I answered him confidently.

"Don't tell the truth! It makes people embarrassed. The master turned his face: "Forget it, forget it, I'll say a break for you to guess, mainly to check your IQ." Of course, I also want to know, can you bring your 'brains' with you to work every day? ”

Master Zhang hurriedly said: "Bring it, bring it, bring it every day!"

"I believe you brought it, but the question is that you have a 'brain' belt?"

Master Zhang almost cried: "The master humiliated me naked in public again, and my heart was so uncomfortable." ”

I asked the master curiously, "I said master, do you know the answer to this afterword?" ”

"I don't know, I've been thinking about it for three months, and I haven't come up with an answer."

"What's the aftermath? Tell me about it? Master Zhang urged him.

"The riddle is: I'm going to clean the toilet and say a break, guess what?"

"You sweep the toilet?"

"That's right! I'm going to clean the toilet ——, a break. ”

Suddenly, Master Zhang shouted, "Got it! The smell is the same! ”

"How?" The master asked him.

"Look, the toilet stinks, doesn't it?"

"That's right! Of course the toilet stinks. The master nodded.

"You have a bad mouth, don't you?"

"That's to save on toothpaste and toothbrushes."

"Your feet stink, your shoes stink, your socks stink, don't you?"

"This is a unique ancestral secret recipe, which specializes in treating rhinitis and nose blockage, and can also be used as a sweat medicine to make people faint instantly." The master's face flushed.

"You have a bad temper, don't you?"

"It's called having a personality."

"The most important thing is that you have a very bad reputation."

"People can leave a stench for 10,000 years, I want to emulate others and leave a stench for decades......"

"The toilet itself stinks, plus your bad breath, bad feet, bad shoes, bad socks, bad temper and bad reputation, it's just the same smell, right?"

"You have a point!" The master gave a thumbs up.

"Master, I have a different opinion!"

"You speak." The master motioned for me to answer.

"Master, you only know how to eat, drink and have fun, do nothing, are not diligent, do not divide grains, and you have not done a single good thing since you were a child, you are a waste, do you admit it?"

The master nodded: "I admit that I am a waste." ”

"Cleaning the toilet is a serious thing, we have to clean every day, right?"

"Yes!"

"So, I think after the break: the master sweeps the toilet is recycling."

"Huh? You make a lot of sense, why didn't I think of it? The master patted himself on the head.

"Because you don't have a brain."

"I have!"

"Where?"

"I don't know where I lost it."

(8) Dreaming

One day many years later......

I was already old, with gray hair and wrinkled faces, and I was holding my rickety body to pick up mineral water bottles on the side of the road in Guyang. At this time, the master suddenly appeared, and he was pushing a tricycle with a rotten gang and underneath, and the tires of the tricycle had completely fallen off, leaving only the steel rims.

As soon as the master saw me, he immediately twitched like a thunderbolt: "Ah, Lao Yang, you actually picked up garbage, hahaha, the sky has eyes, you also have today?" Finally let me wait until today! The master took another puff of the cigarette butt that had been extinguished for a long time, and said with a proud face: "Today, although the teacher is smoking a cigarette butt, this does not affect the good mood of the teacher's rolling waves, hahaha!" ”

I didn't say anything, and walked straight to a limited-edition Audi parked not far away, carrying a half-pocket bottle.

"Ah, Lao Yang, I'm joking, I didn't expect you to be so low-key, this limited edition Audi is worth a lot of money, right? Invite you to dinner for the teacher? I leaned down with a blank face and picked up a bottle of mineral water that had sunk in the mud next to the wheel.

"Hahaha, Lao Yang, I thought you would turn over with salted fish? How do you know that you are still a complete poor person, what a shame! You're still a poor middle peasant! I sighed softly and reached into my mud-stained right hand into my pocket.

"Ah, Lao Yang, no, no, Mr. Yang! Are you going to pick up the car keys? Oh, I just said that our Yang is not poor, they are just low-key. Hey, Mr. Yang, slow down, don't worry. I spread out my palm, and a rusty beer bottle cap lay firmly in the palm of my hand.

"Ah, Lao Yang, you are poor and crazy, right? Do you think beer bottle caps are a dollar coin? As he spoke, the master grabbed a handful of beer bottle caps from his patched cloth bag. I can tell you, you admit that you don't have money, don't pretend! Are you worthy of an Audi? You dream about it! ”

I put my hand in my pocket again, and the master's eyes widened: "Mr. Yang, I know you like to joke, where did you buy this car?" ”

I spread my palm again, it turned out to be a black-brown tea egg, I said seriously: "This tea egg is all my food for a day, whenever I am hungry, I take it out to see, smell it again, and only wait until the evening when I am hungry to take it out, just three bowls of tap water, barely fill my stomach." ”

In an instant, the master's unbridled laughter swept in!

"Aha, seeing you so down, I feel relieved to be a teacher, do you know how happy I am in my heart?"

At this moment, the Audi window slowly fell, and four young people in suits and leather shoes and 180CM tall walked down from the four doors, they walked up to me, bent down together and bowed deeply more than 90 degrees and less than 120 degrees: "Mr. Yang is good!" Your car is 50 kilometres away, so please move there and have a full-time 'driver' waiting for you. ”

I glanced at the master lightly, he had already lost himself in the scene, and his mouth opened and muttered, "Right...... I don't dare next time, I ...... Wrong......"

When it was too late, I saw a young man take the half-bag of mineral water bottle I was carrying on my shoulder with lightning speed and put it on his shoulder; The other then clenched his hollow fist and struck my back rhythmically; The third quickly took out a towel and a shoe brush and wiped it on my old BJ cloth shoes with their heels and big toes exposed; The last one raised his big fist and smashed it against the master from top to bottom, and the sound of ghosts crying and howling wolves immediately spread throughout the streets and alleys. Finally, the master collapsed in a pool of blood......

The first rays of sunlight in the morning sprinkled on my face through the leaves, and I was immersed in unparalleled intoxication, and someone asked softly: Mr. Yang, I have already beaten 10,000 fists, do you need to fight again?

I slowly raised my mud-stained hand: "Just hit another 20,000 fists, as the saying goes, 'you have to forgive people and spare people', just give people a lesson, don't be too careful, we are all Wenyin people, how can Wenyin people use violence?" ”

Suddenly, there was a sound of "horn", "Lao Yang, sleep during work hours, don't you want to do it!" Why don't you go to the toilet yet! ”

"Got it, got it, go right away!" I instinctively replied to him, "Master, do you have pain all over your body?" ”

"What doesn't hurt, I don't hurt anything, you're sick!"

"Oh, okay." I wiped the beads of sweat rolling down my forehead.

Alas, I'm a miscellaneous person, what do I think about every day?

(9) Diligence and prosperity

"Seeing that 2019 is coming to an end, it seems that the New Year is going to be over again, 'New Year's Pass' and 'New Year', the New Year will cost a lot of silver, and the New Year is like breaking through!" The master did not forget to add a sentence he saw on the Internet, which was a bit alarmist: "2019 is the least stressful year in the next 10 years." ”

"Master, didn't you say that hard work can make you rich?" I'm always in a habit of straying, which is probably why I choose to be silent most of the time.

"That's right, hard work makes you rich, hard work makes money."

"I only half agree that hard work is a virtue, an attitude towards life, but hard work does not necessarily make you rich."

"You want to challenge the authority of the teacher?"

"Uh-huh!" I cleared my throat: "I wake up at 5:30 a.m. every morning to make breakfast and lunch, and go out before 7 a.m. During this time period, I can always see a garbage sweeper pulling a truckload of garbage out of the south gate of the community, he is a hard-working person, is he rich? Let me tell you, his wife works as a janitor, his children go to college, and so far, the family lives in a rented house. After half past seven, I arrived at the township, and at this moment I would see a big lady sweeping the road. She told me that she started cleaning the road section at 6:30 every day......"

The master was a little puzzled: "Half past six, is it dark?" ”

"There's a street light."

"The eldest sister who sweeps the road is wearing gray overalls, and the shoes on her feet have been glued, she is not a lazy person, is he rich? Then, I met the toilet sweeper, and he told me that he had more than 10 acres of land at home, and he planted crops. He started cleaning toilets when he was 20 years old, and now he is in his 50s, which means that he has been cleaning toilets every day for more than 30 years. ”

"What about wages?"

"There are two public toilets, a man and a woman, cleaned every morning and evening, with a monthly salary of 100 yuan, 12 months a year, a total of 1,200 yuan, and at the end of each year, he goes to the financial office of the town government to find an accountant to settle the annual salary at one time."

"It's not a lot of salary."

From south to north, he cleans the public toilets in several towns and villages by himself. If it is the busy farming season, he gets up at 2 a.m. and cleans all the toilets in the nearby towns before going to the fields to do farm work. He also has to check the toilet hygiene at night. I understand this person's situation, objectively speaking, he is not rich, at most he is not in debt. ”

"None of them are lazy people, but they are not very wealthy."

"And I forgot that once he turns 60, people will stop using him and will hire young people to clean the toilets."

"Can he retire?"

"It's just that he doesn't have a penny, so to speak."

"Oh."

"Well, I'll talk about myself ......"

"Needless to say, I know it, you got the true inheritance of the teacher, you are an extremely picky person, during the 2008 Olympics, you bought a pair of pants, and you still wear them. Hahahaha! ”

"Master, look at it, what are you laughing at? You have this reaction, saying that you don't have a big brain. Why don't you say that more than ten years have passed, and your weight is still the same as before, not gaining or decreasing. ”

"What I want to say is that when I go to the supermarket to buy groceries, I always look at the price first and then look at the variety. A few days ago, I saw that the special price of cabbage was 0.18 yuan/catty, the price of local pork was 36 yuan/catty, and 1 catty of pork was equal to 200 catties of Chinese cabbage. If you are a cabbage farmer, how do you go about growing cabbage 'diligently' and then 'getting rich'? ”

"No way?"

"Master, your uncle is a construction site worker, with a monthly salary of 3,000, your uncle builds a house every day, and how many houses does he buy?"

"He's in his fifties and has finally made a down payment on the house."

"Your aunt works in a garment factory and makes clothes every day all year round, and during this time I heard that their factory was working overtime to make down jackets. How many clothes does she have herself? Does she have a down jacket? ”

"My aunt only has a few changes of clothes, and she doesn't have a down jacket, mainly because the down jacket is too expensive, at least more than a thousand."

"Master, am I a wealthy person?"

"Poverty does not mean that there is no money, it is too static and one-sided, and it is good to be spiritually rich." The master paused slightly: "The master is a person who has entered the world, but he has a heart to be born. ”

"One morning, when I went to take out the garbage, I gave five bottles of mineral water to the eldest sister who swept the road, and she took the bottles and laughed happily."

"Really? She's such an easy person to be happy. If you give me five bottles, I'm not so happy. ”

"You are not as easily satisfied and happy as the eldest sister!"

"I can't say that, it's not hard for me to be happy, as long as I pick up a dollar on the road, I'm happy. But there is not a penny on the clean road - life is always full of hope and sometimes it is very disappointing. ”

(10) Advantages

"Comrades, go to work, go to work, put away your half-dead appearance." As soon as the master came, he stood at the gate and shouted and shouted.

"Master, you're so annoying, have you reached menopause?" I muttered.

The master laughed: "Don't tell the truth." ”

Another employee, Master Zhang, walked over slowly: "Master, I'm confused again - you said that I have as many advantages as stars in the sky and as few shortcomings as the moon." But why didn't anyone praise me? It's so depressing......"

"As a teacher, there are no shortcomings in my body, but no one praises me. Sometimes I really need praise from others, even if it is praise against my will, it is the same for the teacher to listen to it! ”

"Master, I think you are a person who has no merits, but lives so peacefully."

Master Zhang yelled at me, "Who said that masters have no merits? Do you eat as much as he does? Do you sleep with him dead? Can you have him lazy? Do your feet stink like his? Can you beat him with cigarettes and wine? - When the master rubs the wine, he is punishing himself with three glasses, then three glasses, and three more glasses...... When I smoked cigarettes, I smoked one after another, and the master also told people: smoking is harmful to health, and if you smoke too much, you can get lung cancer! simply put other people's cigarettes in his arms, spread his feet and ran away without a trace. ”

The master looked embarrassed: "Pediatrics, these advantages are nothing, as long as I go to the street, the shouts are endless, rotten vegetable leaves, rotten eggs, stones, dirt and dirt come like raindrops, and even broken slippers and stinky socks...... It's still light, as long as I cross West Street, everyone is chasing me, all copying wooden sticks, steel strips, and fruit knives...... They shouted slogans while running, it should be a warm welcome to me, right? ”

"What are they shouting?"

"They shouted - stop! Catch the thief! Don't let him run! ”

"Master, what are you doing with 'good people and good deeds'?"

"Isn't it just that when people were napping, they carried a leg of mutton and slipped (stole) someone's mobile phone."

"You're stealing?"

The master was even more embarrassed, "This is so ugly that it makes me really look like a thief." In fact, it's all to blame for the boss's cunning, he deliberately pretended to sleep, and tempted me with a leg of mutton and a mobile phone. ”

"You'd better go out less in the future." I would like to say a word.

"No! As soon as I went out, I was chased by a lot of beautiful women! ”

Master Zhang asked, "There are still beautiful women chasing you?" ”

"Yes, they chase and shout - catch the hooligans! Catch! Don't let him run! ”

Master Zhang asked again, "What are you doing again?" ”

The master replied: "No, they are unreasonable and messing around!" I saw a women's restroom and thought about going in and visiting, but they chased it out...... I happened to meet them when I visited the women's toilet, you talk about it, they don't go early or late, but they have to wait until I visit, they go to the toilet? Is it weird? How wronged am I? ”

I spread my hands out, speechless and incomprehensible.

"It doesn't matter whether it's yin or not, I want to announce it in a high-profile and solemn manner - to tell you: My surname is Wang, the 'king' of 'the old king next door', when you see me in the future, you will shout 'Mr. Li is good', do you know?"

"How is Mr. Li? Master, don't you have the same surname as 'Lao Wang next door'? What are your parents' last names? "I'm starting to get confused.

"My father's surname is Jia, my mother's surname is Zhen, my father's name is Jia Buzhen, and my mother's name is Zhen.

"You don't have a good relationship with your parents." My head was full of questions.

"Your brain is all mush, what do you know?"

I fell into the fog.

Master Zhang seemed to be very attentive: "Mr. Wang is good!" Oh, no, no, no, Mr. Li is good! ”

The master waved his hand: "Okay! Well, it would be better if you bowed again! ”

(11) Celebrities

On this day, the master looked arrogant again: "Comrades, go to work!" Alas! Last night, I spent the night reciting "Six Hundred Tang Poems"——""

Master Zhang immediately flattered him diligently: "Master is really a god!" ”

"You can recite 600 Tang poems in one night, it's impossible, right?" I think it's incredible, of course, it's also based on the IQ that I know about my master.

"One of them——, one of the "Six Hundred Tang Poems." The master habitually laughs at himself.

Master Zhang immediately switched the language mode before the horse's fart landed on the horse's hooves: "Master! You...... Needless to say, I never despise people who are extremely boring! ”

Naturally, the words spoken could not be recovered, and the master had already prepared: "Everyone be calm and don't be impatient, I can already compose poems - when winter comes, the snow drifts on the ground, people wear cotton jackets, and dogs change thick hair!" What do you think? ”

"Not well, and this poem is not your work at all. Being a man should tell the truth, this is the principle. ”

"Whose work is not a work? You have to tell the truth, don't tell the truth, it's okay to worship me! ”

"Master, your poems are so good!"

I turned around and glared at Master Zhang: "Master, will people die if you tell the truth?" ”

In order to alleviate the embarrassing atmosphere, the master himself forcibly intercepted Master Zhang's answer: "This poem is well written, but it should not be the scene, so let me have a suitable situation: when summer comes, the sun is shining, come to the barbecue, and be happy!" ”

"If you come to a pot of spicy crayfish again, wouldn't it be more enjoyable!" I asked.

"Oh? You're right! Okay, comrades, you have to work hard, build socialism, and I'll go cool! ”

"To be lazy is to be lazy, admittedly." Master Zhang muttered in a low voice.

"I'll tell you, I'm a celebrity now! I already have thirteen contacts in my WeChat address book! I'm quite well connected! If you don't accept it, you can't do it! ”

"You counted the people who blocked you and deleted you, right?" My expression was sincere.

"No matter how much you hurt me, it can't change the fact that I'm a celebrity! Now, I'm going to go to the square......"

"What is the master doing in the square?"

"Go and prove that Yin is a celebrity!"

People's Square –

The master opened his throat and shouted: "The celebrity has signed!" 100 yuan a piece! Only a hundred bucks! Just a hundred! Celebrity autographs to take home! ……”

Passerby A: "This person looks normal, but ...... brain?" Poor one, what can't you think of? ”

Passerby B: "His family didn't take him to Nanjing Brain Hospital to see a doctor, how pitiful do you think this is?"

Passerby C: "People are under a lot of pressure now, and there is no way to ......"

The master thought secretly for a moment: Are they so poor? Don't have a hundred bucks?

"Celebrity autographs, only fifty dollars! Fifty bucks to take home a celebrity autograph! ……”

After another moment: "A celebrity signature is only ten dollars!" Ten dollars to take home a celebrity autograph......"

The master was in a dilemma: "Don't they even have ten yuan on them?" They are so poor! They are so pathetic! ”

"Celebrity autographs don't cost money! Sign for free! I don't believe it, no one is looking for me to sign it! ”

Time was ticking, and the master was a little restless: "Celebrities sign and send ten yuan!" There is no cap! Signed and paid! ”

"Signing money? Really? ”

The master patted his chest and said in a cool voice: "Sign and send money!" Absolutely true! ”

Passerby: "Shall you have one?"

After the master finished writing carefully, he presented it with both hands: "Sign a sign, give you ten yuan, you take it!" ”

Passer-by: "Hello Master! I still have 10,000 yuan left for the decoration of the house, you can give 10,000 yuan! All right? ”

Passerby: "Good man! My child needs 30,000 yuan to choose a school for primary school, and you can give 30,000 yuan, okay? ”

Passer-by: "Living Bodhisattva!" My old mother is lying in the hospital, and her surgery fee is still 8,000 yuan! You give eight thousand...... Please, I'll get you on your knees—"

"I didn't!"

Passerby Xin: "It doesn't matter, WeChat, Alipay, bank transfer, digital yuan, real estate, cars, antiques, calligraphy and jade...... As long as it's something of value, it's fine. ”

"I don't have any money, I don't have anything."

Passers-by asked, "No money?" What big money do you have to pack without money! There is no integrity! Fool people, you liar! ”

"I'm sorry! I'm gone......"

Passerby: "Don't go!" You liar! No money for IOUs! ”

Passers-by surrounded the master and raised their arms and shouted, "Yes! Let him make an IOU! ”

"Help! Let me go! Let go...... Let go! Put your feet! Mouthful! ......" master used eighteen kinds of martial arts, and finally managed to escape after three hours.

"Oh my God! It's so hard to be a celebrity! It's not a celebrity since the cloudy day! The master collapsed on the ground, "Finally back...... Didn't die outside. ”

For the sake of salary and year-end bonus, Master Zhang stepped forward to help: "Master, why are your hands green?" Beaten again? ”

"You can't imagine how welcoming the people in the square are to me! They pulled me hard and didn't let me go! If I hadn't run fast, I'd have dislocated my arm! ”

"Really? Are there any beautiful women? ”

The master nodded, and hammered the old waist: "Yes!" It's all beautiful women! Alas! It hurts to pull your hand! ”

"Master take me with you next time? I'm not afraid of being dragged by beautiful women, they just dismantle me, and I'm willing! ”

"You can't!"

"Why?"

The master said rightly: "You are not a celebrity, what are they dragging you for?" ”