Chen Xu leaned on Liu Jingsheng's oversized sofa, looked at the ceiling, and told the story that had been sealed for a long time-

When I was a child, I seemed to have a happy family, at that time my parents were working in textile factories, the salary was not high, but the salary was paid on the day, and they would take me to the park to play when they were off duty. At that time, whenever the neighbors had a happy event, my grandmother would dress me up beautifully and lead me to a banquet, and everyone praised me for my good looks, and my grandmother felt that it was not enough, and she would tell people how sensible and obedient I was. At that time, I had two good friends, one was Liu Jiaxin, who was not far from my home, and the other was my aunt's son, my cousin Wang Yu. Both of them were two years older than me, and at that time they let me take care of my little sister by listening to adults. I was a carefree little girl.

Unfortunately, happy days are always short-lived, when I was five years old, the textile factory suddenly went bankrupt and reorganized, and my parents were laid off. Although the income was not high, people who were used to doing things step by step were still extremely uncomfortable. Because the family did not have much savings, life soon became difficult. There are unemployed people everywhere, my dad can't find a job, so he borrows wine at home every day to drown his sorrows, the poor couple mourns everything, the two of them fight and make trouble, and soon come to the step of divorce.

Grandma didn't want my parents to divorce, and she taught me to hold my mother's thigh and cry when the time came, saying that my mother would not leave if she was reluctant. But I'm useless, my parents haven't given me a good face for a long time, and I don't dare to step forward. When the two divorced, neither of them wanted children, and they both said that they couldn't afford to raise them. But in the end, the judge considered that my father had a house at home and my grandmother could help take care of the children, so he sentenced me to my father and asked my mother to pay 40 yuan a month in child support.

As soon as I walked out of the courtroom, my grandmother slapped me hard, but my mother left with tears in her heart. My face was swollen for days before it went down, and my grandmother kept abusing me for being a piece of rubbish. Later, when I had no money, my father also went out to work, but he didn't come home since he went out. Grandma only has a survivor's allowance of a few dozen yuan a month, and her life is very difficult. So she took me to the hotel where my mother worked and asked for child support. The proprietress of the hotel scolded my mother, "This old and young man are here to make trouble, what else can I do in this business?" If they come back in the future, don't do it here! My mother looked at me and said fiercely, "You evil spirit, if I have no work to do, I will kill you!" I didn't take anything when I left the house, so why should I pay alimony? I shouldn't have given birth to you in the first place. Get lost! With that, he gave me a hard push, and I fell to the ground hard. Mom turned around and left.

Grandma couldn't help it, I heard that my dad was working as a security guard in a KTV, and took me to him to ask for money, the first two times, my dad said that he didn't pay his salary. The third time I went, my dad got annoyed and said, "What money do I want?" You live in our house, and I don't care if you ask for rent! You are not my own mother, why don't you leave our old Chen family? If you dare to ask for money, get out of our house! "Grandma was very sad, she began to hate me, she wouldn't give me food when she was unhappy, and she would beat and scold me at every turn. Later, my grandmother couldn't live anymore, so she went out to pick up the rags, and I was afraid that I would be left behind, so I went with me. Once, my grandmother and another old lady scavenging grabbed a cardboard box, and when I saw that my grandmother had fallen into the wind, I went up and bit her hand despite the old lady's dirty hands, and the old lady let go of her hand in pain, but I was also kicked heavily. From this day on, my grandmother was a little nicer to me. She took me to various garbage pits every day, rummaging through things that I could sell for money. One day I had a fever and couldn't pick up the trash, so my grandmother didn't cook for me, let alone take medicine.

Later, once my aunt and grandmother sent me to my mother, and my grandmother left me outside the hotel where my mother used to work, but my mother was no longer there at that time, I couldn't find my mother, and I couldn't find a home, and at the age of five, I walked from day to night in the county, and then the neighbor's brother Daniel Zhang met me and took me back. For the next five years, in order not to be abandoned, in order to be able to eat, I worked hard to rummage through the garbage heap, no matter how dirty and smelly.

Originally, Liu Jiaxin and Wang Yu's brother liked to play with me, but slowly Liu Jiaxin led a group of children to bully me, and they would throw stones at me when they saw me in the garbage heap when they went to and from school. Brother Wang Yu, in the past, there were delicious foods that would be shared with me, but later, when my aunt brought him back, he would deliberately take the delicious food and eat it in front of me, just to satisfy me, if I couldn't help swallowing my saliva, he would laugh and say to my aunt that I was the most gluttonous person, and my aunt also scolded me for being worthless.

When I was 10 years old, I met my savior, Ms. Lin from our nearby elementary school, who pulled me out of the garbage pit and took me to the primary school to enroll. In order to get my grandmother to allow me to give me food at the same time as I went to school, I spent the whole elementary school picking up books and papers thrown by my classmates at school, going to the school leader's office to clean up in exchange for old newspapers and magazines, and returning to give them to my grandmother; When I was in elementary school, my classmates would take snacks and drinks when I went to the movies, but I didn't, because I secretly sold newspapers to save money for movie tickets, and I couldn't help but go to the movies, because every time I watched a movie, I needed students to write their feelings after watching it.

Every day at noon, Ms. Lin took me to her house and taught me so that I could cook home-cooked meals, which could help my grandmother reduce her burden and ensure that I had something to eat. When I was fifteen years old, a group of little riffraff surrounded me on my way home, and my neighbor's brother Daniel Zhang stood up and beat away those who bullied me, and I am very grateful to him, but he replaced those little riffraff who bullied me and treated me as his woman. I hated him and was afraid of him, and when I was desperate, I found my classmate's brother for help, because my classmate was framed for stealing things, and I helped her, so her brother happily agreed to help, and I went to the public security bureau to report the case, but I regretted it when I got home.

Wang Yu wanted to bully me when no one was around, and I resisted desperately and scratched his face. He was so angry that he stole all of my grandmother's savings, saying I had taken them. I think grandma knew that Wang Yu took it, but my aunt would occasionally buy something to see grandma, so grandma didn't dare to offend my aunt, so she scolded me with Wang Yu, I was framed as a thief, I was so sad, I ran out in a fit of anger, and there was nowhere to go. Because Mr. Lin's son had a girlfriend at that time, she hated me, and I couldn't go to Mr. Lin's house. I ran to the mountains alone and hid, but there was a cemetery around it. At night I was scared, I was afraid of ghosts, but I was more afraid of people. In the evening, Daniel Zhang and Teacher Lin's son Lin Zhiyuan found me, and when they heard what happened to me, they were indignant, and Daniel Zhang found Wang Yu and beat him, and later it was said that Wang Yu was inhumane. I didn't realize the seriousness of the problem at the time, and I was very grateful to Daniel Zhang, and regretted going to the public security bureau to report him for raping me. The next day, I went to the Public Security Bureau to withdraw the case. At that time, the police thought that I was being threatened and repeatedly asked me if I had been coerced to withdraw the case. I cried urgently, and then I said that I was a couple with Daniel Zhang, and I said that when there was a conflict, the police criticized me and dropped the case.

My aunt hated me and Daniel Zhang, and she always thought that I had instigated Daniel Zhang to beat Wang Yu badly. But she didn't dare to mess with Daniel Zhang, Daniel Zhang was an outlaw, and she didn't even dare to report the case directly. But they took all their hatred out on me. Wang Yu said that I seduced him, and my aunt followed his words. In fact, grandma and aunt are like mirrors, but they can stare at and tell nonsense.

Teacher Lin's son Lin Zhiyuan was arrested because he hurt people impulsively, Daniel Zhang and he were classmates in elementary school and junior high school, in order to get Lin Zhiyuan out, Daniel Zhang made money everywhere, a person borrowed his money, Daniel Zhang went to ask for it, and that person took the stolen communication cable to top the account. Daniel Zhang was seen by my grandmother when he went to the scrap yard to sell cables. She told my aunt that the two of them went to report the case in order to avenge Wang Yu, and as a result, Daniel Zhang was caught and sentenced to thirteen years. When I was about to graduate from primary school, Mr. Lin couldn't stand the blow, unfortunately died suddenly, I lost the only person who cared about me, Ms. Lin contacted the junior high school that I could live in before her death, exempted from tuition and miscellaneous fees, she also made me a new bedding for school when she prepared bedding for her son's marriage, and also bought me a few sets of underwear. It's a pity that Mr. Lin died before I graduated. My grandmother ignored me, and my aunt hated me. Once I asked my grandmother why she reported Daniel Zhang, and it was clear that Daniel Zhang did us a lot of help. But my grandmother taunted me and said, "You bitch, you talk to someone when you sleep with him?" "Only then did I know that Daniel Zhang bullied me, my grandmother knew, but she kept pretending to be deaf and dumb, refusing to make decisions for me, I hated my grandmother very much, and I didn't want to go back to my grandmother's house to live."

I found my mother, who I hadn't seen in eleven years. She had a good life, opened a small restaurant with her husband, and gave birth to a daughter who was ten years old at the time, I went to my mother, although not very enthusiastic, but also reluctantly let me stay, that girl is my sister, much happier than me, she can go to learn dance and learn English, there are beautiful clothes and stationery.

I stayed there for a summer vacation, and I still went out to pick up waste every day, because there was no place to store it, so I sold it on the same day, went home and took a shower, and then helped with cleaning, washing clothes and cooking, in order not to eat other people's food in vain. When school was about to start, I found that the man was peeking in the bathroom when I was taking a shower, I was very nervous, in fact, I found out that he looked at me wrong, that time I told my mother about it, but I didn't expect to be reprimanded by my mother, she said, "You can live if you can live, if you can't live, go back, don't do so much." I swallowed my breath and was always on the lookout for the man until school started. When I was in junior high school, no one sent me there, so I carried the luggage and two sets of clothes prepared for me by Mr. Lin to report to school. I only have more than 100 yuan in my pocket to sell scrap, and I am not even willing to take a taxi. Because I want to change my fate by studying, I don't dare to spend a penny, I hope to use the money to the best of my ability. I go to the cafeteria every day to help with the food so that I can eat.

During the winter vacation of the first year of junior high school, the homeroom teacher asked me to help out in the make-up class she opened, and I ate and lived there. I give lectures to some students who are not good at studying, and I have to cook for everyone. The teacher wouldn't give me a penny, and when the Spring Festival was approaching, the make-up class locked the door during the holiday, and I had nowhere to go. I had to go home and find that my grandmother had dumped the place where I used to live with waste and had nowhere to put her feet. When she saw me go back, my grandmother acted like she hadn't seen it.

I walked aimlessly on the street alone, I was cold and hungry, and the street lights were turned off in the middle of the night, only the Beicheng County People's Hospital was brightly lit. I walked in to warm up, and by chance I started working as a nurse, and since then, I have been homeless and have been working as a nurse in the hospital during the winter and summer vacations to support myself. In the three years of junior high school, I was pressed by the teacher to help her open a cram school, and she didn't pay a penny, but what I gained was that I calculated all the subjects in junior high school. Lost in the east, harvested mulberry elm, I was the first in the county when I took the high school entrance examination. As the top student in the high school entrance examination, I gave up two better key high schools and chose the ordinary three high schools instead, so I was able to negotiate with the principal of the three high schools and ask him to waive all tuition and miscellaneous fees for me. After the college entrance examination, the school also made it easier to recruit students because I became famous. The school was not bad, and after I was accepted into the university, I was rewarded with a mobile phone and a new school bag. In my first year at university, I still went to the hospital to work as a nurse on weekends and during the winter and summer vacations. I also met Grandma Wu in the hospital, and Han Yidao had thoughts about me at that time. Later, under Han Yidao's opposition, I gave up sitting as a nurse. Under Meng Xiangyu's introduction, I went to work in her friend's book bar, and the boss's boyfriend harassed me, and then I went to a clothing store to sell clothes.

Teacher Lin is the person who has influenced me the most, she said let me live well, she said that life is more than just living. But lately I've been reflecting on the fact that I'm also a person who wants to be comfortable, just like my parents used to be, just want to be safe. Once their parents' jobs are broken, they are overwhelmed. My classmates didn't understand the idea of going to the public entrance examination, but I regarded it as a goal in life. I think that I will have no worries about food and clothing, and that kind of life will be very good. How can I be worthy of Han Yidao like this? Now he manages a large company, thinking about how to make the company have better development, and I am thinking about how to work stably so as to achieve the goal of worry-free food and clothing. This pattern and this level are not on the same level at all. I'm very confused now, and Han Yidao went to lead his employees to party on Chinese New Year's Eve, but I remembered the years when I picked up garbage with my grandmother on Chinese New Year's Eve many years ago. My life is better than it used to be, and I've learned a lot through going to university, but I still can't open up my pattern. Liu Jingsheng, I'm very distressed, how can a person like me be worthy of Han Yidao, why do I think the two of us can be together! Liu Jingsheng kept listening to Chen Xu talk about the past. He looked at Chen Xu quietly, "It's not that your life has changed for the better, it's that your people have become better." ”