My name is Yang Wu, this name was given to me by my uncle Yang Zhenren, and under the name of my uncle, who is so fairy, he is a bald hunchback who has a righteous face all day long and wants to save the world, in fact, he will use a browser to watch some obscene old bachelors about love and action movies......

I know from my uncle's mouth that my father's name is also Yang Wu and he is a feng shui gentleman!

But I never met my parents, and they are said to have both died in an accident.

It is precisely because I have no parents that I grew up in my uncle's paper shop, and my uncle's profession is also extremely mysterious, he is a Mr. Yin and Yang!

However, in my cognition, Mr. Feng Shui and Mr. Yin and Yang have a unified title...... That's the magic stick!

Whether it is a feng shui gentleman who specializes in helping people look at yin and yang houses, or a yin and yang gentleman who helps people go to funerals, or even a fortune teller who asks for divination, these people are just liars who use some pseudo-scientific tricks to deceive people in my eyes......

But my doubts came to an abrupt end when I was ten years old......

Because when I was ten years old, I was thrown by my uncle to the City God Temple and knelt for three days in a row, and kept burning yellow table paper.

Finally, three days later, I fell ill, a child who had been burned by smoke for three days and three nights, and the direct acute pneumonia and sinusitis caused me to have a high fever of 40 degrees and almost died.

Since then, my uncle has been talking about the Yang family's yin and yang rice bowl with a sad face all day long, and there is no successor and so on!

However, after I recovered from my illness, I miraculously found that I could see many things that others could not see, not that I had yin and yang eyes and could see ghosts and gods......

Above people's heads, above a certain house, or even between a certain mountain or an old forest, I can always find all kinds of colorful and strange ...... Gas!

This kind of thing is like a cloud, and like a stream of water, until I thought I was seriously ill and had sequelae, and after I cried and told my uncle about this, my uncle instantly hugged me in tears and kissed and shouted, and also changed his mouth to shout the slogan of the Yang family's feng shui!

Since then, I have also begun to have a new understanding of the uncle who brought me up, so much so that I began to ignore his extreme obscenity and disgusting abnormality.

I even began to understand why even such a bad old man who was abducted and deceived would be sought after and loved by the surrounding towns, of course, I have to mention that most of these people are young widows and old widows.

And I, his only nephew, are destined to have an extraordinary life......

For example, one midnight, I would jump in a mass grave with dozens of old skeletons and shake my hands, and then I was almost killed by lightning.

Even because I have always been a virgin, I was forced by my uncle to kiss a female toad of more than 500 pounds, and I was almost smoked to death by her first kiss for more than 100 years......

Or maybe I once had a ballet with a hundred-meter-long snake and almost drowned.

As for the bizarre and funny and terrifying things I have seen in my life, please listen to me!

It was an ordinary morning, and I woke up from a spring dream without a trace, and I changed my clothes and prepared to stutter for breakfast, only to find that there was only a letter on the table, and the content of the letter was very simple......

"Xiao Jiu, I went out to work, and the return date is undecided......"

I've seen more of this kind of letter, because my uncle always goes out to work from time to time, but in recent years, it seems that the number of times has become more and more frequent, I guess it may be because there are more and more rich people in recent years, and the industry of the god stick is getting better and better, right?

Every time my uncle goes out, Yin Jiu accompanies me and takes care of me, because he is my uncle's only apprentice, a few years older than me!

And from the names of my Yang Five and Yin Nine, you can see the full sense of CP, right?

Yin Jiu is a proper reproduction of the uncle, who studies his so-called professional knowledge all day long, from catching ghosts to divination, and even ancient Chinese medicine to the global sexy women's illustrated ...... Ahem......

In short, the five major items of the five ancient metaphysical arts of my country, such as mountain, medicine, life, hexagram, and divination, are simply not in the mouth of my buddy, and there is simply no field that he is not good at.

Of course, as my uncle's personal disciple, Yin Jiu is also accustomed to using his three-inch incorruptible tongue to fool all kinds of big girls, little daughters-in-law or old widows within a few kilometers of the distance.

Using all kinds of unheard-of secret recipes to cheat money, of course, his secret recipe is just to teach these women how to go home and help their men to take supplements......

According to my uncle, in fact, Yin Jiu is also a poor orphan, but unlike orphans like me who still have relatives, it is said that my uncle was entrusted by the Sanqing patriarch, Alilujah, and Vladimir Laojun to find this talented apprentice in the middle of the night in a mass grave five hundred miles away.

But I really can't figure it out, what does this mysterious Alilujah in my uncle's mouth, Vladimir Laojun have to do with Sanqing Patriarch, it's just a god's fucking Sanqing Patriarch's dream?

Could it be that my uncle was carrying me behind my back again, and I watched the name of a certain heroine in a restricted-level evil little movie?

And as far as I know, there are no mass graves five hundred miles away from our house, and some are provincial towns that are developing rapidly and prosperous, so I can't help but imagine evilly whether Yin Jiu is my uncle's illegitimate son.

Or was Yin Jiu abducted from which kindergarten by my uncle, an old liar?

My colleague who kept spinning and jumping with all kinds of jumping questions in my brain, I habitually threw the letter aside and shouted at the shop full of paper people and paper horses.

"Brother Jiu...... Brother Nine, I'm hungry, Brother Nine......"

Soon, Yin Jiu, who had a big head and long hair and was wearing a long shirt but was as fat as a ball, walked out of the kitchen, how did he look like Yue Yunpeng had a shawl hair, or was it more like Gao Xiaosong because he didn't shave?

"Oh, please give the fifth master a good ......"

Brother Jiu was holding a plate of big white steamed buns in his hand, and greeted me with a mouthful of small white teeth and a Beijing film he had just learned.

"When did the old man leave?"

I reached out and picked up a big hot white steamed bun, ready to sacrifice to the Five Organs Temple first.

Unexpectedly, when Yin Jiuyi heard me ask him about this, a trace of hesitation appeared on his face, but this expression was fleeting.

"How do I know that he is elusive, hey, fifth master, I took a job, will you go with me?"

If I want to explain here, it is not easy for my uncle to live with me and Yin Jiu, and I usually make a living by giving people a living and this paper shop in front of me, but as I grow up with Yin Jiu, this income is obviously not enough.

Of course, it's not entirely because I've grown up with Yin Jiu, but also because my uncle is fine, and he always goes to the shops with small pink lamps in the nearby towns in the middle of the night to talk to some aunts with heavy makeup......

"What's the job? I won't go to cry for people, I'll have to broadcast live in a while......"

I said with little interest.

I usually have a very clear division of labor with Yin Jiu, except for feng shui things, I usually don't go out of the mountain, and because I play the game well, and now I have a live broadcast on the Internet, which can be regarded as adding a little insignificant income to our barren life.

Yin Jiu also knew that I didn't want to go out, so he didn't force it and said, "Okay, it's not a big deal, I'll go by myself!" ”

After breakfast, Yin Jiu packed up his rice pocket and went out, while I went back to my small second floor to open the live broadcast software and start playing games.

Just as the number of viewers in my live broadcast room was about to exceed 100 for the first time, and I was about to introduce you to the various amulets and trinkets in our store, suddenly a piercing phone ringing directly interrupted my live broadcast.

Normally, no one will call me, because when I was in the fifth grade of elementary school, I firmly believed that our homeroom teacher was ghosted, so I was expelled from school after I joined the Yin Nine Troubles class to prepare to exorcise ghosts and save people!

In my second year of junior high school, I had to say that the feng shui layout of the school was not good, and I ended up burning the expensive mahogany furniture in the principal's office with a lighter, and then I was honorably expelled from school again.

So I didn't have any friends and didn't go to school since I was a child, except for my uncle, Yin Jiu would call me.

", forgot about airplane mode......"

I scolded dissatisfied, then picked up the phone and scolded angrily, "What's wrong?" Pretending to be a ghost makes people find out......"

Before I could finish speaking, Yin Jiu on the other end of the phone said in an unprecedentedly serious tone, "Fifth Master, something happened!" ”