"The moment I was really conscious, I knew that it wasn't my dream, he spent the whole night washing my body with warm water, helping me put bandages on my wounds, and he took very good care of me and kept me alive."

"But ah, I don't have any hope of my own life, and even if I survive these few days, what's the use? I've smeared my wounds with the blood of a living corpse, there's absolutely no way I'm going to survive, within 14 days, the virus in my body will break out, and I'll be a walking corpse. ”

"So it's better to die at that moment, I'm very good at lying, and for new acquaintances, I can easily see what kind of character they are, and then according to their personality, show what they like or hate."

"If I feel that they have value for me to keep dating, I will try to show the personality they like, otherwise, I will make the other person hate me as soon as possible."

"When I came to my senses, I tried hard to make him hate me, and I tried to provoke him with words, to get him to drop me, or to let him abuse me, and I behaved very annoyingly, and according to my expectations, more than 90% of men would shy away from that kind of character."

Tang Xue finished the last bite of ice cream and wiped her cream-stained lips with a tissue.

But why do you want to do that? Didn't he save your life? Didn't you say you thought of him as a hero? ”

"Because, I can't think of any way to repay him for what he did to me." Tang Xue propped her elbows on the table, supported her face, and looked out the window: "At that time, there were so many living corpses around the iron cage, I have never seen so many living corpses gathered together, I feel that endless living corpses gather together to eat me." ”

"Thinking about it in the minds of ordinary people, that number, no matter how you think about it, it is impossible to break through, but he told me, let me wait, I will be rescued soon, he really did it, he didn't use tricks, he used brute force to cut off the heads of all the living corpses around the iron cage."

"He took great risks, possibly death, to fight with the endless living corpses in my eyes, and he gave me food and water, very precious food and water."

"After he rescued me, he didn't simply let go of rest, he didn't sleep all night, he washed my wounds with warm water, helped me tie a bandage, that night, he continued to wipe my body with warm water, trying to help me maintain my body temperature in the cold environment."

"Even if it's a biological parent, can you say that it can be so far?"

"He's just a stranger, and I can't figure out what's worth it for me to make a stranger, take so much risk, and put so much effort into it."

"In the face of his efforts, I only felt a deep sense of powerlessness."

"If I were still about 8 years old, I would probably believe in fairy tales, believe that when I am in danger, Prince Charming will kill monsters with his sword, believe that he will take me to the magnificent palace, believe that the prince is a kind man, and he will stand up when someone asks for help."

"But I'm 18 years old, I've been living in hell for 6 years, my heart is dying, and when I come back to reality, I don't think I'll be able to pay the price of 'living' at all."

Tang Xue stared at the crowd of people coming and going, and the men and women holding hands were reflected in her pupils.

"From my current point of view, sure enough, at that time my psychology was close to distortion, ideal and reality were colliding violently in front of my eyes, which is a bit ridiculous, although I always say that I don't believe in fairy tales, in fact, I am just looking for an excuse, I very much hope that there will be an ideal fairy tale happening to me, but I deeply think that this is impossible."

"I thought many times afterwards why I didn't dare to stab myself in the throat with a knife when I was so desperate."

"After thinking about it for a long time, I finally figured it out.,I'm expecting a miracle to happen.,I'm not willing to die like that.,The hero of the animation I've seen in kindergarten once said,As long as you really believe,Miracle magic will happen.,Kindergarten I believe in it.,Three-year-old I will hold a glowing magic wand and recite those spells that sound funny to adults.,Follow the animated characters to learn the magic movements.。

"But my mother told me that magic was fake, and one day, my mother and my father divorced, and she left the house, and I was still convinced of magic and miracles, and I tried very hard to cast a spell in my room, and I held my magic wand and made a wish to it to let my mother come home, and it was the magic wand that my mother bought for me, but the magic failed, and my father married another strange woman, and I grew up to an age where I no longer watched cartoons, and I stopped doing those childish things, and I put my magic wand away and put it in the deepest part of my closet."

"But the little girl who believed in magic didn't die, she was just hidden by me, hidden by me in the deepest part of my heart, and even I couldn't find where she was."

"Magic" The woman sighed, "I was at that age, and the world of children is always full of beauty." ”

"When the disaster struck, I was just a 12-year-old." Tang Xue said.

"And then? You haven't said why you're trying your best to make him hate you. ”

"Because, at that moment, I realized again, realized the existence of the girl who believed in magic and miracles in my heart, she actually ran out and tried to convince me, she said, look, the world is not what you think, but I don't believe her words, what she said has never worked, I prayed when I fled, I prayed when I lived in the gathering place with my sister, I prayed when I saw my sister's body, but nothing happened, there was no hope, only despair surrounded me."

"I want to deny her, this time I want to prove that I am right, I want to tell her that you are a kindergarten childish little ghost."

"I want to tell her that the world is not what she says it is, she is very wrong, she doesn't know what reality is, the world is not what she imagined to be beautiful, the world is cruel, it is ruthless, people are extremely ugly, they are creatures driven by desire, there is no so-called shining point."

"I'm going to be saved, just because the person who saved me is expecting something, he needs my gratitude, he needs to get a high psychological position, and further he may be a bachelor, he needs a woman to let him vent his desires, he doesn't just want to save me, he just wants to use this kind of behavior to exchange something with me."

"Maybe it's a little resentful, because my intimate parts are also bandaged, and I may have done something nasty while I wasn't conscious."

"You're an idealist."

"That's right, I'm an idealist through and through, and I have a very serious mental cleanliness fetish, so the first moment I woke up, I didn't thank him, I didn't complain to him, although I wanted to rely on him, but I showed great resistance, I had a kind of happy thought, I actually expected him to throw me in the snow, expect him to be violent to me."

"Then I can prove that I am right, and I can say to that little girl in my heart, look, this is what he really is, once he doesn't get what he wants, he will be revealed, if he doesn't meet the expectations of his heart, he will leave me, he is not simply doing good deeds at all."

"At the same time, I can get the comfort of my heart, I can die in peace, because I don't need to repay him for my sacrifice, if he leaves me, I can die with the illusion of him, if he is violent to me, I will tell him that I am actually infected, so that he saved my life, I can save his life, I can cancel his kindness to me, I think so."

"But if you look at the essence of the phenomenon on the surface, maybe you don't think so." The woman knocked on the table: "From a psychological point of view, this may be an excess of defense, have you ever thought about it?" It's actually a subconscious test, you're testing him, testing whether he is perfect as you think he is. ”

"Maybe" Tang Xue said softly: "Ninety-nine percent of the men on this planet, in the face of that kind of situation, will leave me behind, to be honest, I used to empathize, I probably can't stand myself, but. He's special, he doesn't really think about asking for anything from me, he just hears someone crying out for help, and he reaches out to that person who is in trouble, that's all. ”

"He is a very pure and good person, no matter whether the person who was locked in the iron cage at the time was a man or a woman, old or young, even if it was a puppy, as long as he expressed a signal for help, he would definitely save him, he is such a person."

"So, because you didn't leave you because you behaved like a hate, did you finally let go of your heart to him?"

"No, at that time I faced another problem, I found out his inhuman identity, from all kinds of details, I deduced that he is not a human, he probably has no experience in deceiving people, in my eyes, his various disguises are full of loopholes."

"The situation has become complicated again, from the story of the prince and the princess to the beauty and the beast."

"It's hard for me to describe my inner state clearly, at least when he took me to the first stronghold, I still didn't trust him, it was a temporary stronghold, the conditions were very rudimentary, and there was very little food and water stored, to be honest, seeing the scene there, I felt a huge pressure again, I only had ten days left in my life, like a short-lived cicada, I might not even be able to walk on the ground for ten days, and I had to continue to consume his few food and water, Feelings of guilt and guilt kept growing in my heart, and I began to regret why I didn't die in that iron cage, maybe it would have been much easier. ”

"All in all, my pressure is increasing, and I'm finally reaching my limit on the way to the villa—"

"What he said may be true, he may really have a big house with food and water in the house, but even if all this is true, I can't accept it calmly, I only have ten days left in my life, what should I do? Did you enjoy these ten days? ”

"Am I going to pretend that I didn't see his inhuman identity, pretend to be a stupid woman, put on the mask he would like, and let myself live the last ten days in peace? Am I going to enjoy the benefits he has given me, nothing in return, and then die? Am I going to throw in the towel? Throw in the towel to me who believes in miracles and magic? ”

"No kidding! I just don't, I choked the little girl who was talking in my heart, I grabbed her neck and climbed into the snow, I looked at him in a hurry, laughed, I felt like I had won, miracles, fairy tales and magic are all lies! I don't believe it! He's going to leave me behind! Maybe you will take the opportunity to eat my flesh and drink my blood! He would definitely call me a madman and scold him for how he saved a madman back. ”

"Sounds like you're crazy."

"It's not that I'm crazy, it's that I don't want to admit my heart."

"And then, what happened."

"I lost, completely lost to him, only he could redeem me at that time, I fell in love with him, I understood what a wonderful feeling love is, my inner defense was completely broken, even if I lie, it doesn't matter, even if I die in ten days, it doesn't matter if he is not human, I see his shining heart, I want to stay by his side, other than that, nothing else matters."

"But, is it really okay? Are you sure it's love? It sounded more like a kind of affection, he wanted you to come back to live here, and you could still see each other in the future, and he said that you were welcome to go to him at any time. ”

"I refuse, I'm pretty sure that this is love, it's a girl's love."

"Is there any evidence?"

"In your opinion, what kind of relationship is considered love?"

"That's a tough question to answer."

"Then let me answer, in the original base, because of the injury, I couldn't even take care of myself in the toilet, so I asked him to take me to the toilet, asked him to hold me, at that time I didn't feel shy, not even a little ashamed, he was not even a member of the opposite sex to me."

"But later, I asked him to leave when I went to the toilet, even if it was difficult for me to go to the toilet alone, because I began to be shy, and the thought of being seen by him made me shy, and he changed from a stranger to my admiration, so I dressed myself up and showed my good side."

"When I hold his hand, my heart beats faster, it's not a lie, it's my true love, I hope he can like me, even if he doesn't like me, I want to keep him alone, it doesn't matter if he's a little careful."

"Moreover, I told him that I love you, but he hasn't told me yet, just take it as a girl's heart of victory, I won't let go."

"So you've said that, I know, I'll tell you on your behalf, and I won't help him advise you again in the future."

"Thank you."

"However, let's think about the advice of going to college, even if a woman is in love, she can't focus all on each other, she must learn to love herself before she can love others."

"Treat me to another bowl of ice cream than that, my mouth is dry."

"What flavor do you want?"

"Vanilla chocolate, thank you."

(End of chapter)