"I'm not saying this to win sympathy." Seeing this, Odosia emphasized to everyone again: "In such an environment, it is conceivable that there is no warmth. Actually, I think that only natural saints can come out of that place, or strong people who will do whatever it takes. The rest of the people are estimated to not survive. ”

"Of course, most of the people who actually survived were the latter. Therefore, the second direct consequence of this state of affairs is the loss of morality. Just like my mother, others don't necessarily care about their children, some are running around for a living, and they are too busy to have time to spare. Others, just plain - numb by tossing. ”

"After I learned about those deeds, I admired your ancestors very much." She said to Zhu Wenkui: "In that case, many people will become crazy even if they survive." To be able to endure this kind of suffering and be able to do so many things must be the tenacity and strength of the heart, to a degree beyond my imagination. ”

"Actually, he must have been traumatized a lot. To be honest, no matter how tenacious a person is, after experiencing those things at the end of the Yuan Dynasty, it is estimated that they will leave a deep psychological shadow. The relatives and close ministers around me know some of them. Zhu Wenkui shook his head:

It's just that he has too many things to do, and he hasn't been idle until he dies. Moreover, in his later years, the environment around him was not bad, at least he was the son of heaven, and he no longer had to encounter the separation of his relatives...... Ah, although, some nominal relatives are indeed better than being separated. ”

"And in name." Tuhuan didn't know much about it, but he didn't care too much, and said with emotion: "No wonder I don't like Yuanren so much......"

"Hey, there are so many heroes in the Central Plains." Odosia's expression was a little complicated: "There are too few people who have the motivation and ability to change their own destiny. ”

"A lot of times, it's not about whether you want to, it's about not knowing what to do. I know a little bit about these people, because my mother is such a person. She's ...... Practical and ambitious, and of course, there are all the qualities necessary to climb up from the bottom. But if it goes too far, she doesn't know what to do. ”

"She has been hoping that I can have a baby with Hyun Young as soon as possible. For this reason, she also personally instructed me, and let me learn some skills on how to please men from her every day. I didn't want to study very much, I wanted to read more books, so she scolded me for not doing my job......" Odosia said helplessly: "Well, from her point of view, what is 'proper karma' is indeed debatable......"

And the reason why she has these thoughts is because she sees such examples in her daily life. The most successful one seems to be the mistress of a wealthy Ministry of Rites official. It was in this way that she took her children to the officials' houses to make a fuss. Officials have a good chance of being promoted, and they are afraid that they will get the attention of their competitors. So I didn't dare to wait for the matter to get big, so I hurriedly prepared a sum of money and sent them away. After this incident, my mother, and some others like her, seemed to think that they had learned, and always wanted to find a chance to give it a try. ”

However, she didn't understand the difference between the minor officials of the Ministry of Rites and the Pillar Kingdom. It was beyond her comprehension. Odosia shook her head: "Of course, I am not qualified to laugh at her, after all, my own knowledge is also limited. At the time, I also didn't fully understand that the reason for refusing was for other reasons. ”

"Why is that?" Guo Kang asked curiously.

"I don't think that's good for everyone." Odosia said truthfully: "Although I didn't show it at the time, I have always had a grudge against the environment I am in, as well as my mother and uncle. By the time I'm a little older, when it's time to have children, I'll already have a good idea of my situation. ”

"Although I wasn't very old at the time, I was a ...... since I was a kid Growing up in this environment, I've seen many examples. I can guess what my mother can think of. I've always resisted this. ”

"If I had a child with him, it would definitely be a game tool. I know too well about this kind of 'tool man'. No one really cares about him, and his situation may be worse than my own. She shook her head: "I don't want my children to be in this situation at all. ”

"Xuanying has never looked down on me, and the few people around him who know the situation have not said anything. But I knew I couldn't get into the kind of life he had. She frowned and said bluntly, "It doesn't matter if I go back to that environment, after all, that's where I came from." The little girls who lived with me before were the only ones who could live to this age. If you look at it this way, I don't lose much......"

"Wait a minute." Guo Kang interrupted: "When you think about this, how old are you?" ”

"When I was eleven or twelve." Odosia thought for a moment and said.

"If you're thirteen or fourteen years old, it's normal to get married seriously. But when he didn't live to be eleven or twelve years old, he ...... "Even Tuhuan felt that these people had gone too far."

"It's not normal, is it?" Guo Kang muttered, but he didn't dwell on it, and continued to ask, "What about after that?" You mean, you're not afraid of death, but you're afraid of causing trouble? ”

"Yes. I've had enough of that. Odosia shook her head and explained, "My mother grew up in this environment, and so did I. So, on the one hand, I resented her, and on the other hand, with my ignorant intellect at that time, I felt that I could not accuse her of anything, after all, in this situation, it seemed that this was the only way to do it. ”

"There's nothing I can do to change that. If I had struggled otherwise, I would have probably died early; And if I follow my mother's path, then I will be a stronger fellow than her at best. ”

"I still have to be like her, while toiling and suffering myself, to compete with greedy relatives and ruthless peers, to make peace with people I don't like at all; On the one hand, they continue to persecute others, even their own children, and transfer these sufferings to them. What is this for? ”

"In the end, I thought, I'm still not going to have children." She told Guo Kang about her conclusion: "Whether it is a man or a woman, giving birth to a child is also allowing him to continue to cycle through this pain like his mother and his maternal grandmother." There's really no need for that. Come to me and end it. ”

Theodora sighed and looked at Guo Kang. And Shi Ke, Cao Jian and others also sighed.

"This sounds quite desperate...... Cao Jian shook his head and said, "I also complained about all kinds of problems in my family before, so I actually made myself sentimental." ”

"However, Brother Li didn't think about helping you? With him, even if he can't get married, the situation will be much better, right? As if thinking of his adoptive father's illegitimate children, he deliberately asked again.

"I've thought about it in the middle." Odosia replied, "Xuanying was enlightened much later than I did. When he was about fifteen years old, he probably realized that he and I were in love. At that time, his performance became a lot more exaggerated, and I was shaken by it. ”

"I can't be like him, though. He can live carefree and express his feelings, but I have to be a lot of things and can't be blinded by emotions. Even if the truth is not romantic, or even painful, we must face it seriously and plan for the future of both of us. ”

"After that, I asked many people to find out what the situation was." She said: "It's not bragging, but maybe it's because I grew up in this kind of environment where I need to be observant, and my attitude towards them, as well as the reasons behind them, can be figured out somewhat." ”

"Some people in the Li family do know about us. Later, I heard that they felt that their young master was so hard, and there was no problem in finding a woman to play with. If something really happens, it's not difficult to deal with, and it won't make a big fuss. ”

"Well, those members of his family may be used to fighting, and they have always spoken in this style......" Guo Kang had no choice but to play a round: "Actually, it's not like this." ”

"yes." Tuhuan also said: "If something happens with the people of the main family, there will be a fight, then the roof of their Guo family will probably have to be leveled......"

"Huh?"

"I'm not trying to blame them. These big truths are nothing compared to the malice I encountered. Odosia ignored Guo Kang, who looked dazed: "What really makes me think is the development of the whole thing over the years. ”

"Over the years, I've tried a lot of things in the hope of achieving my goals and pursuing what I want. But I gradually found that my own strength was not enough; With the strength of my mother and other investors, who are stronger than me, I still can't do anything; In the end, even with Xuanying's strength, he couldn't achieve his goal. ”

"Mother is no longer an obstacle at this point. She also realized in the end that the investment had failed completely and had not paid her any return. At one point, she scolded me and accused me of being unmotivated. But I'm always reluctant to go further with Hyunyoung, and she can't help it at all. And at last the two of us grew closer and closer, and I joined the circle of the rich and noble, and when I became acquainted with Miss Joanna, my mother was afraid that I would take revenge on her, and she did not dare to say anything more. ”

"Someone once suggested that I should wait patiently, and when Xuanying has military merits and a higher position, I can not care so much about the family's taboos. The only problem is that Xuanying definitely can't wait so long, he will find other girls he likes to marry with the right family. However, I could not have been his wife in the first place, and it would have been enough for him to give him more support. The little crumbs that leaked out of Zhu Guo's hands were enough for people like us to eat for a long time. ”

"But that's not what I'm thinking about."

"At this time, my horizons have broadened a lot. Maybe because my life has improved a little, I started to find more problems and think more about things. ”

At that time, I wondered if the rules in his house, the experience that I had been dissatisfied with and felt that had ruined my happiness, were appropriate. But after inquiring and thinking about it in the end, I found that this rule is not unreasonable. ”

"On the contrary, it is indeed a bloody lesson, and even people like me can agree with it after calming down."

Odosia pointed to herself:

"It's very simple - I was still complaining before, I didn't want my children to fall into the same situation as myself, so I would rather deliberately stay away from my lover and not have children. So, if I were Hyunyoung's mother, would I be happy to let my children come into contact with people who come out of this place? If my son wants to find a girl from this kind of background, will I support it myself? ”

Guo Kang and the others did not answer, and she was not surprised, and continued: "The situation in that place, as well as the destruction of human nature and morality there, I just said it. The actresses and prostitutes saw over and over again the most exaggerated beauty and hustle and bustle, piled up for the sake of viewing, while living in extreme poverty and powerlessness. ”

"Many of these people have lost their basic emotional capacity and sense of right and wrong, let alone foresight and reason. Because of this, they can't respond normally to the kindness of others, but have become animals chasing flashiness. The vast majority of people, under the double torture of this dream and reality, have ...... It's crazy, so to speak. ”

"Of course, I'm not immune to the impact myself." She shook her head and said, "Sometimes I feel that I have been mentally tainted for a long time, and I am not worthy of him at all, so I have a feeling of wanting to break the jar." ”

"After thinking this out, I quickly came to the conclusion that I really shouldn't have been combined with Hyunying. It's going to hurt him. ”

"After that, I was in a daze for a while, not knowing what to do. Hyun Young asked me, and I didn't know how to tell him. I'm afraid that we will be too close and be targeted by people with intentions - around him, there are many such villains. I'm afraid that if I alienate him, will he misunderstand, think that I am deliberately hanging him, trying to get something from him - there are indeed many such women around me. ”

"In the end, I can only conclude that it's not my fault or his. And people like my mother are too shallow and small to bear the problems of the whole group and the whole society. That's why in the end, I came to the conclusion that the culprit was at the top. ”

"So you're trying to inflict more casualties on them?" Guo Kang asked.

"I'm in order of what I think is the level of responsibility and the degree of direct relevance." "The reason why the Greek merchants, and the high officials behind them, are counted is because they are the ones who are directly involved in the management and the distribution of profits. They are the most direct beneficiaries of our deformed and ugly group in the process of constantly functioning and poisoning people. I think that if we can get them to kill and injure more, we can do the most damage to this cycle of despair. ”

"What about the citizens in the arena?" Guo Kang continued to ask.

"Most of them are people who have money and leisure. It basically coincides with the groups that frequent our side. Odosia looked really into it, and calmly told him, "I think that on the one hand, they are also involved in the evil, and on the other hand, I am familiar with their group and can make better use of them." ”

"Then why did you still look for those Frenchmen? Those are also cooked? Guo Kang said strangely.

"Their leader was introduced to me by Miss Joanna. As for the rest of the French......" Eudosia frowned, "they were already the most enthusiastic guests of prostitutes." ”

“…… All right. Guo Kang suddenly understood again.

(End of chapter)