After Ai Xiang grew up and left, every time he returned to the welfare home, Guo Ying's mother would always say to him with emotion: "You are always different from other children, you are stronger than their hearts, and you are more mature than their hearts." I know what you want, what you want is real affection, and they also crave affection, but you have different needs from them, what you need is the same trust as affection, and what they need is a dependence in life. ”

Ai Xiang has a special trust in Guo's mother, in his eyes, others always have a suspicion that cannot be ruled out, but he has never doubted Guo's mother's words. He would rather doubt himself than doubt Guo's mother.

He had conflicts with other children, there were conflicts, and it was useless for anyone to lecture him, as long as Guo's mother said: "Ai Xiang, you can't do this." Or say, "Ai Xiang, you were wrong, you should apologize." Ai Xiang will choose to obey Guo's mother unconditionally, without a word of doubt. He didn't know why he liked to listen to Guo's mother, but a gut told him that Guo's mother was the only person he could trust.

After going to school, Ai Xiang never spent time with the children in the welfare home, but chose to go alone. None of his classmates had children from the welfare home, and that was the only request he had ever made to Guo's mother.

Guo's mother not only agreed to him, but also went out of her way to find the principal and homeroom teacher of that school, explained Ai Xiang's request to them, and sought understanding and support from them. Therefore, apart from his own teachers and principal, he knew that he was a child from the welfare home, and none of his classmates knew that he was a child who was different from them.

Although he saw the happiness on the faces of those classmates under the care of his parents, there was no envy in his eyes. There was only a deep indifference, and this indifference used to make Guo's mother very worried, worried that he would become psychologically paranoid because he was too lonely. But in the end, he not only endured this psychological loneliness, but also dissolved it, and he turned this loneliness into a kind of self-empowerment.

No one knows how he dissolved this deep loneliness, and he himself does not know how he endured and dissolved this loneliness. As an adult, he once thought about this question and came to a conclusion about the possibility himself. He believes that he has succeeded in shifting his focus and immersing himself in another spiritual world, in which he finds psychological satisfaction.

This spiritual world is the world of knowledge. He has become a taciturn student, a student who is called on by the teacher to be on par with his classmates, a student who is envied by his classmates, and a child of someone else's family in the eyes of his parents. His loneliness and indifference kept him away from all his classmates, and thus escaped the attention and inquiry of others about his origins.

Until he graduated from college, he never wanted to look at himself too much, and sometimes felt like he was just a machine that would keep learning. Loneliness occasionally bubbles up like mud and sand deposited deep inside, but soon regains its calm and disappears its shadows.

The real challenge came from within, after he chose to pursue a master's degree. Like a vine that has been entwined around the giant tree of knowledge, he blossoms and bears fruit, and begins to trace his own path. What followed was a deep confusion that enveloped everything that had ever been there. All the achievements gradually dimmed and became more and more obscured in the face of this confusion.

Faced with the confusion that he couldn't get rid of, Ai Xiang returned to the welfare home again, and he wanted to find the lost motivation from Guo's mother. He looked at Guo's mother, who was obviously getting old, and said, "Guo's mother, I miss you during the Dragon Boat Festival, I haven't come to visit you for a long time." "The Dragon Boat Festival was given to Ai Xiang by Guo's mother, except for Guo's mother and the original canteen manager of the welfare home, no one else remembers that he has such a nickname, let alone the origin of this nickname.

Guo's mother looked at the tall and straight young man in front of her, this child who used to be her favorite and cared about the most, and knew that he would definitely come to visit her. Because he still has a lot of questions in his heart, and a secret that he needs her help to uncover. Even though she can't give him a complete answer either, she's the only one who can help him.

"Dragon Boat Festival, I've been waiting for you to come. I know that for so many years, your heart has been very bitter and lonely. But I also know that you are a different child. What you make your mother proud and comforting for you is that you have turned loneliness into your own unique strength, you have turned loneliness into your own smart space, and you have turned loneliness into a narrow path for self-growth. I know it's a long and narrow path, but you went on and succeeded, and I'm so proud of you from the bottom of my heart. Guo's mother's happy face was full of concern and worry.

Ai Xiang was a little surprised in his heart, and felt that Guo's mother suddenly became very talkative, and he took Guo's mother's hand: "I know that my mother is the most distressed about the Dragon Boat Festival and understands the Dragon Boat Festival the most." No one knows what the Dragon Boat Festival thinks better than her mother, and no one trusts the Dragon Boat Festival more than her mother. You will always be my mother, I will always be your child, and you will be the only mother in my life. ”

Guo's mother looked at Ai Xiang calmly and said, "Mom knows that loneliness is something that fate imposes on you. When you were growing up, when you ignored it, it only temporarily hid to the side. When you become an adult and go into social life, it will come back, it will definitely come back, you will inevitably meet it in a narrow way, you can't help but face it, you can't help but face it. It's the same as you, it's not going to hide anymore, you have to face to face. Now, if you can't really beat it, it's bound to defeat you eventually. I don't want my Dragon Boat Festival to be the one who is defeated by loneliness, I want to do my best to help you. ”

Ai Xiang looked at Guo's mother with some surprise, the old man in front of him seemed to be an expert in psychology. All these questions she said were things that he had thought about in his heart, but he didn't think about them so thoroughly. Now, Guo's mother is like an X-ray machine fluoroscopy device, so that the problems in his heart have nowhere to hide, and all of them are exposed in front of her eyes.

Guo's mother told Ai Xiang with a smile: "You may not know, your Guo's mother has studied in college, and she is also majoring in psychology, I have studied you children, not just your nanny." ”

Guo's mother recalled her experience when she was young: "At the beginning, I worked in an applied psychology research institute, and I voluntarily transferred to a welfare institute to become the director. I use the welfare institute as a base for long-term follow-up research and practice, and I am not willing to do empty research work without real life, I like to study psychological problems in real work and life, and then use the results of research to guide practical guidance. I hope to fill the gap in the research on the psychological problems of children in welfare institutions with my own efforts. I'm not focusing on you alone, I'm focusing on a group like you. However, in the course of my research, I found that you are a special case, and your performance has given me a lot of inspiration and made some new gains in my research. At this point, my mother still has to thank the Dragon Boat Festival. ”

Ai Xiang completely understood that the mother Guo he particularly trusted, and it could be said that he trusted the only one, was not the head of an ordinary welfare home, but a person who was doing scientific research in psychology in obscurity, and was a real expert in children's psychological problems.

It turned out that a psychology book he had read turned out to be the research results of Guo's mother, who had accompanied him for more than ten years, and he used to think that the author was just the same name as Guo's mother, but he didn't expect that Guo's mother was a real scholar. No wonder from that book, he seemed to find some shadows of his past, and he couldn't help but be in awe of the old man in front of him.

After Guo's mother told Ai Xiang the mystery of his life experience, she looked at this young man with different pursuits kindly, and he was obviously still slowly digesting everything she had just said. Ai Xiang was shocked by a kind of heart, but also fell into a deep state of doubt, he needed to think about his past and future.

Guo's mother took out a few yellowed diaries from her cabinet: "I also have a few diaries of daily life and psychoanalysis observation of children in welfare homes here, and some of them are related to you. If you are interested, you can also take a look at it, maybe it can help you understand yourself better. If a person can learn and analyze himself, he will be able to truly step out of himself, overcome himself, surpass himself, and become a real strong person. ”

Guo's mother kindly looked at the confused Ai Xiang in front of her: "The answer to life needs to be found by yourself, and I hope you can find your answer through your own efforts in your own life journey." If you don't find the answer you need, you can understand that the process of finding the answer is actually an answer in itself. Not all questions will have answers, and the real purpose of our search for answers is to find facts and truth. And facts and truths are also past, or historical facts and truths, and there are no eternal facts and truths. Therefore, we should focus on the process of searching, not just the result of searching. ”

When Guo's mother was rummaging through the photos of Ai Xiang being placed outside the gate of the welfare home, she found a few yellowed old diaries and handed them to Ai Xiang together.

It was part of a few hundred diaries by Guo's mother, who told Ai Xiang that the diaries contained real shadows of his past, as well as her analysis and guidance, which could help him understand his own growth process and perhaps help him better face the future.

Ai Xiang came back from the welfare home that time and took away the diary of the children's growth in the welfare home that Guo's mother had painstakingly recorded. It is like a documentary, a true record of the daily life of the children in the orphanage. What is more valuable than the documentary is that Guo's mother not only recorded the relevant events in her diary, but also noted a lot of her own analysis process.

Ai Xiang looked at the yellowed pages, and his heart was shocked and shocked again. Because in those records, Guo's mother has established her own psychological profile of each child living in the welfare home, and she has been paying attention to the growth of these children almost all the time, always using her own delicate psychological counseling methods to correct their unbalanced psychological state, and guarding these special children with a loving and warm heart.

From those handwritings that gradually became blurred, Ai Xiang understood an ordinary and great woman, and also understood the bits and pieces of her own growth. Looking back now, the young self in the past is so real, so weak, so weak that a gust of wind can make him die. He also saw his stubbornness, seeing himself get up from the ground again and again, until he was able to stand bravely and independently in the crowd.

After reading those diaries, Ai Xiang understood Guo's mother's intentions. He did experience a kind of true feeling of analyzing himself and found the spiritual support that accompanied his growth. Guo's mother is right, he is a child with a particularly sensitive self-esteem, which is a weakness that others cannot easily touch, and it is also the source of his strength to become stronger. The quality of self-esteem, self-improvement and self-reliance has changed him from a weak life to a pillar of society who can learn and be independent. And the cultivation of this quality is inseparable from the careful care and cultivation of Guo's mother.

"Mother Guo......" Ai Xiang called softly from the bottom of his heart in a half-asleep and half-awake.

(Next Preview: Chapter 79 Ideal Marriage and Love)