After Zhang Weiping returned to the city, his life was very tasteless, like a sorghum growing in a field, suddenly losing water and sunlight.

His work unit is an organ of the Provincial Construction Committee, and there are four or five desks in each office, and behind each desk are people with different appearances but similar expressions, and these people are collectively called organ cadres. Zhang Weiping is naturally one of these people. Zhang Weiping walked into the office building at 8 o'clock in the morning and left at 5 o'clock in the evening, day after day, this is his job. A few months later, Zhang Weiping's face turned white, it was that pale, and his voice became smaller, unlike when he was in the countryside, whether it was facing the megaphone or some farmers in the audience, he was required to shout loudly. At that time, he was full of joy and passion.

What he didn't expect was that he went around in such a circle and returned to the city, the countryside did not belong to him, he belonged to the city, and he could only live in the city.

After he returned to the city, he had a conversation with his father, when he had just returned to the city and had not yet reported to the construction committee. His father, Deputy Commander Zhang, was about to retire, and his father was very depressed and lost for a while. So my father was very nostalgic, and my father, who was in his sixties, had reached the age of nostalgia.

My father said, "You shouldn't have come back from the countryside, you won't be allowed to be a cadre, you should be a farmer, what's the big deal?" How good a farmer is, he doesn't have to retire, as long as he still has a little strength, he can farm and hoe, and finally die in the field, and that kind of life is a human life.

As soon as my father mentioned the countryside, his face showed an extremely complicated expression, with yearning, love, and of course, happiness, but now it is more of a helplessness. My father left the countryside as a teenager, and then fought for decades, my father's war at that time was that the countryside surrounded the city, and he had been dealing with the countryside, and most of the backbone of the army at that time were from peasants, in fact, my father had been dealing with farmers in the countryside all his life. It was the troops who entered the city, and in the days when there was no war to fight, he managed the team, and relatively speaking, it was also a semi-closed army compound life. What is a soldier, it is a group of people who have turned over and become the masters of the house, so my father lives among these people and seems to be very lively and easy. Now my father is leaving the collective, destined to live that kind of straggler-like life. My father finally felt lost, and it was a feeling of helplessness for the flowers to fall, and there were many anxious things in my father's eyes.

In fact, his father is only in his sixties, and his understanding of life is that his sixties are the most mature and glorious time in life, and it was at this time that his retirement report was sent to the Military Commission, and then he really retired just waiting for an order.

The father's mood at this time is the same as that of his son Zhang Weiping, both of which have a sense of being abandoned by life. Why doesn't Zhang Weiping want to take root in the vast countryside and show off his youth? It was reality that made him lose such an opportunity, and he was nostalgic for the days when he grew up as a militia company commander of the brigade, and his first love when he stayed in the countryside beautifully and truly. Those days are unforgettable for him.

Perhaps he inherited many restless genes from his father, who threw away the bullwhip at the age of thirteen and joined the revolutionary ranks, and his father's heart must have been full of passion and yearning at that time. He left school at the age of sixteen and resolutely decided to go to Vietnam to support the Vietnamese people's anti-American guerrilla war, but of course he did not succeed, he had to go to the countryside. At that time, his heart was still burning with fire-like youthful pride, and just as he was playing a triumphant song all the way to his ideals, he suddenly found that the road ahead was broken, and he could only find another way out.

In the days of working in the agency, he found the rhythm of life, but he could not find himself, he could only spend his body in a small office, answering the phone, filling out various reports, and then everyone got together for endless meetings, the content of the meeting, as soon as he left the office, he forgot all about it, only the scene of the meeting. What kind of scene was that, drinking tea, reading newspapers, whispering to each other, and scribbling with notebooks. He knew that everyone was not paying attention to this kind of meeting, and they were all going to work for eight hours with their own hearts.

Zhang Weiping lives in the agency and has a feeling of not being able to get angry. He was depressed, uncomfortable, and hated to open the window and yell out of the window.

Aunt Yu in the office has been sitting in the office for most of her life, and she has long been comfortable with everything in the agency. Aunt Yu's sideburns have some gray hair, Aunt Yu's desk is opposite Zhang Weiping's desk, and she has to face Zhang Weiping countless times every day.

Aunt Yu's biggest hobby is knitting wool, and the door to the office must be closed at this time, and the woolen work is placed in the drawer. When weaving work, the needle and thread are taken out of the drawer, if the leader suddenly comes in, or someone goes to the office to do something, Aunt Yu puts her hand down, her stomach is shy, and those woolen work are unknowingly locked in the drawer. Aunt Yu was very neat when she was a child, talking and working at the same time, without delay. On her desk there were still unfolded materials and various organ reports, and the pen was unscrewed and laid across the table, and as soon as she put down the woolen work in her hand, it immediately became an image of working diligently day and night.

Aunt Yu is still a warm-hearted person, not long after Zhang Weiping came to work in the agency, Aunt Yu became very familiar with Zhang Weiping and understood Zhang Weiping's private life.

She said: Xiaozhang, you are *** people, why don't you have a target? I can tell you, whether it is a man or a woman, there is no such shop in this village.

Zhang Weiping looked at Aunt Yu in front of him and looked at her in a daze.

Aunt Yu said again: I will know if you have a partner, you see that you usually don't even have a phone, and you are not in a hurry to go home after work, nor do you call outside, you still say that you have a partner?

Aunt Yu's eyes don't rub sand.

Aunt Yu also said: Xiaozhang, you are the same age as my son, my son has been married for two years, I am about to hold my grandson, I will retire next year and go home to hug my grandson. You see how good your conditions are, wow, my father is a senior cadre in the army. I'm a party member, and a cadre, you are now a deputy section, only in your twenties to the deputy department, and also served as a commune-level cadre, I am about to retire, only to enjoy a regular treatment, you are much better than me, you will definitely have a very promising future in the future, and it will be no problem to be a director or director before retirement.

When Zhang Weiping heard this, he could only smile at Aunt Yu palely.

Aunt Yu's enthusiasm was encouraged, and she immediately said: Xiaozhang, you have to trust me, I will introduce you to a girlfriend in two days, who is also a cadre of the agency, and she is also a cadre family, but his parents are not as big as your father. But it doesn't matter, the children of cadre families must have a common language.

Zhang Weiping smiled noncommittally.

Aunt Yu said again: Look at your child, you are still embarrassed, what are you embarrassed about? It's the eighties now, and you're almost getting four modernizations, and you're still embarrassed, you're such a good boy.

After Aunt Yu said these words, Zhang Weiping forgot about it. Suddenly, one day before getting off work, Aunt Yu mysteriously said to Zhang Weiping: Xiaozhang, don't be in a hurry to leave when you get off work, there are good things.

When it was time to get off work, everyone else left, and only he and Aunt Yu were left in the office, he thought that Aunt Yu had something to say to him, so he waited. Aunt Yu looked at her watch unhurriedly, then put down the woolen work in her hand, stood up, and said to Zhang Weiping mysteriously: Wait a minute, I'll come back.

Aunt Yu went out and soon came back, with an extra girl behind her. The girl looked like she was in her twenties, she looked very innocent, and when she saw that Zhang Wei usually blushed, she asked Aunt Yu to sit down on a chair, she kept her head down, twisted the corners of her clothes with her hands, and never wanted to raise her head again.

Aunt Yu said: Xiaozhang, this is the person I introduced to you, her surname is Wang Juan, she works in the Department of Health, and her parents are cadres of the Department of Health.

After saying this, he said to Wang Juan: Xiaojuan, Xiaozhang is a good young man in our agency, don't miss such an opportunity. I've already told you about the situation, so let's talk about it, I'll go first.

After finishing speaking, he picked up his bag and walked to Zhang Weiping's side, he patted Zhang Weiping's shoulder lovingly and said: You are a young man, take the initiative.

Aunt Yu smiled meaningfully, opened the door, and slammed the door shut, and the footsteps disappeared at the top of the stairs.

There were two people left in the room at once, and it was only then that Zhang Weiping took a serious look at Wang Juan in front of him. When he looked at Wang Juan for the first time, he didn't feel anything, but when he looked carefully, he had a sense of déjà vu, which he couldn't tell clearly. When he looked at Wang Juan again, Li Yaling's voice and smile appeared in front of his eyes. Wang Juan in front of her is very similar to Li Yaling, not how similar she looks, but her expression and the strength on her body. I remember that when he was in the office of the Fangmagou Brigade, he and Li Yaling sat in front of the fire, Li Yaling was also like this, her expression was shy, her face was red, but her eyes were watery. At this time, Zhang Weiping had a feeling of being separated from the world for all this.

Zhang Weiping didn't speak, and the girl didn't seem to have any intention of speaking, Zhang Weiping lit a flue: Your name is Wang Juan?

Wang Juan nodded, her hand left the corner of her clothes, and her eyes looked at a corner of the ground.

Zhang Weiping said again: You work in the Department of Health?

Wang Juan nodded again.

After asking these questions, Zhang Weiping seemed to have nothing to say, his eyes looked at Wang Juan with empty eyes, and behind Wang Juan, Li Yaling's shadow appeared in front of him deeply and shallowly. It was his beautiful and pure first love, but it was all gone.

At this time, Wang Juan spoke: Aunt Yu has introduced your situation, I feel very good.

When Wang Juan finished saying this, she glanced at him quickly. He had the feeling of being in the brigade office again, the two of them were sitting by the fire, and the fire reflected the faces of the two people, but at this time, it was not the fire but the empty passage of the two tables that stood in front of the two people.

He sighed and said, "Oh, I have been to the countryside, I have been working in the countryside for several years, and I have not been back in the city for long.

She said: I have also been to the countryside, and I came back a year ago.

He said, "You have also been to the countryside, where are you?"

She said: In Panjin, a fishing village by the sea.

As soon as the two of them talked about the countryside, they suddenly became more talkative, and they were not as restrained as they were at the beginning, and they both relaxed. Zhang Weiping had endless words when he thought of the countryside, and from the conversation, Zhang Weiping knew that Wang Juan went to the countryside after graduating from high school, stayed in the countryside for three years, and finally returned to the city. When Wang Juan talked about the countryside, she also yearned for it, and she recalled many details of the life of educated youth, which Zhang Weiping had come into contact with. Unconsciously, it was already dark outside, and when the two of them paused, Wang Juan exclaimed: It's time, I should go.

The two of them walked out of Zhang Weiping's office and came to the street outside, and it was already dim at this time.

A bus came, and Wang Juan said to Zhang Weiping: Goodbye. He hurriedly jumped into the car.

The car quickly drove away. Zhang Weiping stood under the stop sign and kept looking at the bus in the distance. Wang Juan's appearance evoked the first love he once had. He thought that life had changed, and Li Yaling had slowly faded in his mind, but what he didn't expect was that with the appearance of Wang Juan, Li Yaling's shadow appeared more tenaciously in his mind.

Wang Juan's certain temperament coincided with Li Yaling, which left a certain impression on Zhang Weiping. It's been so long, in fact, he hasn't forgotten Li Yaling, reason tells him that Li Yaling has embarked on a road of no return, but in his heart, Li Yaling in the countryside is still tenaciously living at the bottom of his heart, like a seed, which has taken root, blossomed, and borne fruit in his heart. It was only the torso that was pulled out, but the root was deeper and deeper in his heart. He tried to get it out of his mind entirely, and all he got was pain.

There were many times when he subconsciously came to the door of the Chinese Medicine College, and those days were the days of Li Yaling's wedding, her face was flushed, her expression was happy, and her face was filled with a satisfied smile. He watched her from afar behind the tree, and he even secretly followed her to the vegetable market, where he saw her buy a piece of tofu and a bundle of greens. Intuition told him that Li Yaling was married and had already lived. Li Yaling is already completely the image of a city person, and she bargains with those farmers in the vegetable market. The style of the little women in the city was learned by Li Yaling without exception and carried forward, she is more like a city person than a city woman.

When Zhang Weiping saw Li Yaling hurriedly walk into the gate of the College of Traditional Chinese Medicine with vegetables, his gaze was infinitely lengthened. In fact, as soon as Li Yaling entered the door, he couldn't see it after turning a corner, although Li Yaling disappeared from his sight, he still stood there, looking inside the College of Traditional Chinese Medicine, looking forward to Li Yaling coming out again. On the one hand, he knew that Li Yaling would not come out after buying vegetables, she would be like a housewife, wearing an apron, busy inside and out, and on the other hand, he wanted to see her again.

There were many times when he stood at the door of the College of Traditional Chinese Medicine and watched, and more often than not, it was just a kind of watch. Such watchfulness became a part of his life in those most lost days. More often than not, he found nothing and returned empty-handed. When he did all this, it was completely subconscious, he couldn't tell how he got to the gate of the College of Traditional Chinese Medicine, from the construction committee to the College of Traditional Chinese Medicine, he needed to change the car, he was used to it, and this habit became a kind of natural. Regardless of whether Li Yaling can be seen or not, as long as he keeps watch in front of the School of Traditional Chinese Medicine, the content of his daily life is complete. Sometimes when he left the academy and rushed to the compound of the military district, he realized the absurdity of his behavior. So, he swore that he would not come next time. Li Yaling is no longer the Li Yaling she used to be, she is now someone else's wife. As for Li Yaling's marriage to Zhang Song, he only found out later. One day at work, he pretended to find someone to knock on the door of Zhang Song's office, and he recognized Zhang Song at a glance as the young teacher he met when he visited Li Yaling. That time, he retreated in a panic, and he couldn't tell what it was like to be cloudy and snowy in his heart.

He himself felt that he was no worse than Zhang Song, Zhang Song was a typical intellectual image, thin, pale, with white chalk and ink on his sleeves or clothes somewhere, he was such a person, why did he occupy Li Yaling's heart so powerfully?

Since then, he has stopped coming to the College of Traditional Chinese Medicine, and he wants to completely forget everything that has happened.

But Wang Juan's inadvertent appearance reminded him of Li Yaling again. At this time, Zhang Weiping was a little convinced, and in this way, Wang Juan walked into his life little by little.

The next day, when he saw Aunt Yu, Aunt Yu's eyes lit up, and she said to him mysteriously: Xiao Zhang, how do you feel about Wang Juan, that girl has a good impression of you, I heard that you chatted late yesterday?

Zhang Weiping just smiled.

Aunt Yu said again: You are a young man, if you are satisfied, take the initiative, after all, they are girls.

He still smiled.

When he thinks of Wang Juan, he thinks of Li Yaling, the two women flashed in his mind alternately, and he sometimes couldn't tell who was who. Although Aunt Yu said this, he had no intention of taking the initiative to invite Wang Juan, because reason told her that Wang Juan was Wang Juan, and she was not Li Yaling.

Two days later, he suddenly received a call from Wang Juan, she told him that her unit had issued a movie ticket and asked him if he would go. His hand holding the microphone trembled a little, he didn't expect Wang Juan to call him, let alone ask him out in this way. He hesitated.

On the phone, Wang Juan whispered: Are you unwilling to see me? Wang Juan's tone was the same as Li Yaling's, and at this moment, Li Yaling's image appeared in front of him again, as if it was not Wang Juan but Li Yaling who called. So, he asked for the time and place.

In the process of waiting for a date with Wang Juan, he was a little excited, and even a little nervous. The movie was at night, and during the day's waiting, he was in a good mood and even whistled in the office, which had never been done before.

In the evening, he saw Wang Juan at the door of the cinema, the cinema had begun to enter one after another, Wang Juan was holding two pink movie tickets in her hand, standing very conspicuously under the lamp. The moment he saw Wang Juan, his heart suddenly cooled down again, Wang Juan was not Li Yaling after all. But he still walked over, Wang Juan also saw him, raised the movie ticket in his hand, and looked very happy.

She said, "You're here?"

He smiled at her

She said, "Then let's go in."

He followed her into the cinema and found their seats, and it was only then that he found out that the seats in the front and back were all people from Wang Juan's unit, and they were naturally very familiar with Wang Juan, and while greeting Wang Juan, they studied him very seriously. Needless to say, everyone understands his relationship with Wang Juan.

He sat there uncomfortable, and Wang Juan also blushed. She seemed afraid of his embarrassment, and from time to time she found something to say to him.

She said: "In the three years I was in the countryside, I didn't go to the cinema once.

He said, "Me too."

She said: The films that were shown in the countryside were released in the city for a year, and it was the turn of the countryside.

He said, "Yes."

……

The bell rang, the lights dimmed, and then it went completely dark. Only then did he exhale and his tense body relaxed.

She sat beside him, unmoving, extremely gentle. He could feel Wang Juan's body leaning to his side, and he could smell the feminine aura emanating from her body, which gave him a sense of déjà vu in his heart. Li Yaling once left him with such an atmosphere, at that time, he was intoxicated and nostalgic.

At this time, although things are not people, there is also something that he has not been familiar with for a long time. Their hands touched inadvertently, and she subconsciously avoided them, their eyes fixed on the screen, but their attention was on each other. A few times, Wang Juan beside him disappeared and was replaced by Li Yaling. At that moment, he was completely relaxed, and his heart was filled with great happiness, as if he had returned to the countryside, they were standing in the open air watching a movie, and he was holding Li Yaling's hand tightly. At this moment, Wang Juan's hand inadvertently touched his hand again, he impulsively held Wang Juan's hand, and then never let go, he clutched it tightly, and pushed harder and harder. Wang Juan finally fell into his ear and said: You hurt me.

It was only then that he came to his senses, and it was Wang Juan's hand beside him, not Li Yaling, and he immediately let go, blushing for his gaffe. After a while, Wang Juan's hand tentatively reached over again, and he never shook her hand again.

At the end of the movie, the sudden arrival of lights brings him back to reality. He awkwardly came to the outside of the movie theater with Wang Juan. She didn't say a word, and neither did he. The people around me are almost gone. She just said: Is the movie good?

He nodded and replied, "Okay."

Actually, he didn't see it at all.

As the two of them walked forward as they spoke, he suddenly remembered something and said, "Where do you live?" I'll send you.

She didn't say yes, she didn't say no, and the two of them walked forward silently. The street lamp was not on, and the shadows of the two people lengthened and shortened for a while under the street lamp. He suddenly recalled that when he walked on the dirt road in the countryside, he sent Li Yaling home under the cover of night, at that time, he always thought that the road was too short, and they often sent each other, sometimes between Li Yaling's house and the brigade headquarters. First love is beautiful and profound. With this feeling, he was completely relaxed. The steps of the two people are consistent, and they are much more harmonious when they walk.

Wang Juan was very close to him, with a look of more than ten centimeters, and their bodies kept touching each other subtly. A gust of wind blew, and her fluttering hair could touch his face.

She said, "It's a quiet night.

Occasionally, a cyclist would pass them by, ride a long distance, and look back at them.

He didn't speak, but he felt Wang Juan's presence all the time. When Li Yaling used to walk beside him, she was also so quiet, sometimes they didn't say a word for a long time, they just felt it silently.

In front of a building, she stopped, and he did, two people standing face to face.

She said, "I'm home."

He looked at her, how much this sentence was like what Li Yaling said, she also said the same in front of Li Yaling's house, at that time, Li Yaling's dog would warmly welcome out, at this time, there was just no dog.

She was not in a hurry to leave, and Li Yaling was also back then. She looked at him for a moment, then looked at her toes and said, "What is your impression of me, you haven't said yet?"

He reacted and looked at her seriously, Wang Juan was docile in the shadow of the lamp, like a willow tree swaying in the wind, so gentle from head to toe.

He said, "Ah, little Wang, what do you say?"

He was three years older than her, which Aunt Yu said, so he called her Xiao Wang.

He kicked the ball to Wang Juan again.

Wang Juan unconsciously kicked the ground with her toes, how familiar this action was to him.

Wang Juan lowered her head and said: Aunt Yu told you everything, and we can be regarded as meeting. Me, I think you're okay.

He said, "That's fine."

She glanced at him quickly, suddenly shoved a piece of paper into his hand, and then twisted her beautiful body and ran towards the doorway. It wasn't until her figure disappeared that he looked at the sweaty piece of paper, which read Wang Juan's office and home phone numbers.

The lights in one of the rooms upstairs were on, presumably Wang Juan had arrived home, and he turned around and walked towards the bus stop. The little piece of paper had been pinched in his hand. He suddenly remembered a famous sentence he had read in a book before: If you want to cure the pain of falling out of love, then you should fall in love. That night, Zhang Weiping was determined to have a relationship with Wang Juan.