Originally, No. 17 wanted to resume the update, but I really couldn't lift the strength to write, and a lot of things in my mind seemed to be drained, and I couldn't squeeze out half of the interesting words.

My grandmother passed away two months ago, just a few years ago, and the elderly were affected by diabetes, cerebral infarction, femoral head necrosis and other diseases, and the quality of life in the past few years has not been too high. He was over eighty years old and died in a coma without much pain, which is not a bad thing for an old man who has been weathered. The children have done their filial piety over the years, and the grandfather has passed away for more than ten years. The common feeling of birth, old age, sickness and death, more than 80 years old passed away in a coma and sleep, after seeing a lot of death tortured by illness, everyone felt that this was a good beginning and a good end, and it was a blessing for the elderly.

However, my grandmother did not enjoy such a blessing, she left this world under the torture of cancer and the severe pain of cancer.

She died in the early hours of the morning, when I had fallen asleep at home, and woke up the next day to receive a call saying that my grandmother had died, and my heart was quite calm, because after the Chinese New Year, my grandmother's health was not as good as before, and she had given up chemotherapy with a strong reaction, and returned home to go through the last period of her life, and everyone was mentally prepared. I even thought that this winter would be very difficult, and when the weather warmed up in the early spring, my grandmother might be able to get some better. A week ago, she was able to eat, and she ate more than usual, and she was refreshed and able to come out in the sun, thinking it was a sign of improvement. I didn't expect this to be just a flashback, life passed unexpectedly fast, and it was too late for you to say goodbye.

I drove hurriedly to my grandmother's house, and by noon it was already in the yard where the shed and the running water mat had been set up. When I got out of the car, my grandfather came over and grabbed me and said that my mother-in-law had left, and his face, who was always smiling on weekdays, fell, he wanted to cry but held back, so my calm heart collapsed. When I got to the mourning hall, I knelt down and kowtowed, and when I saw the photo of my grandmother, I knew that my grandmother was gone, and I no longer cared about and nagged my grandmother for decades, and tears fell uncontrollably. The mother and the two aunts cried even more sadly, they had been crying for a long time because they had no mother anymore.

Grandma must be the best mother in the world, and the best grandmother in the world, like many ordinary and great mothers in China, she has paid her life's hard work for her children, and she still remembers the life and future of her children and grandchildren until she dies. In the afternoon in the mourning hall, everyone used their own way to get through the grief caused by the loss of their loved ones, my aunt and I kept folding paper ingots, the second aunt and the elders in the village kept talking about the death of my grandmother, my younger brother looked at the portrait of my grandmother in a daze, and my grandfather pulled my sister to talk about his agreement with my grandmother. He said that before he died, he talked to his grandmother about who would die first, and his grandmother said that old man, you can't die first, you have to live longer, because you have a pension. You have to get more pension to help the children, and there are three little babies who are not married and have children, and they will get married and have children in the future, and you will give them red envelopes. My grandfather never took care of money in his life, and all his income was handed over to my grandmother. Grandma wants to leave, hand over all the money to her grandfather, explain how to use each money, which marriage will give as much as she wants, which baby will give as much as she wants, and ask her grandfather to help her attend the wedding and help her see her future generations. It was an agreement between them.

My grandfather talked about how she and her grandmother came together, and when the matchmaker came to introduce them at that age, they looked at each other's conditions and thought they were good, so they asked the matchmaker to pass on a word, and their parents agreed, and they got married. Grandpa smiled and said that there was no free love at that time, but they were also noisy and loving for 60 years, and this year happened to be their 60th anniversary of their golden wedding. My grandmother is a traditional country woman with no education, and my grandfather is a scholar, and her parents are intellectuals, so I don't know how the two families agreed to get married. My grandfather's mother was very literate and had a long lifespan, and I still remember one time when she was eating at the same table with my grandmother, and the old lady chatted about a topic, saying "Mr. Lu Xun once said", quoting a sentence from Mr. Grandma, while chewing the food, asked "Which one?" Xiao Li? Which Xiao Li? The old lady looked depressed, and the conversation could not continue. My grandfather went to middle school in that era, had a high level of education, and went to many places when he was young, and once rode a horse from Jiangsu to Inner Mongolia to beg for a living, he said that at that time in Baotou was cold and couldn't stand it to squat, and was immediately picked up, saying that he would freeze to death if he squatted.

In the special era, because of family reasons, my grandfather was wearing a high hat, and it was my grandmother who accompanied him through the cold winter of his life at that time, giving him warmth and not letting him freeze to death in the wind and snow. As Hakka people, my grandparents' family was alienated in the village, and they lived by a small river without the help of their relatives. They raised four children, and in the most difficult times, my grandmother's mother's mother, her mother and father, would bring freshly milled rice and wheat flour to help. My grandmother's mother and father are both long-lived, I have seen them, my grandmother's mother is a beautiful girl, she has wrapped her little feet, always wears a clean blue cloth shirt, and her silver hair is neatly combed. She said to me at that time, I was very young, that I should comb my hair often, which is good for my health. She would also give me gua sha, remove moisture from me, and cure my sore throat. My grandmother's mother was very kind to my grandmother, and when she died unexpectedly, my grandmother was very sad and said that she had not been filial to her in her life. She gave more love to her children, and no matter how hard and tired the family was, she didn't let her children go to school. My mother, uncle, and aunt all went to university, which was not an easy task in those days.

It always seems that between parents and children, what the next generation owes to the previous generation, must be repaid in their own next generation, and continue to live forever. The next afternoon, I was resting in my room, trying to write for a while but couldn't write a word. My mother, who hadn't closed her eyes for two days, came in and talked to me. She said that she did not do her filial piety to her grandmother, and if she insisted on letting her grandmother check the colonoscopy and find the tumor early, then her grandmother would not have suffered so much and would be able to live better today. In fact, I know that my mother has done her best, and after my grandmother got cancer, she took care of her for four whole years. There were many other things happening at home at the same time, and she carried them all by herself. She talked about how much my grandmother felt guilty about her mother, just as she felt about her grandmother now, and I remembered how much I owed my mother. The kindness of my parents is really difficult to repay, and looking at my mother's tears, I try to make myself more relaxed. Everyone is like this, comforting each other when they are together, saying words of relief and comfort. Then he hid himself and secretly wiped his tears.

In the middle of the night, I couldn't sleep, lying on the sofa, remembering my mother who said, "Mommy has no mom", and I also lost my dearest grandmother, and I knew that there are some things in this world that I will eventually lose and never come back. I think of a summer night about 20 years ago, when I was at my uncle's house with my grandmother during the summer vacation, I was still lying in bed, and I suddenly thought that one day my grandmother would leave me, and I secretly cried in bed. In the past 20 years, I have learned a lot and lost a lot, but I am still sad and unbearable when the loss comes. The love of the world is also the most bitter of the world, I hope you understand. But I will also return as soon as possible, because after the loss, I will know more clearly that I must live and work well, give more meaning to my life, and better face and bear the loss.

Tomorrow may not be better, but tomorrow will always come, and it will always come. May you cherish what you are looking for, cherish what you love, do your best, and leave few regrets. Good night.