I don't have a dad anymore.

My father, in my memory, has always been a man who stands up to the sky, and although his education is suppressive, when you think about it, he has never done anything to me, even if he is particularly angry, he is only cynical.

And I know that his behavior is just to motivate me, but I disappointed him, probably because although I was afraid of him since I was a child, I was actually psychologically fearless, after all, subconsciously I knew that he would not do anything to me.

I know that he feels guilty about me, that he once had an iron job in an environmental protection unit, and that a relative was able to help me run it more than ten years ago.

It's just that at that time, the income of this iron rice bowl was not half of the income of my work at that time, and I didn't have a lot of knowledge in the system.

But then I was so busy having fun that I didn't have any intention of working, and I stayed up all night surfing the Internet every day, wasting my time, and I was very depressed.

The relatives in the back did not succeed in helping, and the management was tightened at that time, and there was no chance at all, and the iron rice bowl in the back became more and more fragrant, which was in stark contrast to the downfall behind me.

I actually know that my father regrets it in his heart, he is patriarchal, although he also likes my sister, but I know better that he wants me to be good, and an opportunity was missed.

This is actually very normal, after all, women don't worry about getting married, but I'm a single man, at the bottom of society, and I've been out for many years, wasting time, getting older and older, and when I can't afford it, he should regret not letting me go to the unit at that time.

In fact, my real inner thoughts at that time were the same as his, after all, I still wanted to play at that time, and I didn't have too many ideas about the future, so I was very much in favor of my father's proposal.

Think about it carefully, my father at that time was not arbitrary, he first heard the meaning that I didn't want to go, and then proposed to let my sister go, I was a little clever, in his opinion, it was ridiculous, after all, he grew up watching it, but he didn't say it explicitly.

In fact, although he was the head of the family and looked arbitrary, in fact he never tried to beat me, for example, he asked me to go to junior college, and I was fed up with school life and refused.

As time went on, I left my job, I studied mechatronics, I didn't know what it was until now, and when I came out, I learned lathe work with another relative.

Later, I had no intention of working at all, so I went home to rest for a year, and my father didn't say anything, and said that I left home too early and went home to rest for a while.

Later, I found a job, without education and ability, I could only work as a coolie, and then because I could endure hardships, I became a warehouse manager and driver in a small private workshop.

I worked quietly for a few years, until the end of 18, when I left my job again and lay in a rented house for a whole year in 2019, but my father still thought I was working.

In fact, after so many years of work, he never asked me for a penny, and he knew that I spent a lot of money, and he didn't say anything.

He was disappointed in me, but he also felt guilty about me, my sister's salary seems to be about the same after so many years of work, but an iron job bowl and benefits are beyond the imagination of ordinary people.

I was careful to hide my careful thoughts at the time, and occasionally stabbed him with this, but he didn't say anything, and now that I think about it, I was quite cowardly, and quite ridiculous.

I've been lying in the back for a long time, and I don't want to work at all, so I have a hobby that I started since I was a child.

I went from watching the former Wolongsheng, Li Liang, or anonymous martial arts in the third grade when I was a child, to 2006, when I started to stay up all night in an Internet café, I saw the website Starting Point Chinese.

To be honest, at the time, I thought that this website was only known with colors, and the first screen name was a little pervert, and I had long forgotten it.

Later, watching the Internet has become a habit for me for so many years, no matter how busy I am, I have to watch it, and I can watch it in any type.

Until 2019, the year I was lying, it was really lying, most of the people who could should be able to accept loneliness, I had one book a day, or one book every two days, and I came into contact with "Movie Elegance" in the second half of the year.

At that time, I had too much time, so I just read a good book, and I kept reading one type until I got tired of it.

Of course, "Movie Elegance" is not the first entertainment book I have read, it was very early when I watched it before, and the mainstream of entertainment at that time was still in the Xiangjiang film and television circle.

At that time, there were a lot of types of things I liked to watch, and entertainment was just one of them, but in 2019, there was too much time, and I was tired of seeing a genre, and I also had the idea of writing a book, I was afraid of working, but I wanted to make money, so I just wrote a few hundred words.

Why is the protagonist of my first book called Wang Zheng, this name that has no protagonist temperament at all, was originally given casually, and I don't want to change it later.

Then, the first book was lucky, or I was too persistent, and I signed a contract for 300,000 words, and I started to make money, and I wrote it like that.

Of course, this is not my main business, but with the well-known mass retreat, this has become my only income.

I can see that I can write to make money, and my father is happy, although I feel embarrassed, but he can proudly tell anyone.

Later, I opened this book "Achievement is King", this is the complete opposite of "Light and Shadow Entertainment", some people say that I Wang Zheng is too hypocritical, then I will write a wave to the extreme.

This book is very successful.,Although I'm a little verbose at the beginning.,It's okay to have a simple character.,It's also a loss of fame in the genre.,And the update speed is fast.,That's also the reason.。

Then the bad news came, on March 5 this year, my father went to take a CT because of a bad cough for a long time, lung cancer, I didn't expect it, after all, I had too many coughs at that time, and I just let go.

At that time, I went directly to the authoritative hospital in this province with my father, and the examination was confirmed.

But there are always times when I wake up from a dream, my father is too thin, it is too late to find out, the surgery can't be done, I don't dare to do radiotherapy and chemotherapy, and the targeted drugs are not matched, so I went to BJ Union Hospital, and I was dealing with this matter in the days after my "Light and Shadow Entertainment" ended, and I was a little impulsive at the time, and I felt sorry for many people.

But I was too anxious at the time, my father's illness was like a mountain weighing on my heart, and the pressure was too great.

Simply, he was also afraid of such a thing as surgery, and he found a Chinese medicine treatment, but how to say it, a terminal illness is a terminal illness, and he couldn't control it at all, and he was bedridden in June.

I often regret it, regret that last year, I didn't treat my father too well, which said that I needed a quiet environment, and I was more procrastinating, and I often didn't start writing until the evening, and I lost my temper when I was affected, and spoiled children are always very shameless.

I regret it now, I regret that I didn't give my father a cigarette two days ago, and I still hope that he will be able to stand up.

When he was lying in bed and asking for a cigarette, I was very sad, a dictatorial person became very pitiful, he was really old.

His health is getting worse and worse, I already know what the situation is, and he should know how terrifying it will be when he sees death coming day by day.

I regret it, I regret that when he talked to me at night, I told him to rest and ignore him, I regret it, I regret that I had been so bored with him in my heart, and I even thought about whether it was worth such treatment.

I was also under a lot of pressure, Chinese medicine was too expensive, and he was not hospitalized, the outpatient quota was already over, I thought about whether it was worth spending money, simply, although I thought about it, but when it came to spending money, I did not hesitate.

I regret that I didn't accompany my father to talk to me, and when he left me at 2:36 p.m. today, I realized that even if he was lying down, he had always been the pillar of support.

When he was there, even if he was sick and had something, he couldn't find me, but when I realized that I would have to grow up with my mother in the future.

My mother is disabled, she is deaf and mute, she is clever, but she can't speak, I didn't sell this badly, and even before I was embarrassed to tell others, I felt ashamed.

In fact, the most humiliating thing is me, moody, giving my temper to my family and readers and friends who support me.

Actually, I paralyzed myself in March, and since March, after knowing my father's illness, I have no joy in writing books, and what I write behind is a general plot, which should be able to be seen by careful people.

My dad is gone, I don't know what I'll do in the future, but now, I can only be strong on my own, and my mom still wants me to raise it.

Dad, I will always love you, don't worry, Mom, I will take care of it.

This extra-long leave slip is not so much a leave of absence as an essay on missing my father, and there are a lot of digressions, but today is a day that I will never forget in my life.

Thank you all for your support along the way, the updates have been uncertain these days, but I will definitely continue to write, this is already my profession.

I am not selling badly, but the white wolf wave is very miserable, and I am also a white person of Huayu, thank you for your support.

(End of chapter)