Social interaction is a battlefield that sharpens people, and smart people can always win this battle because they know how to use social strategies and skills. They know how to choose the right time to socialize, how to deal with special situations, and they can make full use of their advantages to interact with others, and as a result, they are invincible in the social arena. Of course, no one's social skills are innate, they need to be improved through continuous experience, as long as you think about it, you will definitely be able to grasp the mysteries.

1. Love "house" and "Wu"

【Social Rubik's Cube】

Morley the black dog hates rats the most, and whenever he sees a mouse, he has to catch them, but there is one mouse that he will never touch, and that is the gray squirrel raised by the little master, although he hates it very much, and makes a grimace at Morley every time. "I said Morley, I really admire your good temper, if I had bitten it to death!" The yellow dog next door taunted Molly several times, but Molly didn't say anything, he knew in his heart: "If I bite it to death, can the master let me go?" ”

The ancients said "love the house and the black", which is to tell you that when you praise an important person, don't ignore the characters around him, no matter how low the status of those people is, you must also take care of it, otherwise you will suffer a big loss.

For example, some people take great care of their pets, even if they are not of good breeds. Treating pets is like loving children, bathing them with patience and love, and taking them out for a walk, this kind of emotion is not something that outsiders can experience.

So, as long as you understand this, you will understand that when you praise others, you are not just a person. Even if you think "it's just a dog", don't be perfunctory with your owner's pet dog, especially when visiting your boss's house, and remember to say hello to your boss's animals, otherwise it will have unexpected and tragic consequences.

There was a harlequin actor in a troupe who made a great mistake because he didn't understand the importance of this.

In his teacher's home, there is a cute and petite Beijing horn, and for some reason, whenever he visits the teacher's house, this Beijing horn dog always barks at him with malice. Hence his aversion to the dog. On one occasion, when the teacher's house was empty, he took the dog to the suburbs, pointed at the dog and scolded "you hateful long-haired thing", and punched and kicked it, venting all the unhappiness accumulated on weekdays.

The bitterness behind the actors is always unknown, perhaps because they are too suppressed behind the scenes, so they will use pet dogs as punching bags.

The dog had been even more hostile to him since the beating, and would bark incessantly whenever he came to visit until he left.

The wife, who loved the dog deeply, felt that something was wrong, so she asked him, "What did you do to my puppy?" He thought to himself, "It's just a dog," and he confessed the reason. Needless to say, he's out of luck. By the time he realized that "although it was just a dog, it was a dog with a beginning", the situation was irreversible.

In the past, the teacher and wife, who praised him for his talent and understanding of advance and retreat, have been branded as a "hypocrite" since this animal cruelty incident, and his impression of him has also been greatly reversed.

After reading this example, you should understand that the object of "exalting others" is not limited to himself, but also to the people around him, so as to make the goal easier to achieve.

In the case of a salesman, a good salesman must be praised by the female staff of the client's company (the service desk lady or the secretary's lady) before he can further obtain the desired goal. As for how easy it is to have the affection of these girls, you might as well say something personal to them, such as "Your hairstyle has changed!" Or, "Are you not feeling well today?" How do you look listless? If you have the opportunity, it is best to give a small gift at the right time to communicate sincerely.

This thoughtful and painstaking attitude is one of the great secrets to your popularity. Of course, you have to know that moderation is enough, otherwise it will make them have the misunderstanding that they have a special affection for themselves. More importantly, all women should be treated equally, not just for just a few people.

In communication, don't make the mistake of "beating the dog without looking at the owner", you should remind yourself of this at any time, love the house and the black, and the little people around the big people must not be ignored.

2. Don't forget to save face

【Social Rubik's Cube】

"Desire to be affirmed" - a few people who know how to satisfy this human desire can hold others in the palm of their hands. Politely acknowledge the strengths of others, and sympathetically forgive the mistakes of others.

- Dale Carnegie

Everyone loves face, some people even regard face as more important than life, once they hurt other people's face, they may leave endless troubles for themselves, so we must pay attention to saving others' face at any time.

After centuries of hostility, in 1922 Turkey was determined to expel the Greeks from its territory. Mustafa Kemer delivered a Napoleonic speech to his soldiers, saying: "Keep attacking, your destination is the Mediterranean. Thus, one of the most tragic wars in modern history began, and Turkey finally won.

When the two Greek generals, Dilikopis and Dionis, went to the headquarters in Kemer to surrender, the Turkish soldiers shouted insults at them. But Kemer showed no sign of victory. He took them by the hand and said, "You must be tired, gentlemen, gentlemen." Two gentlemen, there are many contingencies in war, and sometimes the best soldiers lose battles. ”

Even in the euphoria of total victory, Kemer kept this important credo in mind for the sake of the long-term good – to save face.

There is an ancient adage: "Do not do unto others as you would have them do unto you." "But we tend to ignore that. We often ruthlessly peel off the face of others, hurt the self-esteem of others, and erase the feelings of others, yet we are self-righteous. We scold others in front of others—subordinates or children—find faults, find faults, and even make rough threats, but we seldom put ourselves in their shoes, and consider the other person's own situation, so that the other person can be respected.

Professor Robinson once said something revealing: "Man, sometimes it is natural to change his mind, but if someone says that he is wrong, he becomes annoyed and more opinionated." Man, sometimes he will form his own ideas without any basis, which will make him wholeheartedly defend his ideas. It's not that the idea itself is precious, it's that his pride is at risk......"

Everyone has self-esteem, not only for the big guys, but also for the little guys, if not even stronger. When there is nothing left, self-esteem is the last territory to cling to. No one wants others to ignore their existence as a human being. Sometimes, in order to maintain self-esteem, people will even insist on their mistakes, which is unreasonable.

Once, Ms. Zhang bought a shirt at a high price, went home and tried it on, and felt very uncomfortable, probably because of the fabric. A few days later, a friend came to see her, saw her clothes, and exclaimed: "You have been fooled, this material is very uncomfortable to wear on the hair plate and hard hair on the body, and it is easy to fade, I don't want to wear it when I give it to you, and you still pay such a high price to buy it." ”

Did Ms. Zhang suffer? Yes. However, although her words were reasonable, Ms. Zhang sounded particularly harsh, as if she was belittling Ms. Zhang's intelligence. Ms. Zhang inexplicably began to defend her face: "Although it is a little hard, it is quite tangible when worn on the body, and I am still quite satisfied......"

The next day, another friend also came to visit Ms. Zhang. She praised Ms. Zhang's shirt for being very beautiful, and asked Ms. Zhang where she bought it, saying that she would also buy one. At this time, Ms. Zhang's reaction was completely different: "To be honest, this dress is quite expensive, and it is uncomfortable to wear, a little board, a little hard, and faded, I regret not buying it!" At this time, Ms. Zhang was even proud of her frankness.

It can be seen that if the other party handles it skillfully and amiably, we will also admit our mistakes. However, if we shoehorn the hard-to-swallow facts into our esophagus, the result is counterproductive.

Saving the face of others is a broad road to success. A contemptuous look, a disgruntled tone, or an impatient gesture in the face of someone else's fault or dilemma can have embarrassing consequences. If we dismiss a person to his face, will he agree with us? Absolutely not! Because we denied his wisdom and judgment, it hit his self-esteem, and at the same time hurt his feelings. Instead of agreeing with us, he will fight back. If we fail to recognize this and often burn the self-esteem of others with a posture of "sticking to the truth", our lives will hit walls everywhere, and the journey of life will easily turn into a dead end. In interpersonal communication, treating others equally and respecting others is the "truth". Other than that, there is only conflict and reconciliation, and there is no truth.

In his autobiography, Benjamin Franklin wrote: "I have made it a rule not to oppose the opinions of others head-on, nor to allow myself to be arbitrary. I am not even allowed to be overly positive in words or in words. I never use words like 'of course' and 'undoubtedly', but 'I think', 'I assume', 'I imagine'. When someone states to me something which I do not think is true, I will never immediately refute him, or point out his mistake at once; I will reply by saying that in some cases he is not wrong, but it seems to be slightly different at the moment. I saw the harvest very quickly. Whenever I was involved in the conversation, the atmosphere became much more harmonious. I express my opinions with humility, which is not only more acceptable but also less conflicting. When I first did this, it was difficult, but over time it became a habit. So that the new bill I proposed can be taken seriously by my compatriots. Although I am not good at rhetoric, let alone eloquent, slow in my choice of words, and sometimes misspeak, my opinion is generally supported. ”

"Don't hit people in the face, don't say people short", if you can remember to save face, then the road under your feet will definitely be better, and your popularity will get better and better.

3. Toasts and punishments should be prepared

【Social Rubik's Cube】

A rabbit was foraging for food when it came across two hounds, and the rabbit turned around in fright and was about to flee. The Hound Armor stopped it: "Don't be busy! Brother Rabbit, my brother is not in the mood to tease you today, please do me a favor as a brother! "What...... What? "The rabbit shuddered." See that melon field? Our brother wants to try it today, so please ask your brother to help us get two melons! "That's not going to work!" The rabbit hurriedly refused, "I'll die if someone finds me!" "Really? Then our brother must have something to eat! As soon as Houndard A looked at Hound B, he surrounded the rabbit, and both hounds bared their teeth at the rabbit, and the rabbit obediently helped them steal melons!

Communicative strategies are generally soft, such as "it's easy to discuss when you encounter problems" and "let people score three points when you encounter problems...... And so on, these are all common attitudes and methods used by people in social interactions. But not all the soft means are effective, some people just bully the soft and are afraid of the hard, toast and do not eat and punish wine, good words can not be listened to, but evil words can make him sober. In this way, a tough attitude and tactics become necessary.

Li Kui, who went to the fishing boat in Jiangzhou to grab fish, was completely unreasonable, he couldn't listen to good words, he just ran into Zhang Shun in the waves, lured him into the water, and the hard kung fu on the water drowned an iron man in the black whirlwind, so he didn't dare to be reckless, and he really understood the bitterness of being strong. The white stripes in the waves are smooth, and the soft methods are exhausted before they come hard. and used tricks to lure Li Kui to the water, making him useless as a hero, so that Zhang Shun could exert his hard kung fu.

As far as the objective situation is concerned, in people's communication activities, soft and hard hands are complementary and inseparable. If you deviate, you will suffer. That is to say, if a person is too soft, it is easy to give people the impression of a weak person, thinking that you are a bully, so you are often teased and disrespectful by other people's behaviors, words, and attitudes. This phenomenon is universal, because it is impossible to expect people to be so well cultivated and treat others fairly, but on the contrary, more people are always a little bit afraid of the soft and afraid of the hard. Therefore, you should not blindly be soft in communication.

Of course, when communicating with people, you can't be too strong, blindly not turning tough. If a person is too tough, it will inevitably make people think that he has horns on his head and thorns all over his body, and the attitude of others towards him is: "People are ruthless, and they don't drink when they are drunk." "In other words, if you're too ruthless, I won't mess with you, and if you can't afford to provoke you, you can't hide! This is the general attitude. At the juncture, others can't bear it, and the wall falls down and everyone pushes it, such as Zhang Shun and many fishermen to deal with Li Kui, Li Kui's bad luck will be inevitable. At that time, Li Kui drowned in the water, if Song Jiang hadn't come in time, and delayed a few breaths, I was afraid that Li Kui would be thrown into the river by Zhang Shun to feed the fish.

Therefore, in order to live a safe life and do things smoothly, people who have just entered the society, or people who are too weak and too simple, must understand the utility of both soft and hard hands, and psychologically have a bit of strategy and improvisation that alternately use soft and hard hands.

It has only been more than a month since she arrived at the new unit, but she feels very tired and annoyed, and the person who makes her feel this way is the company's 40-year-old financial director "Sister Lu". Sister Lu is the boss's sister-in-law, and she has a unique position in the company, and she doesn't know where Danru offended her, anyway, she has always been unpleasant to Danru, and when she sees Danru, her nose is not a nose, her face is not a face, and she often says bad things about Danru behind her back. She felt that she was a new employee and couldn't afford to offend others, in fact, she also thought about improving her relationship with Sister Lu, but every time her kindness was lost - people didn't pay attention to it at all, and Danru didn't want to be bored anymore.

On this day, the finance office notified Danru to get reimbursement for the business trip, and Danru took the money and saw that it was only six hundred and four, and there was more than four hundred yuan missing, so she took the money and went to Sister Lu. Sister Lu said with a cold face: "That's all on the invoice, how much more do you want?" After speaking, he dropped the indifferent business trip invoice. As a quick check, she found that an accommodation invoice was missing, but Sister Lu said slyly: "That's all you gave me, who knows where you got the invoice!" She held back her breath and said calmly: "When the invoice was handed in, I was numbered, and I marked it on the back of the invoice with a pencil, and my colleagues Xiao Wang and Xiao Zhao were present at the time, but now the invoice is missing the fourth one, I want to find the boss, if the boss also says that the responsibility lies with me, then I will admit bad luck!" Sister Lu was dumbfounded, her lips trembled but she didn't know what to say, so she took the opportunity to say again: "Sister Lu, in fact, I don't want to make a big deal about it, it's not good for anyone to make trouble with the boss, I wonder if the accountant lost the invoice, there are so many things, you can't take care of them all, or you can look for it again!" Sister Lu nodded hurriedly. In the afternoon, Sister Lu personally gave the money to Danru, and never found trouble with Danru in the future.

Danru is really a very smart girl, although she is new to society, but she has completely mastered the strategy of both soft and hard, and the result is a great success. If she had a big quarrel with "Sister Lu" at that time, it is estimated that she would be able to get the money back, and even let "Sister Lu" be criticized, but she will definitely have a worse time in the future. Of course, she can endure this breath, but she will encounter more such things in the future, who made her a "soft persimmon"! The society is complex, what kind of people have, everyone may encounter such a thing, at this time you have to learn the strategy of indifference, the punishment of wine, toast together on the table, let the other party choose, so that I am afraid that nothing can not be solved.

"Punishment" and "toasting" as a strategy, or as a means of communication, should not be neglected in any occasion, if you can show kindness and reasonableness, while showing dignity and strength, then you will definitely succeed in communication.

4. Take a step back, the sky is wide

【Social Rubik's Cube】

No matter what happens, fate will eventually be overcome by patience.

- Virgil

Beginning with concessions and ending with victory is a golden rule in sociology. It's not too much to say, especially if you have a point.

There is a US president, Ma Sinli, who has been strongly opposed by some people because of the issue of employing people. At a congressional meeting, one of the lawmakers brutally scolded him to his face. He kept his mouth shut and didn't have a seizure. After the other party finished scolding, he said in a gentle tone: "Your anger should be calm now, it stands to reason that you have no right to question me like this, but now I am still willing to explain it to you in detail......" His gesture made the councillor blush, and the contradiction was immediately eased. Just imagine, if Ma Xinli does not let people take advantage of his position and advantage, and aggressively counterattacks, then the other party will never be convinced. It can be seen from this that when the two sides are in a state of sharp confrontation, the tolerant attitude of the reasonable person can "cool down" the hostile feelings of the antagonist.

Here are some ways to back down at the right time, so please remember to use them often:

(1) Take a step down the ladder for each other

There are often some people in life who are very stubborn, very easy to argue with others about small things, and the smell of gunpowder is strong. At this point, the reasonable side should be able to be polite, and he can explain and compromise at the same time, preferably using non-irritating "50 boards each" or "hello and I am good" language to avoid the expansion of the conflict. There was a gentleman who once went to his father-in-law's house for dinner, and during the meal, the two of them talked about the construction of a highway. According to this gentleman, the repeated delay in the progress of the road is a serious mistake on the part of the parties concerned; My father-in-law disagreed, arguing that the road should not have been built in the first place. The two of you said a word, and the argument became more and more intense. Later, the Taishan lord pointed to the problem that "young people are selfish and have no environmental awareness", obviously criticizing his son-in-law. The son-in-law was afraid that the argument would hurt the peace, so he began to calm down, and he said tactfully: "Maybe our opinions will never agree, but there is nothing, maybe we are all right, maybe we are all wrong, this is also an unknown thing." The son-in-law's words not only set up a step for himself, but also rounded the two sides of the argument. It avoids the two sides arguing, expanding the contradictions, and affecting the relationship. Think about it, if the son-in-law fights with his father-in-law emotionally, what will be the result? It is likely to provoke the old father-in-law to be scolded.

(2) Extinguish anger with explanations

Many times, people get angry with each other because they don't understand each other and don't communicate. At this time, the reasonable party must not be angry because of the other party's mistakes. The best way is to explain more, communicate ideas, apologize, and consol, and reach an understanding or consensus with the other party. In one hospital, the waiting room was crowded with patients. A patient lined up in the line, read all the newspapers in his hand and did not move a single step, so he was furious, knocked on the window of the duty room and shouted to the staff on duty: "What kind of hospital are you?" Can't you see so many people queuing? Why don't you want to find a way to fix it? I have an urgent matter in the afternoon! Faced with the patient's anger, the attendant patiently explained, "I'm sorry to keep you waiting so long." That's it, the doctor went to operate and rescued a critically ill patient, and he couldn't get out for a while. I'll call again to see how long it will be before he comes out. Thank you for your patience. The responsibility for the failure of the patients to be diagnosed and treated in time is not on the duty officer, but in the face of the patient's mistakes, he calmed down and took a concessionary way to explain and comfort on the one hand, which is much better than answering with anger and adding fuel to the fire.

(3) Overcome rigidity and arrogance with softness

In the face of the arrogant and unreasonable, if the reasonable person only uses the way of evil to counter evil, he will often be deceived. At this time, there is no better way to calm the turmoil than for those who are reasonable to stand up bravely, take the initiative to take responsibility, fight against the wicked in the way of self-blame, and overcome the rigid with softness. There was a salesman in a shopping mall who met a middle-aged man who came to return an induction cooker. The induction cooker was already half-new and half-old, but he said in a rough voice: "I used it for more than a month and it broke down, what kind of bird is this?" You can get me another one! The salesman patiently explained, but he yelled and said something in his mouth, "You have to return it when I come, and if you don't return it, it's a bird"! Although the salesman was reasonable, in order not to continue the quarrel, he said to him gently: "This kind of induction cooker has been used for a while, and there is no quality problem, so it cannot be returned according to the regulations." But if you insist on returning, then just sell it to me. Just as she was digging out the money, the rough male customer blushed, and he finally stopped arguing and quietly left. Obviously, the salesperson's tolerance and concession work well. Because it contrasted with the other party's unreasonableness and inferior quality, the salesperson's retreat effectively stopped the expansion of the situation.

In social interaction, don't be too stubborn, it's your fault, of course, apologize and reconcile; If you are reasonable, you may as well take a step back, and eventually people will know that you are right, and your magnanimity will win the praise of others.

5. Indirect euphemism is more effective

【Social Rubik's Cube】

When the fawn went to the river to drink water, it happened to meet a fishing waterfowl, and it asked the waterfowl curiously: "Sister, I have always wondered how you swallowed the fish in one bite, have you never been stuck in a shark's fin?" The water bird sighed: "I said Brother Deer, you are really a straight gut, find a way to turn a corner and avoid shark fins, won't it be fine?" With that, the waterfowl threw the big fish he had just caught into the air, so that the head of the fish was downward, and the shark's fin fell backwards into its mouth, and then walked away satisfied.

In interpersonal communication, you often encounter all kinds of "thorns", at this time, you should find a way to go around in circles, around a bend, to avoid that "thorn", which is the basic strategy and means of socializing.

An editor submitted a manuscript to the famous scholar Qian Zhongshu, which indirectly went around in circles and successfully "ate the fish", and even said that "there are no thorns at all". Here's how he got it:

The media portrayed the temperament of Mr. Qian Zhongshu, an academic giant, so perversely. A few years ago, an editor was involved in compiling a dictionary of local celebrities. Colleagues said that Qian Lao's materials were not easy to come by, and he was as poor as a yellow crane when he wrote and sent official letters. The editor-in-chief is also very troubled by this. The editor wanted to try his luck, and in view of the collapse of the previous car, he did not make any fuss about it.

The reason why he decided to give it a try was because, first, he knew something about Qian Lao's writings and academic achievements. Since the publication of his masterpiece "Synaesthesia" in 1961, his name has been engraved in his mind and admired to this day. Second, Mr. Qian Sunqing's uncle, Mr. Qian Sunqing, is the former principal of the editor's school. With these two things, he built up his faith. Since his nationality is unknown, he throws stones to ask for directions, and first detours.

Mr. and Mrs. Qian are elegant, often teasing, humorous, and having fun with each other. Ms. Yang Jiang called her husband Jun Qian Lao as a "black dog talent". This is a clutch anagram split from the word "silently" of Qian Lao. So he took the liberty of making up two riddles for their names. "Cultural Works" shoots "Qian Zhongshu"; "Willow catkins flew to shoot "Yang Jiang". The letter first presented a clumsy work, and then stated his uncle's achievements in school. I soon received a reply, and I was overjoyed. Attached is a greeting card, with gold letters on a blue background, solemn and elegant. In particular, the postcard signed by Qian Lao, written in three characters, is full of vigor and unique style. It seems that Qian Lao is not as eccentric as the rumors say.

Both Long, but also look at Shu. So he sent a letter to express the affection of his parents and fellow villagers for them, and cited his alma mater as angry and annoyed because the "first edition" did not see Qian Lao's entry, and angrily refused to buy the "Dictionary"; recount the frequent appearances of local historical books, the protagonist does not appear, the situation that the drama cannot be sung, and so on. I hope they will give them first-hand information. Soon after, he replied: "Thank you for your letter. We are grateful for requests for biographies of famous people at home and abroad, and the occasional entries about us are made up by them. I won't make an exception for you. "There are many good things, and I really ate the closed door.

Put yourself in your shoes, if the visitor does not refuse and socializes frequently, it will be a disaster for them. The old people have their own principles of life, and although their hometown is deep, they cannot rashly break the "law". At first glance, there is no way out of doubt, and since it is impossible to supply materials in general, why not find another way. Isn't it possible to complete the task of assembling the draft by submitting it for review by "self-editing". Another village. So the biographical materials about Qian Lao were drafted into a small biography, and a number of doubts were attached, and a letter was sent for advice. In a state of anxiety, he read the reply: "Obey the order to delete the manuscript and return it." Most of the names in the biography were deleted, and they criticized: "It doesn't fit the rules." He also corrected the error of Lantian (Lantian). This was a real surprise, and my colleagues all celebrated with their hands. For Mr. Qian, he has the prejudice of "not angry and mighty", but "even if it is also warm", there is a period after the year, and he still does not lose the heart of a child, how obedient he is!

It can be seen that it is best to be indirectly tactful in interacting with people and doing things, and if you go straight, you will be rejected by others. Just imagine, if that editor directly asked Qian Lao for materials, what would be the result? I'm afraid it will be like everyone else. But the editor cleverly made a big detour, first writing a letter to contact the feelings, deepening the impression of Qian Lao, and then making a request, and finally succeeded.

Another editor also used this method to achieve the purpose of inviting manuscripts. An editor is about to invite a writer to write a manuscript. The writer had always been known to be difficult to deal with, so the editor felt nervous and timid before going to his house.

It didn't work out at first, because no matter what the writer said, the editor said "yes, yes" or "probably so." I couldn't say anything about what I asked him to write. He had to prepare to come back another day to explain the matter to him, and end the visit with a casual chat today.

Suddenly, a magazine appeared in his mind about the writer's recent situation, and he said to the writer, "Sir, I heard that one of your works has been translated into English and published in the United States, has it?" The writer suddenly leaned over and said, "Yes." "Sir, I wonder if your unique text can be fully expressed in English?" "I'm worried about that, too." They talked endlessly, and the atmosphere gradually became relaxed, and finally the writer agreed to write for the editor.

Why did this writer, who did not easily agree, change his original attitude in order to edit his words? Because he thinks that the editor has not only come to ask him to write, but has also read his articles and knows his affairs very well, so he can't just deal with it. If you think that you know everything about him, you can be like the editor and have a psychological advantage.

In interpersonal communication, the brain should be flexible, and it is easy to touch the nail when you go straight, so take a detour and avoid the nail, and the thing may be done.

6. If there is a misunderstanding, it should be resolved in time

【Social Rubik's Cube】

Everyone has the right to say what he thinks is right, and everyone else has the right to refute the former.

- Johnson

In social activities, mistakes due to some unexpected reasons often cause unnecessary misunderstandings. For example, when a couple of first lovers are dating, the young man is late due to an accident and does not explain the reason, and the girl thinks that he is an unreliable person. Another example is when the leader of a certain unit talks to his subordinates and informs them of the transfer of work, but because he does not explain that it was decided by the organization through collective discussion, the other party mistakenly thinks that it was his idea, and so on.

In fact, these misunderstandings are not difficult to dispel, as long as you say a little more about the real situation on the spot, you can avoid a lot of trouble. However, people often ignore it and don't say it, and they end up with regrets. Of course, it can be remedied by dredging after the fact, but it is better to eliminate the misunderstanding on the spot.

Xia Jie is a big girl, and after graduating from college, she went directly to work in a fishery company. Sister Wang, the company's old accountant, likes her very much and has always taken good care of her. One day, Sister Wang's child downloaded something from the Internet, because there was no way to print it at home, so she wanted to trouble Xia Jie to help print it, saying that the child was in a hurry to use it. Xia Jie agreed, but she was very busy with work that day, so she forgot about it. The next day, when Sister Wang came to pick up something, Xia Jie remembered it, so she had to reply that she hadn't got it yet! Sister Wang calmly told Xia Jie that there was no need to do it, the child was just joking. Xia Jie didn't care, even if this matter was over. But later Xia Jie found that Sister Wang was very cold to herself, and once when her colleagues were joking together, Xia Jie said something, and Sister Wang followed up and pointed at Sang and scolded Huai and said: "Of course, people go to high places!" If the leader has something to say, how can we ordinary people support it! Xia Jie realized that Sister Wang had misunderstood herself, but how could she explain it after so long!

Xia Jie's mistake was that she didn't explain it clearly to "Sister Wang" on the spot, if she told her that she was busy with work, I believe "Sister Wang" would not not understand. When we make a mistake, many people think that it is not a big deal and do not need to explain anything, but as a result, it causes a misunderstanding on the other side and brings a lot of trouble to themselves, so the necessary explanation must not be less!

So how should it be explained?

(1) Explain the reason

When a mistake is made due to special reasons, the reason should be stated in a timely and truthful manner. As in the case at the beginning of this article, the young man was late because he was injured in a fight with a child on the road, and he took the child to the hospital. In this regard, he thought that this was the way it should be, but did not take the initiative to explain it, so that the girl misunderstood. If he had explained it at the time, perhaps their relationship would have ended differently.

In order to prevent others from subconsciously blaming, the person concerned can also explain the small mistakes in his behavior by talking to himself. For example, after the meeting time, the leader who presided over the meeting came in a hurry, and he said as he walked: "I told everyone to wait for a long time." Temporarily received foreign businessmen and just sent them away. Let's meet now. This sentence has at least two effects: one is to calm everyone's grievances. The host was late and delayed everyone's time, so self-explanation is an apology. Second, it shows that tardiness is not intentional but encounters special circumstances, which is easy to get the understanding of others and will not affect the prestige of the leader.

(2) Confessional relationship

Sometimes, in social situations, we should also take the initiative to explain interpersonal relationships or sensitive issues that may cause others to speculate, so as to resolve suspicions and avoid misunderstandings. A director went to Beijing to do some errands, and by the way, he saw an old classmate, whose daughter went to college and went to a bookstore with him to buy books. happened to meet a colleague in my unit who was on a business trip, and the director hurried by after a few words of greeting with him. By the time he returned to his unit, his "affair" in Beijing had already been full of storms, and he couldn't explain it clearly, which made him very distressed. In fact, he only needed one more word to explain the relationship at that time, and none of this would have happened.

For sensitive issues in the relationship between men and women that are easy to speculate, they should be explained in a timely and generous manner, so that a lot of trouble can be avoided. The head of a section of a certain unit went out on a business trip with a female colleague and met an acquaintance at the corner of the street. The section chief took the initiative to introduce: "This is Comrade Xiao Wang of our unit, who went to a meeting with a higher-level organ and just came back. Xiao Wang took the initiative to shake hands with him. This introduction naturally avoids a lot of misunderstandings.

(3) Explain the background

Sometimes, in order to explain things more accurately, so that others can understand more comprehensively, and avoid misunderstandings, necessary explanations and explanations should be given to the background materials. For example, a secretary talks to a worker, and explains the background at the beginning: "It's about to be optimized, and it may involve you, and I am here to talk to you as a friend today......" The secretary explained his identity in this way, explaining that it was not to convey the organizational decision, but to have a heart-to-heart exchange between friends, so the atmosphere was more harmonious, and the workers also opened their hearts.

Sometimes, taking the initiative to explain your personality or personal psychology and giving the other person a "preventive shot" can also prevent misunderstandings about your good intentions. For example, when asking questions that the other party does not like to hear, there is often a leading sentence: "I don't know whether to say a sentence or not......" "I have a superfluous sentence, you may not ......like to listen to it", which can make the other party fully understand their good intentions, and will not form misunderstandings and confrontations on the spot and affect the relationship between them.

The sooner the misunderstanding is resolved, the better, don't wait until the misunderstanding turns into resentment to start worrying, so when a misunderstanding occurs, it's better to say less than more, don't be lazy!

7. If you've been given a cold shoulder

【Social Rubik's Cube】

Wise people should do their best to build friendships, not hatreds.

- Five Books

It's common to get cold shoulders in social interactions, but if you don't know how to deal with them, it can be very socially affected. Brushing away or dwelling on it is not an option, and a truly intelligent person needs to be able to react differently depending on the situation in which they are given the cold shoulder.

The cold reception is nothing more than the following three situations:

The first is self-perception of cold reception, that is, self-estimation is too high, and the other party does not satisfy himself and feels cold.

The second is unintentional cold reception, that is, the other party does not consider it well, takes care of one thing and loses the other, so that people are left out in the cold.

The third is deliberate indifference, that is, the other party is deliberately negligent and embarrassing.

When you are left out in the cold, distinguish the situation, find out the reason, and then take appropriate countermeasures.

For self-perceived indifference, you should do more self-reflection, look at the relationship with each other realistically, and avoid guessing and hating others.

It is often the case that before going to the meeting, I think that the other party will be warmly received, but when I go to the scene, I find that the other party does not do this, but adopts a low profile. At this time, it is easy to have a sense of loss in the heart.

In fact, this kind of cold reception is formed by overestimating the relationship between each other and expecting too much. This kind of cold reception is a "fake" cold reception, not a "real" cold reception. If this happens, you should re-examine your expectations and adapt them to the objective level of your relationship. In this way, you will restore your mental calm, peace of mind, and get rid of unnecessary worries.

A friend went to visit an old comrade-in-arms who had not seen him for many years. This old comrade-in-arms is now a powerful figure in the business world, and there are many people who visit him every day, and he feels very tired and overwhelmed. Therefore, guests in general relations will not be treated lukewarmly.

This friend was bent on receiving warm hospitality, but when he was met with lukewarmness, he suddenly felt that he was being slighted, thinking that this person was too unfriendly, so he sat down for a while and left. He was so angry that he decided not to associate with him again. Later, I learned that I was given a cold reception, so I might as well find out the reason from myself first, this is the person's policy of entertaining guests at home, not for anyone. He thought about it again, he didn't have a deep friendship with others, and he felt cold, but he was just sentimental. So he changed his mind and took the initiative to interact with him, which deepened his understanding and promoted friendship.

Unintentional cold reception should be understood and forgiven. In the social field, sometimes there are many people, and the host will inevitably not entertain well, especially when all kinds of people at all levels are at the same table, it is common to take care of one or the other. At this time, people who cannot be taken care of will have a feeling of being left out.

When you encounter such a situation, you should never blame the other party, let alone walk away, but put yourself in the other person's shoes and give full understanding and understanding.

For example, a driver drove someone to be a guest, and the host warmly welcomed the driver in, but left the driver in the cold. At first, the driver was a little angry, but after thinking about it, in such a noisy occasion, the owner's negligence was inevitable, and he did not intend to look down on himself and snub himself. As soon as he thought about it, his anger disappeared, and he quietly drove the car out into the street to eat.

By the time the owner suddenly remembered the driver, he had already eaten and parked the car outside the door again. The host felt sorry and apologized repeatedly. Seeing this, the driver even said that he was not used to big occasions, and his heart was not good, so he could not drink. This generosity and spirit of consideration for the owner touched the host very much. Afterwards, the host specially invited the driver to be a guest, and since then the relationship between the two has not been affected, but has become closer.

This kind attitude will cause a much stronger shock than blame, and at the same time, it can also inspire the other person to change his attitude, correct his mistakes with practical actions, and make the relationship more harmonious.

For intentional cold reception, it is also necessary to analyze the specific situation and give appropriate treatment. Generally speaking, it is impolite to give a guest a cold shoulder in public, and deliberately giving people a cold shoulder is a matter of ideology. In such a situation, it is not only a need for self-esteem, but also a legitimate act to stimulate the other party and criticize the wrong. Of course, it doesn't have to be a big fight. Rational reciprocation is the ideal approach.

There is such an example: one day, Nasrekin went to a banquet in old clothes. When he walked in the door, no one paid attention to him, let alone assigned him a seat. So he went home, put on his best clothes, and went to the banquet again. This time the host immediately came over to greet him, arranged a good seat and set the best dishes for him.

Nasrekin took off his coat, laid it on the table and said: "'Coat', eat." ”

The owner was surprised and asked, "What are you doing?" ”

He replied, "I'm entertaining my coat to eat." When I came in my old clothes, no one paid any attention to me, and when I changed into new clothes, I was immediately treated as a guest. ”

The owner's face turned red. Nasrekin skillfully returned the embarrassment to his master who had snubbed him.

Another way is to extricate oneself by being indifferent to one's deliberate neglect. Sometimes, the other person snubs you in order to provoke you and keep you away from him, and it is not your will and choice to stay away. At this time, smart people will adopt an attitude of not caring, "cheeky" in the face of neglect, go their own way, serve cold with heat, and be polite to rudeness, so that the other party will change their attitude.

The cold reception is indeed embarrassing, but it is something that happens to everyone in social interactions, so you have to learn to resolve it so that you can adapt to various social situations.

8. "Sit big" in communication

【Social Rubik's Cube】

A self-aware person often turns the mirror of his heart to look at himself.

- Butler

The success or failure of social interaction often depends on who has the most advantages in the interaction, so you should learn to develop your own interpersonal strengths and grasp the initiative in communication.

Communicative advantages can be divided into two kinds: one is the advantage of nature, such as status, wealth, etc., which gives people a certain advantage. The second is to gain advantages, that is, to give full play to the subjective initiative, mobilize their own wisdom, and develop the created communication advantages. Comparatively speaking, the latter is more significant. Here are just a few examples:

(1) Create image advantages

There is a company that is in a recession, with a backlog of products, a shortage of funds, and cannot pay wages. In order to get out of the predicament, it is necessary to open up the market. Once, the manager negotiated with a Hong Kong businessman to get an order. Under the circumstance of very tight financial constraints, he set the venue for the negotiations at a four-star hotel, borrowed a luxury car from a friendly neighbor's unit, and brought his secretary and personnel with him, and appeared in front of the other party in such a lineup. As a result, the negotiations went well, they received orders, and there was a turnaround at the plant. The manager is very good at creating advantages, and he strengthens his social image by choosing the negotiation location, vehicle, etc., and creates an impression of strength on the other party, thus putting him in the initiative in the negotiation. If not, the outcome might be a different story.

(2) Demonstrate the advantages of the results

There was a young scholar who went to the SAR to seek a job, and he did not say how much ability he had as ordinary people, nor did he talk about it exaggeratedly; he took a stack of books, walked into the examination room, and gave each examiner a copy, saying: "These are a few related books that I have published in the past few years, and I would like to ask the leaders for advice." As soon as these books were released, the eyes of several leaders immediately changed, and they showed respect in the examination, and then said in a consultative tone: "What do you think when you come to our unit?" "They found a talent, or it can be said that they sent it to the door, how can they let it go? This meeting was the final word, and he was hired. Obviously, this young man is scheming, and he knows how to sell himself. By showing your talents in kind, this advantage is very conquestful.

(3) Take advantage of geographical advantages

There was a guest from the north who went to Hainan Island to do business. He was greeted by a local youth. At the beginning of the communication, the young man closed the door and said, "This is not easy to do. "There is no room for negotiation. But the guest was not discouraged, he asked, "Have you ever been to Beijing?" "No, I really want to go, but I don't have the chance." He seized on this truth and said, "I am from Beijing, you are going to Beijing, and I will arrange for you to eat, live and travel." In this way, the tone of the young man is different. Then they talked very speculatively, and the topic that had just ended was brought up again and the future was bright.

People in remote areas generally have a natural yearning for the capital. This Beijinger made good use of the psychology of the other party and showed his geographical advantages in a timely manner, and the distance between them was much shortened. In fact, there are many places where you can look for desirable content, which can become your capital, and the key depends on whether you can use it.

There are many more ways to do this, and I won't list them all. From the above examples, it can be seen that in communication, as long as you use your brain, you can always create some kind of advantage for yourself. However, when it comes to utilizing, creating, and showcasing your strengths, you must pay attention to the following issues:

First, it should be recognized that advantages are relative and vary from person to person. For any person, there is no absolute meaning of advantage, only for specific people can be called advantages. This tells us that when showing our strengths, we should decide according to the other person's situation, and we can't be wishful thinking. For example, a geographical advantage is not an advantage for a fellow countryman, but only attractive to those who are far away from it. Another example, a large sum of money has a financial advantage over ordinary people, but once he appears in front of a millionaire, he is dwarfed.

Second, it is necessary to flexibly use the advantages according to the situation on the spot. Communicators should have a strong sense of observation and judgment. According to the changes in the situation of the communication scene, we should capture information in a timely manner, grasp the weaknesses and psychology of the other party, and decide our own countermeasures to show and create our own advantages.

The third is to show advantages naturally and decently, and not to be self-defeating.

The party with the advantage of communication can often take the initiative in communication, so as to influence the opponent to a certain extent, so that the situation develops in the direction of its favor, and achieves the ultimate success of communication.

9. Communication requires a high level of judgment

【Social Rubik's Cube】

Interests and needs are fundamental to all social interactions.

- Aier Maintenance

Superb judgment is the premise and foundation for successful communication, if a person is negligent in judgment or judgment error, it may cause mistakes in words and deeds, make oneself fall into passivity, and lead to communication failure.

So how do you make accurate communicative judgments?

(1) Through the appearance of clothing, grasp the demeanor and temperament, and make judgments

The most common mistake in communication is to judge people by their appearance. It should be said that people's clothing is an intuitive and important information, which can reflect a person's identity, occupation, hobbies, etc. to a certain extent. However, there is a certain amount of uncertainty about this external information. If you judge based solely on this, you may be mistaken. Compared to clothing, people's temperament is more realistic. Temperament is the natural outpouring of a person's inner cultivation, knowledge, experience, and ideological outlook, which is cast in people's words and deeds, and cannot be concealed if you want to. In other words, clothing can be camouflaged, but temperament cannot. is also a young woman, a rural girl and an urban girl have a very different temperament; A city woman in the same costume, a working woman and a white-collar lady are absolutely different in their expressions and gestures, you can see it at a glance. The correct way to judge is to grasp its demeanor and temperament through clothing and appearance, and analyze and judge by integrating internal and external factors, so as to improve the accuracy of judgment.

(2) Through verbal speech, grasp the motivation of thoughts, and make judgments

As the saying goes: words are the voice of the heart. In most cases, you can tell who they are by what they say. However, life is complex, and there are often exceptions. Sometimes, something that sounds beautiful and beautiful is probably not the truth, but a lie. Therefore, when dealing with strangers, do not take them for granted, as you will be deceived. We should pay attention to what they say, discern their meanings, analyze their motives through words, and make accurate judgments. Once, there were two merchants selling water dispensers on the street, both saying that their products were authentic brands, but the price difference between the two was quite large. A gentleman listened to this house and looked at that one, and he couldn't make up his mind. At this time, the salesman of the higher price said: "Our product quality is high, and the after-sales service is guaranteed to reach the home." If you don't believe it, this is the sales contract I signed with the manufacturer, and this is my ID card. There is a long-distance phone there, you can contact the manufacturer immediately to verify, and the phone bill will be paid by me. Hearing this, the gentleman did not call, but made up his mind to buy his product. Someone asked this gentleman, why buy the more expensive one? The gentleman said: "I analyzed that he was telling the truth, and it was true. Obviously, the gentleman was not blind, he judged the truth from the other party's words, and then made up his mind.

In fact, every communicator has his own interests, and in order to protect his own interests, he does not necessarily express his heart in speech, and often has to say something insincere, with subtext, or even something that means the other. If the judgment is based solely on its words, it will lead to an error in judgment.

Therefore, in the process of communication, do not "listen to the wind is the rain", listen to biased beliefs, and make one-sided judgments. Pay attention to what your opponent says, and then think about why he said this and what his motive is intended, so that you can grasp the gist and be more accurate.

(3) Through the details of behavior, understand the inner essence and make judgments

An experienced communicator not only pays attention to the big picture of the opponent, but also pays great attention to the subtleties of his mannerisms and behaviors, from which he discovers and discerns his inner world. Experience has proved that people's behavior and actions are often habitual, and it is usually a natural outpouring of internal factors such as experience, occupation, hobbies, and psychology. Therefore, we can gain insight into a person's character and ideological outlook from small movements and expressions. A foreign businessman went to the mainland to look for a partner, he went to a factory to inspect, after listening to the introduction of the factory director and visiting the factory facilities, although he had the intention of cooperation, he still could not make up his mind. At noon, the director of the factory held a luncheon to entertain him, and at the end of the banquet, the director packed up the rest of the meal and took it away, which is rare in the officialdom of the mainland. With this small gesture, the foreign businessman felt that he had met a pragmatic and efficiency-oriented entrepreneur, and immediately decided to cooperate with him and signed a contract. As it turned out, the joint venture was a success.

Superb communicative judgment is the result of a combination of factors such as sensitive observation ability, thorough analysis ability, and comprehensive and profound thinking ability. This requires you to be diligent in observation, positive thinking, and analysis in your daily interpersonal communication, so as to continuously improve your communicative judgment and win communicative success.

10. Adapt to the situation

【Social Rubik's Cube】

A donkey unfortunately fell into a dry well, the dry well is deep and narrow, it seems that the donkey is hopeless, in order to reduce the donkey's suffering, the owner decided to bury it alive. When the first handfuls of earth were thrown in, the donkey kept wailing in the dry well, but then he stopped barking, and the owner was very strange, and looked into the well and was simply stunned: when the soil fell on the donkey, it quickly shook the soil away, and then stood on top of the soil, and gradually, the more and more soil was thrown, and the donkey rose higher and higher, and when the soil approached the mouth of the well, the donkey jumped out of it and ran triumphantly!

We're always faced with unexpected events that can embarrass you and put you in dangerous situations, so we have to learn to be improvisable and deftly handle all kinds of unexpected situations.

Here are a few simple and effective ways to deal with the situation:

(1) Count as you count

A troupe went to the factory to give a condolence performance, and a trade union officer gave a welcome speech on behalf of the employees of the factory. Because it was the first time for him to speak in public, he was overly nervous, and when he finished reading the speech, he accidentally scattered the speech on the stage, and was blown by the fan, and the speech script fluttered on the stage. He subconsciously chased after him, causing the audience to laugh more than once. Out of the foreign appearance, how to end? He was so heart-wrenched that he simply took out the funny gait of the comedy master Chaplin to chase the manuscript paper. This time, everyone laughed even more, and when he finished picking up the manuscript paper and came to the microphone, he said: "The sketch I performed 'chasing the manuscript' is finished, thank you for cheering!" Now the official show begins! The laughter from the audience immediately turned into a round of applause. This little episode, which was transformed by a gaffe, had an unexpected effect. This kind of contingency method is to calculate the plan, anyway, it is also a fool in public, it is better to continue singing the "play", and in doing so, you can also get unexpected results.

(2) Tooth extraction

One day, Chaplin rode to the country house with a large sum of money. On the way, he suddenly encountered a robber with a gun, pointed a gun at him, and forced him to hand over the money.

Chaplin agreed, but begged him: "Friend, please do me a little favor, shoot me twice in my hat, and I will go back to explain to my master." The robber took off Chaplin's hat and shot him twice, and Chaplin said, "Thank you, but please make two more holes in the placket of my coat." Impatiently, the robber pulled up Chaplin's shirt and fired a few shots. Chaplin bowed and begged, "Thank you so much, just take a few shots in my trouser legs." This makes it more realistic, and the owner will not fail to believe it. ”

While scolding, the robber pulled the trigger several times on Chaplin's trouser legs, but no gunshots rang out, and it turned out that the bullets were finished. When Chaplin saw it, he hurriedly took the money bag, jumped into the car and rode away.

Chaplin is really a smart man, if he fights hard, he may be injured, if he gives in, he will lose a lot of money, fortunately Chaplin came up with a clever way: what he is most afraid of is the gun in the hands of the robber, so remove this threat, find a way to let the robber waste all the bullets, the robber will become a toothless tiger, there is nothing to fear. Of course, using this method may take a certain risk, and if you don't pay attention, you may be "bitten" instead of "extracting teeth", so you must be careful when using this method.

(3) Take a bite back

Once, the famous American psychologist F. Thomson was returning home from a trip and it was getting late, he had two thousand dollars in his old coat, and he was always worried about encountering robbers.

The more he was afraid of ghosts, the more ghosts there were, and he suddenly found that there was a big man wearing a peaked cap behind him, and he couldn't shake off this "tail".

As Thomson walked, he suddenly turned and walked towards the big man, and said to the big man pleadingly, "Sir, show me a few dimes with mercy!" I'm so hungry that I can't even run! ”

The big man was stunned for a moment, looked at his old coat carefully, and muttered, "Unlucky, I thought you had a few hundred dollars in your pocket!" So saying, he took some change out of his pocket and threw it to Thomson, and went away very disappointed.

Thomson would never have imagined that such a difficult problem would arise at night, but he was quick to react, and asked him for money before the robber could make a move, so that the robber decided that Thomson must have no money, and Thomson escaped. But this kind of counterbite requires a preemptive strike, and if you let the other party strike first, it will not work.

We've all been through this situation: we usually think that we can react fairly quickly, but when we encounter an unexpected situation, our heads will be idling and unable to cope with sudden changes in the outside world. This is because we are not calm enough, and any kind of improvisation method needs to be based on the premise of calmness, and people who are not calm enough will not be able to adapt to the situation and respond sensitively and decisively according to the specific situation.

Various situations may occur at any time in communication, and we must be prepared to calm our heads to deal with all kinds of unexpected situations.