"Don't."

Chen Yanxi pursed his lips.

It's still a ruthless refusal.

Although her attitude towards Wang Ge has changed a lot compared to before, the answer to this question has never changed.

Wang Ge was used to being rejected, and he didn't care, he just complained, "Okay, okay, you are high, you are free from the low-level interest of love and love, you go to pursue your lofty ideals, leaving me, a lonely old man, alone in the empty room......"

What kind of mess is this...... Chen Yanxi shook his head with a smile, "I like this kind of thing, how can there be any difference between low-level and high-level." ”

"In the eyes of the public, those of you who have ideals are much more advanced than people like me who have no ambitions and just want to lie flat." Wang Ge shrugged.

"Lying flat is also a kind of ideal, now the society pays attention to the equality of everyone, no one is more noble than whom, isn't the ideal the same."

"I completely agree with your statement, but comparison is the driving force of social progress, no matter where there are all kinds of comparison, ideals are also inevitable ......"

The two of them strolled down the street very casually, keeping a distance that was neither far nor close, chatting about some inexplicable and messy things.

Chen Yanxi really likes this feeling.

That night, she wrote in her diary:

"I have to admit that being with Wang Ge is really a very, very tempting thing."

"With him, my current situation can be greatly improved, I don't need to go to part-time work, I don't need to go to cram school anymore, I don't need to put up with this family that suffocates me, I can do some things I like to do, and I can even experience the sweet love described in the book."

"Those things that I have never experienced and longed for for a long time, he can easily bring them to me."

"I thought more than once, or I would agree to Wang Ge, it's good to be with him, relaxed and free, I like him anyway, don't I?"

"It's like taking a shortcut in life and having a cheat in life, as long as I nod my head and agree, my world can be turned upside down, and those beautiful things will come one after another."

"But what is there in this world that is all beautiful."

"If there is, it must be a trap set by the devil to lure people into depravity."

"It's not that I'm noble and ignorant, I have to endure hardships, and I don't care about taking shortcuts."

"But what Wang Ge can bring me is only the most superficial beauty, which is based on Wang Ge's liking for me, once this liking disappears, the beauty will be shattered in an instant, leaving a mess all over the ground."

"I'm not doubting Wang Ge's feelings for me, it's just that, as I said to Wang Ge during the day, nothing in this world is eternal, and everything has a certain shelf life."

"My parents were in love with each other a long time ago, and the smiles on the wedding photos were so sincere."

"But now?"

"Whether you like it, dislike it, love it, hate it, these feelings based on human subjective emotions are the most perishable things, no matter how deep and unforgettable, they will gradually fade away under the wash of time."

"Take 10,000 steps back, even if Wang Ge can always like me."

"The beauty that can be brought by others is not really your own after all."

"In life, you shouldn't just be bound by these superficial things. In a long life, there must be something that is higher than everything else, above everything else, and even if you give up your life, you have to pursue it. ”

"That's the beauty that really belongs to you."

"For others, it may be ideals, it may be justice, it may be love, it may be a certain person, a certain thing."

"For me, that's freedom."

"It's the freedom to be unfettered and to be completely at your own disposal."

"I've been tied down for too long, and my parents have never made me do something I really want to do, and that has led to a desperate desire for freedom, something that I never had."

"I know that this craving is not normal, and it may even be a little deformed."

"I don't want this deformed desire to affect my normal emotional judgment of Wang Ge, and for this reason, I have asked my heart many times."

"What exactly do I want?"

"Is it the beauty that can be reached as long as you embrace the person in front of you, or is it the desire for freedom hidden deep in your heart?"

"What kind of freedom do I want?"

"Is it just a matter of getting out of this family? Is it enough to be free to do what you love? ”

"In the process of self-inquiry, self-reflection and self-examination, I got the answer."

"In the face of freedom, love, and all the beauty it brings, is so fragile, small, and vulnerable."

"Freedom is all the meaning of the existence of this person named Chen Yanxi."

"Wang Ge likes me, doesn't he like me? If one day, I give up my insistence on freedom, then the Chen Yanxi that Wang Ge likes will disappear, leaving behind a shell that is indistinguishable from many ordinary people. ”

"Then he won't like me anymore, and the good he brought me will be shattered like a bubble."

"Like I said above."

"So, the logic closes the loop."

"And the freedom I want is definitely not that simple."

"Promise Wang Ge that I can rely on his strength to easily break free from the shackles of the family. But in this way, I owe him something, our relationship is no longer equal, and our feelings are no longer pure. ”

"Isn't this from one cage to another?"

"All intimacy is a shackle, I used to like to say this, and now, as my mind matures, I want to add a prefix to it."

"All unequal intimacy is a shackle. The deeper the bond, the stronger the shackles. ”

"It's not that I can't be with Wang Ge, freedom and love are not in conflict, but that must be based on equality."

"I'm not ignorant and inflexible, if I'm a mediocre person who doesn't do anything, if I can't break free from the shackles of my family, I will naturally ask Wang Ge for help."

"But since I have the ability, then I have to rely on my own ability to be free."

"In this way, when we meet again one day in the future, I can stand opposite him as equals and accept this incomparably pure affection made entirely of love and love."

"I might be with him, but definitely not now."

“……”

"I read the above diary again, and suddenly realized that I am really a selfish person."

"Feelings should be a matter of two people, but I've been thinking about myself."

"I need to reflect."

“……”

"I reviewed myself again and found that I didn't consider Wang Ge, probably because of the girl named Gu Panyan."

"I thought I didn't care about it, but I was still a little uncomfortable in my heart, and I was a little resentful of Wang Ge, so I didn't consider his feelings just now."

"-I was always thinking about making up something for him."

"So, this is probably 'jealousy'?"

"It's an interesting feeling."