I thought that Zuo Qing would not die, at least not when I could finally return to Kuaifeng Town with him, at least not when I decided to marry him, at least at least, happiness was pitiful.

I sat at the head of his bed, carefully wiped the cold sweat from his forehead, Su Ming came in, helped change the water, and then sat aside, patiently watching me serve him. I caught a glimpse of his empty left sleeve, and my heart still ached.

He seemed to sigh lightly, but said with a smile on his face: "His illness has been controlled, don't keep your face calm, isn't there half hope!" ”

"Ah Yan, I'll be fine." Zuo Qing stretched out his hand and put it on the back of my hand, but from his voice, there was no hope of healing.

But I didn't have the heart to deal with his kindness, so I smiled dryly and said to him, "I'll go and see the decoction." ”

Su Ming immediately followed me out of the door and followed me all the way to the kitchen, and he suddenly pressed my hand holding the medicine bowl and sighed again.

Recently, Master has been very sentimental.

"Ah Yan, there are many things that you can't undo, and those who want to leave will leave after all, but don't leave regrets for the rest of the days!"

The medicine bowl in my hand was not held steady, and it shattered to the ground, I turned around and hugged Master, suppressed it for a month, and finally broke down at this moment.

I went back to the house in a trance, pretending to be nothing, feeding him the medicine and stuffing him with a piece of candy. He burst into laughter, and I came back to my senses. He said: "I remember the first time I saw you, you forced me to give me medicine, and there was no sugar to eat at that time, which was very pitiful. ”

I held his hand, his hand became colder and colder, just like the touch of my mother's death, I held back my tears and forced a smile: "In the future, I will give you a grain of sugar every time you take medicine, so that you will not be bitter." ”

"Okay."

I leaned over his chest and listened to his heartbeat, and I would always remember this feeling, even if I was in pain, I could not forget everything about him.

The news came from the carrier pigeon of the eldest grandson Yue, the letter said that they were married, and they had just given birth to a boy a few days ago, and they would take the child to visit relatives in Chu another day, and the child's name would be taken by my aunt.

The eldest grandson ran away from home shortly after we left Rongguo, leaving the eldest grandson's family, and followed Yan Zhen like a dog skin plaster, where to go, I didn't expect Yan Zhen, who has always been lonely and arrogant, to really like her. The letter also said that the eldest grandson died of illness, and the eldest grandson's family lost its backbone, so the family business was handed over to her mother.

The mother of the eldest grandson Yue is also bitter, she is inferior for half her life, and she can't enter the door of the eldest grandson's house, but she didn't expect to become the housewife today.

Everything seems to be going in a good direction.

I folded the letter, carefully put it back in the wooden box, found a good piece of letter again, and when I put pen to paper, I just thought of a poem: Those who know me say that I am worried, and those who do not know me say what do I want?

I named the kid, Carefree.

A year later, Zuo Qing still left, in my arms. I kept holding him, always feeling that he was just asleep, I hummed a tune to him, and told him to go back to Kuaifeng Town to retake the tavern, and when the business is good, I will visit the church and get married, and have another child. Actually, I have prepared a lot of children's clothes, both boys and girls, and two thick stacks of small clothes are filled with boxes, and I store them in the boxes, and when he wakes up, let him pick them out himself.

Su Ming circled around me many times, thinking that I was crazy, snatched Zuo Qing from my arms, and if I didn't give it, he would open my mouth and give me medicine. When I woke up, Zuo Qing was gone, there was an extra child in my arms, and I smiled beautifully, and I remembered that this was worry-free.

I cried for a few days, crying so much that I didn't dare to go to Zuo Qing's tomb, I couldn't see that thing at all. During this period, Yanzhen sent a pot of wine, and I got drunk that night, and later found that it was quite good to be drunk, and I didn't remember anything when I fell asleep. I began to sell my property and go to the street to buy alcohol to drink, and when I woke up, I got drunk, and when I woke up, I drank again, and then I simply slept in a tavern.

Whenever I wake up, there is only one thing in my mind: Qingming and rainy in the south of the Yangtze River, no one will hold an umbrella for me, accompany me to the green mountains, hold wheat straw, and pay tribute to those old people. And from then on, the wheat straw in his hand will also be burned for him. I can't bear to think about this fact, and every time I think about it, it hurts.

Finally, Su Ming couldn't stand it anymore, so he picked me up and threw me into the water tank, the water was not deep, but I almost choked to death. Su Ming still couldn't bear it, took me out, and persuaded me bitterly: "You won't live if Zuo Qing leaves?" He didn't want to see a drunk in the Netherworld! Maybe he was reincarnated early, and you won't see him even if you die! ”

Also, I heard the old man say: A person dies for 100 days, and he is reincarnated as a man. I'm drunk to death now, and I can't keep up with Zuo Qing's pace. But I was really uncomfortable when I was awake, I opened and closed my eyes and it was all him, how could I forget without wine.

Su Ming said again: "It's good that you have experienced so much, you have paid so much, and others have paid so much for you, your life is worth your life for decades." What's more, you still have a true word, your own brother! You still have no worries, your own nephew! Ah Yan, being depressed every day can't solve anything, it will only make the people around you worry about suffering, cheer up, we will accompany you. ”

I looked at the carefree man who ran in from outside, and before I knew it, he had learned to walk, exactly the same as when Yan Zhen was a child, he was a beautiful embryo.

But why can't I have children? Why did God let Zuo Qing die?

Su Ming called for worry-free: "Xiao worry, I taught you before, what do you want to say to my aunt?" ”

Carefree tilted his head to look at me, smiling innocently, "Auntie, little worry about you, father loves you, mother loves you, huh...... And Uncle hurts you! ”

Carefree has learned to speak, which is smarter than words. But when I looked at her, my heart was uncomfortable, and my heart was painful! I think of Yanzhen, of Ruoshui, of the singer whose glory is not there, of my father, Wei Zhen, and... Zuo Qing.

"He died, three months! Why can't you see reality clearly? If he were still here, he wouldn't want you to live like this! Ah Yan, sober up, you've been lying to yourself for too long. ”

Of course I knew he was dead, but so what, when I was asleep, he was alive, and as long as he appeared in my dreams, I didn't want anything!

I ignored him, but he kept chattering: "Wine will make you see him, but you will become less and less sober, and one day, your appearance and everything about him will become more and more blurred, until you forget it completely!" In fact, the best way to remember a person is to put him in the bottom of his heart, and the bottom of his heart is the safest place. Ah Yan, you don't know yet, Zuo Qing is buried on the back mountain, if you miss him, Master will take you to see him. ”

There seemed to be a crack in my mind spreading, a light coming out of it, and a hint of warmth touching my cheeks.

"Good ......"

After a few days, Master really took me to the highest mountain, the top of the mountain shrouded in smoke at sunset, I don't know who planted the peach trees in the mountains, the peach blossoms were colorful, and the breeze was blowing.

Master whispered a lot of words in my ear, but I didn't hear them clearly, but I heard one of them: "The one who planted the tree is dead, and the one who looks at the flowers is awake."

The beam of light passed through the verdant canopy and mottled the ground, and for a moment, I seemed to see Zuo Qing, still dressed in a black robe, unadorned, smiling slightly, far away, silently, bowing to me.

All the Dharma is born because of the cause, all the Dharma is destroyed by the cause, and the Dharma is born and destroyed by the cause, and the Buddha said that it is all empty.

Since Zuo Qing left, I finally accepted it, just like the master said: The stars are changing in the sky, there are always stars shining, and there are always stars dimming.

Life and death, I can't keep it after all.