The moon, the moon, why can't you take away my sorrow.

When my mother left my first grade, I understood that I no longer had the right to see my father.

I didn't want to see him, because when I saw him, I missed my mother.

I lived in a small courtyard, with a high red wall blocking my youth, and the veil that was getting heavier and heavier, and I couldn't breathe.

On days when no one was looking at me, I took it off and looked out the small window at the blue sky that I could no longer embrace......

When seeing the blue sky and white clouds has become a luxury, where will the blue sky and white clouds that belong to me be, maybe it will never exist.

I think about everything in my future, but I am always blank, and in the white world, everything about me should be blank.

I would marry, a man I had never met before, and that man might be like my father, and I would not want to see anyone again.

I thought of my mother, who might have been like this, who had hidden her whole life within these high walls, and that her youth, in my father's stern reprimands, in my father's cold eyes, in my father's cruel new love, had died with the years.

Whenever I think like this, I feel my mother's loneliness, and I feel that in this world, I miss my mother.

Many years later, in the high loess, the hat veil that accompanied my mother's years may also be gone, but my mother's death has also become the hatred of my life.

It's just that when I understand my burden on my mother, this hatred is always on my body and beats me.

I'm not a boy, I'm a daughter.

Because it's a daughter's family, you can't read and write like a man, because it's a daughter's family, you can't go into battle to kill the enemy like a man, because it's a daughter's family, you can't face it, the raging fire, rolling thunder.

My father, who only liked his sons. They were my older brothers, but I had never seen them for the most part. Only my second brother often comes to see me.

He was always dressed in white, with a beautiful [Green Dragon] badge on his clothes, which was sewn by my mother, and the blue thread and the white thread were all worn together by my mother's hand, and sometimes, I watched them woven into a family crest from my mother's hand, and that time began to be inextricably broken in my mind.

I have a clear dream, the cyan dragon, will come to my side, take me to soar, let me see the blue sky and white clouds outside, live for so long, I also ignorantly understand, I understand the meaning of my mother.

However, all my father's sons, all my brothers and younger brothers, were not born to my mother, and when they saw them, they only looked at my mother, and shouted flatly, even coldly...... Female. Then they looked at me like they were looking at a very novel toy.

Every brother has a different look on his face when he sees me.

When my eldest brother sees me, he will look at me calmly.

When the second brother touches me, he will gently touch my head and smile.

When the third brother saw me, he would stare at me with those beautiful eyes.

Fourth brother, I've never seen him look at me squarely.

They were all my father's sons, but they were never my mother's children.

It's just me, my mother's daughter.

The second brother is good to me, and it is visible to the naked eye. He was close to me, played with me, and told me stories.

When he came to see me, he would always stand by the high wall, raise his head, slowly raise his head, look at the birds in the sky, and sing for me in a deep and depressed manner.

"Chutian is three miles wide, and Qinghai is a hundred zhang wide

If you want to jump from the beginning, you need to go to Qingshan. ”

He doesn't write poems like this on weekdays, maybe it's to take care of me, a little kid - his sister who is not related by blood, and the poems he sings, I can understand and think clearly.

I can only enjoy the sky here, less than three miles of wide land, and in the world outside the high walls, there is a green ocean, which is a hundred feet wide.

If you want to see the blue ocean, you must climb over the mountains and jump over the cliffs to see the blue mountains, and beyond the green mountains, is the sea.

I have never seen a blue sea, but I have seen a blue mountain, and my second brother told me that the other side of the mountain is the sea.

But I've never been to Qingshan, and I've never seen that sea.

I may have never even had these three miles of sky.

How can I hope that the sea is a hundred feet wide, and it is difficult to have a small puddle that belongs to me.

But the second brother told me that as long as I went to look for it, I would definitely be able to see the blue ocean, he called me Lan'er, called me by my nickname, he put his hand on my head, and told me gently.

"Lan'er, Lan'er, don't blame your mother. Please don't blame your father. ”

I didn't understand why he said that, how could I not hate my father, I looked at him angrily and pushed his hand away.

"Second brother! A sucker! Stupid! Fool! ”

"Lan'er...... Lan'er ...... He is our father after all, he loves his mother very much, but he can't love his mother, he loves you too, but he can't love you......"

The second brother's words made me angry, I really don't understand how much praise such a second brother received from his father to let him say such things.

"Bastard!"

I scolded him and pushed him away.

He looked at me quietly, I never felt that his eyes were as beautiful as the third brother, and from that moment on, I felt that he was quiet and peaceful and allowed me to push him out of this courtyard.

This one belongs to my garden.

For a second I saw my mother, standing there, quietly looking at me, at this vexatious bad boy, and then telling me.

"Yinglan...... Be nice. ”

My second brother is not my mother's child.

But he said the same thing as my mother.

My mother and my second brother loved me deeply.

The day I pushed my second brother out of the small yard, I felt like I had done something that I regretted in the world.

Of my four older brothers, only the second one, would come to see me.

He heard him call softly outside the door: Lan'er! That sea, please be sure to take a look at it, and go with the hope of the second brother.

Second brother, I often think about it......

He taught me as much as my mother who didn't like to talk much, he taught me to read some books, to read some words, I listened to him tell some small truths, he taught me how to write the word love, and he taught me what kind of pursuit I should have in life. He told me that I was not a daughter's family, but a daughter-in-law.

I'm not a man, but I'm a daughter.

I never saw my second brother again, just like my mother never saw again.

I heard from the villagers who walked the world that a son named [Fei Wen'an] died of tuberculosis thirty years ago......

I can't miss it anymore...... I was, everything in the past.