[Vol. 1] Section 114: Strange Man Dongfang Shuo

------------

Liu Che sent his grandmother away with a sad and happy mood.

This moment is full of sorrow, but it is the beginning of an era, and time has finally shown its power, and no matter how much power there is in life, death is only a shell that cannot speak.

Liu Che was full of awe for the Empress Dowager in his heart, because of this awe, he made compromises, and his occasional attempts also came to an abrupt end in awe, and the inaction of politics restrained his hands and feet, and also made him learn to have fun.

From the first year of the founding of the Yuan Dynasty to the sixth year of the founding of the Yuan Dynasty, like most depressed people, Liu Che spent a lot of time on singing and dancing and chanting poems and getting drunk. These people are divided into factions, one of which can be called the burlesque school, and the other is called the word and chapter school.

Although the strange people and gentlemen of these two schools are not very mixed, they are a unique and beautiful historical landscape.

So, let's start with burlesque.

Seeing the words burlesque, some people may associate cross talk, sketches and burlesque or even Shaolin Wudang, however, it should be clarified here that the burlesque here is not a person in the entertainment industry, let alone a martial arts person. Not only do they not know martial arts, but they also don't know how to perform, but they have a characteristic, that is, they speak with humor, and even the excerpts can make people laugh, so they are called funny.

The outstanding representative of the burlesque school is named Dongfang Shuo, this old man has left a lot of popular stories, but also left a lot of regrets.

Dongfang Shuo, the word Manqian, the plain is tired of people. Dongfang Shuo liked to read very much when he was young, coupled with his talent, so he was extraordinary, and what is even more surprising is that Dongfang Shuo seems to be born with humorous cells, and often makes people laugh.

In view of this, it can't help but make people sigh that if there was a cross talk industry at that time, Dongfang Shuo might be able to become a generation of grandmasters.

Like all scholars, Dongfang Shuo had the ideal of governing the country and leveling the world, so he did not hesitate to choose the path of gaining fame. In the early years of the founding of the Yuan Dynasty, when Liu Che issued an order to recruit Fangzheng virtuous people, Dongfang Shuo also came to Chang'an, and handed Liu Che an extremely plagiaristic document through the bus order.

The paperwork quickly arrived on Liu Che's desk, and the young Liu Che leaned back with a smile before he could read a few lines.

Other call-up scholars either talk about national politics or people's livelihood, but this Dongfang Shuo has a resume, and the resume is full of praise for himself, for Liu Che, I have never seen such praise of myself.

What "12 years to learn books, three winter literature and history to use, 15 to learn fencing, 16 to learn poetry and books, to recite 220,000 words, nineteen to learn Sun Wu's art of war", what "Chen Shuo is twenty-two years old, nine feet three inches long, eyes like hanging beads, teeth like shells, brave like Meng Ben." Jie Ruoqing is jealous. Uncle Lian Ruobao. Faith is born at the end of the day".

If a slightly older person sees these boastful words, they will either throw it in the garbage heap, or they will reply to him with three words, shameless.

The young Liu Che was not, he laughed, and felt that this humanistic talent was okay and too interesting, so he immediately waved his pen and approved the "waiting for the bus".

Dongfang Shuo's short resume has achieved unexpected results, which makes many scholars who come with him envious, although they are envious, they dare not learn from Dongfang Shuo.

Of course, Dongfang Shuo had long known that his paperwork would definitely work wonders, otherwise he wouldn't dare to joke about his future no matter what.

He has a deep understanding of the truth of winding paths and seclusion, and even more deeply understands the psychology of a teenager at Liu Che's age. A seventeen-year-old boy is always curious about new things. Even if the resume is self-selling and boasting, it is very innovative in the same strategy, and naturally it will not attract the disgust of the young man.

As a result, as he expected, he managed to take the first step.

However, for Dongfang Shuo, waiting for the edict bus is just the beginning, and it is not so easy to make steady progress.

Sure enough, Liu Che quickly forgot about Dongfang Shuo, and after waiting for several months, Dongfang Shuo did not wait for the opportunity to come to see the driver. Dongfang Shuobi understands that a person like him who eats with a pen and mouth can't see the emperor, everything is just a bamboo basket to draw water, a floating cloud.

Dongfang Shuo knew that it was not a way to go on like this, and the courtyard of the deep palace was heavily guarded, and he couldn't go to the palace alone. He decided to come up with a seemingly seamless way to get around.

Soon after, he saw some dwarfs in the city of Chang'an.

Dongfang Shuo patted his head and thought of a very unkind method, he wanted to use these disabled people.

He ran to the gnomes and threatened, "Don't you know that you are dying?" ”

The gnomes looked at each other, very puzzled, and hurriedly asked why.

Dongfang Shuo screwed his eyebrows, pretending to be supportive and said: "I heard that the imperial court summoned you to serve the Son of Heaven, but in fact it is going to cut you down, think about it, you can't be officials, you can't be farmers, you can't be soldiers, what's the use of calling you?" It is better to kill you, lest you waste food!" ”

Hearing this, the gnomes were already frightened. Many of them began to complain to each other, squatting at home, what to do here, and some even cried.

Dongfang Shuo pretended to persuade: "I see that you are pitiful, and I have thought of a way for you, but you have to listen to me, otherwise don't blame me for your life!" ”

The dwarfs have long been frightened of the six gods, and when they heard that there is still a way to live, they kowtow to Dongfang Shuo like a living immortal.

"You just have to wait on the way of the Son of Heaven's car, see the Son of Heaven coming, kowtow to him and confess your guilt, if the Son of Heaven asks, you will push it on my Dongfang Shuo to keep you safe!"

The dwarfs thought about it, and only the emperor could save them in this world, so they believed it and sent people to squat on the way out of the palace every day.

The hard work paid off, and finally waited for Liu Che to travel.

As soon as Liu Che's car driver showed his face, they rushed forward and knelt down in front of Luan Che in tears.

Liu Che heard the crying outside the car, opened the curtain and asked in surprise.

The dwarfs cried in unison: "Dongfang Shuo rumors that the ministers are going to be killed, come and ask for death!" ”

"I don't have this intention, you can retreat with peace of mind, I will send Dongfang Shuo to ask for an understanding!"

Liu Che gave him a look, and a few attendants beside him galloped towards the residence of the edicts.

Dongfang Shuo has already received the news that the Son of Heaven is traveling today, if nothing else, the dwarfs will definitely be able to see the Son of Heaven, and the Son of Heaven will come to summon him soon.

He straightened up, dressed neatly. Listening only to the sound of horses' hooves outside the door, the corners of his mouth smiled slightly, knowing that he was about to take another step on the way.

Dongfang Shuo is full of confidence in his wisdom, so he can be extraordinarily calm, this is a bureau he has set up, if he does not think of countermeasures in advance, it is not a small crime to confuse the public with gossip, and the result is probably not a further step in his career, but a step away from the palace of the king of Hades.

The envoy quickly found Dongfang Shuo and brought him to Liu Che.

Liu Che carefully looked at the personable scholar in front of him, thinking of his previous article, he couldn't help but feel funny, obviously a weak scholar, how could it be "brave as Meng Ben, Jie Ruo Qingji"?

Liu Che deliberately said sharply: "You dare to bewitch the public, don't you have a king's law?" ”

Seeing that Dongfang Shuo was not afraid, he calmly defended, "The ministers are also speech, and the death is also true, the dwarfs are only more than three feet tall, but they receive a bag of millet, two hundred and forty dollars, and the ministers are nine feet tall, and the same is true." The dwarfs are full to death, and the ministers are starving to death, since they are all dead, it is better to risk death, if it is available, it is a blessing; If not, then let the ministers go back, so as not to waste Chang'an's money and food! ”

As soon as Dongfang Shuo's words fell, many people were amused, and Liu Che couldn't help laughing, thinking that this person was really interesting. He was so happy that he forgot about Dongfang Shuo's instigation of the dwarfs, and ordered Dongfang Shuo to treat the Golden Horse Gate.

Jinmamen is a higher level of government than the bus, not only the treatment has been improved, but the essential difference is that Jinmamen is in the palace. Liu Che has nothing to do, and often comes here to have fun.

Because he could see the emperor often, Dongfang Shuo stayed and continued his official journey.

One day, Liu Che had a whim to play a game of shooting.

He fastened the gecko under the bowl and called the warlocks to guess what was inside.

Everyone was dumbfounded when they heard this, isn't this going to smash their jobs? Unless it is an immortal, who knows what kind of play Liu Che will put in it.

Since it was His Majesty the Emperor who wanted everyone to guess, the warlocks could only bite the bullet, and some people began to dance and start to work. As a result, Liu Che proved that the so-called warlock had no perspective ability.

At this time, a familiar figure appeared in front of Liu Che, and he said to Liu Che: "The minister understands Zhou Yi, and he can guess by calculating hexagrams!" ”

Liu Che saw that it was Dongfang Shuo, smiled and ordered.

Dongfang Shuo took out the yarrow that had been prepared for a long time, fiddled with it for a while, recited a few hexagrams in his mouth, and said to Liu Che that it was either a gecko or a toad.

Liu Che was very surprised, when he ordered the cup to be opened, everyone was stunned, it was really a god.

Dongfang Shuo's magical performance won everyone's applause, but some people were not convinced.

This person is Liu Che's favorite servant Guo Sheren, Guo Sheren has always regarded himself as the head of the burlesque faction, seeing someone so showy, and being worshiped by Liu Che, he felt very uncomfortable, he intended to embarrass Dongfang Shuo, he said to Liu Che: "Guess it once in a while, if he can guess again, I am willing to suffer a hundred punishments!" ”

As soon as these words came out, the scene was in an uproar, some applauded, and some shouted, after all, there was a good show to watch, and no one let go.

Dongfang Shuo is still very calm, he wanted to persuade Guo Sheren not to be so cruel to himself, but after thinking about it, forget it, some people don't know whether they live or die, and he can't help it, besides, he has always hated this kind of clown who only dances and juggles when he meets the horses, as for guessing things, although he is not sure, he still has a way to get past.

Without waiting for Dongfang Shuo to reply, Guo Sheren had already detained the cup, and he asked Dongfang Shuo to guess.

Dongfang Shuo smiled and quickly gave an answer, "It's just a serval!" ”

Guo Sheren also smiled, "Sure enough, I didn't guess!" ”

Dongfang Shuo glanced at him contemptuously, and blurted out a sentence of relief, "Raw meat is the chest, dried meat is the chest, the tree is parasitic, and the pot is the number of holes." ”

Guo Sheren's smile froze because he guessed it again.

Liu Che ordered Guo Sheren to be beaten with a hundred lashes.

Guo Sheren's strength is still very admirable, after a hundred whips, Guo Sheren was still not convinced, and fought with Dongfang Shuo, but Guo Sheren still lost.

Dongfang Shuo easily sat firmly on the number one spot of the burlesque school.

Liu Che named Dongfang Shuo as Lang Guan and called him Mr.

Lang Guan can't make Dongfang Shuo satisfied, he wants to become a real minister and fulfill the duties of a scholar. Therefore, he was determined to continue on the maverick route.

In order to increase the welfare of the officials, Liu Che issued an edict to give meat to the officials on dog days, and this work was done by the senior officials. The so-called big official is the second-in-command of the imperial dining room. On the day of the meat distribution, Dongfang Shuo came to the palace early, and when he waited until evening, he had not seen the shadow of the great official. Dongfang Shuo had a peculiar idea again, and in the astonishment of his colleagues, he pulled out his sword and cut a piece of meat, picked it up and left.

It's not strange for colleagues to see Dongfang Shuo's strange behavior, but many colleagues who are good with Dongfang Shuo still sweat for him, which is a capital crime.

Brother Dongfang didn't think so, he said something lightly, this sentence almost made everyone present fall to the ground, he said: "Dog days are going home early, please first!" ”

When the big official came, he found that a piece of meat was missing, so he played the matter to Liu Che.

Liu Che learned that it was Mr. Dongfang's masterpiece again, and wanted to hear his defense, so he summoned him.

"Yesterday I gave meat, and I didn't wait for the edict, I cut the meat without permission, why?" Liu Che was not angry, he wanted to know what funny jokes the witty Mr. Dongfang would come up with.

Dongfang Shuo really shook his head, "Shuo comes!" Shuo Lai! If you don't wait for the edict, why be rude! Draw a sword and cut meat, a He Zhuang also! If you don't cut much, why cheap! Return to the relics, and what benevolence! ”

Liu Che was amused and laughed, "I blamed you, and you praised yourself again!" ”

Dongfang Shuo was not only not guilty, but was rewarded.

Witty words and maverick are indeed the characteristics of Dongfang Shuo, the head of the burlesque faction, but this is not all he has, in his heart, he still wants to become a minister of the pillar country, but he uses a different way from others.

However, it was precisely because he was too witty that he even overshadowed his wisdom that he lost the opportunity to enter the ranks of the ministers.