Perhaps, he misses China too much, and that guilt has become a nightmare for the future, lingering.

He absolutely knows who he loves in his bones.

It was when I was eleven years old.

"Bastard! Hee-hee! The taller man pulled out a second bottle of chocolate sauce and prepared to squirt it into the emaciated blonde boy's mouth.

"Squirt him! Squirt him! Squirt him! The number of onlookers on the side grew, and the indifferent passers-by dispersed, anyway, what did the bullying have to do with them.

His cheeks stained with tears were smeared with more sweet sauce, and everyone laughed, but he was the only one who cried alone.

"Brother!" A small figure suddenly squeezed out of the crowd and pounced on the scarred mixed-race boy.

"Hybrid brother and sister." The fat man's ridiculous tone was extremely disgusting, and the others responded one after another.

"You can't do this to him, stop!" China opened her hands and stood next to the boy lying on the ground, but her weak body was really like a mantis arm as a car.

"You brought it yourself." The fat man smiled contemptuously and pushed the girl into the snow as well.

"China!" Bai Ya cried helplessly. The two of them ate a lot of punches and kicks like this.

For a few slow minutes, the sky was gray, perhaps oozing a little blood red. The bored boy party left the candy store after having had enough, leaving him and her bruised. No one reached out to help, so they were left to lie in the dirty snow.

The girl didn't shed a single tear, just leaned against the brick wall and cleaned the blood from Baiya's body with a handkerchief. Her hands were bruised, but she ignored them.

"What are you doing here...... Are you stupid? Bai Zai's tears never stopped, in addition to the physical pain, he also couldn't accept that his sister was affected.

"You're stupid! I watched my brother being beaten to death. China, who was four years younger than Hakuya, smiled softly and wiped the chocolate sauce and blood off the boy's face.

minus three degrees Celsius, not too cold for the two of them, at least Bai Ya felt a little warmth in the cold.

"I'm sorry, Brother is useless, I can't protect you."

That chocolate was bought for China. Just now, Qianna was waiting for her brother to buy candy outside the candy store, but she didn't expect to end up being beaten up.

The scarred boy clenched his fists in annoyance: "I will definitely take revenge......"

"No, don't pay attention to them, the most important thing is that you're fine." China lay tightly in Hakuya's arms, her eyes closed. The boy naturally hugged his fragile body and felt the warmth of his body.

China was the first to invite him to eat chocolate. When the whole world was about to abandon him, only this girl lifted him up and smiled softly at him.

When he was 12 years old, his mother took the two of them home, but his mother was sick, and the family could only live on the money they had saved in the past, and China was also responsible for the chores at home. The frail and sickly Bai Ya has always treated his sister well, but at the same time, he has been in love with China for a long time.

deformed, but unable to extricate themselves.

Perhaps fortunately, in his third year of high school, Bai Zai was favored by the economics department of a prestigious university in Moscow because of his brilliant grades, and his mother sent him to a distant homeland with confidence.

Bai Zai also thought that as long as he left, he would be able to forget his unruly feelings for his sister.

But he still dreams of meeting Qianna every night. Whenever I think of her gentle smile, my heart always throbs inexplicably......

A few years later, Juwan's mother unfortunately died, and Hakuya couldn't beat him after all, so he returned to the Bay Area from E Rose to live with China.

Over the years, China, who is in high school, has grown a lot, and her mature face has a bit of youthful atmosphere, just a standard slender lady. She is still as gentle as before to Bai Ya, and her voice is still as sweet.

China is a perfect girl, and in this pale world, she is the only one who reaches out to the isolated Shiraya. She is all of Bai Ya.

Bai Ya is an extremely rational person, but he is afraid that he will step into that bottomless abyss and never be reborn.

Every afternoon, the boy always takes Qianna around to play, as if he has fulfilled his responsibilities as a brother. In addition to adventure parks and parks, the most frequently visited is the Kenji porridge shop. Despite his resistance to Chinese food, because China loves porridge, he is willing to often take smiling girls to the porridge shop for afternoon tea. Every time, it is chicken porridge and soy milk to drink together, half a cup per person, just right.

They are like lovers in love, snuggling up to each other in cruelty.

Bai Ya knows very well that the two are related by blood, and this kind of unethical and moral feelings will be cursed. He can only suppress it all the time, hiding that naked lust somewhere in his heart, but he can't bury it.

Every night, when China falls asleep, Shiraya in the other room will always curl up on the bed and cry.

No one else can understand it.

Living with China again is fundamentally out of his own selfish desires, anyway, even if he stays in Moscow, there will be relatives in Juwan to take care of his sister. He simply succumbed to the deformed emotions in his heart, so he chose this path of depravity, in order to see her unique smile again and comfort that lonely heart.

This kind of emotion is not tolerated.

One silent night, the boy couldn't hold back the emotions that flooded his heart, entered China's dark room, and hugged the girl tightly in his arms.

"China...... I'm working hard......"

China's vest was stained with white tears, but she never knew it when she was asleep. That night, the boy just hugged her until he finally broke down and was about to leave alone.

Knowing that this is a road abandoned by the world, how can you still go on?

Embracing someone who doesn't dare to love feels indescribable.

Hugging is the most sadistic distance, because in the end, I can only silently watch her in my arms, walking farther and farther.

Of course, he knows that he can't do any more deviant behavior, and he would rather silently suppress that unruly desire alone than let China get hurt.

If you want to fall, you have to fall yourself.

But China won't come back, but it's the cruel truth. She died a few months ago.

The police found her in a back alley in the deep water area, where she had a hole in her mouth, which the medical examiner confirmed was caused by a bullet, but the origin of the bullet was unknown. That night, Bai Ya stayed at home to rest due to a severe cold, and China went out, but an accident happened because of it. It didn't make sense for him to let the police track down the murderer, because it was difficult to catch the murderers, and second, he would rather deal with the matter by his own means.

With a little effort, he was able to identify the four gang members involved in the murder.

That day, he hid in his house and cried for a long time.

If he had insisted on following the girl out, the tragedy would not have happened.

Moreover, if he hadn't chosen to live with China, he wouldn't have been the target of the attack.

It was his sin, a sin from which he could not be liberated, and he was left with a nightmare to destroy him.

Why did Qianna be so ruthless and leave herself alone?

Why, children in fairy tales can always get a happy ending.

Because that's a fairy tale.

Who wouldn't rather believe that the world is beautiful and happy?

Bai Ya, who lost China, is like a bird that can't fly, so he can only survive in despair. Because, China is all he has.

He can only stagger down with the only remaining loss, alone with tears in his eyes.

"But you can't hear it anymore, if a miracle happens, will I be able to tell you again?"

Bai Zai's red and swollen eyes were almost unable to open, and he groped around at the head of the bed, but finally picked up the mobile phone that was constantly ringing.

No caller ID.

"Who."

"Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee......"

After that, he had already confirmed the identity of the other party.

"It's not enough to die four? Do you want to die too? The boy pretended to be calm.

"Not enough to lose?"

"There's nothing left to lose." He smiled indifferently.

"Wrong. You had it a minute ago, but maybe not—"

Bai Ya hung up the phone, rushed to the door of the house, opened the iron door and rushed out.

He was really afraid, and the next second he would have to bear the sadness of loss again.