In the café opposite the University of London, a few plates of snacks were simply placed on the table, and four idle young people were chatting together on their days off.

Elder put a big hand on the back of his chair and asked the two sitting opposite, "Aren't you two students at the University of London?" ”

The two shook their heads, and Mill spoke, "We are friends, we met in the London Debate Society. ”

"Debating the Society?"

Arthur added some milk to his coffee and asked as he stirred, "Why does the Debate Society go to the University of London campus to debate, our school is usually noisy enough." You may not know what it's like to keep Protestants, Catholics, atheists, and all sorts of weird stuff on the same campus. ”

Roebuck quipped, "Can it be worse than Oxford?" ”

Elder immediately found resonance, and even his tone became a lot more affectionate: "Don't you like Oxford? ”

Mill said disdainfully, "How many utilitarians have a good opinion of Oxford?" Even Mr. Benthham, an Oxford graduate, frowned at the mention of Oxford, and we both heard Mr. Bentham mention it when we were working in the Westminster Review.

He said that when he was a student at Oxford, his tutor's greatest pleasure was not to let the students have any fun, and as soon as he entered the school, he asked Mr. Bentham to read Cicero's "Lectures", and even if he memorized it backwards, he still had to continue to read it every day.

And when it's time to go to class, it's to read from the book, the so-called geography class, is to put a map and hang it on the blackboard, and then tell you where and where, and you have to rely on yourself to learn things in that kind of class.

Oxford's tutors have always been indifferent to their students, and it is difficult for them to develop any relationship with each other. If Mr. Bentham is to be followed, it is 'the teachers do their boring daily business in the morning and play cards in the evening.' Some of the seniors are debauchery, some are depressed and perverse, and most of them are lifeless. ’”

When Elder heard this, he could not help but speak: "No wonder when I was in school, I heard Mr. Bentham scold Oxford at a lecture, saying, 'I think lies and hypocrisy are the inevitable and only inevitable result of English university education. That's why we have to run the University of London, and we can't let the brilliant young people of Britain be ruined at the hands of Oxford and Cambridge.'" ”

When Mill heard this, he smiled and asked, "So where do you both work?" ”

When Elder heard this, he said proudly: "I serve in the Royal Navy, and as for this Mr. Arthur Hastings next to me, he is a great person, he has only graduated for more than a year, and now he has become the superintendent of Scotland Yard. ”

Roebuck was stunned for a moment when he heard this, and then said in surprise: "You have achieved such a high position in just one year after graduation?" ”

Roebuck also seemed to remember something when he heard the name Hastings, and he pestled Mill: "Have you forgotten?" It was that Hastings, and Mr. Bentham had published two articles in the Westminster Review about his theft with the little boy. ”

Mill remembered when he was reminded by his companion, and he smiled, "So you are the Officer Hastings?" More than half of the credit for the revision of the Bloody Act goes to you. ”

In the face of such compliments from the other party, Arthur was only modest: "Actually, the matter of the bloody bill, Sir Peel wanted to promote it a long time ago. My case can only be regarded as an opportunity. ”

But Roebuck shook his head and said, "You can't say that, Mr. Hastings, you should understand that many things in Britain are missing an opportunity. Without this opportunity, no matter how well the preparations are made, they will not be able to do it.

Parliamentary reform, for example, has not been so close to success as it is today, although the subject of reform has been on the agenda for decades.

All of this turned out to be due to the Duke of Wellington's endorsement of progressive Catholic emancipation, which led to a split in the Tory Party. Now, isn't it funny that the hard-liners of the Tories Party, who were the most opposed to reform in the past, are also demanding reform? ”

When Mill heard this, he also said enviously, "To tell you the truth, Mr. Hastings, I have some envy of you. The work you do is more meaningful than mine, and it is much more helpful to society. What you may not know is that the reason I stopped writing for The Westminster Review two years ago was because I was lost.

I felt as if the work I was doing was meaningless, and I felt like I was wasting my time and wasting my life.

As Coleridge's poem wrote: Working without hope is like putting wine in a sieve, without hope of a goal, it cannot exist.

I felt as if I couldn't exist anymore. ”

Arthur looked sympathetically at the early 19th-century man with depression: "Your symptoms are quite similar to those of another friend of mine. ”

"Really?" Mill asked, "What's that friend's name?" Maybe I know someone who has the same symptoms as me. ”

Arthur doesn't hide it: "Benjamin Disraeli, candidate No. 4 in the Westminster constituency. God willing, he'd better be elected to the council this year, or I'll have to listen to him pour bitter water for another afternoon. ”

Elder asked, "By the way, John, what do you do?" How can it be pointless? ”

Mill smiled reluctantly, "I'm a clerk for the East India Company. ”

Arthur was drinking coffee when he heard this and almost vomited in the face of Roebuck, who was sitting across from him.

He picked up the napkin next to him and wiped his mouth as he spoke: "I can probably understand why you are depressed now, the London office of the East India Company, which is a place where even Oxford and Cambridge students want to squeeze in. ”

Elder hugged his head and cried, "Damn! How did you squeeze in? Why didn't I have this luck? Do you still accept people there? If I accepted someone, I immediately quit my job in the Royal Navy. ”

Roebuck also nodded with his coffee cup and said, "John, I'll just say it, you're doing pretty well." Don't think about what you don't have all the time, take it easy, if you spend all day at the dock anti-sack, you won't have time to be empty. ”

Mill seemed to be accustomed to their reactions, and he pursed his lips helplessly: "Entering the East India Company is not as difficult as you think, as long as you can successfully graduate from the East India College in Hylibery, London, you can successfully work in the company." ”

Elder banged on the table excitedly: "John, don't you still understand? It's good luck to be able to work as a clerk for the East India Company, especially if you're still in the London office. O my God! Do you know what that means? This means that you don't have to travel far and wide, and you can still enjoy a high salary. And you have time to spare, which means that the work in the London office must be very busy, right? ”

Mill was chased by him too closely, so he had to reveal some information: "It's going to be a little busier during the peak shipping season." ”

"What about the off-season?"

Mill picked up his coffee cup with a weak heart: "Trade secrets." ”

Seeing that Elder's emotions were about to be irrepressible, Mill hurriedly changed the subject: "But this is not the issue we are talking about now. I was empty because I was thinking, 'If all the goals in your life were achieved, and all the changes in the system and concept that you hoped for were fully realized at once, would it be your great happiness and joy?' ’”

Arthur, who had never spoken, heard this, and said coldly: "Of course not." Not only that, but if you achieve all your goals, you will be miserable. Because from now on, you will simply live for the sake of living. Even if you set yourself a very vulgar goal, such as making 100 million or something, it is better than setting a goal that can be easily accomplished. ”

When Mill heard this, his eyes lit up: "Mr. Hastings, you really think so. At that time, I was in a state where the target was lost.

Because I found that the whole foundation on which I had built my passion for life had collapsed, and all my happiness had been in persevering in the pursuit of that goal. And now that the original goal is no longer attractive, how can I continue to be interested in the means to achieve it?

At that time, I was like the one described in "Depression"—sadness, emptiness, melancholy, desolation without severe pain, sleepiness, suffocation, sadness without passion, unable to be discharged naturally by words, sighs, or tears.

I feel like I can't do anything, I live every day, and I can barely remember what I've done in the past few years, as if I didn't live in those years.

I tried to seek relief from my favorite book, but to no avail. What I used to think was great didn't help me at all, they lost their charm of the past.

I also thought about asking for help from my father, but in the end I couldn't make up my mind because all the signs showed that he was completely unaware of the mental pain I was suffering, and even if I could make him understand, he was not a doctor who could cure me.

As for my friends, as you can see, Roebuck they can't understand me. ”

Arthur asked, "And how did you get out?" ”

Mill smiled and sighed, the temperature in the bright café wasn't too high, but his head was covered with beads of sweat.

"I was reading Marmontel's Memoirs, and I happened to read a section about the grief of his family when his father died, and when Mamontel was just a little boy suddenly had a revelation that he could be everything to his family—to replace everything they had lost.

I was deeply moved to this scene, and although I was embarrassed to say this, I was moved to tears. From that day on, the burden on my body was lighter.

Gradually, I discovered that the little things in life still bring me joy. I still find joy in the sun, the sky, in books, in conversation, in public affairs, not intensely, but enough to make me happy.

And once again, I had faith in myself, I had that excitement to act for the common good, the clouds above my head slowly lifted, and I enjoyed life again. ”

When Arthur heard this, he couldn't help but smile: "I thought you needed enlightenment, but I didn't expect you to come out by yourself." Living for the common good, this goal is indeed sustainable, and you never have to worry about it being achieved because there will always be something that needs to be done.

Mr. Mill, maybe you should write a book that I believe will help many people who have the same symptoms as you. I would especially like to recommend this book to my friend Benjamin Disraeli, who may have learned a lot from your book. ”

Mill picked up his handkerchief and wiped his sweat, "Thank you, Arthur, maybe I should think about it." But I think it should be a few more years, and it may be too early for us to write a memoir at this age. However, you can consider writing down your mental journey when you handled the case, and if it is published, I will definitely buy a copy.

It's the first time I've met someone like you who understands me. Most of the others, like Roebuck and this friend of yours, say I'm idle without asking. ”

Roebuck was dissatisfied: "I didn't say that at the time, I'll let you read more of Byron's poetry, and it will be fine." ”

Mill glared and said, "Byron's poem? You don't look at what he did in Britain, he didn't leave much of an impact on the country. ”

Arthur quipped, "John, you don't need to praise me like that. I understand your reason, maybe it's because I'm also an idler, right? ”

Mill frowned as he held his coffee cup, "Idler? Will the police officer at Scotland Yard be an idler? ”

When Elder heard this, he inadvertently said in front of these two young men who were close to Bentham and said, "Even if it is not now, it will be soon." By the time the Whigs come up, Arthur may be going to roll up and leave Scotland Yard. When the time comes, he will have time to be empty. But I can't do the job of enlightening people, John, and you'll have to help me with this work then. ”

Roebuck asked, "What the hell is going on?" ”

Arthur smiled: "It's not a big deal, factional struggles, there are in the council, of course there are in Scotland Yard, and there must be places where you do things." It's like the Edinburgh Review, the Westminster Review and the Quarterly Review often play a three-way battle. It's just that in other places except for newspapers, as long as the wind falls, it will be out. ”

Mill keenly captured the meaning of Arthur's words: "Are you saying that the Whigs will replace you as soon as they come to power?" It can't be, right? Didn't you do a great job at Scotland Yard? ”

Hearing this, Robak couldn't help but wave his hand and said, "John, you have only been empty in the East India Company in the past few years, and you really haven't made any progress in practice. Have you forgotten? Revise the Bloody Act, Robert Peele, Arthur must have been labeled as a Pearce.

It's the same as the reorganization of the board of directors of your East India Company, and each time you reorganize you have to replace a number of senior civil servants of the company. Arthur's position at Scotland Yard is not low, and if there is a Home Secretary who does not deal with Peel, then it is reasonable to replace him. ”

Hearing this, Mill muttered as he bit the finger that was stuffed into his mouth, "This is not going to work, it is not in the public interest to replace an outstanding police officer like Arthur." Factional warfare is a fucking thing, can't they just focus on their work? ”

Roebuck leaned back in his chair and pondered a solution: "John, why don't you contact Mr. Suthern, the editor of the Westminster Review?" He should have the contact information of quite a few Whig candidates. ”

When Mill heard this, he couldn't help but scold: "Robuck, you don't know, now the editor is not Suthern, but Pauling." It was also the last time I wrote for the Westminster Review.

My father and I had a complete falling out with the newsroom, and you don't know that that that bastard Pauling actually secretly sold the distribution rights of the newspaper without us knowing.

We all know that it is very difficult for a newspaper to run a business, so we hardly pay for it from the newspaper, but I can't forgive him for doing such a thing in my life! My depression also has a lot to do with this, he ruined my ideals! ”

When Roebuck heard this, he couldn't help but cover his forehead: "Then this will be difficult...... University of London ...... This school brand is not well received......"

"University of London, University of London...... That's right! Mill's eyes lit up suddenly, and he took the case.

He put away his coat on the chair and said to Arthur, "Don't worry, Arthur, I'm going to York this afternoon, and you're waiting for my good news." ”

With that, Mill hurried out of the café door.

Arthur looked at his figure as he quickly disappeared into the street, and asked Robuck, "What is he doing here?" ”

Roebuck was also confused by him: "I don't know! ”

Only Elder laughed twice: "You don't understand this? ”

"You understand, don't you say that quickly?"

Elder took a sip of his coffee cup, he put it down, and said lightly, "Sorry, trade secrets." ”

(End of chapter)