I am a seed.

I transplanted myself into the city.

I would say, I am a mature seed. My maturation was done before the age of twelve. I'll also tell you that I'm a person with a background. I have many teachers, and every grass in my hometown is my teacher...... By the time I was twelve, I had read 3,000 faces, eaten all kinds of plants growing in the fields, and seen all kinds of life and death. Every day of life since then has been a process. The process is unsurpassable.

I was carrying 5,798 acres of land (without a homestead), nearly 6,000 eyes (three or five were blind or half-blind, but they all looked at me), and nearly 3,000 mouths that could not hold the door (sometimes, they could say the dead alive and the living dead), and their spittle stars could drown people.

The reason why I exhibit myself is to let you know that people are different from people in this world. Everyone has a background. A person's childhood, or background, can affect a person's life. For example, in my subconscious, the phone ringing is as abrupt as the dog bite. Now, though, it's different. Dogs are also coming to the city.

In my first ten years in the city, if you ask me what I was most afraid of, I tell you, what I was most afraid of was the ringing of the phone. Every time the phone rings, it makes my heart skip a beat! Sometimes, I feel like I'm a wedge again.

A willow wedge forced into the city.

Even though I was covered in buds, I didn't know if I would be able to take root on the concrete floor and grow into a tree. Because, the hometown parents are still waiting for the shade I planted.

Thirty years ago, when I came to the provincial capital with my luggage on my back, I got off the train and it was already dusk. The eyes are full of lights. The lamps are like chrysanthemums, one by one, but none of them are mine. But my heart is still full of warmth, because I am a person with a "unit". At that time, I walked along the asphalt road, the buses passed me one by one, the bicycle bells rang in a string, and the flow of people was surging like a tide, and I knew that they were all people with directions, people going home. I also have a direction, and the unit is my direction. I'm not in a hurry, I didn't get on the bus. It's not about money (at that time, a bus stop was five cents, three stops were a dime), I wanted to measure the city with my footsteps, and I was likely to put down roots here.

Whenever I walk through an intersection or two, I see a bus sign. At that time, the street sign was very simple, an iron pole painted with blue and white paint, and an iron sign painted with red paint hung on the pole, there were many signs, and there was a sign for the car all the way. The signs show the names of the stations leading to each station...... The street sign is intimate. I'm going to be from this city from now on.

To put it mildly, initially, I walked on the asphalt road in the provincial capital as if I was walking on the red carpet, and I was very happy. There are street lamps on both sides of the road, and the light is colorful, and this is my future. The surrounding bicycle bells are also very pleasant, and the "boom" after the bus brakes is very warm and vivid...... I really want to say hello to this city, and say: Your uncle, I'm here.

I asked as I walked, and after walking for an hour and forty-six minutes, when I touched the unit, I suddenly lost my "direction". At the entrance of the college, the old man in the communication room told me: I am off work. Come back tomorrow. I said I was here to report for duty. The old man said, "I know you're here to report." The people in the HR department are off work. You come tomorrow, tomorrow at eight o'clock in the morning...... I stood there, hesitating for a long time, I didn't know where to go.

I'm a little blindsided. I walked aimlessly down the streets, thinking, where am I going? I didn't even know I was hungry. I was just wondering, is it better to go to the train station and squat for the night? Although I had 126 dollars and 6 cents in my pocket at that time (which I had saved from graduate school), I didn't expect to stay in a hotel. I didn't have the consciousness to stay in a hotel at all. Besides, at that time, the identity card system was not yet in place, and it was necessary to prove it when staying in a hotel. I couldn't prove my identity until I checked in. That is to say, I am now a person with no identity. I have nowhere to go.

As I walked along, a thought popped into my head: rape! I clung to the thought, and thought it over and over again: rape. Rapeseed. Rapeseed.

Rape is a person's childhood nickname. He is also a native of Wuliang Village, the son of Wu Laogen's family, and his big name is Wu Youcai. Wu Youcai served as an engineer in the army for three years, and after being demobilized, he transferred to a construction company in Yingping City as a construction worker. I remember meeting him when he returned to his hometown in the summer, he was wearing a "really good" short-sleeved shirt, wearing a watch on his hand, and proudly said: "Our construction site has moved to the province." Build a building in the provincial city, and build a certain street on a certain road...... Go, all of you, and find me then! I know, that's what he said. He knew that the people in the village did not have a chance to go to the provincial capital, so he said this. It's called "Clever Guest Encountering Hot Sticky Skin", and I really came.

After I meditated, I finally thought of such a fellow countryman, who has a "relationship" that is not connected with each other. But what road and what street? I can't remember.

It was winter, walking and walking, and it started to snow, light snow. The city is lit up at night, and the warmth is colorful and different. The coldest part of the city is that people can see the difference.

On a snowy night, I walked down the road. At that time, sheepskin clothing was just fashionable in the city, and all kinds of sheepskins were displayed in the windows of department stores; Walking on the streets is also sheepskin, in camel, blue, red and black sheepskins...... Once the sheepskin coat is worn on a woman's body, the belt is tied, the waist is thin, and the buttocks are twisted and twisted, showing the fat buttocks. There was a very fashionable rhythm of "Bang'er, Bang'er" on the road, a mellow and full rhythm, a rhythm that made people's hearts ripple (later, when I put on a sheepskin coat, no one in the city wore sheepskin anymore, it was outdated, and it became the dress of the escort lady). At that time, my eyes were trained in frugality in the countryside, and I did not dare to look around.

The road of the provincial capital is divided into longitude and latitude, I went from Jingyi Road all the way to Jingshi Road, and then turned from Weijiu Road to Weiyi Road, Heping Road, Wenhua Road, Yellow River Road, Agricultural Road, Jingguang Road...... The night was getting deeper and the sky was filled with snowflakes. The snowflakes on the illuminated night are like a pink mantle, sprinkling with grace and poetry to the rhythm of the sheepskins. But I, walking and walking, smelled a smell of mint.

There are needles in the light, there are mints, a trace of silk. Everywhere I went, I could smell a mint smell coming from the light. My legs were heavy and getting heavier. But my mind didn't stop spinning for a moment, just like looking for a needle in a haystack, I first used the "associative memory method", and then used the "elimination memory method", "homophonic memory method", and even "rape memory method...... Rape, which street are you on?

The big mouth of the rape came to my mind again and again. I saw Rape waving his hand, and the sign on his wrist was shining, and he said, "Shanghai is all steel shockproof." "That's what was fashionable in that period for construction workers. This is the difference between the city and the countryside of that period: light and dog bite, fur blue cloth and indeed good. He was waving to me in a "really good" and "Shanghai all-steel shockproof" watch...... When I was tired from walking, I leaned against the telephone pole many times, leaning on a piece of coldness, and carefully surveyed the city. Will it belong to me?

For a moment, I thought I remembered, it seemed to be Songshan Road, so I asked Songshan Road; When I walked to Songshan Road, I felt that what he said seemed to be Hengshan Road, and then it was Xiangshan Road, Huangshan Road, Yushu Street, Chunshu Street, Gulou Street, and Qingxu Street...... On the side of the street, the lights in the buildings are turned off, and only the street lights are on. I'm still walking, very mechanically. I really don't want to go, I'm tired, it's not exhaustion, it's numbness. I said to myself, one more way, only one. If I can't find it, I'll turn around and go back...... I kept saying to myself, go back to the station, just go back to the train station and squat for the night. But I'm still unwilling, why am I so stupid?

I walked through the streets of the provincial capital, breathing in the cold air, as if I was walking on a wasteland, full of desolation and desolation. The roadside mall is closed, and there is not even a place to borrow your feet to keep warm. The road is strange, and all the faces are strange. I'm looking for a hint of warmth. That's a little guy named Rape, where are you?

After that I asked myself, why are you doing this? You've walked almost a night, half the city, obsessively looking for a guy named Rape? Why are you so stupid, why don't you find a small hotel to stay in first? You can also make a phone call and find out your former college classmates. But you don't even have the idea of making a phone call, you don't have a "phone awareness". Later I realized: it wasn't me walking, it was my background and my hometown pushing me away. I can't help but go. I'm not looking for someone, I'm looking for a shelter.

It was also a long time before I realized that in order to live smoothly in the city, you must have three elements: identity, unit, and relationship. All three are indispensable. If you don't have an "identity", you don't have a "unit", and you don't have a "relationship", then you become a drifter. The city is like a maze, and danger is always in place. Merchants were the first to understand this. As early as hundreds of years ago, shrewd Jin merchants built "Shanxi guild halls" in various places, which may be the result of their many painful lessons. Even today, when transportation and communication are so developed, many offices have been built in the capital Beijing, which is actually a "relationship office" and a stronghold for convenience.

I know that in the newspapers, people are against pulling "relations". Don't you know that "relationship" is the soil on which people live, and people are the most inseparable from "relationship". Especially in the spiritual world, people live by "relationships". Marx once said: Man is the sum total of social relations. As a result, all opponents are against others, not themselves. No one is against themselves. I was lucky that at 2:27 a.m., I finally found the "relationship".

I found rape on a construction site. He is "talented", not "rape". For the sake of his decency, I can't call him by his nickname anymore. The old man who was guarding the construction site told me: Yes. There is such a person.

Wu Youcai, a construction worker, sleeps in a rough house in a seven-story building under construction (no doors and windows have yet to be installed). When he jumped off the bed in his pants and stood naked in front of the bed, his eyes were like cow eggs, his mouth was open like a dustpan, and his two hands were trembling, as if he was holding two fans in winter, and he never imagined that someone would come to him at this time!

Rape is stupid.

Wu Youcai hugged his two arms and said with a cold sizzle: Lost, is it lost (my childhood nickname)? You, you, you...... How did it come? I said, the old man who looked at the construction site was good, and said that you were on the seventh floor. He said: It's Lao Zhu, right? Master Zhu, fellow countryman, from a county. As he spoke, he hurriedly put on his clothes and looked at the watch on his wrist: "Fuck, it's half past two." Why did you touch it at this time? Not yet, what's that...... Right? As he spoke, he subconsciously glanced at the wall that had not yet been painted, and there was a nail wedged on the wall, and a bag hung from the nail, and his dishes and chopsticks were in the bag. I said, what time is it, I've already eaten it. It's not easy to find you, I'm almost exhausted. Didn't you say, let me come to the provincial city to find you? He heard me say that he had eaten, and his heart was in the belly of the dog. Yes, yes. Why didn't you come earlier? I said, I'm here to report and I'm late...... He looked at me and said repeatedly: Go to bed first, it's almost three o'clock, hurry up and go to sleep. As he spoke, he pointed to a bed opposite him and said, "Here, sleep here." This dog's day off is home.

At this time, I suddenly relaxed, and my whole body felt like I was falling apart. I lay down on the "dog's day" bed, which was covered with fresh grain grass and freshly washed sheets, so soft! The quilt is also thick, warm and warm! That's nice. I was so tired, I wanted to sleep so much, my eyelids seemed to be sticky. But I have to speak, I have to speak, and that's the price.

The two of us were lying on the bed, talking about our hometown and our own hearts. In order to catch his thoughtful words, I bracketed my eyelids with my heart and tried my best to maintain the last trace of sobriety so that I could pick up his words. The rape is like a mess of threads, tangled in all directions, as if there is no head forever. I said in my heart: Rape, you spare me, let me sleep.

He babbled and said: Lost, graduated? I said I graduated. He said: What kind of graduate student? I said yes. He said, "Is the province coming?" I said yes. He said: From now on, you will be a state cadre? I say...... Yes. He said, "Good boy, university teacher? I say...... Yes. He sat up suddenly, with a quilt on his body, his legs crossed, and said: Lost, I almost became an air force. Air Force pilots. I said, yes...... Is it? He said, "Don't lie to you, lose it." I have ringworm on my body. If it weren't for the ringworm on my body, if my mother had treated me with a home remedy earlier, I would have been a pilot. I said, "Yes, you're in heaven." He said: At the beginning, the second aunt told me a matchmaker, but the rabbit family still didn't look down on me. Now, she's a piece of ass...... Lost, Lao Cai's dog's day is still in front of the branch secretary? His third daughter is really not like his own child, watery, and porcelain...... I'm hmmmmmm......mm The bed was warm and so comfortable!

The next morning, Rape invited me to a big meal: soy milk, baked cakes, fried dough sticks, spicy soup, and pickles. After that, I officially went to the academy to report to the school...... After registering, I was finally assigned a bed in the provincial capital.

A house for three people with a bed for me.

Every city has its smell and characteristics.

Do you smell the city? Is there a little sand in the wind and air? There's sand.

This is a city adjacent to the Yellow River, and the historical memory of the Yellow River is contained in the smell of sand. Over time, the sand has been ground into flour, and the particles are very small, but it still tastes like sand. A little sour, a little astringent, a little watery, a little sweet, a little salty. It is also a "crossroads", a crossroads of a nation. There are railway lines and airplane routes that run from east to west, north and south. Earlier, it also had two waterways, Huang and Huai...... Links. You see, this city on the plains is a "crossroads" where people come and go. Although it is a "crossroads", its history is very thick, so thick that it is indescribable. Let's just talk about the crossroads, and the crossroads are full of people walking from south to north. It's a place where memories are forgotten, and it's also a place where you love the new and hate the old. Its business atmosphere is contained in the cracks of the bones, bullying and fearing life, it is the kind of style that is easy to do at one time and do not return customers. But once it stays for a long time, it is tolerant, conservative, affectionate and righteous.

I have carefully studied this city on the plains, although it has developed transportation, but it is located in the hinterland of the Central Plains, and its pace of life is naturally slightly slower than that of the first-tier big cities, half a beat slower. When the pace of life is slow, there will be more human contacts, and the personnel relationship will be relatively more complicated. The personnel relationship here is made up of individual "units". Units and units intersect and radiate to each other, level by level, and become a network composed of people and units, people and families, buildings, and streets. In the daytime, the "unit" is the soul, and people live in one unit at a time; At night, the light is the soul. The lights gather popularity and give people direction. If there were no lights, the city would be dead. I'm glad that I'm a person with a unit.

When I first entered the provincial capital, I used to ask many people: Do I have words engraved on my face?

Colleagues laughed and said, no. No. But why did even the vendors who sold breakfast look at me like that, saying that they were new? How am I new? Why can't I be from the city? I'm a teacher at the academy now. I've already registered for a hukou, changed relationships, and have a unit, so what's the matter?

On the fifth day after I registered, I went to the college's electrician's office to borrow a pair of pliers. I live very close to the boiler room of the electrician's room, which is buzzing and noisy all day long. I want to fix the window that croaks when the wind blows, so I can borrow a pair of pliers nearby. Who knew that the master of the electrician's workshop looked at me and said, "Who are you?" I said I was a teacher at this college. He said coldly: New here, right? I said, "Yes." He immediately said, "No." Actually, I saw the pliers, and they were stuck in the electrician's bag on the wall...... I was careful and said, "Master, I'll use it and I'll send it to you in a while." He lowered his head, didn't look at me, and still said stiffly: No. Do not borrow. The day before yesterday, I saw him nodding to a small clerk in charge of logistics in the office, and trotted to change the light bulbs for others...... I was immediately furious, isn't this bullying? I turned around and left, and went to the store and bought one for three dollars and five cents...... Not for pliers, for dignity.

When I first arrived, I had a one-year internship as a teaching assistant in the department. I have a good attitude: I am the first to come to work, fetch water, sweep the floor and wipe the table; The last one to leave work. When I saw someone, I nodded and smiled respectfully at the elder...... Walking on the road of the college, an old professor suddenly turned his head and said to me: Xiaodouzi, my cardboard box...... Oh, the new kid? I was frustrated. How did I become a "little bean"? How am I new? Am I black? I went back to my room and looked in the mirror, did I look like a new kid? Where am I "new"?

I'll admit that I'm a wolf. I have a "wolf nature" in my heart. I am a wolf trying to put on "sheep's clothing". I slipped into the city, but I had to be careful to get out of the "sheep" posture in the city. I said that, and when I saw people, I nodded and smiled. But the nod has to be moderate. I know that those who do learning are "hedgehogs", and they must have a sense of distance. Don't be too close, too stammering, can't salivate and smile at people, but don't seem to be like a little bit, just like seeing an old acquaintance, shallow, kind and not annoying. You have to practice this.

My sensitivity is innate, and it is fed by whole grains and 100 family milk in the field. In order to fit in with the city, I began to constantly revise myself. I found that I was walking faster than the average person, and I was in a hurry, which may be a sign of the immaturity of the "new". I had to slow down and make a sense of calmness. You can't be too slow, too slow will appear hesitant, and the gate guard at the gate will immediately stop you and ask: Who are you looking for? I still have to have two books in my armpits, and my eyes look straight ahead, as if I don't seem to be looking, that's right. I've been practicing this way of moving neither fast nor slow for a while. In the evenings, I walked around the campus alone, and I wanted to get out of a sense of calmness......

Before I can officially become a "wolf" in sheep's clothing, I also need a modest "package". At that time, "packaging" was a new word, and no one used it yet. I was the first to discover it in my life practice. So, after getting paid, I added a few clothes to myself, which I bought at the wholesale market near the train station, mostly imitation brand-name brands. No one can see this. In this way, I walked in the academy and walked on the street, and I felt much more comfortable. No one said I was new anymore. Although, in the city, I only have one bed.

I started reading a lot, and I spent all my leisure time in the library. The 80s was an era of reading, and I read all the new books at home and abroad. From history to literature, philosophy, psychology, all the way to biographies of celebrities from all over the world; From Hegel to Shakespeare, from Hitler to Nixon, from Pompidou to Kakuei Tanaka, I caught whoever read whom, and took notes as I read it...... That's my weapon. I know that in college, it is very difficult for an uneducated person to get along. I also know that against the people of the city, there must be new words on the tongue.

There is an I-shaped building behind the college, also called Chaoyang House. The I-shaped building sits in the north and faces south, and the lighting is very good. The upper side is the antique tube tile with eaves, the lower side is the antique red wall, there are Chinese and Western columns in front of the corridor, the corridor is paved with mahogany floor, the simplicity is full of luxury, it looks thick and solemn. There are also two geometric flower beds in front, there is a row of lilac trees, and the vermilion wall is covered with red leaves. From time to time, a little nanny wearing red plastic slippers walked out of the corridor with a basket for grocery shopping...... That's what I'm fighting for.

Here's my chance. An associate professor suddenly fell ill in the middle of a class. As a "substitute" for the temporary rescue, I was urgently approached by the head of the department and asked me to teach him a lesson. What do I ask? The head of the department said: Lao Zhou's handouts are on the table, you can replace them. Lao Wei, the head of the department, told me very knowingly that this class of students has a thin foundation, so you just have to let it go...... So, I just "hurriedly" onto the podium.

To be honest, I'm not in a hurry, I'm prepared.

Unexpectedly, my first lesson was in the largest trapezoidal classroom in the college. It was a big class, and I went into the classroom with my notebook. There were about three or four hundred students in the classroom, and at first they were shouting and shouting...... Now, I've forgotten what I was talking about. At first, I was a little panicked when I saw so many people. But I remembered a sentence, what Cai Guoyin, the secretary of the brigade in my childhood, said. He said, ball, once you stand on the stage, all the cabbage under the stage is cabbage, and the cabbage is fluttering all over the place! I came out of my mind, I was teaching to a cabbage on the ground...... Before entering the classroom, I secretly flipped through Lao Zhou's lecture notes in the teaching and research room. Lao Zhou is fifty-nine years old, and he talks about some old-fashioned things before "**". And I'm talking about new things. I impassionedly taught the students a lesson!

Standing on the podium of the trapezoidal classroom, after three seconds of silence, I wrote three big characters on the blackboard: Wu Zhipeng. It's my own name. I know they don't know. I think from now on, they will know each other. This is what my childhood teacher, Mr. Slow Poison, told me. I said, "Students, do you know what Marx and Engels said in 1848 when they were writing the Communist Manifesto in Brussels, Belgium...... Do you know what was the most famous quote from U.S. President Abraham Lincoln's "Gettysburg Address" during the Civil War...... During World War II, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill made the most famous statement in his extemporaneous speech when he appeared in the House of Commons in 1940 as Prime Minister, do you know? (I said to myself, cabbage, I'm going to have to scare you first.) ）…… So, I let go of my throat and talked until the bell rang for the end of class, and my classmates were still sitting in the classroom with their eyes open...... This was followed by thunderous applause.

At the end of class, all of a sudden the students came up. Female classmates took out their notebooks and asked me questions. They called sweetly one by one: Teacher Wu! Mr. Wu! Mr. Wu, can I ask you a question...... To be honest, at this time my thief heart slipped out quietly, and I looked at these female college students seemingly casually but very keenly, my "third eye" was looking for and scanning the most beautiful girl in the crowd, duck egg face? Appleface? Caged smoke eyebrows? Willow eyebrows? If it were possible, I would...... But I have to be reserved. I admonished myself: be reserved.

I will never forget that day.

It was May 27th. May 27, 1983, was also the seventh day after class. Three "sevens", so I remembered. That afternoon, a female student came to my dormitory. Her knock on the door was very graceful and elastic, like a telegram, "click, click", two verses, a total of four knocks. When I opened the door, a scent of sunlight poured in. It's not the scent of cosmetics, it's the smell of a woman's flesh with the summer sun, fresh, vivid, sweet. She stood there with her back to the sun, shining gold. She wore a red short-sleeved dress, and the skin on her arms shone like ivory. She stood quietly in front of the door, and on her, the sunlight flowed, like a golden liquid plated with sunlight, shining around a beautiful living woman. According to the current parlance, a woman with a posture and a style. I feel like even the sunshine is drunk. Yes, there is light and smell first, and then there is the living color. That breath tells me exactly that it's a ripe breath that can light up the whole world. It's like a cherry, sunny, bright. It's like grapes, Turpan's, crystal clear, ripe jade. So, what does a woman look like when she is ripe, it is almost a geometric fruit...... At this moment, I really understood the four words made by the ancients: fluffy and shining. I see, it's for women, and only women can light up a room.

She said, "Mr. Wu, I am from the Department of Foreign Languages, and I have listened to your class.

It was like I had been beaten with a stick, and before my mind could turn back, I let out two "oh, oh."

She said, "I'm sorry to bother you, right?"

I said, "Oh...... Then he hurriedly corrected it: No, no, no.

She smiled. Her smile is like "three knives made of honey", which is one of my favorite snacks in my childhood. She heard my confusion. Her eyelashes were long and her eyes were large, like those of a deer. The mouth is also large, the lips are fleshy, red and fresh, the teeth are very white, the smile is on the corners of the mouth, the tip of the nose is shining with fine beads of sweat, everything is bright, full of juice, full of charm and taste, as if it can overflow at any time. That's nice! The cherries are ripe, so good!

I'll admit it, I tried my best to hide it so that my eyes didn't pop out of my eyes. But I still couldn't suppress the desire in my heart, a strong desire to touch her. The white skin was like silk, like a liquid flowing with light...... In a trance, I heard her say: My surname is "mei", and my name is "mei cu."

”。

I said, "Is it beautiful beauty?"

She said: It's the plum of the plum blossom.

I immediately said: this surname is not much. Which one? Is it the descendant of the Shang King, or the descendant of the Eight Banners?

She looked at me with wide eyes, looked at me in surprise, smiled, and said: I can't tell...... I am from the Northeast, Manchu.

To be honest, I was drunk. I don't know if you've ever been drunk? I know there are people who get drunk. There are smokers and drunk. There are people who eat meat and get drunk...... But that's not what I'm talking about. I'll be honest, I'm watching women get drunk. Maybe you don't believe me, but I'm drunk. Perhaps, I have endured it for too long, and I am fascinated by the vividness, by the beauty of women. I was drunk for seven days in a row, and it took me seven days before I came to my senses.

That afternoon, I just felt that my Heavenly Spirit Cover was sizzling cold air, and it was a feeling of gathering all my energy and rushing forward...... Now, I have forgotten what I told her. But I know I'm drunk.

Everyone gets drunk sometimes, but they get drunk in different ways. You can't imagine me acting when I'm drunk. I ran on the playground for seven days like crazy...... Plum Village, her name is Plum Village. I live in the front row of the girls' dormitory, facing the college's large playground. I made an exception and bought myself a red sweatshirt, put it on my body, and went to the playground like a fuzzy man. Every morning and evening, I go for a run on the big playground, and the rest of the time I prepare for the "run". For seven days, I was dizzy all day, walking one foot deep and one foot shallow, but I kept running and running. In the morning, when the morning bell rang, I bypassed the electrician's room, bypassed the student dormitory, and rushed to the playground in a hurry, just to catch a glimpse of her! In the evening, before the lights out, I was still running on the playground just to catch a glimpse of her!

Oh my God, I've only seen her three times.

There is a washstand next to the playground, and a row of running water pipes are installed on the cement platform, which is used by students to wash. The first time, in the morning, I saw her just get up, come out of the bedroom with a washbasin, her hair tied in a simple ponytail, and stand in front of the cement table to wash. I controlled the speed of my run, and at the moment when she raised her face, I ran near the cement platform, and I raised my hand and greeted her very reservedly: Good morning. She looked at me, smiled, and said, "Teacher Wu, what about running?" I said, "Oh, exercise...... Then, I beckoned, and I ran slowly. At that time, she still had water droplets on her face, a begonia red after sleeping, and a begonia red with crystal water droplets, and her smile was engraved in my heart. The second time I saw her, it was at night. All I saw was a silhouette of her, a hazy silhouette: it was a jade tree in the wind, a lotus flower in summer, and a ripe begonia in autumn, although I was far away, I was already very satisfied...... When I was running on the playground, I was groggy and like I had fallen into an evil spirit, and my eyes were full of her shadow. The third time, at dusk, outside the lecture hall, she stood on the steps and smiled at me, and a beam of light struck me like a torn brocade and an arrow...... I love her so much that I almost go crazy! One night, in the middle of the night, I couldn't hold back anymore, so I rushed to the door of her bedroom and knocked on the door a few times...... But at the last moment, a "Who?" "Woke me up! My heart was pounding, and I turned around and ran, like a rabbit. I heard my footsteps like firecrackers, and my heartbeat like a rat stealing lamp oil, and I was scared away! When I ran into the poplar grove on the south side of the playground in one go, and felt safe, I gasped for breath and cursed myself in the most vicious language...... Scolding is scolding, but I still don't die, I ran on the playground all night, and shouted her name loudly in my heart while running: Plum Village! Plum Village! Plum Village!

If it were a different person, it would probably be crazy. But I'm not crazy.

I ask, can you resist this temptation? Who can resist such a temptation?!

I'm telling you, I carried it.

Day eight, day eight after I came into contact with her, do you know what I found? I discovered my own poverty. Inside out, outright poor. I once went out of my way to lose my dignity and infiltrate a team that checked the hygiene of her dormitory, and entered her dormitory in the name of checking hygiene. She has four bunk bunk beds in her bedroom for a total of eight beds. Plum Village lives in a lower bunk in the back and a window position. I stood for less than ten seconds in front of her faintly scented bed (how I wanted to lie down), her bed covered with a plain blue and white checkered sheet, and a long towel sheet on the outer edge of the sheet; I saw a delicate leather case on the shelf at the head of her bed, made of cowhide. There were stacks of her clothes stacked on top of the box, and her clothes turned out to be a set! At the head of the bed, its quilt was neatly folded, and it turned out to be the kind of silk quilt that was very expensive and difficult to see in the mall at that time...... Under the bed was a pair of small T-shaped women's half-heeled leather shoes, which were also very expensive. In addition to textbooks and books, there are also "Popular Movies" and "Poetry Magazines" that individuals subscribe to at their own expense. This is still a girl who likes to eat snacks, and there are iron biscuit cones with colorful patterns on the windowsill, milk powder, white rabbit toffee, and small bottles such as Meganet white fungus pearl cream and shampoo...... It's all made in Shanghai. In the eighties, it was all high-end, the most expensive luxury. I also learned about her situation from the side, her family conditions are very good, she studies well in the class, she has a sense of superiority, and she is still the only student in their class who goes to school with a salary. When I saw this, my heart beat a drum: Oh my God, is this the woman I can afford?

To be honest, she scared the hell out of me. I know that in the city, chasing a woman you like costs money. I'm a teaching assistant who hasn't been rated for a job title, and I only earn 52 yuan a month. Why should I?

After a night of painful thinking, I asked myself repeatedly: Do you want to be Cai Guoyin? Or do you want to be Wu Chuncai? When I think of my old uncle, I think of Liang Wufang, and "Eight Steps to Break My Intestines"...... I shudder! That's it, that's it. Since you want to be a city person, since you like her so much, since you want to occupy this city, you have to have a long-term hunting plan - "wolf plan". Take your time, don't rush it.

But, anyway, I already had my first goal in life: I wanted to catch up with this woman. I'm going to marry a beautiful city woman to be my wife. Once again, I admonish myself: be reserved. There are steps. Be patient.

After that, I started to implement my "wolf plan". I have to have a thesis, and I have to rate the lecturer first. After that, there must be a book, and only with the book can the title of professor be evaluated, which will take time...... I don't go to the playground anymore for a run. Every minute of time is precious to me, and I have to open every pore to absorb and digest the square words created by the ancients...... Then the pupa turns into a butterfly. I had to grind myself into an awl and nailed it tenaciously to a point. I've got to have a bow and fill myself up before I can shoot that arrow!" Whenever I see Plum Village, I turn my back on it and walk away as quickly as I can. I bit my tongue and my heart, and my teeth were as tough as nails...... I had to hold myself and stand firm.

I would say that if it weren't for those horrible ringing phones, I would have married a beautiful schoolgirl at this school. After that, wearing gold-rimmed glasses and a camel-colored cashmere scarf (my childhood dream), he walked down the steps of lecturer, associate professor, professor, master's supervisor, and doctoral supervisor, and became a famous scholar.

But the phone rang.

The first call I received was inexplicable.

On the phone, an old man came up and said...... Lost, I'm your uncle.

I was furious! I said in my heart: I am your grandmother. Who are you? At this time, a woman's voice appeared next to the phone and said: Call me to say, tell me to talk to him.

Then I was dumb. I can't say a word, I just have a "hmm". It's a woman from the Guosheng family who called, and I should call her the third aunt according to my generation. I ate her milk when I was a child, and she had a mole on her milk...... I said, "Third aunt, you ...... She said: Lose, lose, your third aunt has never opened her mouth with you. I said, "Say it." Third aunt, you say. She said: My nephew, my own nephew, my mother's brother's child, has been admitted to university. You're in the province, you have to be recorded! I said: Third aunt, how much did he score? Which school are you applying for? Is it the first choice...... She said, "Well, lose it." Let your uncle tell you. My own brother. Your uncle, let him speak......

Down, I don't have anything to say. I can't tell her that in the provincial capital, I'm nothing, I'm just a teaching assistant, I only have a bed...... I can't tell. All I can say is, okay, I'll ask you about it. The third aunt finally advised: You should spend money, you should give gifts, and I will pay you back when the time comes.

That's a big deal. In the hungry years, I ate people's milk, and I couldn't help but ask. But who do I ask? I first looked for the head of the department, and Director Wei said: You go to the recruitment office of the hospital to ask. The people recruited by the hospital are familiar with the people recruited by the province. I said, "I don't know any of the recruiters, who are I looking for?" The director looked at me and saw that my face was red...... At this time, he said: You go to Director He, who is recruited by the hospital, and I will give him a call. In that summer, in order to find this Director He, I made 18 trips to the admissions office of the college in three days. I remember that Director He of this recruitment was a pockmark, and there were a lot of pockmarks, so he hid...... So, I used the thin paper-thin relationships I had just built up with a smile at the academy, and I even went to my students with some backgrounds in the provincial capital...... In short, I inquired and asked, and finally found out the scores of the third aunt's relatives and "uncle's children".

His score was three hundred and eighty-seven. That year, the national unified enrollment admission score was 388 points, and he was one point behind. One point short of hopelessness.

I was feeling sorry for him when the phone rang again. The call came from the third aunt, and the third aunt said: Lost, what's the matter? Your uncle's child, it's done, right? I said, "No." He was one point short. She said: How much? I said, "Three hundred and eighty-seven, one point short." She said, "Hey, isn't it just a point?" Tell me, I've recorded it. I was startled and said, "Third aunt, it's not up to me to have the final say." There is a certain score line in the whole country, and no one can do it...... The third aunt said: Lost, aren't you in the province? I said, "I, I...... The third aunt said: Lose, I'll beg you this time. Kid, did you do it? Back then, you even ate and bitten the nipples, and I was bitten by the nipples, and I didn't get a penny from your milk...... (Don't worry, tell me to tell him.) Lost, Ming'er, I'll take your brother to you. When the sky falls, you'll have to do it for me!

That night, I gritted my teeth, carried two bottles of wine and two cigarettes, and went to give gifts to Director He. I want to ask Director He, who is recruiting, to help me find a way to record the "uncle's child", which can be regarded as a thing I have done for the people in the village. That night, I first reconnoitred the route, and then found Room 302 on the third floor of Unit 6, Building 2, Family Courtyard of the Civil Affairs Department (it is said that Director He's sister-in-law works in the Civil Affairs Department, and there is an empty house here, and he hid here). There was a light in the house, which meant I was in the right place. That was the first time I went to give gifts to people alone, I had no experience, I had a rabbit in my heart, and I was always afraid of being bumped into. I stood in the hallway for a long time, three times up and three times, and whenever I mustered up the courage to go up and knock on the door, someone always came down from the upper floor...... In the dark, I found that there were a lot of people who found this place, and they were all people with "doorways". I was hiding behind the stairs when I heard a man and a woman coming down from the stairs, and the woman said, "Is a thousand enough?" Less, not less? The man said, "Enough, enough." There are strips of the director, and they are all acquaintances. It was dark in the hallway, and I saw people coming down from the top one by one, and I couldn't see their faces clearly, but I knew they were just like me...... When everyone was gone, I went up.

When I knocked on the door, Director He was stunned, he looked at me and said, "Wu Zhipeng, how did you find here?" Director He is not simple. There are a lot of pockmarks. The academy is so big and there are so many people, he and I have only taken a few photos, and he can actually remember my name?! I was a little excited, and I said, "Director He...... Director He shook his head, didn't allow me to continue, stretched out his hand, and said reluctantly: Come in. Come in and say. I just slid through the door. After entering the door, Director He saw what I was carrying...... Director He said: Wu Zhipeng, you did well in class. How can you learn this too? I said, "Director He, a child from my hometown...... Before I could finish speaking, Director He smiled, and Director He was "starry". Director He shook his head again, as if he understood and was helpless. He subconsciously pulled his hair a few times, his hair was really not much, and the lock in front of him was glued to the door of his head with hairspray, which looked very funny. After Director He symbolically brushed his hair, he said lightly: Sit, sit. Nervously, I sat down on the couch and placed the gift in my hand on the coffee table.

Unexpectedly, all of a sudden, his attitude changed. Director He looked at me and said very seriously: Xiao Wu, it's not me who criticizes you. You're young, you shouldn't. How did you...... Yes? As he spoke, he smacked his tongue disdainfully: I tell you, I don't eat this set. Take things away. When something is said, something must be taken away...... With just a few words, he sent me away. I know, it's my shabby cigarettes and alcohol (not the best. I don't have the money to buy the best), and the people are shabby. I don't have a note written by so-and-so leader in my hand.

I cried. My heart cried. I don't know what to say to my third aunt......

After that, there were more calls, and there were calls every once in a while. The woman of the Baoxiang family cried on the phone...... Lost, the sky is falling! I said, "Auntie, don't worry, why did the sky collapse?" She said: Your uncle's farm truck hit someone in Luohe, and the police over there detained it. This car was bought by six families, your fourth aunt, fifth aunt, sixth aunt, and Chun Chengjia...... You can make a phone call and ask the police station to let the car go. I said, "Auntie, this, this...... She said, "Aren't you in the province?" You just make a phone call, and things will be done? I said, "I, I...... Grandma Ju'er's voice trembled and said on the phone: Lost, what a bully! Don't let people live! Your seventh uncle has been a civil teacher for 16 years, and this time he will be laid off...... It's all because we don't have anybody! Lose, you are a big cadre in the province, you can make a phone call and tell the county. You can't lay off your seventh uncle if you say anything, your seventh uncle hasn't eaten for a few days, and he's looking for death and life, what can he do...... The woman of the Hailin family said on the phone...... Lose, you poor girl, do you still admit it? Do yourself a favor, your nephew is in for a bandit! You can't watch him go to jail, can you? Lose it, you save him, it's good to find him something to do in the province, it's nothing to you, just a matter of words......

My heart ached for a while, like it was roasting on a fire. I know I owe them, I owe them much, much more. I don't know what to say...... I said in my heart, "Why am I not the governor?" If I were the governor, I would do it all for them. I really want to be corrupt, but I don't have the conditions to be corrupt!

The 227th call I received was from the Dongcheng District Public Security Bureau. Answered the phone, and there was a man's voice inside: Your surname is Wu, right? I said yes. He said: Wu Zhipeng? I said yes. He said, "Take the money." Take the money to get people. I said, "What's wrong?" On the phone, he said: What's wrong? How did you become a brother? You don't know what your sister does? Take eight hundred dollars and lead someone. Go back and get a good education. I said, "Who are you?" I don't have a sister, why should I take 800 yuan? On the phone, he said: I'm from the branch office. One is named Cai Weixiang, do you know it? I hesitated for a moment and said, "Yes." What's wrong with her? He said, "What's the matter?" smashed someone's glass door in the footwashing room...... Do you get it? If you don't get it, you will send her to "re-education through labor." I said: Wait, you wait. Can you pay less...... On the phone, he said: What about you buy sweet potatoes? Still haggling? It's a fine! I said, "Well, where is the substation?" He said, "Where is the substation?" Where do you say it is? You won't ask! "Snap", the phone is gone.

Oh my God, I was only seventy-nine dollars a month at that time, and it turned out to be fifty-two dollars, the salary I just raised. His mouth is eight hundred, where can I make money? But she is the daughter of an old uncle, and I have been looking for her for more than two years, and I can't help it.

When I rode a bicycle to the Dongcheng District Public Security Bureau, my head was buzzing along the way, and people were like powder kegs, almost hitting people. I want to curse, I even want to kill! The little interpersonal relationships I had built up in the provincial capital had been exhausted in the process of begging people to do errands and borrowing money from everywhere. My colleagues hid when they saw me, for fear that I would borrow money from them. But I can't help it, I have to borrow ......

When I arrived at the substation, I was a university lecturer, but like my grandson, he nodded when he saw people, asked all the way, and finally asked the office of the public security brigade. A chubby policeman said to me: Are you Wu Zhipeng? I said yes, I was. He asked: Did you bring the money? I said I brought it. He said, "Isn't it your own sister?" I said, "Yes." A village. He groaned and said, "Wait." He took a few steps, then turned back and said, "This girl is a bandit." I caught her twice, and I didn't change it. If it weren't for the fact that she was pregnant, she would have been sent to "re-education through labor...... I looked at him in amazement: she ...... Pregnant?

When I saw Cai Weixiang, she was dressed so little, so little that people didn't dare to look at it. She was wearing a beige silk shirt with half of her tits exposed, beige silk shorts underneath, her hair was permed like a chicken nest, and a pair of red slippers were pulled on her feet. Even though it was summer, it rained all night last night, and she was probably frozen, hunched up, half-bent, and I almost didn't recognize her. In front of the police, she also complained: Brother, why did you come?

When I went out, I wanted to call my old uncle and have someone pick her up. But her eyes glared at me like an awl and said, "How much did you pay?" I said, "Eight hundred." She said, "Okay, I'll pay you back." But there is one thing, you are not allowed to tell my father. It is not allowed to say a word to the villagers. Otherwise, I will say that the child in my womb is yours, believe it or not...... I have nothing to say. Isn't this a female hooligan?

I said, "Xiang, I'll buy you a train ticket, let's go back."

She said, "I'm not going back." I will never go back without being a person.

I said, "Xiang, my old uncle is going crazy......

She said: Don't mention him. Don't mention my dad.

I said, "Then you, that's it......

She said, "Is it interesting for you to say that?" Get cheap and sell well. My dad gave you all the benefits. You've taken all the opportunities, what do you want to do?

I said, "I've heard that you've been arrested twice." You say you'......

She said, "Isn't your opportunity also a gift?" Sell everything for sale, I sell myself, and I don't sell you. What's the matter, you're worried about the money? I said, I'll pay you back.

I said, "I feel sorry for you."

She said, "Don't." Brother Di, you're a celebrity, I'm a slut. Go your own way.

This is the second time I've met her. After I was transferred to the provincial capital, the first time I entered the foot house in my life, it was she who washed my feet...... I know she hates me. She hated her father too. She is a seed of hatred. She has a lot of ants in her eyes. I've been familiar with ants since I was a child, and she has nests of ants in her eyes. The ant's light is black.

I said, "Your body......

She said, "Don't worry about it." I have a way.

I said, "Then you ......

She said, "You go yours." I'll go mine. Money, I'll pay you back. Remember, don't tell my dad. With that, she quickly disappeared into the crowd. I pushed my bike and stood stupidly on the side of the road.

I was on the verge of a breakdown.

The "burden" on my body is too heavy, and a beamless village is about to crush me. said that he has both monkey and tiger spirit. I'd love to be a fox. If only I were a fox, I would love to shake off the "baggage" lightly and stand on a high place to see the scenery. I want to say: I'm an orphan, what do I have to do with you? But I can't.

I'm scared to answer the phone. My scalp tingles when I hear the phone ringing! I never figured out who told the villagers the phone number of the unit. I used to suspect "rape". I scolded Wu Youcai countless times in my heart, didn't I just stay with you for one night? And thou didst confess to me...... But I also know that this has little to do with "rape". Since the separation, "rape" has never looked for me. I think I have become a "straw" in Wuliang Village, the only thing they can grasp...... Once they are in difficulty, they desperately hope to be sheltered by an "official." But I'm not an official.

For a while, I tried to be a fox. I would love to be a fox. I look down on myself, I despise myself, but I can't help but want to be a fox. Whenever there was a call to me, I would take a good tone and say a string of Beijing words into the phone: Hey, where are you? Who? Who to look for...... Oh, looking for the surname Wu? What, Kou Tianwu, he's not here, he's not there. Traveled...... When will you be back? It's hard to say...... Hey, who's going to look for? King, there is no surname king here. Wildly? No. There is no such person. Mistyped, you mistyped. This is the ...... Hey, who's that? Rabbit? Where are rabbits? Who is the Rabbit? You? Oh, you're looking for ...... Lose? Who lost something? Go to the police station and play the piano indiscriminately. Oh, looking for someone surnamed Wu, Koutian Wu, Wu Zhipeng, right? It seems like...... Yes, there is such a person. But he was gone. yes, yes. Gone, transferred...... Which unit to transfer? Then I don't know...... I even tried to hooligan a bit, and I said into the phone: Hey, who am I? I'm the State Department. State Council of the People's Republic of China. I'll transfer you 10,000 tons of wheat. Who are you...... I'm your uncle!

No one wants to live in guilt, and every time I look back after a phone call, tears fall from my heart. I saw the boundless fields, I saw the livestock shed in my hometown, and I saw the old cow staring at me and scolding me: Wu Zhipeng, you eat human milk and pull pig, donkey dung and eggs are light outside, you are really not human!

I dodged the phone as if I were hiding from the plague. Rogue is good, rogue is easy. As long as you don't think of yourself as a human being, all problems are solved. Dye it, dye it with ink. I jumped out, and as soon as my heart was inked, I jumped out. A few times, I played some pranks. Whenever the phone rings, anyone looking for me, I pick up the phone receiver, I resolutely don't speak human language, don't speak Chinese, I give him a grunt: fi

st，seco

d，thi

d，fou

th…… Listening to the voice two hundred miles away, it was like talking to the Lord of the Land. The mouth is full of tongues, making false tricks, and burning empty incense. In the countryside, only the land lord can be coaxed.

There are times when you can't hide from it. Once, a female colleague shouted at me to answer the phone, and I couldn't help but answer ...... But I regretted it when I took it. That call was from my old uncle, and I didn't dare to refuse. The old uncle said on the phone, lost, something happened. When I heard this, my heart jumped! I had the courage to ask, what happened? The old uncle said, your sixth aunt, that is, the woman of the Yin family, remember, you have eaten her milk. Her granddaughter, three years old, fell into the river and drowned last year. I snorted, I didn't dare to reply out loud...... The old uncle said, "Do you hear?" I said there was a murmur on the phone, listen, I listened. The old uncle said that fortunately, her daughter-in-law was pregnant again, that is, Kun gave birth to him, and secretly asked someone to let the county hospital check it, and it was still a "dragon and phoenix fetus". In any case, this is a sad and a joy, and I am relieved...... But at this moment, the old uncle said on the phone again that they were rushing to the provincial capital at this time...... Suddenly, my heart lifted again. My voice changed, and I began to tremble, and I said, "What's wrong?" The old uncle said: Difficult to give birth. The doctor said that it would have to be disemboweled...... Lose it, you find a better hospital and give birth to the child safely. Otherwise, the whole family will collapse. I stubbornly said, "Okay, okay."

I said in my heart that I had to trust the relationship again. Who am I looking for? But I still have to look for it, I can't help but look for it. Sometimes, I feel that I really have words engraved on my face, and I am a "face" seller, and the villagers sent me to sell "faces...... When I begged everywhere, asked people up and down, and finally sent the pregnant woman to the ward, I secretly breathed a sigh of relief. I feel that I have finally done something for the people in the village.

However, a few days later, something happened again. That afternoon, I had just finished class, and my sixth aunt's son, Kunsheng, came to school again. He stood outside the classroom, his face as bitter as a gourd, and his brow furrowed as dried ginger. My heart sank, and I hurriedly asked: Is it raw? He said, "Yes." I said, "Is it a dragon and phoenix?" He said, "Yes...... I said, "Great joy." Unexpectedly, just outside the classroom, he slowly knelt down. With tears all over his face, he knelt in front of me.

I said, "Brother Kunsheng, what are you doing here?"

He said in a daze...... I saw Lord Yama.

I said, "Who...... What's wrong?

He muttered: Lord Yama is holding a soul hook card to hook people.

I said, "Get up, get up and speak." What's going on?

He said, "Brother, you are a noble man and a man of great learning, so you can name your child."

I snapped out, "Get up!"

He suddenly jumped up and hugged my legs and said, "Cerebral palsy." The doctor said it was cerebral palsy...... Brother, save the child.

With a "boom", my brain suddenly short-circuited. I don't know what to do anymore......

He hugged my leg tightly and said, "Brother, Niu (sick) is serious, so Niu won't talk about it." This boy is very sick, you have to help me keep it, I beg you.

I coaxed him and pulled him up from the ground. But I am also a master of the six gods. I'm just saying: don't worry. Think of a way, let's think of a way...... It dawned on me that it was a bottomless pit. He's trying to drag me into the bottomless pit. I was so frightened that I immediately thought about running away.

At this time, Brother Kun Sheng was already confused. He grabbed me tightly like a madman, and begged, "Lost, brother, I have no way but to come to you." Your sister-in-law was disemboweled, and she is still lying in the hospital bed, and the two younger ones are in the incubator...... It cost 5,000 or 7 for a night of rescue, and I brought 3,000 yuan, so I made up it. People said that they had to pay another 20,000 yuan, and if they didn't pay the money, they would stop taking the medicine! Brother, I don't want it. Don't talk about it, the boy is still saved, you can save him...... As he spoke, he knelt down again.

I grabbed him and didn't let him slip out, and asked again: Cerebral palsy?

He said mechanically: cerebral palsy.

I continued to coax him, and I said, "Don't kneel to me." Let's go, I'll take you somewhere...... It's a bottomless pit. I can't borrow money anymore, and I can't borrow money anymore. I said to myself, I'm shameless. My face has thinned into a piece of paper, and I can no longer owe this favor. I led him down the street, aimlessly in the sea of people. It was dark, and there were lights everywhere, colored lights, and neon lights flickering one after another, shaking people's hearts. I looked at the sky, if only there was money in the sky. But there is no money in the sky...... He followed me closely and walked forward without landing a single step. I just want to get rid of him. As I walked, I thought of a way to get rid of him. Frankly, at that time, I would have pulled out at any time.

As I walked, I finally came up with a way, a way to get rid of him. I led him to the door of a newspaper, stretched out my hand, and said: Brother Kunsheng, it's not that I don't help you, your brother only has 79 yuan a month, and there are people looking for him in the village all day long, and I already owe a lot of debt, and I can't get that much money to kill me. I said, "I'll figure it out for you."

His expression was confused, his eyes were straight, and he said...... You mean robbing a bank?

Robbing a bank? A thought crossed my mind, and it scared me. I also saw the bank, I saw the big sign of the bank: People's Bank of China...... Yes, when people are cornered, they think crookedly.

I said, "You're looking for death." Who told you to rob the bank? Do you see the other side, it's a newspaper office? Don't kneel to me, it's useless to kneel me. I'll write you a few words, and you go to the door of the newspaper office, kneel on the ground, hold up this piece of paper, and tell people as soon as someone comes out of it, crying and talking...... As long as the newspaper publishes this, maybe someone will take care of it.

He looked at me helplessly and said, "Brother, what about you?"

I said, "I'll go and borrow money from you now, and I can borrow as much as I can." Remember, if they don't promise you, don't stand up...... With that, I pulled my legs and left.

I'm such a scoundrel. I just left him out on the street...... I relentlessly and strode forward as if I were running away. I said to myself: don't look back, don't look back. As soon as I turned around, my heart softened. When I had walked a little way, I turned a street corner, turned sideways, and quietly looked back at the door of the newspaper office, only to see that he was kneeling on the steps of the newspaper office, holding the piece of paper I had written...... He was helpless, looking around from time to time, he was looking for me. Tears welled up in my eyes.

Frankly, I didn't plan to lend him money. I am already very "grandson", and the people who borrow money are grandchildren. I'm a university teacher, and I borrow money when I see people, what's the matter? I'm shameless. I know I'm shameless. In my childhood, I ate Aunt Liu's milk, ate Aunt Liu's rolled sesame leaf noodles, and I also ate Uncle Yin's roasted sweet potatoes. When I was in college, my sixth aunt stuffed me with six cents and five cents...... I've got that in mind. As the saying goes, the grace of a drop of water, when the spring reciprocates, what will I repay?

I was sad and angry, and I had mixed feelings and wanted to hit my head against the wall. How did I live so poorly? So aggrieved? Speaking of which, I am a university teacher, and I am also a decent person when I come out. But what am I?! Why do I just cut off this relationship? Why can't you get rid of the skin of "peasants"? I said in my heart that I was going to die. I can't go on like this anymore.

In the morning, I had just had a fight with the head of the department. Lao Wei is a good person. He has always been very appreciative and cared for me. Even my professional title and my lecturer qualification were all won by Lao Wei. Lecturers need to publish three papers in national core journals, but at that time I only published two, and two of them were still "on the way...... It was Lao Wei who overrode the public opinion on the jury and won me an indicator. But Lao Wei also began to have opinions about me. Lao Wei Yi was excited and liked to knock on the corner of the desk, his fingers bent up and tapped on the desk again and again, saying: Zhipeng, you should have no distractions in your studies! If you don't fly, it's a blockbuster, if you don't fly, it's enough, and you soar into the sky! Tell me, what did you do? I said: What's wrong with me? Lao Wei pointed to my nose and said, "You, depraved." How can you be like this? A person who does learning, doesn't do learning honestly, colludes all day long, and pulls relationships everywhere? And reach out everywhere to ask people to borrow money?! An intellectual should treat money like dung! Look at you? What has become of it? A peasant's habits...... To be honest, I was not calm at that moment, I was like revealing the scar on the bald sore, I was like letting someone step on the tail of a mouse, the four words "peasant habits" were too heart-wrenching, and I didn't like to hear the most. I was furious! I slammed the book in my hand on the table and said, "I'm a peasant." Who is not a "peasant"? Check it, check the three generations, who dares to say that he is not a "peasant"?! Lao Wei was so angry that the corners of his mouth foamed, he didn't expect me to speak disrespectfully and dare to contradict him?! Lao Wei's tone suddenly lowered, and he said in great disappointment: Okay, don't take it as an example, I won't talk about you anymore. Let's go. I was stunned and hurried to redeem it. I said, "Director Wei, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...... He waved his hand: Say no more, don't say it again.

Now that I think about it, what Lao Wei said is right. I am a man of learning, and I managed to escape with great difficulty. Why should I...... I want to sever all ties with Wuliang Village. I have to cut off this kind of "dog-dog-seed" relationship. Otherwise, I won't have a day of peace!

I walked all the way, comforting myself all the way: it's not that you don't want to save them, it's that you can't save them. They are uneducated and don't know what cerebral palsy is. I have checked the information, cerebral palsy is a syndrome of congenital hypoxic-ischemic encephalopathy and brain injury in newborns, and there is no special treatment for the current medical condition in the world...... That's a bottomless pit! I can't fill myself into the bottomless pit. I've sold enough faces, and I don't want to beg anymore.

I said to myself: Run.

That night, like a thief, I secretly went to the children's hospital. I have a weak heart, I want to see if the "baggage" has been shaken off. The front of the children's hospital was bustling with women holding their children. The children's cries were chaotic, like horns fried in a pan of oil; The women's eyes were even more terrifying, and they were all like blades...... I tried to avoid them, I walked sideways, I didn't even have the courage to face people.

I crept into the inpatient department in the backyard and looked down the back wall of a row of wards towards the baby room. After looking at the baby room and then going to the special care room, I don't know which incubator is the "dragon and phoenix fetus" of the sixth aunt's family. They are not the "golden boys and girls" who descended to the earth, they are the "little ghosts and little judges" sent by the Lord of Yama, they are here to collect debts. I didn't dare to get too close, I was afraid of being recognized. At this time, if anyone calls me "Lost Child", it will scare my soul away!

I leaned on the windowpane and looked in, and under the light, the electricity was humming, and I saw sick babies lying in incubators...... Child, you are so young, you have suffered. Don't blame me, kid. Who told you not to live in a rich family? If only you were the daughter of a Greek ship king, born the heir to a billionaire, with a whole team of advisors at your service; If you are a British royal noble, you can be born in Buckingham Palace, and the royal doctor will worry about you...... But you were born in the wrong place, who let you be born in the common people's family. Child, if you have a grudge, go to Lord Yama to complain. Don't blame me, I can't afford it...... My heart is sour. I'm not a wolf, I haven't become a wolf yet. I only have to be a fox anymore, a fox that escaped. Maybe tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, my old uncle will come with people from Wuliang Village, and they will "eat" me. One by one, they would point to my nose and say, "Something ungrateful!"

I'm wronged, I'm wronged. Now that I'm so in debt, I don't even dare to go to the school cafeteria to eat, for fear that people will see my shabby. I always go to eat when no one is around, and I only eat pickles for five cents...... I also knew that the schoolgirl named Umemura was starting to take a little interest in me. I can see it. But I can't care about that much anymore. Flowers belong to others, beauties belong to others, you are a bunch of stinky shit, don't think about it.

Alas, I thought that if I stayed up for a few more years and was awarded the title of professor, I might become a "doctoral supervisor". But I can't even solve my own affairs, how can I "solve puzzles"?

I'm just confused.

That night, I walked all night on the street.

I'm thinking about it, did I smash this hard-earned "iron rice bowl"?

In the past few years, I have published nine papers. My new work is about to be published, and I'm about to be rated as an associate professor, and the eyes of the female student Umemura, charming, watery, and affectionate...... I don't want to give it up.

It's so bright. Just that voice, dripping and flaming, is really an irresistible temptation. I told myself: Hold back. What's expensive and don't eat. But I couldn't help but peek at her. As I said, I'm not "running" anymore. I gritted my teeth and studied hard, this is an iron law I set for myself. However, from then on, Namei Village came to the door and asked me some "questions" from time to time...... A few times, I ran into her in the cafeteria, and she said, "Teacher Wu, why are you so late?" There is no food. I said, "Oh, there's something going on, it's delayed." I endured it, didn't look at her, deliberately didn't look at her. Then, on the way to the dining room, I ran into her a few more times...... I found out that she did it on purpose. Her clothes changed frequently, and every time she appeared in front of me unexpectedly. Here's the thing, you don't provoke her, she provokes you. This is known as the reaction effect. Sometimes, the greater the distance, the greater the centripetal force. What can I do?

Umemura, a female student, told me that I should drink yogurt often, and yogurt nourishes my stomach. I should be. I said, oh. Umemura, a schoolgirl, said that it is best to eat an egg in the morning. In the evening it is better to drink a glass of milk and eat an apple. I said, "Oh. But what about money? Money. She also said, do you listen to music? Kitaro's of Japan, vast, vast, desolate. You have to listen. She knows what desolation is? People in the city, cadre families, and four old people in the family are for them, and they still say that they are desolate? She didn't know that I was carrying a mountain on my back. I won't tell her, and I don't dare tell her, who I really am. I still want to see her, far away...... Peasant children, the living matter.

In front of her, do I still have to disguise?

Here, how many more years will I have to disguise?

There were fewer and fewer pedestrians on the streets, the sound of cars was getting quieter, and the sky was half a moon with a gap, and it was miserable. I looked at the buildings one by one, I looked at the lights one by one, and I still haven't mixed my own "lights". I still have to stay up for many years to find my own lamp in the "lattice" of one of the buildings. Even so, I'm willing to survive. I was originally from a hard background, and I am not afraid of hardship. Besides, it's so much better than I used to...... But those phone calls confused my dream of being an expert, and I really couldn't stay any longer.

All I could think about was the phone ringing. I was stuck on a dog day's phone and a single wire tied me to death. The phone calls are so horrible, I'm suffering from phone phobia. The rabbit said, "Lose it, you can't do big things, but you can always do small things, right?" You buy me a few bottles of pesticides, and I have worms in my field. Wufang said, "Lose, you can hand me a note." That is, to make a visit to the door and hand it to the provincial government, it is best to tell the governor about me, old wrong...... Tie Dan said, lose, you get me a diploma, fake it's okay, go out and let me bluff the turtles. Guocan said, brother, get a certificate for your brother, it's that kind of business license, fuck, I'll sell a cold powder, and I'll be punished at every turn. Brother Lian Cheng said, lose, you are familiar with people in the province, tell the bank, and also give us a loan...... Bao Gui said: Lose it, I'll get two tons of fertilizer! When the time comes, we'll split it fifty-fifty, and I'll give you a kickback...... Dog Day Call!

The thought of "leaving" popped into my head, and it was so strong. I said to myself, I have to go, I have to get out of here. Otherwise......

I'm so uncomfortable! I'm still feeling bad. I left Brother Kun Sheng at the door of the newspaper office, where he was still kneeling. I don't know how long I want to kneel? I just can't face them...... Money, here, has become a voice. It became a symbol of dignity. Money has cornered me and there is no way out. Grandpa Qian, Grandma Qian, Ancestor Qian, my folks are kneeling there, what do you tell me to be?!

I walked around the street like a wandering spirit, from Daxue Road to Dashiqiao, Jiukong Bridge, Zhanqiao, Hubei Road, Nanjing Road, Huayuan Road...... I said to myself, quit. You can't help it, if you don't save you when you die, you can't save anyone. In that case, you really don't have the face to stay in this city anymore.

In fact, I am suffering in my heart, but I still have a heart. By dawn, the stalls selling breakfast had been set up, and I bought a newspaper in front of the stall selling spicy soup and morning newspapers. When I opened the newspaper, I saw Brother Kun Sheng at a glance, and Brother Kun Sheng's photo was on the second page of the "headline"! Brother Kun Sheng knelt there, holding a word in his hand...... On the second page, there is a line of hot bold letters: Save the child!

I was secretly relieved. I said to myself, the child is saved...... You're good to go.

There is also a reason why I dare to resign and smash my job.

During my years in the provincial capital, I kept in correspondence with a former classmate nicknamed "Camel...... He seduces me all the time. It can be said that it was his words that touched me. He said: "A great era is coming. He also made a joke in English:

ewmo

ey (new money). We're going to be the ones of this era --

ewmo

ey！

But before leaving, I still want to see Plum Village.

I said to myself, let's take a break.

Actually, that's just an excuse, and I still have a selfish intention. I hope she can wait for me, wait for me for five years. Five years later, I came back to marry her. The ancients said well, "Flowers can be broken straight and must be broken, and there are no flowers and empty branches." If the cherries are ripe, if they are picked again in five years, are they still "cherries"? I'm afraid that it will become a "walnut" sooner. I also know that such a beautiful woman, there is a company of suitors standing behind her...... But this is the first time in my life that I have been in love. I don't get hopeful, I just think so. Delusion.

I didn't have much hope, but I still wanted to see her. You see, I'm not going to change my mind.

I was about to leave, and I suddenly became brave. After I handed in my resignation report, the next night, I asked her to the playground of the college. The playground is very large, and under the moonlight, people are ink, and the light ink of each shadow is the night that covers the "poor qi" on my body. I have nothing, but I have a weapon.

I said, "I'm leaving." Say goodbye to you.

She was surprised and said, "Go?" Where to?

I said: I resigned. Leaving the Academy......

She said, "Are you crazy?" No way?

I said, "I'm going crazy." It's a pity, not crazy.

She smiled and said, "Don't you have a fever, do you?"

I said, "Thirty-seven degrees." Normal.

I said, "You don't know yet, I'm an orphan."

Below, I told her frankly, my origin, my childhood, my upbringing...... This is my "weapon", the "weapon" that I have prepared for a long time (remember, when you have nothing, you still have one thing to use, and that is "honesty"). Look each other in the eye...... Sometimes, honesty can also be used as a weapon.

In the night, a beauty is still a beauty. Plum Village is like an immortal in the hazy night, presenting an elegant, concave and convex body curve in a trance, with a virtualized and elegant beauty. Her breathing was anesthetic, like a virtual fairy vision. Her footsteps are patterned and rhythmic, like an elegy for farewell, which is heartbreaking. I took a deep breath and knew I had no hope. But I still want to make one last effort. I figured out that if I didn't get anyone, I would at least be able to keep such a good memory.

Under the moonlight, the two of us walked around the playground. I tell "myself" calmly, as if telling the story of an outsider. She listened quietly, and sometimes, she would suddenly turn around, turn sideways, and walk back, while looking at me in amazement, as if to say, this is you? Is it really you? Sometimes, she smiled knowingly. The smile is very subtle and emotional, and there is a maternal glow in his eyes.

Let me tell you, according to my observation, for those girls from good families and good backgrounds, "honesty" is the most impressive once it becomes a weapon.

She said: In your childhood, your homework books were made of cigarette cartons?

I said, "Yes."

She said: It is snowing heavily, and you are sleeping alone in the grass nest?

I said, "Yes."

She said: In three days, you will eat a piece of roasted sweet potato?

I said, "Yes."

She said: Holding a hot brick from a kiln?

I said, "Yes."

She said: You said to the hot brick: Mom, warm me?

I said, "Yes."

In the night, I saw tears in her eyes......

I said, "I'll tell you frankly, I'm a poor man...... I'm so poor that I have only my mind left.

She said, "You want me to wait for you." Waiting for you for three years?

I said, "Yes." (I don't dare say five years, five years is too long.) I'm afraid she won't be able to wait. Perhaps, at some point, I'll tell her to wait for me for another two years. At that time, if she could really wait for me for three years, she wouldn't care about waiting another two years. You say yes, right? ）

She said, "You say, come back in three years to marry me?" Holding ninety-nine Abyssinian roses. What is Abyssinian Rose?

I said, "The best rose in the world."

To be honest, at that time, I didn't know what an Abyssinian rose was. I read it from a foreign novel. The Abyssinian Rose expresses an attitude: I love her. That's the limit of my imagination. Three years, or five years from now, I wonder if I'll ever come back? Do you have the ability to do this? If I come back, if she waits for me...... I'll have ninety-nine roses in my hands!

At the time, she didn't say yes to me. She said, "You make me think about it." I'll have to think about it.

In the moonlight, I looked at her. My eyes were reluctant to leave her. Looking at each other, I'm going to be stupid, a desperate fool. I said, "Okay." Good bye. With that, I turned around and left. I said to myself, go. Hurry up. You've said what you need to say. If you don't go, you'll be out of control. So far, you're normal. Once it gets out of control, it's out of control......

Now, I'll be honest with you, what I said that night was "real" only partially. Although I was born from a hard background, it is not that no one cares. There is deception in my "honesty".

That night, when I got back, I lay in bed, but I didn't feel sleepy. The room was empty. It used to be three people, but now one has moved away and one has returned home, leaving me alone in the dormitory. Tomorrow at dawn, I'm leaving. My heart is in turmoil, I think about Meicun, I think about the people in the village, I think about Brother Kunsheng, I think about the child lying in the incubator in the hospital, I still think about my future, all this is unknowable. It's time to leave the city, and I said I'm going to cut off all contacts, including ...... Plum Village. However, in the middle of the night, I suddenly heard a knock on the door, and although it was very soft, bean by bean, it was eager.

When I opened the door, a sweet smell of aroma and flesh rushed into my arms in the moonlight. This is Plum Village. Umemura threw himself into my arms at once, panting and said, "I can't sleep." I think...... Warm you. Let me warm you...... There was a "boom" in my head, it exploded!

I can't tell you any more. I was devastated. I'm in a hurry...... I failed again. It was a fiasco. My pain is unspeakable. I cried, my face was full of tears, I was wronged, I was embarrassed, but I was holding my bright body...... She whispered to me: What's wrong with you? Teacher Wu, don't cry, it's not your fault. It's me who is bad...... I have nothing to say. I don't know what to say. No one has done this to me, I have grown so big, no one has ever said such a thing to me: let me warm you. That's enough for me to remember for the rest of my life!

That night, Umemura and I lay naked in bed, and we met each other sincerely, but we ...... This is my shame. Perhaps, it was the pair of "dragon and phoenix fetuses" that harmed me. The pair of "dragon and phoenix fetuses" were lying in the incubator of the hospital, looking at me silently with a pair of eyes open, and they were laughing at me.

I said, "You...... That's nice.

Umemura said: To tell you the truth, I'm not a virgin.

Umemura said: My childhood was not happy......

Umemura said: When I was seven years old, I married my stepfather with my mother, and my stepfather was very bad......

Umemura is kind. It's my honesty, and my failures...... Perhaps to comfort me, Umemura also confessed her life story. Her voice rang in my ears like corn kernels, grain by grain, intermittently. But at that time, I was like a dead fish. I was torn by pain, remorse, my mind buzzing, and I didn't have the heart to hear what she had to say. I just hated myself for my incompetence over and over again! I'm desperate.

At dawn, there was a knock at the door, and Umemura was gone. Umemura didn't blame me. She just quietly got dressed and left.

We didn't say goodbye. Ume Village, the only woman I have ever loved, made my heart ache, and broke up silently.

I said I was going to give her roses.

- Abyssinian roses that bordered on lies.

It wasn't until many years later that I learned that in Amsterdam, the Netherlands, there was one of the world's most famous flower markets. Ninety-nine percent of the world's roses come from here; All of the world's most expensive flowers are also traded and priced here. It has the final pricing power for the flowers, which are then flown around the world by plane. In addition, when I had the money, when I could afford to buy roses, I learned that the Abyssinian rose is not the best rose in the world, it is just a long flowering period, a large flower, a variety of roses.

Yes, when I had money, when I could afford to buy roses of any variety, I had no love. I have the money to buy flowers, but I don't have anyone to give them to.

When I saw Mei Cun later, she was already a woman who had been divorced twice, and she was in the middle of a third divorce lawsuit, and she was so haggard that she couldn't look like it. When I met her, on a windy day, she was walking down the street with a headscarf in her hand, holding a child in her hand...... Until now, I still think that Umemura is kind. In this sense, kindness does not equal happiness. Kind people are gullible and the most susceptible to demagoguery. That's an afterword.

I don't know much about flowers. It should be said that the most thrilling thing I have seen is the pot of "sweat and blood pomegranate".